Things My Wife Has Said – Volume VI

February 15, 2022 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

My wife has a fantastic sense of humor. It is dry and witty and she comes up with fantastic one-liners! She is HILARIOUS without forcing it. Her humor is natural, unpracticed, and off the cuff. What comes up, comes out.

This is the sixth, though certainly not the last, installment of Things My Wife Has Said:

I found this amazing piece of valuable art at a resell shop for $6. I was in shock a little that they did not know what it was. I said nothing, paid for it, and practically ran home to show to my wife. She picked it up and marveled at my find then started slowly for the basement stairs, holding it gingerly and looking down at it almost lovingly. I asked her where she was going with the art and she replied like it was a normal statement on a normal day, “I am taking it down to put with the rest of my Dragon’s hoard”. My own tiny version of Smoug the Dragon…

As we were going to sleep one night, my wife was already in bed and half asleep when I walked into the room. I heard her say, “You have to take the dogs out, I’m not wearing pants.” I had just stepped out of the shower and was still wet and only in a towel. She opened her eyes and said very slowly and with an air of menace: “Are you going to take the dogs out? If the answer is no, I will put PJ bottoms on and leave them on for a VERY LONG TIME”. I understood the gravity of my situation. I took the dogs out.

I watched an episode of a show without her that we had been watching together and was snacking after dinner at the same time. She walked in as the TV went off, looked around like an FBI agent first arriving at a crime scene – taking it all in. I was confronted with a narrow-eyed gaze and she said, “You smell of peanuts and treachery…”

Our two dogs were mad after long walk. When questioned about their mood, she said , “They got to go to the park and shit on things – including me.” I am guessing there were repercussions for the puppies…

We were on the town for a rare night out and enjoying Sushi at our favorite Japanese restaurant, sitting beside their salt water fish tank. Laurel looked up, hashi, in hand, holding a delicate piece of Unagi sashimi and said, “We are just like those people on Soul Train.” She meant that we are like the people on the TV show/movie Snow Piercer. I erupted in laughter. She smiled and ate her Unagi without a care in the world for just a little while.

“Can we save some of Brodie’s hair or blood for later?” Brodie is our 14 year-old Boston Terrier. I think she wants to clone him…

Things My Wife Has Said – Volume V

October 23, 2020 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

My wife has the best one-liners! She is HILARIOUS without meaning to be. It is unpracticed and off the cuff. What comes up come out… This is the fifth, though not the last, installment of Things My Wife Has Said:

“It took forever to train you and it was a lot of work.”
“If you want to eat the food I cook, you will laugh at my jokes. Seriously.”
Years ago, when my wife was in costume design school, we made sock puppets with my kids during Christmas. Well, my sock puppet was AMAZING! I made a little fellow I called Sheriff Naughty Pants. He came equipped with a red vest, gold star, black felt (made from scratch) cowboy hat, little pink tongue, and a SWEET handlebar mustache. She was not amused. I “snatched the prize” from her. I did not know it was a competition, but she did, and I have given her crap about my awesome puppet making skills ever since, especially when and if she gets uppity about something. Recently, after she was gaining traction in a domestic debate, I said casually mentioned, “I guess I can get Sheriff Naughty Pants out and let him cast the deciding vote.” She stared at me with cold hateful malice and said in a flat serious serial killer voice: “I will burn your garage down!”
While looking at me in a loving sweet way out of the blue: “You are the Gomez to my Morticia.”
“This wine (rosé in a can) tastes like a trailer park.”
There was a couple who were clearly high on X at a concert (Drop Kick Murphy’s) beer garden that were all over one another. I noticed them and said, “Those two will be doing that naked later.” My wife looked sideways, pursed her lips a little and said, “Hopefully after we leave.”
A champagne cork popped just as we sat for dinner at a local restaurant and my wife looked up with a huge grin and said, “Mamma likes!!” and she proceeded to order the bubbly stuff.
Our female French Bulldog has a nubbin of a tail, like the bears in the Charmin Toilet Paper commercial. My wife spotted her doing her “business” and said while wiping sleepy eyes, “Enjoy the go, Truffle.”
Right after knee surgery (3 months post-op) had to run for the bus at work that goes between buildings. The colleague with me asked that I not do that again and that if I hurt my knee not to tell my wife that he was with me, because “I don’t want her to cut me all straight razor style.” I told her in a joking way what he said that evening after getting home, and she replied in a distracted voice while doing something in the kitchen: “I wouldn’t use a razor. I would poke him a couple of times, like prisoners do with the shanks, in a soft vulnerable spot.” I stared in disbelief and she said this while wearing sparkly French bulldog earrings and her hair up in bobbles looking as cute as a button. You cannot help by love her!!
I was ogling a Ducati Scrambler one Saturday morning and my wife looked over my shoulder, saw what was on the iPad and said offhand, “If you buy a motorcycle, I will start doing coke.” Then she walked away. I guess I will not be buying a motorcycle.

Things My Wife Has Said – Volume IV

October 9, 2018 / Matt Talley / 4 Comments

My sweet, bubbly, kind, giving, gentle, well-adjusted, funny, smart, awesome wife has the best one-liners. I have taken to writing them down and saving them like little jewels. This is the fourth, though not the last, installment of Things My Wife Has Said:

I was trying to be funny and I told my wife that I am sort of like an Uber driver: my beard gives rides for cash. She laughed so hard that wine came out of her nose. When recovered, she gave me $1 and said that she “expected change when her ride was done…”
“Boys who buy their wives sewing machines get favors…”
“Truffle (our female French Bulldog) is a Goddamn snuggle tyrant!”
“Man buns are just comb-overs for hipsters.”
I came home from work and went downstairs to check on how Stamps-With-Foot was doing on the bathroom paint progress. I found her naked, covered in purple paint, and listening to Tupac. When questioned about the state of things she said: “I didn’t want to get paint on my jammies, so I painted naked.”
While out to dinner before seeing a a movie, my wife said: “You might be the Anti-Christ: Since I met you I eat pork, have condoned killing trees for a better view, and was singing along happily to Katy Perry this morning.”
“There should be an escort service for puppies and baby piggies. You could snuggle and love them for an hour and the give them back.”
“I don’t really like any Fructose Corn Syrup, but I really hate it when is high.”
“What is wrong with you?! You bought $60 worth of Girl Scout Cookies into our house, left town, and I am on my period. What the fuck were you thinking?!?!
While standing in the kitchen, very early and wearing a bathrobe: “A yawn is a silent scream for coffee.”
“Budgeting is sexy.”
“Do my boobs look too big in this shirt?” It was a trap.
She went to the wax place on a Saturday and came in the house that afternoon with Vampirella arches above her eyes and asked: “What do you think of my eyebrows?” It was also a trap.
I went snowboarding for the 1st time since hip reconstruction and I was forbidden by my wife to drop into the terrain park. When I got home I was questioned thoroughly. I was honest and said that there were no drops or rails or big air, but admitted taking small jump (more of a hop really) along one of the runs. I got “the look” and she made pre-tirade grumpy noises. I said quickly and defensively: “But I didn’t go into the terrain park!” My sugar sweet, tiny, gentle, accepting, loving, kind wife then said: “Huh?!, that is sort of like you saying ‘but I just got a blowjob from that hooker, I didn’t put it in her butt.'” Seriously, she said that. I was caught unaware, had no response, and couldn’t utter a sound in my defense, mostly due to the shock that those specific words had come out of her mouth at all and in that particular order….. She then hid one of my boarding boots for a couple of weeks.

