Making Jokes in French

November 10, 2018 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

So, when my wife and I lived in France we had a decent little bakery in our village where we went to get baguettes, croissants, and pastries every other day or so (bread not the pastries). The shop had some really delicious bits and bobs that one of us would bring home to the delight of the other. One of these little baked delicacies was a pastry called a cannelé, which was/is a specialty of the Bordeaux region and is made with rum and vanilla and has the most perfect spongy center, covered by a chewy caramelized crust. They are round, about 1.5 inches tall, have ridges all the way around, are a caramel brown, and a small cavity in the middle. Most importantly , they are decadently delicious and were our go to weekend desert.

We served some at a party we held at home and one of our French friends was joking around and started calling the cannelé “gateaux du anus” because of the uncanny similarity to the brown starfish. Everyone at the party laughed and laughed about it and it became an inside joke among friends. So much so that the phrase stuck in my head and almost completely obliterated the actual French word.

Fast forward a couple months and I was at my local bakery and accidentally blurted out my order for “Gateaux du Anus.” The lady behind the counter looked like she ate a toad for 2-3 seconds before erupting in laughter. Six months later I went in for my daily baguette and the same lady (imagine your grandmother if she were a tiny, birdlike creature, with a $300 hair style and a sly grin) pulled me aside and admitted that she can’t ever think of them as cannelé again and giggles every time a customer orders them. She winked at me and smiled every time I came in her boulangerie for the next year and a half.

Things My Wife Has Said – Volume IV

October 9, 2018 / Matt Talley / 4 Comments

My sweet, bubbly, kind, giving, gentle, well-adjusted, funny, smart, awesome wife has the best one-liners. I have taken to writing them down and saving them like little jewels. This is the fourth, though not the last, installment of Things My Wife Has Said:

I was trying to be funny and I told my wife that I am sort of like an Uber driver: my beard gives rides for cash. She laughed so hard that wine came out of her nose. When recovered, she gave me $1 and said that she “expected change when her ride was done…”
“Boys who buy their wives sewing machines get favors…”
“Truffle (our female French Bulldog) is a Goddamn snuggle tyrant!”
“Man buns are just comb-overs for hipsters.”
I came home from work and went downstairs to check on how Stamps-With-Foot was doing on the bathroom paint progress. I found her naked, covered in purple paint, and listening to Tupac. When questioned about the state of things she said: “I didn’t want to get paint on my jammies, so I painted naked.”
While out to dinner before seeing a a movie, my wife said: “You might be the Anti-Christ: Since I met you I eat pork, have condoned killing trees for a better view, and was singing along happily to Katy Perry this morning.”
“There should be an escort service for puppies and baby piggies. You could snuggle and love them for an hour and the give them back.”
“I don’t really like any Fructose Corn Syrup, but I really hate it when is high.”
“What is wrong with you?! You bought $60 worth of Girl Scout Cookies into our house, left town, and I am on my period. What the fuck were you thinking?!?!
While standing in the kitchen, very early and wearing a bathrobe: “A yawn is a silent scream for coffee.”
“Budgeting is sexy.”
“Do my boobs look too big in this shirt?” It was a trap.
She went to the wax place on a Saturday and came in the house that afternoon with Vampirella arches above her eyes and asked: “What do you think of my eyebrows?” It was also a trap.
I went snowboarding for the 1st time since hip reconstruction and I was forbidden by my wife to drop into the terrain park. When I got home I was questioned thoroughly. I was honest and said that there were no drops or rails or big air, but admitted taking small jump (more of a hop really) along one of the runs. I got “the look” and she made pre-tirade grumpy noises. I said quickly and defensively: “But I didn’t go into the terrain park!” My sugar sweet, tiny, gentle, accepting, loving, kind wife then said: “Huh?!, that is sort of like you saying ‘but I just got a blowjob from that hooker, I didn’t put it in her butt.'” Seriously, she said that. I was caught unaware, had no response, and couldn’t utter a sound in my defense, mostly due to the shock that those specific words had come out of her mouth at all and in that particular order….. She then hid one of my boarding boots for a couple of weeks.

Stuff My Wife Says – Volume II

January 10, 2017 / Matt Talley / 5 Comments

I have written previously about some of the things that have come up in conversation with my sweet, bubbly, kind, giving, gentle, well-adjusted, awesome wife. Well, with the passage of time I have… err… SHE has more to say on the subject. Enjoy:

I was splashing my wife in the hot tub the other night and she yells “Onomatopoeia! Onomatopoeia!!” It is apparently her new “safe word”. My safe word is bacon.
While Living in France, we bought a lot of wine that we brought back to the US. Most of it is in the normal .75L size bottle, but there are some .375L demi-bouteilles, a few 1.5L magnums, and one 3L double magnum bottle as well. Stamps-With-Foot has taken to calling the .375L bottles “Juice Boxes.” I teased her that it is because they would fit in her lunch box. She looked up at me with smiling, happy, dreamy eyes, then over at her 1984 metal Thundercats lunch box (really that is what she takes to work) and said, “Yes… they would…”
Long story short, I made a crude off hand remark about a lady who’s “carpet matched the drapes”. Instead of smacking me for being a misogynistic and sexist asshole, my wife looked at me with great annoyance and said sarcastically “Great, now I have to think about her snatch!” I had nothing more to say.
I failed to use my turn signal in moderate traffic while driving near limousine, France and lamented that I was being a bad/unsociable driver. Stamps-With-Foot said offhandedly while looking out the window: “Fuck that. This is France, do you know how many of these motherfuckers have cut me off over the last two years? Fuck them.” 30 seconds later she got all excited, bright eyed, wiggling in her seat with joy & happiness over a fortified Chateau we were passing.
My lovely bride walked into the living room the other night with her phone and computer in hand while wearing mix-matched PJs. I looked at her with a raised eyebrow and she shot back with, “This is as sexy as it gets tonight, maybe all weekend.” Fair enough.
We went out to my company’s winter event just after New Year’s and Stamps-With-Foot looked killer in a long tight velvet dress. As we were getting ready, she looked at me and said, “Tonight is a two drink minimum night”. I started to correct her and she stopped me, making it plain that she did not misspeak and that I was the Designated Driver for the evening.
“I love puppies, diamonds, and PJs – in that order.” Not sure why she said this. It just popped up out of the blue one Saturday afternoon.
Two months after the 2016 presidential election, I casually mentioned talking the “Bernie” sticker off her car window. She snapped back, “You will not touch it! I love that wrinkly old motherfucker and I need to hold onto the faith for a while.” Ok… Me no touchy…
Our female French bulldog, Truffle, has a big personality and is super lovable. She is also pushy, selfish, sneaky, petty. During one painful week long interlude, she puked on my chest while I was asleep, pissed in Stamps-With-Foot’s car seat because we “made” her wear a sweater in 30 degree temperatures, tried to pee on my pillow because I had the audacity to move her from my spot at bedtime, puked on an antique wool Persian rug, took a dump on the front porch because the grass was wet, fucked up a couch pillow, tore the heart out of Brodie’s favorite toy, she chewed up 3 pencils, stole food from Brodie, and went all Cujo on a contractor working at the house. My wife looked at me one morning and said, “No more girl dogs. They are too much work. Just boy dogs – they can be gay though.” I had no words.

