My Father-in-Law, The Chatty Buddha, wanted me to make him a pizza peel and while I have built cutting boards and boat paddles, I hadn’t yet made a peel. I agreed, sourced the lumber from a local salvege store. It used to be flooring, but after some magic with the table saw, jointer, some glue, and a hand plane or three – he has a pizza peel that I gave to him for Christmas. I hope to be enjoying pizza from it for years to come.
Category: Kinfolk
Long Holiday Weekend and the Official Start of Summer in Seattle
Our 4th of July weekend went really well this year. To kick things off right, I found out on Friday afternoon before the weekend that I could have Monday July 3rd off. A surprise and unplanned FOUR DAY WEEKEND!!
The 40th Annual Seattle Wooden Boat Festival was being put on and I took a Lyft down to south Lake Union and the Center for Wooden Boats on Saturday morning and hung out till about 12:00. I have mixed feelings about the show/fest this year and will expound on those in a follow up post, but while there got to see some boats and talk shop with a kayak builder and sail-maker. Before leaving the house, Stamp-With-Foot made me promise not to buy a boat. I succeeded in that, but I did look at a cute little 16’ sailing skiff that made me feel fuzzy and a 22’ day/weekend sailor…
I also saw Opus again – my favorite weekend boat/trailer sailor in the PNW. She is a Wee Seal MKII, designed by the noted Australian/Scotsman Iain Oughtred. Her owners weren’t there, but I still enjoyed seeing at such a sweet little boat. If Opus were for sale, I don’t think that the promise to my wife would have been kept…
We went to a colleague’s early 4th of July BBQ on Saturday afternoon/evening (the 1st of July). It was down in Enumclaw and had an AMAZING view of Mt. Rainier from the deck and rest of the property. There was beer, laughter, wine, 4-wheelers, BBQ, and fine people. The fireworks started at dark and no one lost any fingers and nothing burned down, so a successful party.
Monday and Tuesday were spent in our yard, my shop, and the house fixing, building, moving stuff around. I hired some labor on Monday the 3rd and spent 8 hours cleaning the yard, moving bricks, pulling weeds, re-finishing the patio table, cleaning the hot tub, moving boulders, and making 2 runs to the dump. I swear the people at the city dump know me so well by now that I will be getting Christmas cards from them.
The yard came together about 9:00pm the night before our scheduled BBQ on the 4th. We had friends, family, co-workers, neighbors come over for charred meat, chips, dip, booze, desert, and laughter. The holiday was also my backyard’s coming out party. She was finally ready to join the world and everyone fawned over the green, luscious grass. It made me so proud! It was also the puppies first time being allowed in the backyard unsupervised. They rolled and sniffed and frolicked like I made the yard just for them. There were no fights (human or puppy), no one got sick, everyone left full, no grass was destroyed, no cuts or scrapes, no fires, nothing blown up, and we had some very tired happy puppies that night – so another successful party.
A Modern Wedding Arch Build
My Brother-in-law and his then fiancé decided early this year that they would visit us in France and while here have a little wedding… Stamps-With-Foot freaked out and turned on the ‘Big-Sister Action Mode’ setting on her internal processor. She quickly organized the shipping logistics, helped with transportation, found lodging for all, located a restaurant for the reception, sourced champagne and wine, etc… I had two jobs. 1. Make sure the yard was a perfect/green as possible. 2. The wedding arch. It was implied that fvcking up either would have dire consequences.
I sketched a bunch of ideas up in my notebook and talked to the bride a little about her ideas and wants over Skype and e-mail. I had planned on doing a big natural arch with the pruned limbs of 70-100 apple and plum trees, but my source burned the branches before I could get to them. I went with Plan B and drew up a modern interpretation of a classic white wedding arch. The bride said ‘go’ and it was on.
The arch is made from 4 meter (13.14’) X 1.25”X1.25” pine sticks that I sourced at the local lumber yard. They are sold for fencing trim and to cut foundation stakes from. I painted each with two coats of white paint and the bottom is held together with 10mm all-thread. The top is screwed one stick to another – everything is pre-drilled.
All was finished one day before the ceremony with the bride’s brother, cousin and sister helped out with the final painting (taking turns with the one roller) and installation. I really couldn’t finished in time without their help and support.
The bride and groom seemed very happy with the work and allowed me to even officiate their wedding. Honored does not even begin to describe my feelings about being included in this way. It was my first time getting to use my Ordained Minister credentials and I am SO adding wedding officiate to my resume! I will add some pictures and wedding details later – after the bride has had a chance to flood her social media accounts with pictures to her little heart’s content. Out-doing of being faster than the bride to share “her day” with the world would be bad juju…
As you can see from the pictures – I succeeded in Job 1 as well: Greenest yard in Toulouse:-)
Updated Materials list and build instructions:
Material:
2 – 3/8”X3’ sections of “all-thread” (Home Depot or Lowes)
4 – 3/8” nuts
4 – 3/8” washers
40-45 – 1”X1”X12’ garden stakes/lathe
These can be substituted by ripping down 2X6 or 2×8 boards on a table saw. The finished stakes will be 1.5”X1”
100ish 1.5” deck screws
White paint with primer
Tools:
Two saw horses or cinder blocks
Paint brush
Hand saw or circle saw
4 – hand clamps
hammer
Two battery drills
Socket set
Combination wrench set
½” drill bit
1/8” Drill bit for pilot holes
Two helpers that have not started drinking or toking
Directions:
1. Check with the bride and get her sign off before any purchase of build is started.
2. After acquiring your stakes or making them, leave them bundled or tie them with packing string. If you removed them from the bundle before assemble, they are likely to warp.
3. Paint all available sides with thick coat of white paint
4. Put on second thick coat
a. You can let you helpers do this and it does not have to be a sober day project. It is better if they are altered. They will paint each other. It will happen.
5. Let paint dry overnight and out of the weather
6. Cut the bundle, retie the stakes with packing string with the unpainted side out.
7. Drill ½” hole in the bottoms of all the stakes about 1/2” from the bottom and on the centerline.
8. Measure up from the top of that hole ½ to 1” and cut what are now your spacer blocks off.
9. Drill ½” hole in the new bottoms of all the stakes about 1/2” from the bottom and on the centerline. Or you can drill both holes in all your stakes at the same time and cut between them.
10. Figure out the spacing of the “floor” of you arch by standing bride, groom and officiate up and seeing what that width is.
11. Add 18”-24” on each side. 10’ is great normally, but you decide.
12. Move all material and tools to the spot where the arch will be erected.
13. Mark out you width on a spate stake and place it in your desired location.
14. Double check with the bride if this is what she wants.
15. Cut your now fully painted bundles
16. Lay you first two sections and have them cross with 6-10” left at the top.
17. Clamp the bottoms to the stake, leaving the ½” hole uncovered.
18. Check the top again and if correct, drill a pilot hole in the top over-lapping stake.
a. This is super important! ALL screw holes must be pre drilled or you will split the wood.
b. This will piss the bride off and you will have a bad day.
19. Insert the all-tread into the bottom hole and put the washer on from the front (under), followed by the nut. Just tighten till the threads are covered on the end.
a. Have one of you sober helpers hold this all-thread until the 5th or 6th course of stakes are laid. If not, then you will split the stakes at the bottom and the bride will find out. You will get into trouble.