Catching up and writing more

June 25, 2018 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

I have not been writing as much in the last few months as I should. I have lots of excuses:

House Remodel
Hectic Work Schedule
Jeep Rebuild
A focus on film making and growing my YouTube presence
Lawn and Garden care – seriously, this takes up a lot of my time.
Too much TV and interwebs…
Blah, Blah, Blah…

When you get to the base of it all though, the answer is that I have made time for all the other things that keep me sane/make me crazy except for writing. I am renewing my focus and will be posting more words to go along with all of the pictures and video.

Let’s start with an update of current stuff:

The Attic

We are so close to being done with the attic conversion. I have to put a couple of coats on the closet door and one on the stair railing and paint the 4 walls with a couple coats of the almond eggshell that my wife picked out. The new hardwood flooring is being delivered today and it will be installed on Friday. I will spend the weekend installing the stair treads and kickers/risers. The receptacles, switches and lights are the last serious items that will go in before I touch-up a little paint here & there and I will be done and can focus on the basement.

Basement

We are 75% there. All tiled laid, grout done and a functioning toilet!! I need to finish the trim install, hang two doors and then paint EVERYTHING! I am having a custom shower rod TIG welded together and will be building the double sink vanity. I have to tack together & paint the medicine cabinet door and mirror frames as well. After all is in, we will have a plumber come out for the sink install and shower hook up. I don’t plumb. I am afraid of flooding my house with water or sewage. I leave that job to the professionals.

Main Level Bath

The tube tile surround is being replaced in two weeks with 6” subway and small hex tile. The new bathroom mirror will be going in this week, and I have to have the exhaust fan switch rewired.

Jeep

I had a solid weekend working on the Jeep. The taillights are installed, the winch is re-wired, mirrors installed, windshield back on with new gasket and PLENTY on extra silicone. The upper KC spotlights are re-installed, and an issue with the front speakers if fixed. I still need to paint and install the spare tire rack, as well as the CB, megaphone speaker, 2^nd battery, air compressor, lower KC spot lights, passenger headlight, rub rails, whip antenna, headlight trim rings, and polish the rear tube bumper.

The current plan is to leave the top COMPLETELY off until fall when I re-install the soft top. I need to finish the Hi-Lift Jack rebuild project, have the speedometer serviced, and replace my tube pads as well before the cold winter wind blows.

Garage

The shop of me dreams is packed full of everyone else’s crap right now. It is all leaving by the last weekend in July if I have to put it all out on the road. I need to finish wiring in my 40K lumens of LED lighting, a 50AMP plug, a couple of 220/30amp plugs and have an electrician connect all into my service panel.

House Exterior

Downspout in back needs attention
A section of soffit need looking at and possibly repaired
I need to weld together the Juliet Balcony outside the dining room
Weld railing for rear steps
The new front windows need a little trim and paint
Dining room window needs trim and paint
The rear steps need to be painted
The chimney needs to be repointed before fall/winter
Basement railing needs to be installed
Both front railings need to be sanded and repainted.
External security alarm siren need to be installed
A tiny bit of concrete need to be pouted
Two security cameras need to be swapped out for the lower profile ones

The yard

Man, the front yard is good, a little weeding and bush trimming maybe. The back yard though… It is still a disaster, or at least ½ a disaster. I want to fill 3-4 gabion baskets with all the rocks left over from a previous owner’s attempt at pond-scaping and make benches around out fire pit. We will be adding a steel arbor from the garage to the patio this fall that I am welding up on-site. The patio table and chairs will get a proper sanding and oiling this weekend and we need/want an umbrella of it this year. I want to add a tool shed and additional firewood racks to the side yard. And finally, the small yard next to the garage is my makeshift apiary and I would like to make that both permanent and presentable with some additional hives, gravel and flower plants in narrow garden boxes.

Health

Stamps-With-Foot, my mom, and the kids are good. I am feeling all of my 40+ years lately though. My hip is still painful a full year after reconstruction. I may have torn the meniscus in my left knee, AND I have Fucking Tennis elbow from chopping firewood!! Not being able to run and bike, coupled with my love of cookies, has left me with a classic “Dad-bod” and even my fat pants are tight right now. Eating better now. Trying to get between 7 and 10K steps in a day, having the knee looked at, and working on the elbow. We are going to Hawaii in February and I need at least a 2-pac as there will be MANY shirtless days in and under the water, for my arm to feel better, and my knee and hip to be like 70%.

Other

Work is work, but I have really traveled at all this year and that is awesome! Still wish I was building cabinets for a living, covered in man-glitter, smiling but that will have to wait. I will be traveling to Arkansas this fall to see my daughter and her family. My son will be here in Seattle for a couple of weeks this summer. I hope to tour a couple of colleges with him. My wife and I have a couple of road trips planned and I want to get out on my bike, kayak, and skate board a little (don’t tell my wife or knee Dr. about the board…) I have started recording for a monthly Podcast. A friend conned me into it after a few years of asking. I am going to just sit and tell stories without naming names or implicating myself in any illegal activities that are not past the statute of limitations. As a reward for losing weight I will go ahead and finish out both of my tattooed arm sleeves and my wife and I are planning matching bee tattoos for our anniversary. I still have not bought a boat or a motorcycle, so she will keep me for a while longer

Film Friday – Double Feature: Attic and Bath Remodel Status

June 1, 2018 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

I spent two FULL days, with a little help from my wife, instaling the baseboard, door, skylight, stair, and window trim in the new attic space. This video includes a few tips and tricks along the way. As this will be my wife’s studio space, she put in some sweat equity filling nail holes, doing a little sanding, and she chose the paint scheme. I will be painting next and will document that whole process as well.

This is Part 1 of our basement bathroom build/finish. We decided to add a basement bathroom when we replumbed the house a couple of years ago. 6 months of chaos insued and we took a two year break before diving back into the bathroom build. This time has been SO much better. We went with white subway tile for the walls, black and while hex tiles for the floor, and charcoal grout. The next step is trim, paint and fixture install.

Film Friday – Attic Remodel: Week 7

May 25, 2018 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

This is the last of the weekly updates for the Attic Remodel Project. The heavy work and drywall is complete and I will start trimming and painting the space this week (nights and weekends as I have a real J-O-B) so that my wife will have a studio that is full of light and opportunity. The next and final installment of the attic build will show all the paint and trim steps, some tips & tricks, and will be a few weeks away.

