Things My Wife Has Said – Volume VI

My wife has a fantastic sense of humor. It is dry and witty and she comes up with fantastic one-liners!  She is HILARIOUS without forcing it. Her humor is natural, unpracticed, and off the cuff. What comes up, comes out.

This is the sixth, though certainly not the last, installment of Things My Wife Has Said:

  • I found this amazing piece of valuable art at a resell shop for $6. I was in shock a little that they did not know what it was.  I said nothing, paid for it, and practically ran home to show to my wife. She picked it up and marveled at my find then started slowly for the basement stairs, holding it gingerly and looking down at it almost lovingly. I asked her where she was going with the art and she replied like it was a normal statement on a normal day, “I am taking it down to put with the rest of my Dragon’s hoard”. My own tiny version of Smoug the Dragon…
  • As we were going to sleep one night, my wife was already in bed and half asleep when I walked into the room. I heard her say, “You have to take the dogs out, I’m not wearing pants.”  I had just stepped out of the shower and was still wet and only in a towel.  She opened her eyes and said very slowly and with an air of menace: “Are you going to take the dogs out? If the answer is no, I will put PJ bottoms on and leave them on for a VERY LONG TIME”. I understood the gravity of my situation. I took the dogs out. 
  • I watched an episode of a show without her that we had been watching together and was snacking after dinner at the same time. She walked in as the TV went off, looked around like an FBI agent first arriving at a crime scene – taking it all in. I was confronted with a narrow-eyed gaze and she said, “You smell of peanuts and treachery…”
  • Our two dogs were mad after long walk. When questioned about their mood, she said , “They got to go to the park and shit on things – including me.”  I am guessing there were repercussions for the puppies… 
  • We were on the town for a rare night out and enjoying Sushi at our favorite Japanese restaurant, sitting beside their salt water fish tank.  Laurel looked up, hashi, in hand, holding a delicate piece of Unagi sashimi and said, “We are just like those people on Soul Train.”  She meant that we are like the people on the TV show/movie Snow Piercer.  I erupted in laughter.  She smiled and ate her Unagi without a care in the world for just a little while.
  • “Can we save some of Brodie’s hair or blood for later?”  Brodie is our 14 year-old Boston Terrier.  I think she wants to clone him…

My Valentine!

My partner in crime, my BFF, the one person on this earth that I could be marooned on a desert island with. My wife is amazing. I do not deserve her. She makes me a better version of myself.

BOMBPROOF WELDED GARDEN SIGNS

The garden stakes for the blueberries were looking a little ragged… Ok, a lot ragged! I decided to come up with a more permanent solution and while welding up a large piece of furniture, I took a few minutes and used a little weld bead for good.

I made eight signs, one for each vitality of tree that is planted. Materials used were 3 scrap sections of 1/4” think flat bar and some twice repurposed 24” long 1/2’ rebar that I had forged points on, welded a 1/2” washer, and had used previously as awning tent stakes.

I spent maybe an hour of time in total between cutting, welding, grinding, and bending the stakes. Maybe $5 of gas, $6 in electricity, and $2 of wire were used for plant ID signs that will last a lifetime and then some. I over-build stuff, it is what I do.

Road Trip in the Van – For Surgery…


I had planned to take my VW Syncro Vanagon to a specialist just after Christmas so that the high-top could be refurbished and resealed. There was a major engine issue the night before our planned departure, some serious ($$) work, and a two week delay.

Once on the road, it was smooth sailing between Seattle and Kennewick, WA, but a planned weekend away was interrupted by an emergency at home and the mini-vacation became an out and back, 11:22 hour long haul, iron bottom, road trip.

The van will be in surgery for a bit, but will be ready for spring camping, road trips, and adventures soon!

Stair Railings Installed

After a 4 year wait, I have installed the hand rails for our upper and lower stairs. It took a little bit of doing with some compound angles and a custom forged bracket (by yours truly) on the upper (attic) stairs and a fight to get a warped pit of lumber strait on the bottom (basement) stairs.

They need to have the edges on the ends eased, a little filler in a few trim screw holes and a final coat of paint before calling the task 100% done. I also need to put up the banister and paint the stair stringers on the basement stairwell, but that is another project 🙂

Upper rail with forged bracket at the bottom right
Lower railing in place

Eric Melger

September 29, 1971 – January 14, 2022

My friend passed away suddenly and un-expectantly last week.