20. Slide a spacer block on after each stake is put on.
21. With your sober helpers holding the All-thread, lower another stake into place.
22. You will want to lower both ends at the same time or something will crack.
23. Move to the peak and space the second set.
a. I used a scrap bit of stake so that I would have 1” stakes and 1” spacing between, but if I had to do it again, I would use a 1+1/2” block (skinny part of a 2X4) as the spacer. It makes for a more dramatic fan when done.
24. Drill pilot hold and repeat step 17 – 22 until you have about ½” left on the end of the all thread.
25. Assembly is easier from inside the arch.
26. At some point your sober helpers will start looking for a cooler or a lighter. Do not let them wander off. Trust me.
27. Put on your next par of washers and nuts and hand tighten.
28. Use second set of hand clamps to put another stake across the bottom of the back of the arch. This and the one on front will be removed after you stand it up, but they will help keep everything ridged until it is up.
29. Cut four 18-24” sections of a spare stake and either have a still sober helper sharpen the end (the proper instruction is “like a Vampire stake…”) or you can cut it at an angle with a hand saw
30. Now with all available help stand the arch up, gently.
31. Have the bride sign off on the build and location. Not the bride’s mother. The lady in white herself. Seriously.
32. After you have the OK, then carefully insert a “vampire stake” between two stakes and hammer it into the ground until there is 2” sticking up above the side of the arch.
a. Don’t screw this up and hit the arch with the hammer. You might break something and then you will have to go into witness protection or move to Bulgaria.
33. Predrill a hole in the stake and arch and attach the two.
34. Do this on all four corners.
35. Remove the clamped on temporary bottom sections.
36. You may now release the helpers to become a chemically altered as they so desire.
37. Touch up any or the missing paint from the cords or the assembly.
38. Bask in glory of your accomplishment with a cold malted beverage.
Obsessing Over a Possible House Remodel & Letting My OCD Shine Bright
We are currently going through a make/buy decision concerning our house in Seattle. Meaning, do we spend $200-$250K plus, months of time, and lots of sweat equity on updating our house, adding a garage/shop and dining room, and refitting the basement into an apartment for my mom. Or, do we spend $5K getting the house ready to sell and find another house that has what we want already done and complete. Do we keep the house as a rental and build an entirely new one…? We have met with our estate agent, a builder, a draftsman, an architect, a landscape company, a second builder, and now a third builder in our quest, but really are not any closer to making a decision. As said before, Stamps-With-Foot and I are going over it all and trying to decide what is best for our finances, future possible family expansion, and quality of life.
I drew our lot and house just after we moved in and have spent more than a few hours modeling all our crap – to scale – and seeing how it would all fit in the possible expansion of our existing house with the new garage build. Part of this on-going decision process is looking at all the possibilities and modifying the existing drawings into a “someday-maybe state”. I have a touch of OCD… If I am working on something or especially in the planning stages, I will drill WAY DOWN into the project. Evidenced by the below images and the included timeline.
I have modeled sewing machines, yard tools, bikes, my 1986 Jeep, my wife’s Subaru WRX, hand tools, bikes, , machine tools, trees, bushes, furniture, lathes, saws, wiring diagrams, rugs, even our puppies… all to scale… I may have a problem.
What I want Thursday – Birthday Addition 2015
In about 4 weeks I will celebrate the 13th anniversary of my 29th birthday and the current plan is to spend the weekend in Rome and Venice or Florence. While there, I want cake (moist yellow cake with chocolate butter-cream frosting), snuggling, a nice glass or 6 of fine wine and lots of tiny cups of Coffee, laughter, and a few well thought out gifts. I will NOT work that day – just not going to happen – and I plan to pamper myself with a haircut and a strait-razor shave if it can be found.
Below is my birthday wish list – mostly for my wife, family and children, but feel free to peruse and suggest.
I already have a bunch of crap, so my first request is that people give to a worthy cause.
- Heifer International:
- Doctors Without Borders/MSF
- Diabetes Research
If you DO happen to maybe want to get me a little tangible token of your love and appreciation:
Updated after the occasion with strike-throughs for the stuff I got 🙂
Books:
A signed hardbound copy of Campaign Furniture
Theodore Roosevelt: a Strenous Life
I would like a signed copy of Chris Schwartz’s The Anarchist’s Tool Chest
Founding Foodies
Mahogany: The Costs of Luxury in Early America by Jennifer L. Anderson
Benjamin Franklin by Edmund S. Morgan
A volume on handplanes or a tome on traditional woodworking
Twilight at Monticello
Bees of the World by Mitchner
Bees of N. America Santa got this book and two others for me early
A Lost Art Press volume of The Essential Woodworker
Washington: A Life by Ron Chernow
James Krenov’s Cabinet Maker’s Notebook
Two Classic books on Shaker Furniture: here and here.
Stuff:
A yearly subscription to Monocle Magazine My wife is Awesome!! I have wanted this for YEARS!
Permission to buy a sweet fountain pen
Amber 2ga. Plugs
2ga. Dark Jade plugs
A handsome tweed vest
a large Isle of Lewis Chess Set I got this set after-the-fact and my wife is now playing chess with me weekly! Win-Win
Brown Redwing Engineer’s boots
A banjo mute Found for cheap in a local Toulouse shop
These new bad-ass cufflinks or these My wife had these made for me with a sweet message on the reverse. Love her.
New House Shoes My mom is cooler the yours! She sent me these house-shoes and I have worn them almost every day since!
A Global Chef’s knife, bread knife, and ceramic sharpener Another score from Mom.
Classic Cartoon DVDs (Bugs, Tom&Jerry, Loony Toons, Road Runner, etc…)
Tools:
A pair of 1/2 round molding planes
A Pair of Snipe Bill molding planes
A Grizzly G0602 Benchtop Lathe
To the Land of My People – Talley, Wales
I was in Bristol, England for my J-O-B last month and I wanted to get out into the countryside after working 12+ hours and flying the day before. My meeting that day went really well and ended at 2:00, so I hopped in the rental car and headed across the “border” into Wales. There is a little village in the River Cothi valley called Talyllychau in Welsh or TALLEY in English. It is purportedly the origin of my surname. Talley is in Carmarthenshire, Wales which is six miles north of the small town of Llandeilo and an hour north west from Cardiff.
The day was beautiful with warm sunshine, blue skies, and fresh green spring grass growing in the valley. Thick woods cover the steep hills on each side of the valley and there are twin lakes at the bottom that had geese and swans paddling about. The setting was idyllic and surpassed any hope that I had in my brain about the beauty of the place before visiting. I walked the former naive and walls of the ruined Talley Abby (founded in 1185 and destroyed during the reign of Henry VIII), explored the grounds of St. Michael’s Church (built from the Abby stone) and the surrounding cemetery. It was a very pleasant afternoon and I spent the time in quiet thought about those who have come before me and those that will live after.
I would like to tell you about the amazing pint of stout and piping hot beef stew that I had in the local public house after my exploration, since that was my plan, but sadly the pub in the small village closed last year so it was not to be. I ended up eating that evening in Llandeilo in a nice little pub, listening to an elderly couple speak welsh to one-another and English to the barman.