A Walk-in Closet for My Wife

November 9, 2016 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

As part of the now 10 month rehab, remodel, rebuild of our house my wife wanted some space to hang her clothes and put her shoes and boots that was not an afterthought. A place that, for once was not crammed or disorganized and was purpose built. It was decided that we turn a small bedroom/office into a walk-in closet.

I sketched out a few ideas in my notebook and went over them with her. She removed a large shoe rack and opted for more clothes bar space. She also wanted a bunch of drawers to store smaller stuff in. I initially drew everything with a built in dresser, but changed it a little and made room for a free-standing French dresser made in Revel in the 1930’s that we acquired while living in Toulouse. There is 27 feet of linear hanging space using iron pipe (no sag), 24+ shoe cubbies, shelves, drawers, storage, and two full length mirrors.

I spent most of this past weekend getting the flat panel section dividers up, installing the clothes bars and adding top shelves. There are three areas that are made for off-season storage: coats in the summers/short sleeves in the winter. For these spaces, I decided to line one wall each with cedar. While some people might line the whole closet with cedar, I would advise against it unless you and your significant other wants to smell like a lumberjack constantly. Too much and the smell, while pleasing for me, pervades everything.

I lined two of the three spaces this weekend and got to use my old-school hand miter saw. While manual, it is faster to use in the closet – no dragging in a stand and cords and creates a LOT less dust than my big power Bosch miter saw.

I still need to add shelving on one side, put up all of the upper and lower panel trim, fill my nail holes, sand, paint, and bring the dresser in, but the space is usable and has allowed us to unpack all the boxes that have sat in our bedroom full of clothes. I will take the clothes back out on the day that I sand and paint.

Here is the progress to this point:

Film Friday – Building a 13th Century Castle in the 21st Century.

June 17, 2016 / Matt Talley / 2 Comments

Back in Seattle! Let the projects begin!!

November 30, 2015 / Matt Talley / 1 Comment

After two days of flying with a couple of heavily sedated French Bulldogs, we made it back to Seattle just in time for a home cooked Thanksgiving dinner. We are so glad to be back in our little house! The now sober puppies have staked their claim in our yard, we went to a few of our favorite neighborhood shops and *gasp* went shopping at Target on a SUNDAY *second gasp*!! In France, shopping on Sunday is a mythical creature that is spoken of in whispers. We miss Toulouse and our friends there already, but it is nice that things are sooo easy here.

The cold, rain, and ice was here to greet us, so in the interest of keeping Stamps-With-Foot happy, my first duty was to spend about 6 hours raising our hot tub from its long 2-year sleep. I cleaned it out, rinsed it twice, scrubbed it, filled it half way and ran the pumps, drained it, scrummed it all down again and then filled it to the top. They pump and heater fired right up and so far they are no leaks, but I will kaap a watch out for a while yet. It took about 4 hours for the water to go from 47 to 104 degrees and the temp has held steady.

We use BaquaSpa instead of Chlorine, so I loaded the tub up with a shock treatment after the it had come up to temp and had been circulating for 24 hours. I waited a few hours before taking a water sample into the local spa shop for testing. All good: just needed a little Oxidizer and to increase in the calcium. Wife happy – she sat in the tub yesterday for about an hour like a proper Japanese snow monkey.

I also just “happened” to stop in at Second Use and picked up a couple of painted fir corner cabinets that I have been eye-balling from afar. They will go in our living-room and replace the originals that were pulled out years ago by an unthinking previous owner – I can’t not work on the house. My Father-in-law, the Chatty Buddha, was here for Thanksgiving and I roped him into helping me wedge them into my tiny and very full shop. They will sit there until spring. Also thinking about re-installing an ironing board cabinet in the basement and a phone cubby in the upstairs hall. I have a problem…

Farewell to France Tour – 2015

November 25, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

We had grand expectations of weekend and holiday travel when we moved to France two years ago and while we have done a good bit, there were some places that we still wanted to visit before we return to Seattle. Stamps-With-Foot went into over drive researching, planning, calculating the budget and logistics to fit as many of our wants into one trip as possible. The below are posts from her web journal as we made our way, day to day and from place to place. I have included pictures from both our phones as well as some additional commentary.

Matt

On the road – Farewell to France tour
Matt and I will be leaving France at the end of November, so we had to plan a great trip to say Farewell to this beautiful country. We’ve got 12 days off sans puppies and a whole country to explore. Obviously we can’t go everywhere, but we planned a nice loop. We each had a place we wanted to go (for me it was the Dordogne to see castles, for Matt it was the Loire to see castles) and we both wanted to go to Paris again although we have both been there before, It’s Paris. So the trip goes as follows – one day and night in Rocamadour, one day and night in the Dordogne, two nights one day in Versailles, four nights and four days in Paris, two days one night in the Loire, a night and a day in Saint Emilion for our ninth wedding anniversary, and a night and a day in Bordeaux visiting our neighbor and friend Nico who has just moved there. And then home!

Farewell to France tour – day one
We got on the road later than expected and had to forgo one of our stops (the caves of Peche Merle) but our stop in the beautiful picturesque village of Saint-Cirq-Lapopie more than made up for it. It was so cute, we would totally live there!!! Next stop was Rocamadour. We arrived just after sunset when the lights were already shining on the ramparts of the castle. Beautiful. And our little hotel was right next to the castle! We had a fairly disappointing dinner at a tourist trap (mt: hundred+ of flies in the dining room and bloody-rare beef), went home to the hotel, planned the next stage of the journey and turned in early. I was so tired – it was the first day of “fall back” in Europe and it was past my bedtime.

mt: I would live Saint-Cirq-Lapopie: Open a little wood shop near the church and have a 5 or so bee hives in the fields above the village. The village is known for its view and boxwood craftsman. Tiny shop in town with a turner that still uses an overhead shaft and leather belts for his lathe, drill press, band and tiny/scary table saw. No pictures allowed, so this is all I could snap.