Spring Has Sprung – 2018

March 12, 2018 / Matt Talley / 2 Comments

With the official start of Spring – as determined by the fact that my wife was reading a book, enjoying the sunshine, and drinking wine in the yard – we had a busy weekend at La Maison Du Talley:

Moved all the power tools in the shop against the wall for temp storage duty
Ordered material for attic finish
Set up new iPhone (old one a brick!)
Checkout at Pratt to be able to independently use their fabrication shop.
Moved everyone else’s crap out of my basement and temporarily into the garage
Said dirty words about all the other people’s crap being stored in our home
Cleaned the basement completely out
Pruned the apple trees in the backyard
Restacked the firewood wood pile
Cleaned and prepped attic for floor installation
Published two YouTube videos
Set up new condenser microphone in home office/studio
Breakfast with my mom and wife
Went to the Moonshiners 36th Annual Jeep Swap Meet
Did not buy a new-to-me 1946 CJ-2A project Jeep
Stayed Married
Did not buy a motorcycle or boat at the swap meet
Stayed married – there is a theme…
DID buy an ARB on-board air compressor and a duel battery mount – and got a sweet deal!
Signed up for three classes at Pratt for this spring: Block printing, wood carving, and letterpress
Padded and protected the wood floor and built-ins in prep for attic finish
Cleaned the hot tub
Edged and mowed the front and back yard
Spread Weed&Feed on the back yard and parking strip
Re-seeded the front yard

2018 News Year’s Resolutions:

January 1, 2018 / Matt Talley / 3 Comments

A year ago, to the day, I said that I would do a bunch of stuff in 2017. I did OK, but not great. I could blame it on my old man hip, the surgery, or the recovery time, but mostly not getting stuff on the list done was all me. All my own laziness, stuborness, or my A+ skill level of procrastination. These are the promises I made to myself that I kept:

~~Take a pottery class~~
~~Take a Blacksmithing class at the Pratt~~
~~Read 1 book every 2 weeks – minimum~~
~~Play my uke, banjo, and guitar with others~~
~~Give lots of $$ to Heifer and MFS~~
~~Make movies and post: Adventure, craftsmanship, and family.~~
~~Make Stuff!!~~
~~Ride my skateboard because I am not too old or too fat~~
~~Road trip in WA more~~
~~Take my wife on vacation~~
~~Plant a spring garden~~
~~Fix up the front and back yards~~

The following is what I am committing myself to do in 2018:

Organize my chaos in the shop and basement.
Sell, donate, recycle, or throw away shit that I do not use.
Use my planner and notebooks as tools not as something that I “have” to use.
Eat my veggies. Seriously. Salads in my future.
Take my desk at home back and make it a conducive writing space.
Cut WAY back on sugar and carb intake!
Lose weight – back to 175! and put on 5-7lbs of muscle
Go to the gym 3-4 time a week – minimum.
Box more at the gym and at home
Write more: Blog posts, REAL letters, Thank you notes, fiction, and non-fiction
Take more great pictures
~~Fly my drones more~~
Take at least a 45 minute lunch at least 4 days a week at work
Show up to yoga at least once a week
Take another pottery class
Finish my CJ-7 Jeep restoration
Look into getting back into the judo dojo
Sign up and compete in the Gambler 500 car race
~~Sign up for a letterpress class at SVC Downtown~~
Take another blacksmithing class at The Pratt
Read 1 book every 2 weeks!
Learn how to play the mandolin and banjo better!
Play my uke, banjo, and guitar with others
Build a skin-on-frame canoe for two
Road and mountain bike
Take the puppies to Lincoln Park for a walk at least once a week
Ride the living shit out of my Single -Speed
Bike to work at least 5 times this year (12 miles each way)
Volunteer more at the Center for Wooden Boats
Pay off all credit cards
Go sailing in Puget Sound
Turn some amazing and useful stuff on my lathe
Give lots of $$ to Heifer and MFS
Make at least 1 movie a week for YouTube and post: Adventure and craftsmanship
Monetize my YouTube account and increase my presence and standing in that community
Lessen my Twitter and social media activity…
See my kids and grandchildren more
Be involved in politics more: financally and with a time commitment
Work on my Genealogy database and organize all my info.
Finish the house remodel – even if I have to pay a contractor to do it (…shudder…)
Finish the garage/shop/GROP build
Make.More.Stuff!!
Ride my snowboard and skateboard because I am not too old or too fat
Road trip in WA and on West Coast more
Have two hives of healthy, happy bees
Kayak lots!
See my friends more
Take my wife on vacation
Plant a spring garden and have a really bountiful fall harvest
Have an awesome Griswald-like Christmas light display!

I am printing this list out and pasting copies in my notebook, work planner, in the shop, at my desk at work, on the fridge, and in the basement above my warranty voiding workbench.

Film Friday – Oak and Maple Pizza Peel Build

December 29, 2017 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

My Father-in-Law, The Chatty Buddha, wanted me to make him a pizza peel and while I have built cutting boards and boat paddles, I hadn’t yet made a peel. I agreed, sourced the lumber from a local salvege store. It used to be flooring, but after some magic with the table saw, jointer, some glue, and a hand plane or three – he has a pizza peel that I gave to him for Christmas. I hope to be enjoying pizza from it for years to come.

Fall Harvest and Market visits – long & picture heavy post

November 6, 2017 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

It has snowed over the last three days, so I guess that our fall harvest season is officially over.

Our Garden this year was planted a bit late – like a month and a half, due to me having hip surgery and the complete rework of the back yard. Consequently, our sweet corn never fully ripened, but the hot weather and sunshine this summer made for great tomatoes, peppers, and squash. To add to our bounty: our grass is Ireland-green and we are set up great for next year 🙂

The yard – old and new:

We got real figs for the first time ever from a small fig tree on our south fence line. It has been in the ground for 5 years and this was the first year that it really produced fruit, which we enjoyed with breakfast. Our two cherry trees were not as productive as last year, but some of that had to do with the weeks-long battle we had each evening with the snails and slugs climbing the trees and the ants that came later.

The apple trees produced fairly heavily as well, though no thanks to an “arborist” that screwed up the pruning and set our yard on fire with an errant cigarette butt – seriously.

The apple trees:

Squash and Veggies:

The Lapin and Stella Cherries:

Stamps-With-Foot really came into her own this year with the flowers she planted and cultivated! The houses next door and across the street were for sale at the same time and we had a couple of people comment on our “beautiful” yard and our “amazing flowers.” It made me proud of her, and of the front yard for the first time in years.

A few of the flowers:

Next year my bride has spectacular plans for more tulips, lots of lilies, dahlias everywhere, more lavender, and other bee-attracting flowers. We will also plant the garden earlier, with starts that have been hot-housed, have a 3’X4′ plot of garlic, lots of carrots, parsnips, and some more roma tomatoes. We are going to bag the apples to keep the apple-moth at bay and can/bake/press/ferment them next fall. A row of blueberries will go on the south-side fence where the firewood used to be. Raspberries will go in in a sunny spot and I am builting in 2 more garden boxes (pending Stamps-With-Foots approval) along the garage. Until then, we are blessed with a year-round farmer’s market in our neighborhood. It is full of local fruit, veggies, pasta, bread, honey, berries, cheese, fish, and meat. The offerings are seasonal and we have gotten to know some of the folks that grow our food, which is awesome.

Scenes from the West Seattle market:

Film Friday – Lincoln Park in West Seattle, Washington

August 13, 2017 / Matt Talley / 4 Comments

OK, so it is not Friday, but I started working on this video Friday night… Does that count?

Lincoln Park in West Seattle is one of my favorite spaces in all of the Seattle metro area. It is a phenomenal urban space: Stamps-With-Foot and I go there all the time just to hang out, I used to run there along the beach and through the trees in the mornings, it was my first outing after hip surgery, our ~~monsters~~ puppies love it there, it is romantic, great for picnics, strolling hand and hand along the beach, a fine hour+ long hike after work, a protected kayak launching point, good fishing spot when the salmon are running (the pink run started earlier this week…), there is a public pool, bald eagles nest in the trees along the shore, and sometimes I go and watch the sunset from on e of the many benches when I have had a bad day. I hope this little film captures part of the magic of the place.