In a different life, I could see buying a small home in the village and re-opening the pub. Living the rest of my days in that little valley, walking the hills, woods, and fields in tweed and Wellies, flat cap slightly askew. Evenings spent pulling pints, making furniture, loving my wife and family. In the end, being placed in the pretty graveyard beside the white church walls, under an ancient oak, or down my the lake shore. The thought/day dream is somehow comforting.
Becoming a Grandfather…
I am a 41 year old Grandfather. I am still letting that fact/reality sink in…
My daughter, LOL, had a baby girl just after Thanksgiving and my wife and I flew from Toulouse to Arkansas to be with her for the birth. We had scheduled the trip for a week before and a week after her due date. Our timing was impeccable as she had the baby the day after we arrived. Being there for the birth, at the hospital was amazing and scary! LOL did great and mother and baby are doing super. The baby is putting on weight, is a good eater and sleeper, isn’t fussy, and makes the sweetest faces. WE are all very much in love with her. Her mother is reveling in motherhood and seems happier than I have seen her, maybe ever.
What I Want Thursday – 11/6/14
Below are the things that I find are present for me today:
1. More time with my children and my mom.
2. I want to stick to my diet and workout schedule and not fall off the wagon and back into the cookie/café Mocha/lethargic/big-belly/back-hurting abyss.
3. For my wife to finish some long ago promised sewing tasks for me – I would really like those shorts, pants, and shirts back…
4. a Fine large set (only 2) of Easy Wood carbide insert lathe chisels for all the fall and winter bowl work I have planned
5. For my proper car camping/glamping kitchen set up to be finished – it is about 1/2 the way done and sitting in the GROP.
6. A leisurely trip to Rome and Venice with my wife – no puppies, no family, no friends – just us for a week or so.
7. For my Joiners workbench to be done and set up and in use. I am only about 1/3 of the way done and only have 8 of the 17 sections of the top laminated up.
8. A few books: Franklin Bio by Wood, Paris Between the Wars 1919-1939: Art, Life & Culture; Ernest Hemmingway bio and a two books of his letters (1&2), A signed hardbound copy of Campaign Furniture
Theodore Roosevelt: a Strenuous Life, The Anarchist’s Tool Chest etc…
9. A whole Metric crap-ton (my favorite unit of measure) of wooden wine crates for a couple of open projects at home.
10. To give Heifer International a menagerie of animals for Christmas – That is my charity goal for the year. We give monthly, but I would like to be able to do more this year.
11. For our 2015 French Visas to be finished so we can get on with plans for next year.
Making stuff with My Son
It is one of my duties in this life to make sure that my children can do for themselves. Having to call a plumber for a clogged drain or an electrician to replace a switch just is not the Talley way. We are fixers, tinkers, builders, and warranty voiders by practice and nature. I cannot have it on my conscience that such a path would end with me, so part of the summertime ritual is to fix and build stuff.
This year was no different. The Ruminator work on the lathe a bit, helped me build a kitchen island, and helped design and construct a hanging shelf system for my wife’s sewing room. We hung a storage rack in the garage, built a snowboard rack for his room, hung stuff up in the living room, applied a little spray paint and finish, learned about milk paint, refurbished a miter-box saw, cut up some andirons, went over tool identification, sunk a bunch of screws, put some all-thread to use, made sparks with the grinder, and that sort of thing.
Just little bits at a time… Next year we will do a little metal work and wood carving. The year after, we might build a deck and do a little welding. At some point he will learn to sew and mend a little – not to be a seamstress, but enough to make simple stuff and put a button back on a coat. If he wants to be a carpenter or a cobbler or a tailor or a machinist or a welder fine, then I am equipping him with early skills to build from. But if he wants to be an architect, teacher, engineer, lawyer, doctor, or whatever – I still want him to have the knowledge base of how things work, how they are put together, and how they should be fixed.
UPDATE: Shortly after my son left to go back home, I was cleaning up the GROP and I found this message below written in saw dust. It made me both humble and very proud.
Castles, Fireworks, and the City of Light with my son.
The Ruminator and I had a big time this summer! It was full of firsts for him. A truncated list of firsts for him are:
Transatlantic Flight, time to France, real Castle, walled city, a basilica, cathedral, trip to Paris, taxi ride, subway ride, renting a bike, trip to a vineyard, picnic of goat cheese, bread and saucisson, seeing fields of sunflowers, Mass, walk in a vineyard, jousting tournament…. The list goes on.
The pictures below are snippets from out time together on various roadtrips this summer.
Outdoors this summer with my son
A summertime fixture for my son’s summer visits has always been some time outside. We have canoed, hiked, ridden bikes across international borders, camped, road-tripped, National/State Park hopped, etc… This year was no different except we did those things in France.
We canoed along the Canal du Garone in my 2014 Father’s Day present – a Big green 3-person canoe. The Ruminator learned about the magic of portaging and that stinging nettles should not exist on this earth. We hiked into the Ariège Pyrenees, climbing 5900+ feet in 4.5 hours. That night we slept in an high alpine Refuge (his first), ate great food, and saw the most amazing mountain waterfalls, wildflowers, streams, and lakes. There were high green fields dotted with cows, sheep and goats before we walked above the tree-line and blue ice floating in the deep alpine lake at the base of the Refuge. It is a memory that I will carry with me for the rest of my days!
There was bike riding, lawn mowing (had to throw that in!!), soccer, long walks and one attempted swim session. He got turned away because he showed up with swim trunks to the pool and here in France you have to wear Speedos – no really, I swear. We also visited one of the prehistoric parks in the area (there are three?!) and got to throw spears at targets as part of one of the interactive displays. There were deer and bison 3D archery targets out in the field along with paper animal targets and we only learned that the 3D ones were just to look at and not to aim at. This information only came after one of my spears sailed over the bison’s neck, clearing it by 2 inches from 50 yards away. I got a stern warning…
Being outside with my kids is one of my true pleasures in this life (My daughter HATES backpacking and sleeping on the ground and is more of an RV girl). I look forward to many more years of it and the inclusion of more children and grand children.
Officially Super-Old
My sweet daughter, LOL, is going to have a baby girl soon. I am super-pleased for her and her partner and am excited to meet my first grandchild. I am SURE that she will be beautiful. We are flying in for the birth and to see her and the baby for a while afterward. Am am getting all giddy and excited. This declaration, however, means that I am now officially old and reminds me that my time on this earth is not forever and that there is a debt that I, like all men, must pay. I am going so start shopping for leisure suits, high waist-ed pants and a sweet walker – red and chrome.
The Ruminator’s Summer Visit – 2013
My son will turn 13 this winter – I feel so old. He came out to Seattle this summer for a visit and I was able to take the whole time off from work due to our pending move and the prep involved. We had the best time together and I can only hope and pray that as he ascends/descends into adolescence that our summers and time together are at least half as good as this summer was.