Farewell to France tour: day two
Woke up in Rocamadour. We had no idea the fall in France would be so lovely. The autumn leaves are stunning! We had breakfast at our hotel, with views of beautiful trees in golden hues. Then we went to the Main Street of L’Hopitalet and saw a few ruins while waiting for our tour at the Grotte des Mervilles to start. It’s an underground cave discovered in 1920 which has gorgeous stalactite and stalagmite growth, unground ponds and cave art. There are other more famous grottoes and caves in the region, but we are on a whirlwind tour and can’t do everything. This was right there and easy to do and we are so glad we did. It was truly amazing. Afterward we checked out the Maison des Abeilles which Matt really liked as he is super into bees and beekeeping. Then we got on the road and drove to La-Roque-Gageac on the Dordogne river to take a boat tour. We saw five castles from the water and learned about the history of the region and the river. Next we went to the Château de Castelnaud where Matt was like a grinning nine year old. They have a huge collection of swords, armor and artillery including several huge trebuchets. We also saw a metalsmith demonstration and I almost took a dare to use the ancient garderobe but the door didn’t close. All in all it was a very busy and wonderful day!

Mt: While at Castelnaud, France and there was a guy doing a lathe demo/sale in front of his little shop. Wooden lathe bed the hardware from a 1920s US made saw. His grandfather made it. Look at the wooden pulleys and detail on the machine. Was really happy to share his tools, method, and story.

Farewell to France tour – day three
Lots of driving today. We traveled from a tiny village on the Dordogne (Vezac) all the way to Versailles today. We went for awhile through gorgeous French countryside until I got carsick from all the windy roads and we switched to the freeway. We stopped for lunch in Limoges where I have been wanting to go and buy all new dishes for a few years now. I didn’t break the bank and go all out, but I did buy a beautiful porcelain gravy boat with gold detailing that makes me feel all swoony inside. Remember the pilot of the TV show Friends where Rachel is talking about breaking up with her fiancée? She says “I was looking at this gorgeous Limoges gravy boat and I realized I was more turned on by it than I was by Barry.” I’ve always remembered the line. I love to quote TV shows. I guess I needed a Limoges gravy boat of my own.

Mt: Lesson Learned: When your wife wants to “pop into” the Royal Limoges factory store (oldest in region -1796 – and super bougie), keep driving or fake a seizure or heart attack. Really, really. If you let her through the door you will be doomed to own plates that will only be used if the president or royalty comes to your house for dinner. No one else, including you, will be allowed to even breathe on them.
There will be indecision about the gravy boat and one of the sweet old ladies in the shop will help her find the one that was fired with unicorn horn and has adamantium detail work written in ancient Atlantean. Fucking “helpful” old ladies…

Farewell to France tour – day four
Slept in. So nice. Lots of driving yesterday. Leisurely morning, then hit Versailles. Our Airbnb is just fifteen minutes walking distance. We did the low key way – started at the far end of the park and made our way backward, going to the palace last. There was no line. One person ahead of us. But I am getting ahead of myself. We took the “Petit train” to the Petit Trianon and walked hand in hand to Marie Antoinette’s little hamlet. I loved it before I ever saw it, and loved it even more when I visited last summer. It was wonderful getting to show Matt a place I love so much, and knew he would love in equal measure. The fall colors were stunning. It looked like rain but the sky never opened up and soon the sun broke through. We saw lots of animals at the little farm, and made our way back toward the palace. (Pictures to follow at some point.) A new exhibit had opened the day before called Le Roi est mort (the king is dead) all about royal funeral practices. After that we went to the royal apartments and walked the hall of mirrors as the sun was going down. The lights were spectacular. Laurel has always wanted a chandelier. Now she wants more of them.

mt: I would give up a finger and one testicle if I could live in and use that mill! I would have an overhead line shaft running a huge lathe and a 14kw generator head hooked directly to the waterwheel shaft that would power the house and the rest of my shop. There would be bees and chickens in the garden. I may have put too much time into lusting after this daydream…

Farewell to France tour – days 5 to 7
Paris…

Oh, Paris. Je t’adore. No matter how many times I visit, I am happy I did. I love Paris. I didn’t do that much in the way of sightseeing, as I was there to visit a friend and attend a convention, but I did have a wonderful time.

Day five: drove from Versailles. Checked in to the hotel in Montparnasse. Rested a bit. Went to Notre Dame for vespers (first time inside the church!) and heard beautiful singing. Walked around hand in hand with my sweetie, who also loves Paris. Saw other churches. Paris at night is especially wonderful. Ate Thai food for dinner (it was ok) in a lovely little restaurant with a good vibe, music that made me happy and a gorgeous chandelier in the entrance. Also did a little shopping. Got a new winter coat and a pretty black wool cape for half off!

Day six: got up early with Matt to help him get out the door for work. Also, our check engine light came on – Roxanne (our 2013 Suzuki Swift Diesel) needed her 30,000 km checkup and Matt took her in for servicing. I so appreciate him! I spent the morning in the bath, had lunch by myself, and went lingerie shopping. So much fun! I had help from a very chic French woman who must have brought me 50 things to try on. Afterward I was so tired I needed a coffee. Met my lovely friend Nina at the History of Paris museum, and afterward had mint tea and falafel plates in the Marais neighborhood. Attended he start of the conference, then home to Matt and a glass of red wine at the hotel.

Day seven: all day conference- It was fantastic. Afterward I met Matt at our favorite bookstore in Paris – Shakespeare & Company – where I bought my dad something special for Christmas and also got myself a book on Parisian street fashion. Wandered the streets again hand in hand with Matt. It was Halloween on Saturday night in Paris and there were lots of people out and about in costume. Had dinner together and shared a bottle of red wine (Côte du Rhone, one of our favorites). I ordered a rump steak and fries. Matt ordered a Caesar salad. My jaw dropped. My husband is trying to eat more healthfully and I’m super proud of him. I’m also marveling over the fact that we as people can change over time and together. Matt and I will celebrate 9 years of marriage next week. When we met I didn’t eat steak (or drink wine, or coffee!) and he sure didn’t order salad. Fell asleep reading my book on Parisian street fashion. A very long and wonderful day.

Mt: I spent the day working in Paris and lugged around a bag full of crap from appointment to appointment all day. I dumped it out when I got back to the hotel and decided I have what professional organizers term professionally as “A lot of shit.”

iPhone, cord and euro-plug, city/metro map, funny book to read while on the metro, sunglasses, regular glasses, glass cloth and case, REWE fountain pen (green ink), Lamy fountain pen (brown ink), Sennhiezer headphones and pouch, Faber ‘Perfect Pencil’, passport with 55€ stuck inside, gumX2, pocket knife, pipe, tobacco pouch, matches, two tins of tobacco (actually picked up for a buddy) Rhodia notebook, accordion receipt organizer (it was a work trip and I have to turn in an expense report), used Metro tickets, and a tote bag I got with my Monocle Magazine subscription to put it all in. None of this counts my keys, work computer, wedding ring, wrist immobilizer (broken wrist 3+ weeks ago), watch, hat, and coat….