Melger was one of my favorite people.  He was a gifted CAD designer, always ready and eager to help anyone out, and could be counted on to work an issue to its absolute resolution:  whether it was a work challenge or how to fit 2 full-sized bikes into the trunk of a compact car.  His euphemisms, one-liners, and nicknames were LEDENDARY.  There are people that we worked with 10 years ago that I don’t remember what their actual name was, but I 100% remember the name that Eric gave them! He was super quick witted and was a master at verbal judo – one of my favorite examples:

He was fairly tall and I am not.  He was having a bout of lower back pain and was grousing about being “old” and not being able to touch his toes anymore.  We are only 2 years apart in age and I bent in half and put my palms on the floor and said with a certain amount of smugness “it is not the age…”  Without skipping a heartbeat Eric quipped, “You started out a LOT closer to the floor than me.”  There were 6 or 7 people just standing there watching him just slay me…  I am smiling ear to ear as I remember that deep burn.

He had this saying when something was going really wrong or when we were about to have to do a crap-ton of extra work: “Whelp time to do some deep knee bends in the ol’ cucumber patch boys.” I can still hear him – saying this with his Wisconsin mid-west clip in my head

Among so many other things, Eric and I shared a love of bikes, sushi, classic architecture, notebooks, paper, pencils, and pens.  He gave me a blue lead mechanical pencil that I use weekly and his love of a #2HB Ticonderoga is widely known – he passed them out at work like he was a flower girl at a wedding.  I had not converted him to fountain pens, but I think he at least had a nodding respect for them.

Solid does not even start to describe Eric.  If he told you he would be somewhere or do something, you could take that to the bank.  Anyone that knew Eric is full of tales of times he went out of his way to help.  I worked with him at Carlisle and at Blue Origin, where our desks were joined for a time.  I will forever miss him leaning up over his monitor to give me a ration of grief, ask me about a part specification, or draw my attention to a matter of idiocy happening in our vicinity.

His taste in beer was awful, but a lukewarm Pabst on a hot day enjoyed while chunking 1 of his 17 specialized golf discs was absolute heaven for him.  His epicurean delight and skill more than made up for his poor decisions on the quality fermented beverages.  Eric almost glowed when talking about Yakatori street food, French baguettes, stinky cheese, BBQing, and out of the way, unknown mom & pop fantastic eateries.   A Monday morning routine was his full account of dinners that he had made for and with his wife Tracy that past weekend and the cocktails that he thought worked the best with the different meals.  There was a certain sense in those discussions that Eric expressed love through food and by preparing deliciousness to share with his wife.

The last time we spoke was just after Christmas.  We had a text exchange about family and holidays and then he launched into diatribe about how I was more of a hipster than he would ever be.  Classic Eric.  Said with a wry smile, full of equal doses of affection and sarcasm. 

I will miss Eric very much and I will think of him every time I open my Japanese pencil bag, wear a mechanic’s shirt, see a frisbee, go to a specific Sushi place in West Seattle, or whenever I hear someone crack a great on-liner.

Rest easy my friend.

Puppy Proof Fence for the Yard

Our French Bulldogs/monsters tear up my wife’s flowers in the corners of our front year every year! She had enough last year and I got an assignment…

My solution was to make a semi-circle section of removable steel fence that would keep both me and the monsters from getting in further trouble. Success. I added some laser cut lanterns from SendCutSend to make the fence sections even more awesome.

The Pantry is DONE!!

This is the final installment of a 3 part video documenting an old-school cabinet build in our pantry that seemed to have taken me forever! I had shoulder surgery and there have been a few other things going on in the world and in life lately, but after a year and a half, we are done! To recap a bit: We live in a 1928 Craftsman bungalow in Seattle and have attempted to replicate what would have been in the house originally when we have remodeled or updated. There is NO crap-tastic MDF faux-Victorian crown molding, no modern melamine, no exotic wood finishes on the kitchen cabinets (ours are painted white), and no light fixtures that would be at home on the set of Lost in Space. If we would have wanted a mid-century or something out of the 1980’s, that is what we would have bought.0

Our last major undertaking with remodel/rebuild/remake projects at home was the building of the butler’s pantry off of our dining room. I have matched the original cabinets and hardware on all my projects so far and wanted this to be the star example of that attention to detail. My sincere hope is that when someone looks at all the cabinets in our home they say to the effect of, “Your original built-ins have held up really well! How did you very find a place this intact?” I am building the pantry the old-school way: solid wood face frames and quality plywood carcasses, under cabinet storage, a granite top, matching the arches in the kitchen, and matched door styles with the rest of our home.