He is at the age where he is starting to take direction well and can stay on-task for a bit, so I put his little butt to work. We had a mountain of stuff to get done before we leave for France and his extra set of hands was incredibly helpful. We shopped for steel fence and stair rail, installed a speak-easy in the front door, cut and primed two stair rails, I taught him how to used an HVLP spray-gun to paint furniture, we stained table legs, used the router, he learned the first steps in using a wood lathe (he helped make his own carving mallet and made his mother a honey dipper turned from European beech), and he helped me measure, mark and chisel hinge pockets in the kitchen cabinet doors. My toe-headed son helped dig the two 18″ holes for the front entry stair rail, dug a hole up front, outside the fence, and helped replant a root-bound rosemary there. Since he was in mole-mode, we went into the back yard and he helped dig the hole for a new receptacle and motion light power pole near the back fence. We then squared and leveled the pole, braced it, ran conduit for the wire, and mixed & poured concrete. It was a long day and he was a tired little puppy after the digging and concrete work. I guarantee that he slept like a rock that night – I did.
The Ruminator also learned about how to properly use hand planes this summer – he loved them. Left to his own devises, he would sit in the shop for hours banging away on scrap with the chisels and making piles and piles of long, curly, paper thin wood shavings. He was channeling Roy Underhill and I was so proud!
It wasn’t all work though – I am not a slave-driver. There were bike rides, visits to the park and the beach, movies at the theatre and on the iPad, Austin Powers and South-park voice impressions (much to Stamps-With-Foot’s dismay), ukulele playing around the fire pit, and he is probably the first kid in his hometown to have ever been indoor skydiving.
Knotted “survival bracelets” are popular right now and the one we tied up last year is now too small or was unraveled and used on some woodland adventure, I’m sure. We stopped at Home Depot on the way home from some outing and he picked out the paracord color and stainless steel shackle. We sat in the back yard with Stamps-With-Foot, chatting with a family friend while I tied a new bracelet. It fit perfectly and he beamed with gratitude. This was the summer that the Ruminator went to his very first Major League Baseball game – Mariners vs. The Red Socks – and had the whole hot dog/roasted peanut experience. We had great seats 23rows up on the first base line and the Mariners won. I was so happy to be there with him and it made my heart happy to see his face shine when a bat made contact and sent a ball into the outfield.
Probably the highlight of his trip though (for him) was when we went to the Washington Gathering of the Clans and he got a sword. A shiny steel Viking sword. Thinking back to when I was 12, I would have given up anatomy for a sword! I would have slaughtered vegetation, hacked fruit and veggies gruesomely, sheared branches, cut myself at least twice, tried to wear it to school, and gotten into some semi-serious trouble of some sort before my blade would have been taken away and put in that unknown place in my parent’s house from which there was no return – propped up next to my first pellet gun, beside that awesome surgical tubing slingshot, and near that box full of fire crackers. Anyways, I made him promise, not to do what I would have surely done – we will see how that works out. I bet he spent his first week back twirling the thing around like a mini blond Conan – to the annoyance of his mother.
He has been promised that if he does well in school and minds to a considerable degree, doesn’t act up in class, and helps around the house, he will get to fly to France for the summer next year. It is an amazing opportunity and I am looking very forward to showing my son France and Europe! Hiking, cycling, road trips, climbing, food, culture, language, all of it!
Rebuilding Daddy’s Bookcase
In 1969 or 1970, my father helped my grandfather build a rental house that my grandparents saw income from for the next 24 years. He came home at the end of the project with a truck bed full of spare/cut lumber and building supplies. Lumber was not wasted in our house. We didn’t go and buy a new 2X4 for a project… We rummaged through the cut-off bin or wood storage shelves for a piece that was the right size or that could be cut, planed, or trimmed to work – Wood was not wasted or thrown away in the Talley house! It is a lesson that I have taken to heart and most of the things I build for my own home are made, at least partially, out of used or recycled materials.
Anyway, Daddy took some of the lumber and built a set of bookshelves that in the next nine years held everything from encyclopedias to technical manuals. Four 12-inch shelves sat on a box base that my father stained and varnished with whatever color he had left over from the rental kitchen cabinet build. It sat in our living room and in the shop. In 1980 we moved back to Houston and somehow my aunt and uncle ended up with the shelves. They put them in their living room, knocked the bottom shelf back, drilled a hole for a cable and sat their 19″ TV on the base. It remained in their home until 2010, when my uncle passed away. My mother asked to have the shelf unit back and brought it to me when she moved to Seattle. It is the only object that I own that my father built with his own hands and I feel so very lucky and proud to have it.
I decided immediately give it an update to make it an everyday part of our home: add a little something here and there to update it and make it that much more useful. Plans are one thing and actually doing the work is quite another – it sat relegated in my overcrowded shop for almost a year before I finally got a chance to work on it. I put the knocked out shelf back, glued all the joints, added reinforcement and screws to hold it all together, and built a base with turned wooden bun feet for it to stand on. The original base box was 12″ X 30″ and I wanted to both maximize the space and add my own signature to the piece. I carefully cut an 8″ X 24″ opening in the front and added rails for a drawer. It was amazing working on the piece. I found my father’s 42 year old pencil marks, a divot from a hammer, saw marks, and I found part of a fingerprint from when it was stained – just on the inside of the bottom. Finding and touching these this tangible proof of my late father brought me more joy than I have words to describe.
I also added a face frame, edge trip, and crown mounding. The piece was sanded down with 120 grit, then all the holes and gaps were filled, sanded with 120 again and then with 220 grip. I then primed with two coats and finished it with 3 coats of white Benjamin Moore ultra-tough cabinet paint.
I think it turned out really nice and I think my dad would be really proud of the work that I did to it. I am taking the original brass corner trim and a piece of original shelving and turning it into a picture frame to hold my favorite picture of my father. I think that he would approve of that as well…
Weekend Update – 1/7/13
My son was here for a week+ for the holidays and we did cool stuff as he is the Igor to my Dr. Frankinstein. He left on Friday morning and to keep myself occupied so I wouldn’t mope around all weekend thinking about how much I missed him, I busied myself with a few on-going projects:
Underbed dresser – 95% done
Letterpress drawers made into occasional tables – 50%
The never ending kitchen remodel – 85%
Sofa table rebuild – 20%
Bathroom drawer for wife – 50%
Candle box – 100%
Glass cabinet handle installation – 45%
Hall mirror – 22%
Helping a friend move – 50%
Etc…
While fitting the final pieces of the under bed dresser (built from an 1980s $4.00 garage sale upright five drawer) for our room and I transposed two numbers and cut something a touch too long. Grumble… Grumble… I went out to the shop, measured for screw clearance and put it on the table saw to rip down just a touch. I missed one screw, but my $56 carbide tipped cabinet blade didn’t. Sparks and bits of carbide flew. I said dirty words and came into the house to drown my sorrows in a Mexican coke, Jack with honey and an old Clint Eastwood western while propped up in bed with my grumpy face on.
Back when my daughter wore ribbons in her hair.
My daughter, LOL, recently turned 18. Eighteen should a magic birthday and I am sure it is for her. For me though it is a milestone in her life (and my own) that is fraught with a goulash of emotions. She will graduate from high school this year – very proud of her, is looking into colleges, before long will find a career, a mate, buy a house, procreate… In addition to the elation of seeing my child flower into an adult, all of the changes make me feel very old all of a sudden. She should still be in pretty little dresses, running around in the grass with matching ribbons in her pig tails. Her days should be filled with snacks, naps and cartoons and I should be skinny and have all my hair. Where has all the time gone?