Garage, lawn, and house work this weekend

August 8, 2017 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Worked in the basement a bit to make Stamps-With-Foot’s sewing room/project space usable.
Made two trips to the dump.
Built screw clamp holder.
Did a little Amazon shopping for a gift and a part that I needed.
Went shooting at the range – shot like a blind squirrel.
Cleaned pistol, muttering disappointment in self whole time.
Hip super-hurt all weekend.
Went to see Atomic Blond for date night. Great movie.
Bought two bookshelf cabinets for garage at Second Use – got a super good deal (hard to do these days at Second Use)
Picked up 2 cases of oil at discount from NAPA
Put down a little 1/4 round trim in dining room.
Washed Stamps-With-Foot’s car.
Filled the washer fluid.
Worked on a couple of films.
Cleaned lighting contacts on the trailer light harness.
Took a load of recycling to the dump.
Organized shop a little and hung the two cabinets.
My shop now has all the storage I will ever need – until I fill it all up 🙂
Consumed some rosé while sitting in sunshine in back yard.
Snuggled wife and puppies.
Installed my welding cabinet and filled it with helms, jacket, gloves, sticks, and welding tools.
Made a happy face.
Did not mow lawn…
Ran two lighting circuits and one 220VAC circuit in garage.
Need to install the 4 florescent lights.
One 220VAC circuit to run and all shop wiring will be complete!
Flew drone a bit to work out new firmware update.
Took a few macro photos with camera
Spent too long on Instagram and Twitter.
Ignored the grass some more.
Changed oil in my father-in-law’s truck.
Picked-up/was given wrong oil filter!
Said dirty words…
Made it to parts store 3 minutes before they closed for new filter.
41 more oil changes and the lift pays for itself!

Weekend Activities

July 12, 2017 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Seattle is in early summer full bloom. The sun is out and the temperature is perfect! These conditions led to a really good weekend:

Slept had friends stay with us Friday night and Saturday morning
Big yummy breakfast
Picked three big bowls of ripe Lapin cherries
Ate a lot of cherries
Went over to my mother’s house
Took care of house projects for her
Had a yummy dinner
Nice bottle of red wine was opened and mostly consumed
Read American Gods aloud with Stamps-With-Foot before bed

Brunch with Friends
Went to the Sunday farmer’s market
Bought cheese and honey!
Went to the garden store
Bought a bunch of flowers for the yard
Walked the puppies
Planted flowers
Scattered weed&feed in the 1/3 of the back yard that is void of Ireland-green grass
scattered and raked grass seed.
Murdered dandelions
Picked up a mountain of puppy-made landmines 🙁
Mowed the yard
Installed new tire cover on Jeep spare
Put Jeep on the car lift – also now refereed to as “The Jeep Sex Swing”
Changed oil and filter
Only 42 more Oil Changes and the lift pays for itself!! 🙂
Lubed the chassis
Checked and topped off all the fluids
Made happy noises
Had a Coke and smile afterward while sitting in the shade
Printed out GAINT ’84-’86 Jeep Maintenance Manual
Let my internal OCD monster out to play
Custom labels and tabbed separators were made…
Added folders with Maintenance Manuals to shelf in the garage
Watered the garden, yard, and newly seeded dirt patch
More reading
Sleep

Tuesday After Work 6-27-17

June 27, 2017 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Came home after regular work day at my J-O-B. Was tired, a little frustrated, and grumpy. Put on my work boots and overalls before going out into the yard. Mowed, edged, trimmed with the weed-eater, applied infill grass seed in the yard and to a couple of patchy spots in the front parking strip. Finished off with weed&feed, then turned the sprinklers on to activate. Murdering Dandelions and making the grass grow green makes me happy.

Watered the garden – the corn, tomatoes, and peppers are doing very well so far! Stamps-with-Foot called me into the house to eat. She made breakfast for supper – my all time favorite!

I got caught wearing my work boots in the “fancy dining room” at home. Wife made angry wet cat sounds. I got in trouble.

Making the yard pretty for 2017

May 26, 2017 / Matt Talley / 1 Comment

Our back yard has been a mess for over a year: Stacked with left over construction debris, seriously over-grown raised garden beds, unturned compost bins, blackberries along both fences, piles of landscaping stones, weeds, etc.… The front yard was presentable, but only just barely. 2016 was the year of house and garage construction and 2017 was meant to be the year that we focused on the yard. Surgery delayed that a bit and the state of the grounds at La Maison du Talley was getting embarrassing.

I had a couple of guys come out and take a look at our mess to see what it would cost to get it back in home-show worthy shape. I didn’t like either answer. Without going into too much detail about the different bids, the low one was $3500 and the high was almost $5000. There was no way in Hell that the frugal DNA coursing through my veins, passed down from both the Talley and Webster lines, would biologically allow me to spend that kind of money on grass, mulch, and a few flowers.

After I was well on the mend and cleared by my physical therapist, I did some planning, logistic estimation, material cost math, and decided to do it myself with a bit of casual day labor. I also decided that the mature ornamental cherry trees I wanted for the parking strip would have to wait, that I didn’t need to bring in topsoil and plant grass seed. I scaled back the dream a little bit, bought 86 rolls of sod, 19 bags of mulch, 8 bags of garden soil, some boxwood shrubs, 15 Spanish lavender plants, and let my sweet wife buy all the pretty flowers that her heart desired.

In two days, the front and back yards were transformed! I hauled away 1600 pounds of yard waste, made one dump run for trash, one run full of recyclables, and we spent less than $1000. We will spend the next few weeks watering and fussing over little details, but by July 4th, we should have Ireland-green grass, pretty flowers, healthy fruit trees and the BBQ grill roaring. Money and time well spent.

Stuff that my wife has said that leaves me speechless

May 23, 2017 / Matt Talley / 1 Comment

Continuing in the theme of previous posts about the shocking and funny things that occasionally spew forth from my wife:

Laurel has started calling the Amazon Cart the “Gift Basket” then mumbling curse words under her breath, after accidentally buying everything that was in the “Cart.” Our Amazon grocery and regular Amazon stuff accounts got linked and she bought a ton of stuff, including a CB for my Jeep, a 20 gallon waste oil container for my shop, and a Ninja Blender. We had no idea until stuff just started showing up at the house. It was like Christmas in May!

We were waiting in line one night outside The Showbox in downtown Seattle, an iconic music venue right by Pike Place Market, and a guy walked by with a big strait ginger beard that would have made any self-respecting viking proud. My wife and I have a deal: She keeps her hair long and I don’t grow a beard. I looked over at her as he walked past and said with a raised eyebrow, “That could be me.” Without a seconds thought she replied, “It sure could. You will notice he is walking alone…” Point, set, and match.

I was standing in the kitchen doorway, unnoticed by my vegetarian-hippie-raised wife as she was delicately eating a strip of bacon and heard her say: “I don’t even recognize myself anymore.”

While out to eat one Saturday night my sweet bride made a flippant comment about it “…being OK to miss the previews…” for the movie we were running a little late to because dinner was taking a while. I gave her the stink eye as I LOVE the previews and she said: “Thou shalt not glare on date night if you want to sleep with a real girl tonight…”

After I made a joke at her expense on the way home from the same movie, she snapped back, “It is mother-fucking date night. You have to be nicer to me.”