Jesus, it is like I carry fucking hipster Bug Out Bag everywhere I go!!!

Farewell to France tour – day nine
Woke up in the footprint of the Château de Chambord (which we could see from our hotel room yesterday by opening the window and hanging out of it.) This morning the fog had rolled in and the castle was shrouded in mist. Pretty cool! It’s still surrounded by wild lands (and acts as the largest game sanctuary in Europe) and it’s easy to imagine what it was like when Francis I used it as a hunting lodge. After breakfast we drove an hour down the Loire to Amboise and toured two châteaux. First stop was the Château d’Amboise where Francis I was born, and Leonardo da Vinci is buried in a sweet little Chapel. We also went to the smaller Château de Clos Lucé where da Vinci lived and spent the last years of his life. Lots of cool things were seen – pictures to follow. And perhaps even cooler – our Airbnb down the street from both châteaux happens to be in a troglodyte cave in the side of the hill that the Château d’Amboise is built upon. It’s a stunning little studio apartment. Photos to follow as well!

Farewell to France tour – day ten
Woke up, all snuggled up in our troglodyte cave, and didn’t wanna get up! But it was our anniversary, and we had a full day planned. First we went to a lovely little breakfast at the patisserie/chocolatier recommended by our Airbnb owner. I had an “omelette natur” and the best coffee I have perhaps ever had in France. As I travel I have taken to drinking it black with a lump of sugar, since I am lactose- intolerant and it’s inconvenient to carry my own milk for 12 days. (Okay so I did for the first few but then I threw it out.) I also avoid gluten and have carried my own bread. Matt ate a croissant that he said was to die for. It was really tempting! But I enjoyed my omelet and coffee, and bought a chocolate bar on the way out. The shop has been open over 100 years and was started by the owner’s grandfather.

Next stop was the gorgeous Château du Chenoncheau. It deserves a post all of its own, so I will save that for another day. But I’ll just say, for all the castles we have seen over the past week, it was by far our favorite. Guess we saved best for last! We had a beautiful anniversary lunch in the former orangerie on the property, complete with local wine of course. Then we got on the road to complete the final long haul of our trip, since we had a reservation at a hotel in St Emilion that night.
After checking in, we walked across the street and had a fabulous meal at a little resto called L’Alcove, which I had bookmarked on yelp as a possibility for dinner having no idea it was across the street. The local red wine was of course fantastic – we ordered a Demi bottle of 2005 St Emilion. Our steak was melt in your mouth. Pictures of course. Soon.

Mt: The next couple of days were spent wine touring and shipping. In addition to shopping for us, we also picked up some wine for some family and friends back in the US. Notice how low the car is riding in the picture below? It was due to the 8+ cases of wine stacked to the roof. We overloaded the rating on the suspension by 15kilos or 33ish pounds according to our car’s info book. Also notice how happy my wife is in the front seat. It really was a fine couple of days and I cannot imagine the village of St. Emilion and the surrounding vineyards and prettier than when we were there: the leave of the vines were all turning orange and fire-red, there was a complete lack or tourists overrunning everything. The temperature and sunshine were as perfect as one couple ever hope for. Really a magical trip.

Wood Lathe for sale in Cornebarrieu – SOLD

November 7, 2015 / Matt Talley / 1 Comment

The move is ON! we have two weeks until the packers and movers get here and Stamps-With-Foot and I spent the morning and part of the afternoon going through stuff and listing stuff for sale the largest of which is my lathe. It hurts me a little to see it go, but I know that a huge old gap-bed lathe waits patiently for me in Seattle.

Below is the add that my wife is posting on the local English-speaking forums here in the Toulouse area:

FAR TOOL TBF 1000 Wood Lathe for sale in Cornebarrieu:

I bought this lathe brand new from a local shop 18 months ago. Since it came unassembled, I reinforced the standard steel base with additional shelving, cross-braces to remove any possible flex. I then sheathed three sides for extra rigidity and added a strong bottom platform for ballast. I have turned everything from honey dippers, to bowls (large, small, & huge), stools from tree trunks, stair balusters, platters, furniture feet, tiny wooden and acrylic ornaments, lids, etc. It has been a great lathe and has NO PROBLEMS or “small issues.” The bearing are true and tight and there is ZERO rust on the ways/bed. This lathe is in perfect shape and the only reason I am parting with it is because we are moving back to the US and the power there will not work with the lathe’s 240/50Hz motor.

Here are the details and specs as well as a couple of links to shops that sell it:

Cast iron variable speed lathe features a 360 degree swivel headstock.
Solid cast iron headstock and lathe bed construction.
Extra bed extension for outboard turning.
Speed is fully variable between 450 – 2100 rpm.
Weighs ~120 kilos
300mm width capacity over bed and 900mm between centers.
Have turned 600mm platters with headstock swiveled 90 degrees
550W enclosed fan-cooled motor
hollow self-ejecting tailstock with #2MT
Cast iron offset tool rest and extension arm
Head Stock has MT2 Taper and 25.4mm (1:8TPI threading – industry standard for lathes this size – easy to find chucks and accessories
Includes reinforced/enclosed steel base, added powerstrip for lights and hand sanders, a 4-prong drive centre, bowl/platter faceplate, live tail center, 4 wrenches, knockout-bar, shop-made stead rest.

It will be perfect for your garage or shop or for your partner’s Christmas present since it is ready to work and you just have to plug it is. I paid 520 Euros for this lathe 18 months ago and it currently lists for 550 – 745 Euro depending on the shop. I am asking 375 Euro. Please give me a call if you have any questions and the lathe is available for demo if you would like.

UPDATE:

I sold the lathe to a nice English gent, who got a smoking deal. I helped him take it all apart and put it in his car. The rear springs were seriously loaded, but he looked happy as he pulled out of our drive.

My Village is getting a make over.

October 7, 2015 / Matt Talley / 4 Comments

One of the issues we have had during our time in France is that our village has huge potential, but all the little shops and cafes dried up and left. we have to get in the car and drive one or two villages over or into Toulouse to get almost anything. I have stood on my soapbox and bitched about it more than once. Karma, it seems, has a sense of humor…

Just as we leave, a huge new shopping facility is being completed near the main Village traffic circle. Every-time we drive by, there is something new and awesome going in and I start cussing. Here is a short list of the shops that are opening JUST as we leave France:

Picard: It is like a whole store worth of stuff from the Trader Joe’s frozen food section.
Cheese shop that promises artisanal cow, sheep and goat goodness.
A wine shop that is the French version of BevMo with a climate controlled cave in the store where they sell “The Good Stuff”
An organic grocery store
A bakery that has been woo-ed from another village that happens to be a national medal winning pâtisserie and boulangerie. Dammit!!
A real sushi restaurant that will serve both sashimi and maki.
A real gym, with squat towers, benches, weights, machines, etc…

I swear to the GoT gods, old and new, that if I drive by and there is a tool shop with chisels and planes in the window I loose my mind! I am really glad all this is opening, but why now?1 Why did it all have to wait till we were leaving? to make us have second thoughts about moving home to Seattle?