Brodie’s Letter To GrandPaw…
My father-in-law, The Chatty Buddha, sends us post cards and notes from his travels. He addresses all of them to our puppy, Brodie, to be funny/cute/antagonistic. Brodie was so excited about getting the most recent post card, that he decided to write back. With minimal help from me, Brodie crafted a fine document that if nothing else will bring my evil black heart delight each time I think back on it for years and years .
Some back story: The Chatty Buddha has made it clear to my sweet wife that he is not our dog’s grandpa and he bristles every time she refers to him as such. TCB is also a vest wearing machine. All sorts: green wool or plaid for casual dress, dark linen/wool for formal occasions, Polyester when outdoors, natural leather/suade for errands and family events, etc… If one were to dress as my father-in-law for Halloween, then a vest would be mandatory. The last and most important piece of information (at least for this tale) is that as a child, my wife had a very unruly dog that would lift its hind legs and scoot/drag his butt repeatedly accross expanses of carpet – usually in the same area that morning yoga practice was performed. God, I would have loved to have seen that man’s face after he put 2+2 together after first time he realized that his personal space had been violated in such a heinous manner. Anyway, when reminded of this part of his personal history or whenever the word “scoot “ is uttered, he blows up like a toad, gets all red and swears under his breath. Since I often show my love for people through teasing, I will take any opportunity to drop his favorite word or a mental image of the event into as many of our conversations as possible. I have even gotten the whole family to refer to his house as: Case Da La Scooter. It makes me happy. With all that in mind, please read the below transcript of the card that Brodie sent to his GrandPaw(SIC) – reading aloud makes it funnier.
Dear GrandPaw,
Thank you fur sending me another poste card! It makes me so happi that you luv me like I luv you – well, you and my stuffed monkey!
I can’t wait too see you again so you can see my new vest – mommy says that you luv vests too! I can show you my new tricks like: WAIT and I am doing super awesome at HEEL – except when I see a kat – I hate kats! Daddy has taught me to scoot. It makes me very klean! And feels yummy for my bottom. Daddy says that I get to show you, but that I shud practice where you Yoga “because it is Zen there.” You R gonna Be so pround of me GrandPaw!
Kisses,
Brodie
Hey dad, I was thinking that I NEED a dirt bike…
My son, The Ruminator, sent me a text message this morning that said, “What is your address. Will you pay for half of a dirt bike if I save the other half?” What that means is that I am about to get a letter tugging at my heart strings asking for a two-wheeled, 2-stroke emergency room express transporter. My response was no, I will not pay for half. IF I get a hand written document listing 612 individual reasons (an agreement made between us previously), in completes sentences, why he needs a dirt bike, then I will pay for 1/3.
More than most things in this world, I want my kids to write real letters; documents that contain complete thoughts, written with an ink pen, that you have to put a stamp on and leave in a mailbox for the postman to carry away. My 11 year-old son is keenly aware of this desire as we made a deal last summer that I would get a letter a month for two years… I got three letters. He is eleven, I sort of/kind of understand, but I really did/do want him to write. More to the point: if I were to say get more mail from my offspring that included more information than a scribbled wish list and if he delivered on his 612 reasons, then I might be more open to negotiation for this and other objects of his pre-pubescent desire. I am not going to make this easy or hand it to him. If he has some sweat/brain-power equity in this transaction, then he will learn something and while I want to be liked, I want to be the ‘cool dad’, I think it is important to throw life lessons in his path as much as possible. I read another blog recently where the writer set a priority of “raising citizens.” That resonates with me.
Film Friday – From Tree to Violin
The sound of a violin playing causes an almost visceral reaction in anyone within listening distance. It can take you back to a perfect evening with someone remarkable, move you to tears thinking of the long dead, put a smile on your face, start your feet tapping, remind you of a street corner in a small European city, or fill your eyes with the smoke of a long forgotten tiny bar in the Texas Hill Country.
I have an amazing leather-bound book that was my grandfathers. It is a mostly English (a little German) treatise on building a violin and was published in 1889. There are maybe 20 full-sized patterns in it that have been removed, traced, and returned. I have no idea if my grandfather was the tracer or if he ever attempted or built the violin outlined in the book. It could have been a Bucket-List project for him, but I know he touched it and at the very least thumbed through it and looked at it sitting on the shelf that I found it on in his workshop when I was 8. Now it is on my Bucket-List.
What I want Thursday – 4/12/12
A list of stuff and things that I want currently – not that I necessarily need, but that i wuold like to have or see done/happen:
1. More time to read, write, build, snuggle, climb, bike, run, laugh…
2. A twin Murphy-bed in my office disguised as a mid-century modern wardrobe so that we have more guest space.
3. For my year-long kitchen project to be finished
4. To remember the password for my old laptop so I can have access to 10+ years of pictures…
5. My very own spending money that I can do with what I wish without submitting to a vote/need analysis
6. To have my FVCKIN’ tools back that some asshat stole…
7. A few new t-shirts for summer and a flat belly to reside under them.
8. For my Mother and Sister to find the perfect place in life
9. For all the dandelions in my yard to cease to exist
10. I would very much like for the really sad, really pregnant girl I say in Seattle yesterday to find someone/something/someplace that makes her warm, happy, and safe.
Zombie Eradication and Snowboarding
My son, The Ruminator, spent his first Christmas in Seattle with us this year. I had the fine fortune of being off work, so we got to hang out, read, watch movies, shoot zombies, build some stuff, eat cereal while watching cartoons, play the ukelele, snowboard, and just hang out.
This past summer, we went on a cabin-in-the-woods road trip and there was some mad campfire Ukulele and guitar playing and harmonizing. The Ruminator was enthralled and I taught him a couple of songs so he could join in. He asked Santa for his own and we made that happen – you know, Hendrix’s first instrument was a Uke that is dad found in an apartment he was cleaning out… We spent almost every afternoon working on strumming and learning a few more simple songs. My hope is that he becomes the next Clapton and grows rich enough to spoil his dad in fine style in my old age. No really, I would be happy as I could be if he and I could just strum a little together, sing a song or two and pass the Uke back and forth on camping and hiking trips.
The other thing that he REALLY, REALLY wanted for Christmas was to go snowboarding. I find that my son often likes the idea of stuff more than actually doing it, but as he was adamant, so I booked us a shuttle ride to Crystal Mountain and him a days worth of lessons in snow school. NEVER teach someone you love or care about how to ski or snowboard. I have seen more relationships disintegrate on the bunny hill than I can count. I have seen kids take their helmets and even skis off and throw them at their parent. When an 8-year old in a florescent snow suit is cussing and swearing vile oaths, you know they mean it! Trust me, snow school is worth EVERY penny, as it will save you a lot of heartache and make sure your ride home from the mountain will not be an “I-hate-you-fest.”
Conditions that day couldn’t have been better: a 5′ base layer with 12″ of new powder on the ground and blue skies. I hadn’t been on my board in a couple years (OK, 5 years…) due to surgery, multiple international moves, and most of all – laziness… I was chomping at the bit to dive into the powder. After dropping the fruit of my loins off with the other Gortex-clad young-in’s, I spent the morning doing exactly that, though not quite like I planned. After taking the lift up to mid-mountain, I hopped on a blue run as a warm up and spent the next 10 minutes of my life imitating a snowplow with my forehead and performing some serious feats of accidental aerial acrobatics. Holy crap, I suck!! The next run was better, and the next after that and so on, but by lunch, when I went to retrieve my progeny, I was still not a pimple on the backside of Shawn White.