One evening after two too many glasses of wine, Stamps-With-Foot got a little sick. It is the first time in like 10 years that this has happened. She felt BAD and demanded I call the ambulance. I said no, while holding her beautiful long hair up and out of the way. She said: “I am dying. Why won’t you listen to me?!” I said: “I am sober and you are not. You are not dying, but you will feel really crappy tomorrow” Her reply was: “That seems plausible,” which she said in a perfectly sober and lucid voice before returning to the continued hugging of the porcelain with nary another word about requiring emergency medical assistance.

She is hooked on The Get Down, a Netflix TV show. She came sliding into the living room one Saturday morning as I was drinking coffee and snuggling puppies on the couch. She dropped into a low martial arts-ish stance and started singing Kung Fu Fighting, made some chops and kicks in the air, executed a jump turn, and then vanished to continue her TV binge watching. About an hour later she emerged and said as she walked to the kitchen, “I was born in the wrong decade. I would have been a disco queen in the ’70s.” No preamble, no justification, no reasoning, just a statement of fact.

New Summer Vacation Plans

May 15, 2017 / Matt Talley / 1 Comment

My summer plans have been changed for me. I had planned out another summer vacation spent with The Ruminator, but he is 16 now and has decided that he wants to stay home in Arkansas and be a lifeguard for the summer. I get it, I am his boring dad and it is hard for me to compete with ladies in swimsuits for the summer. I had pigeon-holed some time off and funds for sailing lessons/trip, diver certification for him, some diving, and ending the summer with a rock climbing road trip all the way down the west coast. While all that sounds cool to me, I am not a handsome young man facing all the unsaid possibilities of tanned ladies in my close proximity, hanging on my every word for 2.5 months.

I now I find myself, for the first time in 14+ years, in a place where my yearly vacation time is my own and I can spend some time/money taking my wife and myself someplace where it will be just be just the two of us – cue the romantic accommodations, bubbling hot tub, chilled champagne, soft candle light, and put Barry White on the turntable. As an aside, my wife felt super sorry for me over the canceled summer plans and after a glass of wine, she has agreed that I can buy a sailboat to soothe my wounded heart. I almost fell over stone cold dead from the shock of her statement and recorded her saying it a second time for legal reasons 🙂

I flew down to San Diego last week and took a look at a 33’ sloop-rigged blue water boat for sale in the marina. It has way too many issue that need to be addressed to make any serious passages and I am not willing to spend the time covered in fiberglass bits, retrofitting a 15 year old toilet, huffing hull paint, and wading in stagnate bilge water. While a steal of a deal for what the boat is/could be, I will keep looking.

Right now though, I am thinking of starting the summer with a little road trip to see her family in Oregon, wine tasting in the Willamette Valley, and a couple of days taking advantage of my friend Dr. G’s house and hospitality in Northern California. There will be a long weekend in the Bay Area and Napa with friends and family. We are also going to make a good part of the local Washington/Oregon festival circuit this summer.

Garage Sale Saturday

May 9, 2017 / Matt Talley / 2 Comments

We have a LOT of crap. No, like a lot, lot. In an attempt to simplify and sort our life out, we need to purge and are using the normal options: Craigslist for some of the furniture, books to the used book shop for credit, eBay for anything with real value to nerdy-folk, Goodwill for this and that, and we are having a garage sale.

Starting a couple of weeks ago, we started the planning and logistics to be included in the yearly West Seattle Community Garage Sale. It is huge with more than 180 individual sale sites, press, an online map, etc… and increases our changes of selling more stuff due to the increased possibility of traffic.

We had a yard sale before our move to France, but this one will be larger and as we have a garage now, it will be a proper all-weather shindig. My mom and a couple of neighbors are throwing stuff in and we are selling tools, books, bikes, furniture, dishes, electronics, computer cables, sports gear, fishing gear, clothes, shoes, picture frames, puppy crates, posters, some more tools, nick-knacks, furniture, and gobs of other stuff.

Stamps-With-Foot is hoping to make $700 from the sale. I am not that optimistic, but you never know.

5/13/2017 Update:
The sale went OK, though I think that the weather conspired against us a little. We made $480 total with some Craigslist help and did get rid of a ton of crap. What didn’t go will be headed to next week. Side note: Someone puked wine on the side of my garage after a little neighborhood after party.

Brodie is having surgery again today

April 12, 2017 / Matt Talley / 1 Comment

Brodie, our 9-year old French Bulldog/Boston Terrier mix, is having surgery today. This is his 2^nd in three weeks. He had a growth on his foot that was causing him to limp and three days after I had hip surgery, my wife took him to the vet to have it removed. The pathology came back as a Basal Cell Carcinoma and they didn’t get it all with the first surgery. It has been really hard on Stamp-With-Foot. I am down with the hip, not able to even tie my own shoes yet and she has had to deal with me, work, veterinary oncology appointments, Dr. bills, diving me to appointments, our health insurance, pet insurance, our 2016 taxes, house stuff, etc. The issue with Brodie has hit her really hard and there have been lots of tears and lots of worry.

Brodie is, after all, my wife’s “fur-child.” She loves him with all of her heart. True story: We took some of our wedding pictures with Brodie and while posting some of them on Facebook, my bride cut me out of one photo and pasted the “new” one of just her and Brodie – he was wearing a bow tie and looked smug.

The prognosis for his full recovery after surgery is really good. They are going to have to take one or two toes, but the disease has not metastasized into his lungs or lymph nodes, so the amputation will hopefully be the end of it.

4/24/2017 Update:

Great News! We got the tests back and it looks like they got everything by removing the one outside left front toe. We are all very relieved! Brodie just wants the bandage off, the Cone of Shame to go away forever, and all the stitches out. He has take the bandage off himself like 4 times, much to the displeasure of Stamps-With-Foot.

Boat Lust

March 19, 2017 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

So, you may or may not know this about me, but even though I currently own a couple of small boats, I have MAD Boat Lust. I am a member of the Center for Wooden Boats, I get Wooden Boat Magazine & Small Craft Adviser Magazine every month, go to the Lake Union, Seattle, Portland, and Port Townsend boat shows every year… I follow four sets of Blue Water sailors on YouTube, am trying to con my wife into taking a sailing vacation (I am getting a hard NO! on that one currently), and almost bought a used 22′ lead keel sailboat last summer for “my son.” I tried to sell it as his “learner Boat” and play up the father/son bonding time angle with it and my wife saw right through it. To date, however, I have not come home to tell my with that “We” just purchased an Amel 55 blue water sailboat, a 47′ diesel powered Cabin Cruiser, a Chris-Craft in need of some “light repair”, or a Hans Christian 33 kept in Bristol Fashion that “I” am planning to live on since said purchase would leave me homeless, devoid of my puppies, and divorced.

If my son, The Ruminator, lived in Seattle I wouldn’t mind a swing keel Columbia 22 or a Catalina 22 to gunk hole around the Sound in with him. A Catalina 270 LE would make my heart go pitter-patter as well, but I am a realist (-ish) and very aware of my current budget and available storage space. A sailboat that I would only use a few times a year and have to pay moorage on, would make me very unpopular at home. But, if someone has a 19′ WW Potter taking up space in their life that needs a new home, I would be game…

While what I WANT is a sweet little sailboat, what I NEED is a small outboard that that sits on a trailer in or beside the garage, that I can pop over to Blake or Vashion Island on, run up the Duwamish River a little piece, do a little salmon fishing on with my son or friends, haul a crab pot or three in season, find a secluded weekend beach for summer camping, etc… It needs to have a cuddy cabin to get out of the shifty weather here in Puget Sound, some storage space to keep gear dry, needs to be light enough to be pulled behind the jeep when fully loaded, and fast enough to handle the tidal flow in the PNW.