A Modern Wedding Arch Build

September 7, 2015 / Matt Talley / 2 Comments

My Brother-in-law and his then fiancé decided early this year that they would visit us in France and while here have a little wedding… Stamps-With-Foot freaked out and turned on the ‘Big-Sister Action Mode’ setting on her internal processor. She quickly organized the shipping logistics, helped with transportation, found lodging for all, located a restaurant for the reception, sourced champagne and wine, etc… I had two jobs. 1. Make sure the yard was a perfect/green as possible. 2. The wedding arch. It was implied that fvcking up either would have dire consequences.

I sketched a bunch of ideas up in my notebook and talked to the bride a little about her ideas and wants over Skype and e-mail. I had planned on doing a big natural arch with the pruned limbs of 70-100 apple and plum trees, but my source burned the branches before I could get to them. I went with Plan B and drew up a modern interpretation of a classic white wedding arch. The bride said ‘go’ and it was on.

The arch is made from 4 meter (13.14’) X 1.25”X1.25” pine sticks that I sourced at the local lumber yard. They are sold for fencing trim and to cut foundation stakes from. I painted each with two coats of white paint and the bottom is held together with 10mm all-thread. The top is screwed one stick to another – everything is pre-drilled.

All was finished one day before the ceremony with the bride’s brother, cousin and sister helped out with the final painting (taking turns with the one roller) and installation. I really couldn’t finished in time without their help and support.

The bride and groom seemed very happy with the work and allowed me to even officiate their wedding. Honored does not even begin to describe my feelings about being included in this way. It was my first time getting to use my Ordained Minister credentials and I am SO adding wedding officiate to my resume! I will add some pictures and wedding details later – after the bride has had a chance to flood her social media accounts with pictures to her little heart’s content. Out-doing of being faster than the bride to share “her day” with the world would be bad juju…

As you can see from the pictures – I succeeded in Job 1 as well: Greenest yard in Toulouse:-)

Updated Materials list and build instructions:

Material:
2 – 3/8”X3’ sections of “all-thread” (Home Depot or Lowes)
4 – 3/8” nuts
4 – 3/8” washers
40-45 – 1”X1”X12’ garden stakes/lathe
These can be substituted by ripping down 2X6 or 2×8 boards on a table saw. The finished stakes will be 1.5”X1”
100ish 1.5” deck screws
White paint with primer

Tools:
Two saw horses or cinder blocks
Paint brush
Hand saw or circle saw
4 – hand clamps
hammer
Two battery drills
Socket set
Combination wrench set
½” drill bit
1/8” Drill bit for pilot holes
Two helpers that have not started drinking or toking

Directions:
1. Check with the bride and get her sign off before any purchase of build is started.
2. After acquiring your stakes or making them, leave them bundled or tie them with packing string. If you removed them from the bundle before assemble, they are likely to warp.
3. Paint all available sides with thick coat of white paint
4. Put on second thick coat
a. You can let you helpers do this and it does not have to be a sober day project. It is better if they are altered. They will paint each other. It will happen.
5. Let paint dry overnight and out of the weather
6. Cut the bundle, retie the stakes with packing string with the unpainted side out.
7. Drill ½” hole in the bottoms of all the stakes about 1/2” from the bottom and on the centerline.
8. Measure up from the top of that hole ½ to 1” and cut what are now your spacer blocks off.
9. Drill ½” hole in the new bottoms of all the stakes about 1/2” from the bottom and on the centerline. Or you can drill both holes in all your stakes at the same time and cut between them.
10. Figure out the spacing of the “floor” of you arch by standing bride, groom and officiate up and seeing what that width is.
11. Add 18”-24” on each side. 10’ is great normally, but you decide.
12. Move all material and tools to the spot where the arch will be erected.
13. Mark out you width on a spate stake and place it in your desired location.
14. Double check with the bride if this is what she wants.
15. Cut your now fully painted bundles
16. Lay you first two sections and have them cross with 6-10” left at the top.
17. Clamp the bottoms to the stake, leaving the ½” hole uncovered.
18. Check the top again and if correct, drill a pilot hole in the top over-lapping stake.
a. This is super important! ALL screw holes must be pre drilled or you will split the wood.
b. This will piss the bride off and you will have a bad day.
19. Insert the all-tread into the bottom hole and put the washer on from the front (under), followed by the nut. Just tighten till the threads are covered on the end.
a. Have one of you sober helpers hold this all-thread until the 5th or 6th course of stakes are laid. If not, then you will split the stakes at the bottom and the bride will find out. You will get into trouble.
20. Slide a spacer block on after each stake is put on.
21. With your sober helpers holding the All-thread, lower another stake into place.
22. You will want to lower both ends at the same time or something will crack.
23. Move to the peak and space the second set.
a. I used a scrap bit of stake so that I would have 1” stakes and 1” spacing between, but if I had to do it again, I would use a 1+1/2” block (skinny part of a 2X4) as the spacer. It makes for a more dramatic fan when done.
24. Drill pilot hold and repeat step 17 – 22 until you have about ½” left on the end of the all thread.
25. Assembly is easier from inside the arch.
26. At some point your sober helpers will start looking for a cooler or a lighter. Do not let them wander off. Trust me.
27. Put on your next par of washers and nuts and hand tighten.
28. Use second set of hand clamps to put another stake across the bottom of the back of the arch. This and the one on front will be removed after you stand it up, but they will help keep everything ridged until it is up.
29. Cut four 18-24” sections of a spare stake and either have a still sober helper sharpen the end (the proper instruction is “like a Vampire stake…”) or you can cut it at an angle with a hand saw
30. Now with all available help stand the arch up, gently.
31. Have the bride sign off on the build and location. Not the bride’s mother. The lady in white herself. Seriously.
32. After you have the OK, then carefully insert a “vampire stake” between two stakes and hammer it into the ground until there is 2” sticking up above the side of the arch.
a. Don’t screw this up and hit the arch with the hammer. You might break something and then you will have to go into witness protection or move to Bulgaria.
33. Predrill a hole in the stake and arch and attach the two.
34. Do this on all four corners.
35. Remove the clamped on temporary bottom sections.
36. You may now release the helpers to become a chemically altered as they so desire.
37. Touch up any or the missing paint from the cords or the assembly.
38. Bask in glory of your accomplishment with a cold malted beverage.