The Ruminator and I rode together after lunch and it was probably the highlight of my week, maybe my year: to be there with my son on his first snow day… I teared up on our last run together as he stood up and linked his very first turn. He loved our trip and snowboarding and being with him made my heart happy.
Big Game huntin’ in the back yard
I can say with certainty that there are some unique benefits when you are my child: They are allowed to watch cartoons at any point during the day, expletives are allowed as long as they are in another language (points given for Chinese curse words), cookies (in moderation) and cold milk are a food group of their own, no brussels sprouts will EVER appear on their plate, I have the tools and childlike imagination to build most anything that can be dreamt up, big game and zombie hunting are allowed in the back yard, sword fights with foam batons are good clean fun, mohawks and blue hair are just fine, and I will trick out a BMX bike like a hustler will pimp out a Caddy. Apparently, I am an overgrown man-child with credit… I am constantly amazed that my sweet wife both puts up with my antics and is contemplating procreating with me .
My son knows all the benefits of “Dad’s house” and this summer we worked on a wooden boomerang, build stuff in the shop, and sniped at dinosaurs with a pellet rifle perched atop his Wimbledon Cup-worthy bench rest that I built for him last year. He is a dino-slaying machine!
A deal down at the crossroads…
My boy, like much of his generation, is not a letter writer. While talking to The Ruminator about why he hadn’t sent out a couple ‘Thank You‘ notes, he gave me the – ‘I don’t have any cards and I have bad handwriting’ – story. I made a deal with him: I would make him some stationary and cards with zombies on them if he both promised to use them for the aforementioned note of ‘thanks’ and if he would write me one letter a month for two years. I told him that penmanship, content, punctuation, and spelling didn’t matter. I just wanted one honest letter a month. He loves “killing” zombies and so he was in! I made him shake on it. To drive the point home, I drew up the little contract below for him to sign, putting Christmas and birthday presents on the line for failure to live up to the deal, and made sure Santa witnessed it as well.
Quality stationary means quality paper. Like with my own and Stamps-With-Foot’s Stationary – instead of the white recycled paper that we use for most printing, I used 30gram 100% cotton ivory/ecru paper and matching 100% cotton envelops. I went into Adobe Illustrator and made a green zombie head Victorian silhouette from an image that I pulled of the inter-webs.
I worked on it for 3-4 hours and stayed up late putting it all together. I had a surprise trip to the UAE come up, so I asked Stamps-With-Foot to send The Ruminator his stationary. I even included an organizer and special pen for him to compose his prose with. I called his house the day it all arrived and got an butt-chewing from his mother about how crappy it was to make a 10 year old sign a contract and expect him to write me once a month. She was not amused and missed the whole spirit and reason it was all done in the first place. I doubt that I will be getting a letter and no notes will be sent out. My son will learn that he doesn’t have to keep his word and that not all manners are important… Exactly the opposite lesson that I was trying to teach him. We shall see how it all turns out…
When a 10 year old helps in the shop.
My son loves to make, assemble, deconstruct and alter stuff in my shop when he comes out for his summer visits. This year I put his little butt to work on a project that I knew he would like, that would help me out, and would teach him something: organizing my tool and supply bins. I know, I know, it sounds really crappy – like I am forcing my kids to fan me while Stamps-With-Foot feeds me grapes on the divan, but it was great, I swear.
My J-O-B was throwing out a couple sets of large metal card catalog bins and after asking permission, I snatched them out of the bin and took both right home. I immediately filled every drawer with often used crap, but didn’t get around to labeling the fronts. It has been that way for 2 years and I have to pull out 2 or 3 drawers until I find what I am looking for. Every time I have to rifle around looking through each cubby, I swear to myself: “THIS weekend I and going to make labels!” I am glad I waited. Now The Ruminator (my son’s nickname) can tell the difference between a wood biscuit, a deck screw, a blue wire nut, trim screws, roofing nails and finish nails, just to name a few. I have organized shop storage and handmade placards that I will always treasure and smile at every time I see them.
Evil on the inside
My dear friend Rosy is currently feeling the sting of retribution. It is his own fault and really more the result karma then anything I might have done. I HATE snakes and he thought it would be giggly funny to send me an e-mail with an embedded surprise snake video – it may have made me fling my iPhone and pee myself… Unhappy does not cover my reaction. Even before his giggling subsided, I began “Project Retaliation.”
Rosy has a beautiful and loving wife, supportive parents, friendly neighbors, and ultra religious in-laws. I decided to deliver payback through these good people. The thing about my core group of friends – The Arthritic, Big Belly, Hillbilly Climbing Assn., is that we are occasionally mean to each other… There have been forced birthday paddlings, blow-up sheep in restaurants, public ridicule, chain-mails, doctored pictures, co-conspirators, and certain gross misdemeanors committed in the name of good fun, love, and friendly vengeance. This is shaping up to be one of the latter occurrences.
First, I went online and signed him up on the Liberation Party website as wanting information and I gave them $10 in his name. I used his wife’s email address for further contact – she has strong Republican sympathies and the rest of her family are Super-Tea Partiers. Apparently, Rosy also gave the Tea-Party $10 and clicked every “send me updates and info” button that he could while making that donation… My friend is now an official Lady GaGa Fan Club member and his picture and details are on one of the Justin Bieber freak/fan sites – they will be sending him periodic (hopefully daily) updates for all things Bieber. I requested some dirty, dirty, adult toy catalogs for him and sent them to his parent’s address. Then, a 1-year subscription to OUT! magazines was sent to Rosy via Amazon, but I used his conservative next door neighbor’s address. Rosy will get a Bear of the Month-mail from now until the end of time and there were also literature requests for everything from hair-loss treatment to laser back hair removal to penile enlargement device specifications. It really is the small things in life that make us happy.
A couple weeks later I got the text message below from his mom:
One might be tempted to think that I over reacted. One would be wrong. Rosy once contemplated releasing a live adult bison into my apartment because I teased him about his mom being hot and me having prior physical relations with her (I didn’t) – he actually looked at the logistics of getting the thing trailered in, really. Rosy doesn’t have a stop or pause button – you have to decimate him to make it stop. He fired the first shot in this little war and I had to retaliate with immediate and decisive force or there would have been more snake videos and pictures. He will attempt some sort of well thought out retribution and I will then have to use the nuclear option: his turbo-religious in-laws. Stay tuned…
A Better Man Than I Will Ever Be.
J.A. Sparks of Deport died on Saturday, December 18, 2010 in Brentwood Terrace Healthcare and Rehab Center in Paris. He was 86 years old. Mr. Sparks was born in Clardy, Lamar Co., Texas on June 1, 1924, the son of Joseph Alexander and Jessie Hulett Sparks. He married the former Juanita Webster on January 12, 1952 in Texarkana. Mr. Sparks was the owner and operator of Sparks Metal Construction for many years, was a long time member of First United Methodist Church, Deport, a member of Deport Masonic Lodge #381 for 61 years. He was a former school board member of the Deport Independent School District; was on the Board of Directors for First National Bank of Deport for many years and a U.S. Army Veteran of World War II.