Buying a finished boat, even used, like a Ranger Tug 21, a C-Dory 19, or a Boston Whaler 21′ Cuddy are WAY out of my price range, I have been perusing Craigslist for a 16′ -21′ hardtops, but the ones I have found are either gold plated & upholstered in unicorn foreskin or needs to be sunk. So, in due course, I have been thinking about building the boat of need mentioned above. I know, I know… I have a shit ton of projects already with the shop and house, but I won’t start the boat until Stamps-With-Foot agrees that the house is good and all the little projects at home are squared away. Happy wife, happy life.

To digress a bit, my current home-built boat want is a Devlin Boats Dunlin 22 Cruiser with all the bells and whistles, but that too would be spendy, require me to quit my J-O-B to obsess over the details properly, I would have to rent out boathouse space for the duration of the build, have the time to build it, and would probably cause my sweet bride to up my life insurance just before “accidentally” pushing me into a wood chipper.

Back in reality, I am looking hard at building a couple of boats, including a Devlin Noddy 18. It is something realistic to build over the fall and winter, in the space I have available in the F-Bomb Garage, and within my current budget. Powered by a 4 stroke 50HP Honda or Yamaha, with homey little extras like: a sardine wood stove in the cabin, a crab pot winch arm on the stern, and lots of LED lights. Devlin Boat Works in just south of us in Olympia and in addition to being a design house, they are a boat works and build all manner of craft there at any given time. I sent a couple of e-mails and made some calls about the possibility of going down this summer if they have a Noddy or similar hull under construction. We will see if it can be arranged.

I will have to wait just lust a little while longer to satiate my boat lust…

Update: May 2017

Nope. Devlin is off the list. I can’t find anyone on the boat forums that has built the Noddy AND I have not had a single phone call or e-mail replied to. I don’t need to do business with someone who I have to beg to take my money.

The New Kitchen Floor is Now Installed

February 20, 2017 / Matt Talley / 1 Comment

It has been a while since I laid a floor tile – like 18 years. Things haven’t changed though and while time consuming and very detailed – lots of steps – I still remember how it is done. There was no way that I was going to pay someone to do a job that I can/could do, so I took on the task of installing a new kitchen floor in our house. the last of the major projects that I took on during our home remodel.

The job is now done and looks great. Most importantly though, my wife is happy. She has a new kitchen floor and it is exactly what she has wanted for years: a black and white checker board kitchen floor that is laid on the diagonal. I am glad she is happy, because I REALLY don’t want to redo it for the next 90 years or so.

After ripping off 7 layers of old flooring, filling holes, patching a couple sections, removing 40+ screws and 100+ staples, and scrubbing the sub-floor clean, we were ready to start. Starting about 9:00 one Saturday morning, I cut and laid ¼ inch water resistant underlayment – stapling in the field every 4” and along the seams every 2” with narrow gauge crown staples. Starting about 10:00 the next morning, I vacuumed the whole space 3 times to clear any and all debris and locked the puppies out of the kitchen.

Because there is not ONE SINGLE square or plumb wall in my entire 90 year old house, I snapped a grid in the middle of the floor, squared from the doorway leading from the living-room, so that it would look square as viewed from the main room of the house. I applied glue on ½ of the floor and started in the middle of the room and worked toward the south wall/breakfast nook. Stamps-With-Foot cleaned tile as she pulled it from the cardboard boxes (success is in the details) and handed me them as I laid the field and she cut most of the edge pieces as I marked them. Her help was GREATLY appreciated. We laid the other half of the floor, starting about 6:00pm Sunday evening and finished the last piece about 11:30pm. Not too shabby for one weekend’s worth of labor.

I let the glue cure for five days before sealing and then applying 5 coats of satin floor wax. Pre-painted (by me) ¼ round trim was applied around the edges of the walls and cabinets before I very carefully brought the appliances back in and reinstalled. The VC tile I used should outlast my grandchildren and just needs to be scrubbed every other week, then stripped and re-waxed once a year if so.

My Wife’s Prized Chandelier Almost Made Me Poop Myself

January 30, 2017 / Matt Talley / 1 Comment

We are in the house remodel home stretch. Just small trim details left on the main floor. One of them being my wife’s chandelier installation. I had planned to install the kitchen floor this past weekend, but Stamps-With-Foot had other plans. She sat me down over coffee Saturday morning and made it clear that my plan was out and that her sparkly lamp was in. Always a fan of choosing my battles wisely – into the dining room I went.

I needed to caulk the new dining room crown molding and prep it for paint before I could install the ceiling medallion/escutcheon for the light. It took two passes and some light sanding, but all the cracks and gaps are filled and we were ready to hang the crystal and steel behemoth around 4:00pm on Saturday. I had my wife sitting in the attic holding the chandelier by its safety cable while I wired it to the ceiling junction box. Like in a really bad sit-com, there was a “ping” noise, the safety wire popped, and the stupid-expensive hunk of cut glass and metal headed to the floor. It happened like it was all in slow motion. Now this thing is not small. It is not light. It did not come with handles. From the top of a six-foot ladder, I instinctively reached way out and grabbed her prized chandelier as it fell. I teetered for a second on the top of the ladder, having flashes of crashing to earth and how many stitches I would be getting, before the ladder stopped moving and I was able to slowly walked the beast down to the floor. I did have to check my britches as it was a rough couple of seconds, anything could have happened. Thankfully, just one single tiny glass bit cracked in half from the jolt – super glue will be the answer. The ceiling medallion also popped loose and I had to pull it down, remove the adhesive and remount it, afterward clamping it to the electrical box and taping the edges to the ceiling so that the glue would set up overnight.

After getting the medallion in the air, I went to Home Depot, purchased some 1/8” stainless steel cable and with a swaging tool -everyone should have their own… 🙂 , I remade the safety cable. After waiting until the next morning, I spent an hour installing the beast. My wife danced around with giddy joy when I flipped the switch after all twenty of the 45watt bulbs were installed. Happy wife, happy life…

I will be done painting the trim this week, the blue and yellow tape will come down, and then the dining room is 100% done. On to the Kitchen.

Stuff My Wife Says – Volume II

January 10, 2017 / Matt Talley / 5 Comments

I have written previously about some of the things that have come up in conversation with my sweet, bubbly, kind, giving, gentle, well-adjusted, awesome wife. Well, with the passage of time I have… err… SHE has more to say on the subject. Enjoy:

I was splashing my wife in the hot tub the other night and she yells “Onomatopoeia! Onomatopoeia!!” It is apparently her new “safe word”. My safe word is bacon.
While Living in France, we bought a lot of wine that we brought back to the US. Most of it is in the normal .75L size bottle, but there are some .375L demi-bouteilles, a few 1.5L magnums, and one 3L double magnum bottle as well. Stamps-With-Foot has taken to calling the .375L bottles “Juice Boxes.” I teased her that it is because they would fit in her lunch box. She looked up at me with smiling, happy, dreamy eyes, then over at her 1984 metal Thundercats lunch box (really that is what she takes to work) and said, “Yes… they would…”
Long story short, I made a crude off hand remark about a lady who’s “carpet matched the drapes”. Instead of smacking me for being a misogynistic and sexist asshole, my wife looked at me with great annoyance and said sarcastically “Great, now I have to think about her snatch!” I had nothing more to say.
I failed to use my turn signal in moderate traffic while driving near limousine, France and lamented that I was being a bad/unsociable driver. Stamps-With-Foot said offhandedly while looking out the window: “Fuck that. This is France, do you know how many of these motherfuckers have cut me off over the last two years? Fuck them.” 30 seconds later she got all excited, bright eyed, wiggling in her seat with joy & happiness over a fortified Chateau we were passing.
My lovely bride walked into the living room the other night with her phone and computer in hand while wearing mix-matched PJs. I looked at her with a raised eyebrow and she shot back with, “This is as sexy as it gets tonight, maybe all weekend.” Fair enough.
We went out to my company’s winter event just after New Year’s and Stamps-With-Foot looked killer in a long tight velvet dress. As we were getting ready, she looked at me and said, “Tonight is a two drink minimum night”. I started to correct her and she stopped me, making it plain that she did not misspeak and that I was the Designated Driver for the evening.
“I love puppies, diamonds, and PJs – in that order.” Not sure why she said this. It just popped up out of the blue one Saturday afternoon.
Two months after the 2016 presidential election, I casually mentioned talking the “Bernie” sticker off her car window. She snapped back, “You will not touch it! I love that wrinkly old motherfucker and I need to hold onto the faith for a while.” Ok… Me no touchy…
Our female French bulldog, Truffle, has a big personality and is super lovable. She is also pushy, selfish, sneaky, petty. During one painful week long interlude, she puked on my chest while I was asleep, pissed in Stamps-With-Foot’s car seat because we “made” her wear a sweater in 30 degree temperatures, tried to pee on my pillow because I had the audacity to move her from my spot at bedtime, puked on an antique wool Persian rug, took a dump on the front porch because the grass was wet, fucked up a couch pillow, tore the heart out of Brodie’s favorite toy, she chewed up 3 pencils, stole food from Brodie, and went all Cujo on a contractor working at the house. My wife looked at me one morning and said, “No more girl dogs. They are too much work. Just boy dogs – they can be gay though.” I had no words.

Christmas Vacation 2016

January 5, 2017 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Christmas vacation this year was pretty good. I got great stuff Christmas morning, my mom stayed over Christmas Eve, and Stamps-With-Foot made a yummy Honey-baked ham for dinner on Christmas Day. I took the week between Christmas and New Year’s off from my J-O-B. The time was spent just hanging out with The Ruminator, finding a little adventure in the mountains, and getting some stuff done around the house and garage. My vacation this year looked like this:

Up at 6:00 Christmas morning and made coffee.
I got an XBox One and Battlefield 1 for I could play with my 40-year old adolescent friends online.
Got lots of other great stuff!
Worked a little in the basement on Boxing Day (the 26th).
My son, The Ruminator, flew in the day after Christmas.
Second Christmas morning with son on the 27th.
I put him to work that afternoon moving stuff in the garage and basement.
Pulled 4 circuits worth of wire in the garage.
Hung 3/4 of crown molding in the dining room.
Hired a carpenter to help with the finish of the crown molding and window install in dining room.
Hung pocket door and built last wall for bathroom downstairs with carpenter.
Installed structure in attic for chandelier installation.
Went to see Rogue One.
Loved it.
Snowboarding trip to Crystal Mountain in the Jeep.
The Ruminator rode really well
I am a fat old guy, but can still ride.
Owners rented the cabin we had reserved to someone else – insert grumpy face
Drove home.
Snuggled with wife.
Up early and drove to Snoqualmie for 2nd day of riding.
Glorious day in the mountains!
Watch a movie all together for New Year’s Eve.
Had family over on the 1st for long lunch.
Tried to edit snowboarding trip film.
Failed.
GoPro Studio sucks balls!
Serious online gaming session.
Brunch at Easy Street.
Got The Ruminator’s cracked iPhone glass fixed.
Picked up new kitchen floor tiles at Lowe’s special order desk.
Dinner with Nana.
Dropped off Ruminator at Airport.
Teared up in Jeep on the way to work.
Worked late first full day back to work in 2017 – an inauspicious start.

Working on my day off

November 14, 2016 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

The house remodel seems to never end… I will be so glad to just be and live in our space at some point. We are close, but there are still details left undone – enough that I am trying to concentrate on one room at a time. My plan is to get each done in turn and then move on to the next. I wasn’t as successful at that as I wanted to be this weekend as I bounced back and forth between the living room and our bedroom closet, but I did get a ton done.

I installed the upper shelves and corner shelf in the walk-in closet, laminating two layers of 3/4″ plywood for really strong support over a 54″ span and in the unsupported corner. In addition to using copious amount of glue and screws, I attached the butted plywood edges together with wood biscuits – it is always a fine day when I get to crank up the biscuit joiner.

Almost a year ago, I sourced some corner shelves at one of the local architectural salvage places for less than $200 – far cheaper than what it would have taken me to build them. They came out of a 1930-40’s house and were painted Christmas colors, but I knew that they would be perfect for our living room, which was stripped of its built-ins at some point in the last 88 years. They have sat in storage and until this past week when I pulled them out and got some material together to permanently mount them. Stamps-With-Foot helped me set them in place after I built sturdy bases. Each of them cover a wall plug, so I am in the process of re-routing the receptacle using armored cable. I also have to build in an air-return duct under one and that has taken some serious brain power to get right. I will add trim this week and my wife and Mother-in-law will paint them cabinet white this weekend.

While I was at it, I punched out a rubber washer for a pot lid knob. I made the knob a couple years ago out of some scrap cherry firewood after the original plastic one broke. The original washer had corroded, so I made a new one and installed it.

I also took a couple minutes to mount the red glass post topper on the back fence. It was ordered (along with a spare) months ago and have meant to put it on every weekend since. There is always an excuse for why I didn’t, so I marched right out first thing Saturday with a tube of clear silicone and finally just got it done. It is the little victories that keep me going.

A Walk-in Closet for My Wife

November 9, 2016 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

As part of the now 10 month rehab, remodel, rebuild of our house my wife wanted some space to hang her clothes and put her shoes and boots that was not an afterthought. A place that, for once was not crammed or disorganized and was purpose built. It was decided that we turn a small bedroom/office into a walk-in closet.

I sketched out a few ideas in my notebook and went over them with her. She removed a large shoe rack and opted for more clothes bar space. She also wanted a bunch of drawers to store smaller stuff in. I initially drew everything with a built in dresser, but changed it a little and made room for a free-standing French dresser made in Revel in the 1930’s that we acquired while living in Toulouse. There is 27 feet of linear hanging space using iron pipe (no sag), 24+ shoe cubbies, shelves, drawers, storage, and two full length mirrors.

I spent most of this past weekend getting the flat panel section dividers up, installing the clothes bars and adding top shelves. There are three areas that are made for off-season storage: coats in the summers/short sleeves in the winter. For these spaces, I decided to line one wall each with cedar. While some people might line the whole closet with cedar, I would advise against it unless you and your significant other wants to smell like a lumberjack constantly. Too much and the smell, while pleasing for me, pervades everything.

I lined two of the three spaces this weekend and got to use my old-school hand miter saw. While manual, it is faster to use in the closet – no dragging in a stand and cords and creates a LOT less dust than my big power Bosch miter saw.

I still need to add shelving on one side, put up all of the upper and lower panel trim, fill my nail holes, sand, paint, and bring the dresser in, but the space is usable and has allowed us to unpack all the boxes that have sat in our bedroom full of clothes. I will take the clothes back out on the day that I sand and paint.