I NEED a Lister Diesel Engine

September 5, 2015 / Matt Talley / 2 Comments

I have a big ol’ crush in Lister single-cylinder diesel engines. These stationary work horses were made from 1926 to about 1985 and were used for pumping water, power generation, inboard flat-water boat engines, and all manner of other uses. They came in 1.5-12 horsepower and would/will burn Diesel, paraffin, kerosene (as a mix), waste motor oil (WMO) fresh or waste veggie oil (WVO), bio Diesel, etc… They were and are so reliable that many of the originals are still running today after 90+ years of just regular maintenance.

After the parent company stopped making them, Indian firms started making clones for Asian and Southeast Asian use due to their inherent long life, simplicity, and ease of maintenance. These are called Listeriods, and they are fairly plentiful, but the quality swings widely.

Why do I want or need a Lister? Reasons. Why did I need a Millennium Falcon in the second grade? Why did I need all those Legos? I just did. Just like I just need a small Lister (or two) in my garage to tinker with and run various other machines that I just need as well.

I have been thwarted in my attempt while living in the US due to EPA regulations making importation verboten. There are some, both original and clones, around, but they command top dollar as they are VERY popular with the off-grid/prepper folks. I like “The Grid” just fine. I am not building a bunker, planning for any sort of societal collapse or EMP weapon defense, I just need a Lister.

I have found a couple here in France, but either the owner has been unwilling to sell or the logistics in getting it have proved difficult – hauling it 30 vertical feet up and 2km down a mountain path sort of daunting. I still haven’t given up. We know a British couple that have been here long term and the husband is a classic car/truck guy – he has a 1962 Unimog fire truck as a daily driver… I spoke to him this weekend about my need and he might know a guy who knows a guy sort of thing. I have my fingers crossed.

Enjoy a few videos of Listers in action below:

10/7/2015 Update

So, I found an engine here in France that was the right size and type, with an outstanding price tag – basically free. But, there is NO way I can bring it back to the US with me. We are bringing home Wine and other stuff that are customs red flags and they are going to go through our shipment container with a microscope. I think I might have a way to get an Indian import once we are back in Seattle, so I will deal with it there.

Leaving France

September 1, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

We have an official date for our move from France and back to Seattle. It is on paper and everything. Stamps-With-Foot and I will be in back in the Emerald City just in time to celebrate Christmas.

Life in France has been amazing:

The weather
Wine
Castles
The amazing food
Our friends here
Our house in the country
The big yard
Our Diesel-fueled car
Cheese, glorious cheese
Paris
Cheap internet
Free world-wide long distance
Crazy cheap prescription meds
The used furniture shops
Walks in the farm fields with the puppies
The different kinds of honey
Always a sign pointing to the next village or spots of interest
Our neighbors

Stuff We will not miss:

The Strikes
The August Shutdown
Early shop hours
The entire city/country closed on Sundays
The other neighbors and their dogs

The Bees in Our Back Garden – 2015

August 24, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

The lavender is in full bloom in our backyard. Last year I counted five different types of bees that visited it during the late summer. So far, I have counted seven different types, but I think one might be a type of yellow jacket. I looked online, but it is inconclusive. I went full-nerd and ordered a couple of books: Bees of the World by Mitchner and Bees of N. America (Princeton Guide). I will take some more pictures and see how many types I can find every couple of weeks. As a side note: I often wonder given my nerdiness how I have both managed to procreate with the female of our species and how I have a wife that is so damn adorable…

Blanket Chest Rebuild

August 21, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Early last year, Stamps-With-Foot and I bought a few pieces of furniture from an English couple moving out of France. One of the pieces was a pine drawer-front blanket chest that someone in the UK had built in their garage out of decking material. It was constructed with dovetails, screws, and lots of glue, so it was a stout little piece and for $50, I couldn’t pass it up. The finish was originally 1980’s fabulous stain and it was semi-sloppily finished with a brushed on polyurethane topcoat, but all and all not so bad as to ruin the chest. Just right for a little refinishing.

It sat in the house for a year or so, covered with a runner, before I dragged it into the GROP and tore into it. I cut the funky curved feature off the base, added some corner reinforcement, re-worked the drawer slides, removed the fat awkward drawer knobs, turned and added bun feet to the front, and installed square feet on the rear (going for the 17th century Furniture of Necessity look). I sanded the whole thing down to remove some of the gloppy poly and painted it with an undercoat of red and an overcoat of flat black – also period appropriate. When the top coat gets a ding, the red shows through. I have a number of chairs and other chests done in the same manner. I added brushed antiqued solid brass handles and called it done.

The chest now sits behind the couch, near the door for the back garden and holds a couple blankets for TV watching comfort and two cotton hammocks for lounging the yard.

Musée du bois et de la Marqueterie in Revel, France

June 9, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Last summer My Father-in-law, my son, and I made a road trip to the Musée du bois et de la Marqueterie (Museum of Wood and Marquetry) in Revel, France (about an hour from our house if you don’t get lost or almost run out of gas…). The town is one of the noted centers of high quality furniture production and has historically specialized in wood marquetry. It goes back to 1888, when Alexandre Monoury – a master cabinetmaker – left the workshops of Versailles and settled in Revel. Under his influence, several workshops were set up there and many of those origional shops are still going strong today.

The museum highlights the work of the area, new and old, and we spent a couple of hours marveling at the tools, example pieces and shear artistry of furniture, sculptures and marquetry examples on the second floor of the facility.

As a note – this part of France is stunning with sunflower and wheat fields(the Tour du France rides through or by every year) and the town has an stunning 13th century market square and a beautiful central market hall with a quadrangle of historic buildings around it that are home to restaurants, a fabulous bakery/pastry shop and antique shops.

Road Trip through Provence – June 2015

June 1, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Our time in France is not forever and we are more than halfway through our stay here and have begun the logistics discussion for our return to the US: What goes and what stays, where we will live, timing, etc…

Since we are on the downhill slope, my wife and I have decided to get busy seeing the parts of France that we have put off visiting thus far. So, this past weekend we went on a “must see” tour of Provence: Arles, Avignon, wineries, food, ruins, castles, sights, sounds, sunshine, oh my…

Below is a short list of accomplishments and pictures from the weekend:

Toured the coliseum in Arles (20th largest in all of the Roman Empire)
Visit to the Arles amphitheater
Walked in the footsteps of Van Gogh
5 museums
4 churches
A fantastic Air B&B in Avignon
Tour of the Pope’s Palace in Avignon
Pictures galore
Drive to the wine region and village of Châteauneuf-du-Pape
Winery tours
Wine consumed and purchased
I may have taken some rocks from the fields…
Visit to the Point du Gard (tallest aqueduct in the Roman world)
4-hour mad dash home and restful sleep.