My Uncle JA was one of my favorite people on this earth. He was the first adult who treated me as a sentient, thinking being when I was a child. There was genuine interest in his eyes when we talked about trees, farming, building, and shooting. JA, to the horror of my mother and delight of my father, taught me to shoot a pistol accurately and safely when I was nine years old. Not a small cheap .22 cowboy knock off mind you – I learned to shoot using his big stainless .357! That same summer he introduced me to the biggest oak tree I have ever seen – the acorns as big as silver dollars and he shared his childhood collection of arrowheads and tales of the collecting. I returned home to my parents after a week at the Sparks’ home, with a burn scar on my thumb (lesson: don’t pick up odd scraps of metal on a job site…), a .30 caliber rifle casing from his WWII days, and a milky-quartz Caddo-knapped arrow head. I have held on to those mementos, including the scar, all this time.
As I grew into adulthood and life took me here and there, I got to see uncle JA every couple of years – he helped me get an “A” on a collage paper with a letter about a deer hunting trip in Germany during the closing days of WWII. When visiting, we would ride the fields in his truck, he would describe in detail what he was working on at the time, eat Chinese food – his favorite, and just talk. He always had the same look of interest, acceptance, and care. Knowing that Uncle JA’s sweet tooth rivaled my own, I would send him chocolate from Europe when we lived in Germany, with my Aunt Juanita doling it out to him a little at a time. After he went to the hospital, I sent a couple packages, knowing that he might not understand where or who they came from, but I hopped they would be a happy surprise during his day.
My own son, who at 9-years old was also enamored by Indians, is the current owner of JA’s arrowhead. I gave it to him after we got home from a Christmas visit to Texas where Carlton got to have lunch and ride around with JA and me. I have never seen that child happier. He keeps it safe in an old jewelry box on top of his book shelves. As for that old, patina covered .30 casing: It was in my pocket on a cold December morning when we laid a better man than I will ever be to rest in the gray-brown Texas soil. JA Sparks helped shape who I am and his memory and example will live with me for all my days.
Running in the dark with The Chatty Buddha
My Father-in-law was visiting us for a week and in an attempt to support my Santa-to-svelte transformation, he took up the reins to roll me out of bed before work to run with him. He picked the most amazing time to morph into a Drill Instructor: DST-Spring Forward, rain, wind, cold temps… Who wouldn’t want to leave their soft bed and warm wife to slip on still-wet shoes to go run in the dark and shiver as the rain gods pee on them?? Ooh, sign me up!
We ran at Lincoln Park, along the beach, up the hill, and through the trees the first morning for a 3.5 mile jog. That initial run was bearable, but the next Monday morning was a whole other monkey! It was dark, I was tired, a touch hung over, there was pouring rain, the mercury sat at 43 degrees, and no coffee had yet found me. Stamps-With-Foot’s father, who we shall forever more refer to as The Chatty Buddha, had been up for an hour, done some yoga, had coffee, and was full of wit and observations. Without coffee, I am more of a grumpy Neanderthal than 21st century Renaissance man. It was hard not to send The Chatty Buddha to his celestial reward as we drove over to the park and as we began our run, a quip from him just after my first stride made me fantasize – in Technicolor – about pushing him down a long steep, wet, secluded forest stairway… The sudden stop of rain, cessation of the biting wind, the sound of the trail crunching beneath us, and the sight/smell of the tide coming in – lapping the driftwood logs – made me completely forget about my in-law-patricidal thoughts. We ran 4 miles and that sunrise beach run was the absolute highlight of my day. Well, that and the resolutely frugal Chatty Buddha bought me a soul-satisfying triple Grande 1 pump Starbucks mocha as we headed home. I am really glad he got me out into cold.
Matt and Laurel’s AWESOME Holiday Newsletter 2010
We sent this note out with our Christmas cards this year:
Hello Friends and Family!!
It has been quite a year for us and as neither of us have the necessary literary skill or dextérité to write a full clear, concise, and truthful tale, we have decided to send out the truncated version in list form. Those of you who received a very thorough list earlier this year detailing Matt’s adventures with building some garden boxes may recognize this style.
Happenings for 2010…
- Matt has shoulder surgery and spends New Years Day hopped up on pain medication
- Donald and Matt find venue for Matt & Laurel’s 2nd wedding
- Large cedar tree is removed and we complete a back yard makeover
- Matt catches world record Great White shark using a cane pole and stink bait
- Fly to San Francisco for Emmy and Nick’s gorgeous January wedding
- Brodie dominates a 100 lb. bulldog in playground skirmish. DOMINATES
- Our own wedding planning stress begins…
- Try to adopt 2nd puppy – ends badly when she and Brodie do not become friends
- Laurel and Matt plant their first garden together
- Laurel becomes a salaried employee
- Matt travels to Tobi and Brian’s wedding in Orange County, California – Laurel had to work (joys of becoming salaried employee…)
- Laurel makes cousin Rosie Brezynski a dress for her 8th grade graduation dance
- Unfortunately miss Matt and Lola’s wedding in Sedona, AZ on a lovely Monday
- Drive to California for Grover and Stacy’s beautiful Mt. Shasta June wedding
- Carlton comes to Seattle for his first visit
- David and Maria show up for our 1st summer BBQ
- Matt, Carlton, Donald Burton and David Brezynski cycle from Vancouver, BC back to Seattle
- Carlton rides 154 miles in three days at nine-years old, even peddling backward up a few hills…
- Matt real tired
- Spend fourth of July on a houseboat at Bainbridge island, watching fireworks from the deck
- Madison comes to Seattle for the second time – spends two weeks text messaging and facebooking
- More wedding planning – original budget shot
- Wedding stress almost makes Matt cry
- Sarah and Laurel remake Laurel’s fairy princess wedding dress
- Matt and Laurel miss Henrik and Britta’s wedding in Hamburg three weeks before our own, but get to be the first stop on their three week honeymoon in the US
- Brodie sires 19 litters of puppies – he feels being “fixed” is just a state of mind
- Matt’s mother Nelda flies to the West Coast for the first time
- 93.743% of the people we love in this world fly in for our wedding
- Matt loses shooting bet with Ross – the SHAME!!
- Matt and Laurel have 2nd wedding – Laurel looks stunning in her dress and makes Matt cry
- Nelda, Henrik, Britta, Herbert, Mark, Matthew, and Lola all share our one bathroom for the days leading up to and after the wedding
- Brodie is the most photographed wedding participant
- Matt Builds most over-complicated garden boxes in Seattle
- Laurel gets promotion at work and Matt becomes a stay at home video game tester
- Laurel helps costumer friend Sarah with a production of Alice in Wonderland: A Rock Musical
- Try to adopt another puppy (same one as before) – Still hates Brodie and incredibly gassy
- Travel to Eugene, OR for Thanksgiving weekend
- Matt completes his circumnavigation of the earth on his 1895 Penny Farthing
- Matt takes 10 months to complete a hutch refinish project in the living room
- Matt goes to Paris and Hamburg in December for work – Laurel tries to stowaway in his luggage
- Christmas Eve 2nd Annual Zombie Shooting Fest planned.