Here is the progress to this point:

Using My Dad’s Tools

November 7, 2016 / Matt Talley / 1 Comment

In 1982 or 1983 my dad made me a ball, bat, and glove rack for Christmas. I was super into baseball and it was cool to have your gear up on the wall ready and waiting for you to be able to grab it all and run out the door to a game at a moments notice. Getting the pocket for the ball cut correctly and rounding over all the edges and corners took him forever. He decided that he HAD to have a router and for that same Christmas, my mom bought him a Craftsman 1-1/2 HP, Model #315.17492 Double Insulated router. He was as happy as a puppy with a new bone and looked for stuff to round over, “ease the edge…” everywhere in our lives for months. He was so proud of that router and for years a wood project around the house wasn’t complete until it had been kissed by a 1/4′ shank bit, whirling at 25,000 RPM.

When my dad passed, I got all his tools and the router was part of the deal. I have used it for years and while it is a little funky to adjust and has a base that isn’t perfectly round, it still does a fine job of “easing the edge” on shelves and cabinets. For the most part I use a 1/2 or 3/4 round-over bit in it and use my trim router for 1/4 and 1/8 round overs. Technology has much improved since the early ’80s and I have other routers to do fancy stuff these days but, Daddy’s still gets used a good bit.

I few years ago I had a garage break-in and a bunch of tools were stolen. I lost a lot of Daddy’s wrenches, power tools, my grandfather’s chisels, all sorts of stuff, but the big funky router happened to be in the basement where I had left it sitting for weeks on a long undone project. I am thankful it didn’t end up in a pawnshop somewhere and I am still able to use it to do a little work and connect with my dad, all these years later, just by using the router that he so badly wanted. I used Daddy’s router today, while building a walk-in closet for my wife. I thought about my dad, his smile, his quiet manner, and his patient love for his small son.

I did not buy a boat or tools at the 2016 Port Townsend Wooden Boat Festival

September 12, 2016 / Matt Talley / 1 Comment

I went to the Port Townsend Wooden Boat Festival this past weekend (the 40th anniversary) and succeeded in staying married to my lovely wife by not buying a sailboat, not buying any crazy expensive (yet stunning!) tools at the Lee Valley Tools booth (the plane hammer and plane irons don’t count), and by not getting shanghaied into debauchery aboard a three-masted sailing ship headed out into the Pacific for points unknown. Instead, I drove up, saw the sights, talked to a few folks, lusted after a few tools, fell in love with one particular little wooden single-mast pocket yacht, then drove home in time for date night.

There were so many amazing boats there and I went up specifically to see a couple of the CLCPocketShips, a Scamp build, and to see if I could get on a 19’ West Wight Potter (while not a wooden boat, the Puget Sound Potters Group were in the vicinity…).

The Ruminator will be spending a good bit of his time next summer learning to sail and I may be in the market (grade and behavior dependent) for a little trailer sailor/pocket yacht for us to rebuild together. The idea of building or rebuilding a boat with one another interests me a great deal (sweat equity), but the Scamp is too small for us both (he is a big boy and I am tubby) and it is a 1000+ hour build. The Pocket Ship would work and we could overnight in it like a 2-man tent, but it is a 2,000+ hour build. The latter translates into 2 years of weekends and all my days off from work. It would also tie up all of my new shop space for the duration of the build. That is no está bien… The “smart” thing is to pick up a Catalina or Columbia 22 and just sail, but the ones I have seen, been aboard, and sailed on have no soul.

I did get a very close look at Opus, a lovely little boat (named after my second favorite Bloom County character) that I have seen battened up at the Center for Wooden Boats a few times. Her owners were there this weekend with her brass polished, decks scrubbed, and companion way open. I am in love! Opus has plenty of soul and personality just sitting dockside. I got to talk to the owners a good bit about how she sails, her history, and explored her little cabin to my heart’s content. I want her. If I were to build a boat someday it would be just like Opus. She is a Wee Seal MKII, designed by the noted Australian/Scotsman designer Iain Oughtred.

I also got to take a look at the Pygmy boats and kayaks (love their traditional kayak paddles) as well as the offerings from CLC. Some of the wood, inlay, and detail work on these kayaks is amazing. I don’t think I could put one in the water after I finished building it. I would be way too guarded about where it went and where I put it. CLC also has a little teardrop trailer that seemed to be one of the hits of the show/Festival.

I finished my tour of the show back at the Lee Valley booth and then walked out onto a long pier to watch all the sail boats playing in the 10 knot winds for a long while, before heading back to Seattle in the Forester by way of Port Gamble.

Life Lesson – you can’t text message your wife that you have a tumor…

September 10, 2016 / Matt Talley / 2 Comments

So… I have had a bump on my forehead for a couple of years. I went to a Dr. about it in France and she said it was a bone spur. I sort of ignored it after that, but it still bugged me as a cosmetic thing. Right after we moved back to the US, I let a buddy of mine , who happens to be a Dr., take a look. He felt it was a dermoid cyst, but he couldn’t take it out for me because of location and recommended a plastic surgeon. I finally got an appointment week before last to see a guy and holy crap… Not a bone spur, not a cyst. It was a lipoma – a tumor. He recommended immediate removal. I walked out of his office and sent my wife a text that said:

“Not a cyst. A tumor, probably benign. I will call him Harold. Removal next Tuesday.”

Apparently, one should not text message about a tumor nor make jokes about same. I missed that section in the marriage handbook and my wife called me immediately to freak out a little let me know of the transgression…

I went in the last Tuesday and had Harold removed. It ended up being about the size of a small strawberry that was tenacious and adhered to the bone. The surgeon had to get out the lifter/chisel and the procedure took about 45 minutes, instead of the planed 20 or so. To close it all up, I had 5 interior and 12 exterior stitches. There is lots of swelling, two black eyes, and I can’t feel my forehead, but they said feeling will come back in 3-4 weeks as nerve heals. I also have had an on & off massive headache – feels like I got smacked with a 2×4. I took a couple of days off from work and popped Vicodin while watching movies and looking at Pocket yachts/trailer sailor videos on You Tube – dreaming of weekends sailing on the Puget Sound, camping on a small deserted tree covered island with my wife and bacon – it was a nice way to take my mind off the swelling and recuperate.

It all Looks good though as the Dr. feels Harold was benign. Sent to pathology anyway and I will know for 100% when I have stitches out this Wednesday.

9-27-2016 Update:
The bump was completely benign. The pathology looked good, all my stitches are now out, and the scaring is minimal. I am very happy and wife is very happy. Best possible outcome.

Bumpershoot 2016

September 9, 2016 / Matt Talley / 2 Comments

We have lived in Seattle for almost 8.5 years and 2016 was our first time going to Bumpershoot. When it was announced that Macklemore & Ryan Lewis were headlining – Stamps-With-Foot immediately bought 3-day passes. We saw some really great acts and I very much enjoyed the time I spent with my wife, eating faire-food, and listening to music.

Acts that we saw:

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
G-Easy
Billy Idol
Margo Price
Death Cab for Cutie
Micheal Franti and Spearhead
Tame Impala
Third Eye Blind
Kamasi Washington
Run the Jewels

The Macklemore and Michael Franti shows were our favorite and we are going to see Margo Price at The Tractor Tavern when she comes back to Seattle next month.

Driven Outside

Tag: Stamps-With-Foot