Apartment Therapy didn’t want what we got…

May 27, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

We sort of have a Wood-Craft/Bohemian/Bookworm thing going for our living room, den, and dining room decor at our place in France. Stamps-With-Foot just sort of let me go and only said no to the anvil for a sofa table idea. She hasn’t just sat on the chaise lounge and popping bon-bons in her mouth – all the curtains in the whole house are here doing and the flowers that seem to be magically refreshed every few days is all her as well. Everyone that we have had over loves it and one guest said: “It is so lovely that your company provides you with a professionally decorated home…” I was a little taken aback; embarrassed and proud at the same time.

The wooden extension ladder bookshelf was my first project after we moved here and I have sort of built around that, adding a few pieces: a workbench turned into a buffet/TV table, the lathe book shelf, an assortment of Moroccan and Turkish rugs, an antique or two, a few unique bits & bobbles, some paintings, a chest or two, a small bench, etc…

The rest of the place isn’t too shabby either with a dedicated sewing room for my wife, a 1000+ lending library that we house and run, a great shop space, my office that is plywood-modern, a guest room out of the 1930’s with all sorts of girly pretty things (also my wife’s touch). Our bedroom is all dark wood, yellow curtains with sage green accents, and my son’s room/other guest room is bright and happy. The quiet and secluded backyard has an outdoor dining area and grill, fluffy green grass, lots of flowers, and a shady spot for my hammock – the puppies are in heaven out there!

My ego got the best of me and I snapped off a couple of shots and sent them into Apartment Therapy, knowing that the site admin would go nuts for our place… nope, no response. Fine, I get it. I don’t NEED their validation, but I wouldn’t have kicked it out of bed either… Instead, I will post my non-professional, non-posed (except the one of us and the puppies), snapshots of our house near Toulouse here as a tincture for my ego. In the end, my wife loves it, which matters the most and one needs a happy wife if one wants a happy life.

A visit to the Museum du Augustine’s in Toulouse

May 23, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

La Museum du Augustine’s in Toulouse, France is a former convent that is France’s second oldest museum and full of art and sculpture. The cloister garden in both beautiful and peaceful in the spring and summer. Below are a few pictures taken from a recent visit.

Lectern rebuild and re-thinking the plan

May 22, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Early last year, I picked up an antique copyist’s lectern (the top part only) that originated in a French Abby. The lectern was riddled with worm holes, a couple pieces were missing, and there was some damage to repair, but the first thing was to make it bug free so not to infect all our other furniture with wood worm. The thing spent a couple of months in a plastic bag full of insecticide and chemicals that makes for square babies. According to the interwebs two months bathing in said concoction would make the piece safe to bring out see the light of day again, so after fumigation, it sat in our living-room as decoration for 12 months before I started the rebuild in earnest.

Initially, I sketched up a few column profiles in my ubiquitous little black notebook and settled on a somewhat simple design that matched the overall style and period of the piece. Next, I spent a little time one Sunday turning a new pedestal out of beech scraps from my workbench build. I glued them all up into a single 5″ X 5″ x 32″ hunk of wood. I then measured and turned matching intermediate supports from a scrap oak rolling pin with curves to match the column. A couple of weeks later, I used the last of the beech scrap and turned the pedestal base, which ended up 16″ in diameter and 3″ tall.

After gluing it all together, applying matching stain, and putting 4 coats of polyurethane on the base, it was time to start on the lectern top. All was going to plan right up to the moment that I removed a damaged shelf and saw what looked to be fresh wood damage… In one of the joints there was a small white bug larvae… Son of a bitch… I immediately put plastic on my bench top and took apart another joint. I found more LIVING wood worm. I started picking at the capped holes here and there and more worm… Shit!!! I wrapped it up in a trash bag and out to the street it went. It would seem that my lethal chemical treatment wasn’t that lethal. Just REALLY, REALLY happy that the hatch hadn’t started and that my house was no full of bugs that would lay word worm eggs all over our other furniture. I took pictures and measurements and I am now planning on building a copy of the top over the next month or so and I will post the finished product here when I am done and it is installed in the living room.

Old iron is the best

May 21, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

I am too stupid to own a motorcycle. Really. I have been on one bike or another since I was 5 , when i first sat on a 50cc Honda dirt bike and my last one was a beautiful 900cc rocket. I have all sorts of stories about crashes and near misses, a few scars, a broken wrist and foot from my early riding years. I decided that most of my injuries and near-death experiences on a bike were completely my fault and that unless I wanted to be an early organ donor I had to give them up, so after the birth of my daughter, I sold my last bike and other than a dalliance with rebuilding a duel-sport on my balcony in 2004, I have been able to resist the pull of two wheels. Then, minding my own business, I walk into something like the pair shown below:

Went to local pizza shop for dinner last week and what is sitting outside? Two vintage bikes, both old single cylinder French Motobecanes – the single-seater with the white helmet is a 1950 and the double-seater with the gas can on front is a 1952. Talked to the two guys riding them and the bikes are barn finds bike that they pulled out and got running this morning. Super jealous!!!! There were cobwebs and barn dust still on them. Take gander at the old plates! These babies make me want an old bike to tinker with, ride, rebuild, ride, cuss, work on, ride, love, ect… Now, I need another project/hobby like I need a hole in my head, but the pull of the Dark Side is SO strong!

Kitchen Island – Update

May 20, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

It has been almost a year since I built (with help from The Ruminator) Stamps-With-Foot a kitchen island and she has loved it (so I am told) and used the bejesus out of it. I made a couple of additions and there are a a few observations:

The wood I used as the base platform shelf was REALLY wet and I put 1/16″ spacing between the boards. WAY too much. I should have wedged them in as tight as possible because they have shrunk and now I have 1/8 gaps in a couple of places. No big deal since it is tongue and groove, but I don’t like spacing that large.
I installed an Arkansas Razorbacks bottle opener on one of the legs. It was required.
I had used a hunk of cherry tree trunk/firewood and turned it down as a lid/plug for the scrap hole. I turned it too large since it was really wet and was bound to shrink/warp/crack. My best guess is that it is done moving, so I put it back on the lathe and turned it down to size and changed the profile a little.
The rolling pin is a great towel holder, but I should have/need to stop it from rolling – the towel slips off and onto the floor occasionally.
I also originally finished the plug with walnut oil, but it gets handled a lot by wet hands and I had to oil it every couple of weeks. This time I finished it with 3 coats outdoor polyurethane and then added a coat of wax.