1st Video in the Series: https://youtu.be/4XcHJONOCBo

2nd Video in the Series: https://youtu.be/i6IGnkw6g5E

The Cup Storage Cabinet Build: https://youtu.be/7CMWeYtoHaw

Making a VW “Haubt Werkstatt” Sign for the Shop

I have a little bit of a VW problem and REALLY want a specific German VW sign for may garage wall, but it is $140+ on eBay and I am just not paying that for an 8×12” piece of painted tin advertisement. Nope! I decided to use some of the machines in the shop and just make one myself.

15 minutes of design time in Easel and I moved out to the shop. My sign is not identical to the original, but it is my own take on it. I cut off a portion of 1/16” duel color acrylic sheet that I had in the scrape bin to rough size on the table saw – using my newest and sharpest panel blade. Then, 30 minutes of cut time on the @inventables X-Carve is all that it took – even with a bit change half way through.

I painted the 1/4” mounting screws white with a bit of rattle can special and let them dry. I hung it the next evening and think that the sign turned out great.

Labor Day Canoe Trip

My wife and I got up early on Labor Day this year and took a short trip to a very secluded 40+ acre lake near Seattle. We slipped our canoe into some beautifully clear water and soaked up the sunshine, blue skies, and crisp air.

I made the paddles a couple years ago
Perfect morning together
The water was perfect
Taking is all in
Not a bad view!!

Our Puppies…

Brodie is now almost 14 and is a grumpy old man. Deaf as a post, but he still LOVES his mommy. if she get out of his sight he will lose his shit. When she leaves the house he sits at the window waiting for her for hours.

Truffle is 7 and her personality is so big! she is built for snuggling and has to be touching one of her Hoomans at all times.

On guard against invaders!
In the most natural state…

Van Upgrades

The new front and back bumpers are installed on the Van! I spent last weekend doing it and some other small mods. The paint touch up for the holes drilled took the longest time. 

D-rings, brush guard, and 2′ Receiver hitches front and rear for my 10K winch mount. I couldn’t just leave a blank spot in the front, so I made a euro plate holder for our German plate (Hamburg, meine Perle!) 

The day after the full install was complete. You can also see the DasMule Rock Sliders and ARB 10′ awning installations.
Prushgaurd and Euro Plate from previous post
It sticks out a little, but it is supposed to! Woe to the person that backs into the front of the van…
Rear bumper with grip tape added
Rear bumper just after installation

So MANY Car Prowls and theft in West Seattle!

Our street got hit twice Tuesday night/Wednesday morning with car prowls. At 2:20 a male that appears intoxicated came by looking for easy targets: jiggling a few handles, looking in the backs of pickups and jeeps. Looked into my jeep and appears to try to get into the center console and then the back seat. Then at 6:00 two people in a white truck opened a van on the street, cleaned out our car, and a neighbor’s truck. We lost a big roadside emergency kit, lithium battery jump pack, a few tools, the entire contents of our glove box, a blanket, DeWalt drill/driver battery with charger, and a couple camp chairs. Not enough to claim on insurance, but a felony amount.

It was a white male and female in an early to mid-2000s white Ford Ranger with chrome rims – the ARE style with the small holes around the perimeter. The male was wearing long shorts, an orange reflective safety vest and appears to be 5’8 – 5’10” (based on height of the car roof), overweight, and long-ish dark hair. The female passenger second thief is shorter than 5’4” and was wearing sweats and a hoodie. If you recognize the truck or the occupants, please notify SPD.

We have almost constant car prowls on our street. My camera or the neighbors’ cameras pick up someone checking handles every other night or so. We are diligent, but not enough apparently. It looks like there may have been an RF scanner, but I can’t tell for certain. It looks like the lights flashed when the truck stopped at our car. I have made 3 reports of theft in the last 4 years, most of the folks on our block (24 houses) have anywhere from 1-5 in the same period. My wife and I have made numerous calls and made reports of people checking handles. Zero follow up and the theft continues. Very frustrated with the policing of property crime in Seattle.

