We sent this note out with our Christmas cards this year:
Hello Friends and Family!!
It has been quite a year for us and as neither of us have the necessary literary skill or dextérité to write a full clear, concise, and truthful tale, we have decided to send out the truncated version in list form. Those of you who received a very thorough list earlier this year detailing Matt’s adventures with building some garden boxes may recognize this style.
Happenings for 2010…
- Matt has shoulder surgery and spends New Years Day hopped up on pain medication
- Donald and Matt find venue for Matt & Laurel’s 2nd wedding
- Large cedar tree is removed and we complete a back yard makeover
- Matt catches world record Great White shark using a cane pole and stink bait
- Fly to San Francisco for Emmy and Nick’s gorgeous January wedding
- Brodie dominates a 100 lb. bulldog in playground skirmish. DOMINATES
- Our own wedding planning stress begins…
- Try to adopt 2nd puppy – ends badly when she and Brodie do not become friends
- Laurel and Matt plant their first garden together
- Laurel becomes a salaried employee
- Matt travels to Tobi and Brian’s wedding in Orange County, California – Laurel had to work (joys of becoming salaried employee…)
- Laurel makes cousin Rosie Brezynski a dress for her 8th grade graduation dance
- Unfortunately miss Matt and Lola’s wedding in Sedona, AZ on a lovely Monday
- Drive to California for Grover and Stacy’s beautiful Mt. Shasta June wedding
- Carlton comes to Seattle for his first visit
- David and Maria show up for our 1st summer BBQ
- Matt, Carlton, Donald Burton and David Brezynski cycle from Vancouver, BC back to Seattle
- Carlton rides 154 miles in three days at nine-years old, even peddling backward up a few hills…
- Matt real tired
- Spend fourth of July on a houseboat at Bainbridge island, watching fireworks from the deck
- Madison comes to Seattle for the second time – spends two weeks text messaging and facebooking
- More wedding planning – original budget shot
- Wedding stress almost makes Matt cry
- Sarah and Laurel remake Laurel’s fairy princess wedding dress
- Matt and Laurel miss Henrik and Britta’s wedding in Hamburg three weeks before our own, but get to be the first stop on their three week honeymoon in the US
- Brodie sires 19 litters of puppies – he feels being “fixed” is just a state of mind
- Matt’s mother Nelda flies to the West Coast for the first time
- 93.743% of the people we love in this world fly in for our wedding
- Matt loses shooting bet with Ross – the SHAME!!
- Matt and Laurel have 2nd wedding – Laurel looks stunning in her dress and makes Matt cry
- Nelda, Henrik, Britta, Herbert, Mark, Matthew, and Lola all share our one bathroom for the days leading up to and after the wedding
- Brodie is the most photographed wedding participant
- Matt Builds most over-complicated garden boxes in Seattle
- Laurel gets promotion at work and Matt becomes a stay at home video game tester
- Laurel helps costumer friend Sarah with a production of Alice in Wonderland: A Rock Musical
- Try to adopt another puppy (same one as before) – Still hates Brodie and incredibly gassy
- Travel to Eugene, OR for Thanksgiving weekend
- Matt completes his circumnavigation of the earth on his 1895 Penny Farthing
- Matt takes 10 months to complete a hutch refinish project in the living room
- Matt goes to Paris and Hamburg in December for work – Laurel tries to stowaway in his luggage
- Christmas Eve 2nd Annual Zombie Shooting Fest planned.
- Christmas at home with Laurel’s mom Beckie
- Laurel and Matt plan to climb Olympus Mons to greet the New Year for its caldera rim.
We look forward to another year of working on our home, welcoming guests from near and far, having the kids out to visit, puppy snuggling, garden planting and other adventures not yet known. We love you very much and are blessed to have you as part of our lives. All our love, Matt and Laurel
…A number of people didn’t get the jokes above and seemingly didn’t notice how the word “truthful” was in bold/italics in the header of the letter. My mom told everyone about our New Years mountaineering trip and my fishing skills. A friend asked if we were keeping any of Brodie’s puppies. I had cousins who voiced their concern about fireworks so near a volcano… A distant (and very old) relative of my wife’s actually asked if we were polygamists due to the second wedding… He really and truly asked it in writing, in the Christmas card he sent us in reply! Man, I can’t wait till I am old so I can have no filter and get away with it!!
I have a warped sense of humor and anything in the above list written in italics should be seen as a humorous untruth. For the record: we are not polygamists, we will not be traveling to Mars for New Years to visit Olympus Mons, Brodie fathered no puppies after the snip-snip, I do not test video games as a profession, the furtherest I have ever ridden the Penny Farthing is 15 miles, and the world record Great White was caught by Alfredo Cutajar off the coast of Malta on April 16, 1987. 🙂
I hope that you next year is at least as good.
Have good New Years.
JJ
I love old people! Their lack of want to control what they say is refreshing. If they need to fart in public, get out of the way. If your date is dressed like a cheap hooker, you better not take her to Grandma’s house for dinner.
Tom, this is like your third h00ker reference – are you trying to tell the world something on the down-low? We will still like you, even if you prefer ladies of the night who wear fanny packs containing wet wipes and who happen to smell like other dudes… 🙂
On a side note, My buddy Ross was once asked what he would do if he found $100. His answer: Steak and hookers in reverse order. It has become a catch phrase in our group. The same Ross also tried to introduce “turbo” into the common vernacular as a means of adding emphases to a statement. Example: “That climbing rout was TURBO-hard.” or “Man. your are TURBO-cool.” It didn’t catch on… We (by “we” I mean me) do use it as a stick from time to time to keep his ego in check. I will remind him of his catch phrase-folly and snitcher afterward and he turns red and tries to defend his misadventure in the world of words. He always ends up pouting in the corner or trying to “rassle” over it . It never gets old!