- Christmas at home with Laurel’s mom Beckie
- Laurel and Matt plan to climb Olympus Mons to greet the New Year for its caldera rim.
We look forward to another year of working on our home, welcoming guests from near and far, having the kids out to visit, puppy snuggling, garden planting and other adventures not yet known. We love you very much and are blessed to have you as part of our lives. All our love, Matt and Laurel
…A number of people didn’t get the jokes above and seemingly didn’t notice how the word “truthful” was in bold/italics in the header of the letter. My mom told everyone about our New Years mountaineering trip and my fishing skills. A friend asked if we were keeping any of Brodie’s puppies. I had cousins who voiced their concern about fireworks so near a volcano… A distant (and very old) relative of my wife’s actually asked if we were polygamists due to the second wedding… He really and truly asked it in writing, in the Christmas card he sent us in reply! Man, I can’t wait till I am old so I can have no filter and get away with it!!
I have a warped sense of humor and anything in the above list written in italics should be seen as a humorous untruth. For the record: we are not polygamists, we will not be traveling to Mars for New Years to visit Olympus Mons, Brodie fathered no puppies after the snip-snip, I do not test video games as a profession, the furtherest I have ever ridden the Penny Farthing is 15 miles, and the world record Great White was caught by Alfredo Cutajar off the coast of Malta on April 16, 1987. 🙂
My Thanksgiving Holiday:
7.5 hour drive with sleepy sick wife and gassy puppy
Serious traffic on I-5
I hate Rubber-Neckers
Arrive in Eugene, OR after 10:00pm
Build fire & sit in hot tub. Last relaxing moments of the trip.
Confusion about sleeping arrangements
First night in comfy bed.
Wake early and had yummy coffee
Wife is extra yucky sick
Wife ingests cold meds, feels better
Short climb of Mount Pisgah
Roped into smoking/roasting turkey
Wanted to start drinking
Had to move rooms.
Issued foam mat to sleep on.
Smoked turkey for 2 hours and fended off Father-in-laws constant “help”
No lunch
Put turkey in oven to finish
Started drinking beer
Brother-in-law MIA
Brother-in-law usually has holiday coping chemicals
Missed Brother-in-law
Called and texted holiday greeting to friends and family
Father-in-law (a chef by trade) scary when cooking
Sharp stuff in kitchen – I retreated to the living room
Where the HELL is Brother-in-law!?!?
Drank another beer
Turkey took too long in oven
Father-in-law stressed
Turkey finally done – 1 hour late
Rest of family arrives
Really missed Brother-in-law’s chemistry set.
Brother-in-law shows up with just stuffing…
Matt sad
Everyone eats
Food was amazing!
Lone PWT family member ravages all the desert pies before anyone else
Drank another beer
Had seconds – turkey and mashed potatoes were yummy
5 mushroom gravy was incredible!!
Ate 4 pieces of pie
Felt pregnant
Had one more wheaty hopped beverage.
Passed out and into food coma
Woke up to screaming running children with back in knots
Had coffee
Regained humanity
Went for 3 mile run
Shopping at the crazy hippie holiday market (not the official name, but it should be)
More coffee
Found some humorous Christmas gifts
Made some clandestine purchases for Stamps-With-Foot
Met mother-in-law at the crazy hippie holiday market
Eye started twitching as the conversation/visit began
Wanted a harsh opiate to calm my nerves
Informed Mother-in-Law that her dog is banned from my house
Maybe she heard, maybe not…
Want to put out a mafia hit on her little dog that marks in the house
Went to a couple of local Eugene stores with just Stamps-with-Foot
Got some great new earrings (2ga. Clear silicone tunnels)
Returned to Fathe-in-laws
House empty.
Stamps-With-Foot and I took a hottub
Off to dinner with mother-in-law – where are those fvcking drugs!?
Drank LARGE beer
Went to see Hairy Potter Movie (I guess now I am officially out of the cupboard…)
Had to pee 3 times during movie 🙁
Sleep
Up early
Coffee
Humanity
Had a precious hour to myself
Hottub
Read the paper
Enjoyed the quiet!!
More coffee
Took a look at “classic” 1960 Plymouth Valiant we were given for free
Determined it was a money pit
Will decide what to do with it later
More holiday shopping
Got last of my Mother’s Christmas taken care of
Third BIG coffee
Laurel had a nap
Relaxed dinner with Father-in-law and his girlfriend
Really like both of them!
Each told neighbor horror stories around the fireplace with medium amounts of beer consumed
Realized I am the “You Kids get off my lawn!” crotchety neighbor – am OK with that
Missed my lawn a little
Sleep
Up at nine and gone by 11:15am
Home by 6:15PM
Wanted to kiss my threshold
Never want to leave home again
Still want to help Mother-in-law’s dog go to the “farm”
Our Second Wedding
While most people wait until their 20th anniversary to marry their spouse again, we decided to move the time-line up a bit and do it on our 3.75 year anniversary. We is just sort of roll like that… No really, we eloped those long many years ago in Southern California just before our move to Germany. We had planned to have a get-together for family and friends the next summer, but life got in the way. Life kept getting in the way. There has been some increasing pressure from a couple of friends and my mother-in-law to get it done already.
During a visit at Christmas last year (I was still heavily medicated from the latest shoulder surgery so I was in an agreeable mood…) my father-in-law and I went running at Camp Long and happened into the lodge, a WPA built stone and timber craftsman beauty. Donald and I talked about it being a perfect place for a wedding reception and then enrolled Laurel in the idea of having our “DO” close to home (the park is 1.5 blocks from La Maison du Talley) this would simplify planning and logistics and with the rental of all ten cabins on the site, there would a place for everyone to sleep off what promised to be a beverage filled evening. Simple was the plan… Stress was the eventuality, but to see Laurel dressed in radiant white, surrounded by our family and friends was worth every hypertensive moment.
With the amazing help of those gathered, the day of our ceremony went off without a hitch. Our caterer was GREAT, the beer was cold, wine flowed, Donald made killer appetizers, Herbert was on flower and wine delivery duty, Matthew delivered the Nana and was a terrific MC, Henrik was took more pictures than Matthew Brady and Annie Leibovitz combined. Michael delivered the beer, Dani played the violin as if she were truly an angel, Beckie made the cakes beautiful, Gin read the poetry with great flair, Emmy arranged the flowers was Laurel’s rock, Sarah remade the dress, Miguel added the sweetness, the Aunts decorated the hall, Jan was maestro of our crazy little orchestra, Bob the photographer was on time and worked it, Leif was the official dog walker extraordinaire, Brodie was an awesome ring bearer, Nick steamed dresses, Nana folded programs into the wee hours, and the entire Brezynski family was the oil that made it all run smoothly.
The ceremony was held outside in the large meadow and an old Burton family friend was the officiant. I saw my beautiful bride being walked by her father and I cried like a little girl who had her Princess Pony taken away. She looked amazing and graceful and so happy. We said our vows, everyone cheered and at some point I stopped crying. Pictures were taken and we all retired to the lodge for drinking, eating, speeches, dancing, and laughter. As the evening closed, I gave my bride her wedding present. A gift that will always remind her of me and will speak to our journey through life together: a restored 1967 red Schwinn Twin tandem bike. She wanted to ride it in her wedding dress – one of the 10,000 reasons I love her.