1st Concert in 18 months!

We are the couple that goes to lots of live shows and music venues, or we WERE until the “RONA hit. We have not seen a live showing 18 months. Our last show was and Atmosphere concert.

We are double vaxxed, and itching for live music. Marymoor park is a killer outdoor Venus near Seattle that is/was running a series of shows with good separation and you have to be vaccinated to get in the gate. deal!

18 months to almost the day, we saw Atmosphere (and Cypress Hill) at Marymoor last night. Great shows and fine venue! Really happy to get out and see music with my wife!

German License Plate!

I ordered a custom German License plate (Kraftfahrzeug-Kennzeichen or Nummernschilder)  for the front of our van.  It is a 1987 Syncro so I wanted a classic car (kraftfahrtechnisches Kulturgut) plate, which have a red border and letters/numbers.  It is not 100% authentic as the plate number does not start with “07” or end with an “H”, but close enough for an American.  I did include the HH city designation because we used to live in Hamburg and the city is part of our soul (Hamburg meine Perle!)

She was SO HAPPY to finally get this plate in!

We have a RMW front bumper with a 2“ receiver and I decided to make a front plate holder that would deter theft AND be stout enough to plow through snow/bushes/bison, etc…  Drew it up in AutoCAD, and sent it to SendCutSend to laser cut the bits out of 0.188” steel.  I Designed it with weld-through tabs to beef up the structure and will weld it up with a 0.125” border all the way around it and paint it as soon as the parts arrive.  I have never been accused of designing to the bare minimum of necessity…

BEEFY!!
SendCutSend always comes through!
All welded up
painted and ready for installation!

New Whip in the Stable

Passenger Side
Driver’s Side – needs a washing
Van Front

Meet Schnitzel. She is our 1987 VW Vanagon Syncro and she is about to have a proper refit with new window seals, AT tires, breaks, passenger side awning, fluid swap, and valve tune. I will also be fabricating front and rear skid plates and a bombproof badass winch bumper – with a new Warn 10k-pound stump-puller bolted to it.

My bride and I are discussing the interior color scheme as well as the exterior changes. Will leave the paint the OEM color, but I DO like the red accent stripe I have seen on some gold vans.

A stack of BFGs TA tires layin’ in wait! Will drop them off at Les Schwabe to have the mounted and balanced.

About once every two years I miss my auction-scored Weaver Tire Changer and Wheel balancer. They were both just so big and I didn’t use them enough in my home shop so I sold them and used the cash to upgrade my 2×72 grinder, which DOES get used constantly. It was a good decision, but at times like this, I do second guess myself and long for a giant shop.

Seattle Problems

Seattle and I are having a spat and it may be an unreconcilable differences sort of situation. I will start this digression with a list of why we love/loved Seattle/West Seattle:

  • Like a village in the middle of a city
  • Nature, water & mountain view right out the door
  • Super convenient to downtown, sports, shopping, events
  • 21 minute commute to work – almost no traffic
  • Amazing Parks
  • Terrific year-round Farmer’s Market
  • A real French bakery
  • Light Rail is coming
  • 10 minutes from the Airport
  • Low Crime
  • Trader Joes, Whole Foods, Thriftway, The Beer Junction, Safeway and some fantastic restaurants for food options.
  • Ferry and Vashon Island access
  • Alki Beach
  • Affordable
  • A sense of community
  • Fantastic small shops and coffee houses

That is a great list huh? Why would I be upset? What has my undies in a twist? Well:

  • 6.01 miles = 59m25s… My 12 minute “normal” commute to downtown is now an hour due to the West Seattle Bridge being out.
    • This was not rush hour. It was a Saturday afternoon at lunch time.
  • My commute to work is now 45m to 1h any time of day. Longest commute so far for the 11-mile trip to Kent: 1h47m.
  • The West Seattle Bridge closure and access in general is a fiasco.
  • The light rail will not happen in West Seattle until 2035
  • My car tabs now cost $920 a year for two cars
  • Our police are swamped dealing with protests, autonomous zones, and interference from our HIGHLY paid city council (Among the nation’s 40 largest cities, only Los Angeles pays its council more according to a survey by The Seattle Times. Seattle ranks 23rd in population, according to the Census Bureau.)
    • Property crime is zooming upward
    • Everyone on our side of the street has had something stolen out of their car or yard in the last 8 months.
    • Our City Council is talking about defunding the police AND not prosecuting non-violent crime if the person committing the offence is “stealing for food.” How is that enforceable? Do they have to keep the food receipts?
  • Building planning and permitting is a nightmare for a home owner.
    • Long delays, constantly shifting zoning, weird ADU and garage rules that change every 2 years, high minimum fees, etc…
  • My property tax has DOUBLED since we bought our home it went up $700 yearly in the last two years alone.
  • A population and housing boom that has led to parking problems all over the peninsula due to City Planning forgoing the requirement for on-site parking in many of the new apartment buildings.
  • I live in the city and I HAVE to have a generator. My power goes out for 24+ hours 2-3 times a year. It is an infrastructure issue that is long overdue to be fixed.
  • The homeless crisis is not being addressed effectively at any level of city government. There have been assaults, property damage, and an exploding rodent population due to the lack o sanitary facilities, waste disposal.
  • The hassle of transportation and craziness at city hall has us looking at other communities in which to pay our taxes.

New Kicks!

I have a shoe problem.

I own more than my share of wingtips for work and I am really into Adidas Sambas and Hamburgs for everyday wear with jeans and shorts. I am into them so much that Adidas has put me on a mailing list for 1st peak at new styles and end of season sales.

It was in one of the e-mails for the latter where I came across the beauties below! Really dig them. They are fun and go with 90% of my shirts and hoodies – coordination matters…

Orange and Green!

Things My Wife Has Said – Volume V

My wife has the best one-liners!  She is HILARIOUS without meaning to be. It is unpracticed and off the cuff. What comes up come out… This is the fifth, though not the last, installment of Things My Wife Has Said:

  1. “It took forever to train you and it was a lot of work.” 
  2. “If you want to eat the food I cook, you will laugh at my jokes. Seriously.”
  3. Years ago, when my wife was in costume design school, we made sock puppets with my kids during Christmas.  Well, my sock puppet was AMAZING!  I made a little fellow I called Sheriff Naughty Pants.  He came equipped with a red vest, gold star, black felt (made from scratch) cowboy hat, little pink tongue, and a SWEET handlebar mustache.  She was not amused.  I “snatched the prize” from her.  I did not know it was a competition, but she did, and I have given her crap about my awesome puppet making skills ever since, especially when and if she gets uppity about something.  Recently, after she was gaining traction in a domestic debate, I said casually mentioned, “I guess I can get Sheriff Naughty Pants out and let him cast the deciding vote.”  She stared at me with cold hateful malice and said in a flat serious serial killer voice: “I will burn your garage down!”
  4. While looking at me in a loving sweet way out of the blue: “You are the Gomez to my Morticia.”
  5. “This wine (rosé in a can) tastes like a trailer park.” 
  6. There was a couple who were clearly high on X at a concert (Drop Kick Murphy’s) beer garden that were all over one another. I noticed them and said, “Those two will be doing that naked later.”  My wife looked sideways, pursed her lips a little and said, “Hopefully after we leave.”
  7. A champagne cork popped just as we sat for dinner at a local restaurant and my wife looked up with a huge grin and said, “Mamma likes!!” and she proceeded to order the bubbly stuff.
  8. Our female French Bulldog has a nubbin of a tail, like the bears in the Charmin Toilet Paper commercial.  My wife spotted her doing her “business” and said while wiping sleepy eyes, “Enjoy the go, Truffle.”
  9. Right after knee surgery (3 months post-op) had to run for the bus at work that goes between buildings.  The colleague with me asked that I not do that again and that if I hurt my knee not to tell my wife that he was with me, because “I don’t want her to cut me all straight razor style.”  I told her in a joking way what he said that evening after getting home, and she replied in a distracted voice while doing something in the kitchen: “I wouldn’t use a razor. I would poke him a couple of times, like prisoners do with the shanks, in a soft vulnerable spot.”  I stared in disbelief and she said this while wearing sparkly French bulldog earrings and her hair up in bobbles looking as cute as a button.  You cannot help by love her!!
  10. I was ogling a Ducati Scrambler one Saturday morning and my wife looked over my shoulder, saw what was on the iPad and said offhand, “If you buy a motorcycle, I will start doing coke.” Then she walked away. I guess I will not be buying a motorcycle.