My workbench is DONE!!

May 6, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

I am about a month late in posting this – life and my J-O-B got in the way – but the Cornebarrieu Bench is done. Completely done! All bells and whistles added. It seems like it took me forever, but it fits perfectly in the shop and I started using the bench even before it was finished. I am very happy with the outcome and am currently working on projects that have been piling up all winter. Just in case you haven’t been following along for the past year and a half or so:

My GROP (garage and shop combo) in Seattle was too small for a proper joiner’s bench. I made due with a slim, high, wall-mounted work counter, a bolted on machinist-vise, Quick Clamps, and the top of my table saw. It worked – mostly/sort of – but was a pain in the ass a good bit of the time: I never once planed a board on a stable, solid surface. My GROP here in France is roughly the same size as the one in Seattle, but is absent the huge cast iron machines and saws. I have some room to move and finally have the space for a big, heavy, proper work bench as well as some time to build one – or so I thought.

It is an amalgamation of benches by M. Roubo, Roy Underhill, Chris Schwartz, and Bill Schenher. I am calling it the “Cornebarrieu Bench” after the small village in southern France where we live, where the lumber has been sourced, and where the bench was made and first used.

For anyone interested, here is a documented build process, build notes, and step by step guide – 115 steps – to build this beast.

Stuff My Wife Says:

May 4, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

My wife, Stamps-With-Foot, has a normally dry sense of humor and sometimes she is unintentionally hilarious. Other times I am shocked at some of the stuff that her brain comes up with that her sweet innocent little mouth then utters. I have been recording a few of them lately and the choicest pearls are below.

We bought a chocolate tart from a local patisserie on our way into town one afternoon. It was dairy free, gluten free, and egg free. After tasting it, my sweet tiny wife said, “What the fuck is this thing made of, unicorn tears?!”
She mixed the old and new high-priced boogie dog food together – three different flavors. The dogs refuse to touch it, so my wife has spent a fine portion of her evening sitting on the kitchen floor in her PJs sorting the kibble cussing and snarling about the “fucking spoiled-ass monsters” …and yet she went on doing it…
While at the Musee du Picasso, we walk by a surrealist blue woman reclining. My wife stopped and said, “I don’t really like it, but something draws you to the center of the painting.” I said half-joking, “Probably the huge anus in the middle.” and she shook her head knowingly and said nonchalantly, “Yes, that is probably it…”
At dinner the other night, my wife looked down at a not cheap glass of red wine and said softly, “Why can’t I quit you?!” she then took a sip. I think she was mentally calculating how much each taste cost.
My bride is a visual person: she has to see something real time to make a decision. This means that I often have to move a piece of furniture 5ish times before she decides to put it back in the original place. While doing this dance recently over a new piece of furniture, I sketched up the room and all the associated furnishings in MSVisio and she tried every possible combination. There was a plan. She had made a decision. When the day came to start moving that plan melted away like it never existed. Before we even started I mentioned my thoughts on correct placement, but she needed to “See” it. After moving it around and around in real-life a few times, she decided to put it the piece in the EXACT spot that I had pointed out initially. I uttered an under-toned ‘told you so…’ and she got all wide-eyed, stamped her foot, raised her voice and said, “You know I am a bad listener!”
Anytime that my sweet wife cannot remember the name of a town or a village, she calls it Hogsmeade. It doesn’t matter what country we are in or what historical significance that the place may have, if she can’t remember then it is her shorthand name, but I thought it was just kind of our own private nerdy joke. Nope. We had lunch in a small hamlet at the bottom of a glorious castle in Bavaria and in the accounting software we use she labeled it as “Lunch in Hogsmeade.” I almost want to be audited just so that I can show them that particular entry…
We were in discussion to add a dining room addition in our place in Seattle. Stamp-With-Foot has wanted a chandelier for years and said her only request was that we install one over the table. I jokingly said that “I didn’t get the memo for that” and it “…wouldn’t be possible unless the change notice request was submitted in writing.” She walked over to the whiteboard in my office and wrote in cute bubbly script: MEMO: Motherfukin’ Chandelier and then said, “Now you have it in writing.”

Puppies

April 5, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

I have gotten a few comments and questions about our puppies, so here is the lowdown:

Brodie is our 8 year old male that is 1/2 French Bulldog and 1/2 Boston Terrier. He is a rescue that was once deemed by a shelter as “unadoptable.” NW Bulldog Haven stepped in and made sure that he got medical help for an eye issue and he found his forever home with us 6.5 years ago. When we fist adopted Brodie, he had leash aggression issues and DID NOT play well with others. There were beat downs, bloody lips, flying fur, and all out brawls with much larger dogs. We have spent years socializing him so that he could have puppy-friends or siblings and he is so much better than he was when he first came home. He is an awesome dog. He is smart and obedient and loves Stamps-With-Foot like the Pope love Jesus. He likes me fine and we are super-buddies when my wife is out of town for a day or two, but prefers her company and ignores me the very second her car pulls up. I am sure that he now views me as his combination butler/chauffeur. We brought him to France with us and he loves it here – I think it is the duck breast, nibbles of cheese, and foie gras that he gets under the table.

After all the work socializing Brodie we decided that he was finally ready for a full time buddy. Right at exactly that same moment we found Truffle.

Truffle is a full-blooded and pedigreed French Bulldog with a brindle coat and a cute under-bite. While surfing the local chat group for a specific piece of furniture, I saw an add posted in French about a female French bulldog puppy that was being re-homed due to an allergy in her family (we decided later that was crap and someone got a “fashionable” dog and had no idea how to train or care for a Frenchie…). She and Brodie immediately got along, though she is a bit of the annoying little sister. She was a year old in July and is still very much a puppy. There have been a few issues: potty training, diet, her delicate digestive system, some minor health issues, etc…, but we have 99% of it worked out. We did, however, make the decision to take her out of the gene-pool and we had her spayed. Frenchies as a breed have a LOT of issues and if we breed her, then we would be perpetuating the problems.

She is SO sweet and lovable, but she is not a puppy-rocket scientist. She was gifted with beauty and personality instead. Truffle wants nothing in this world but to sit beside one of us all day or it is even better if she can touch both of us at the same time: Her self-assigned spot in the bed is between the two of us at shoulder level. She “helps” my wife put on makeup, is there to “assist” in making the bed or folding cloths. She NEEDS to come into the shop with me, but isn’t allowed because she eats wood shavings. Truffle looks so sad standing at the door looking at me in the shop and the second my head is turned, will sneak in.

Below is a photo dump of both puppies just being themselves.

Museum of the History of Paris – a MUST see

March 25, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

The Musee Carnavalet (The History of Paris Museum) is a hidden gem! It is off the normal well-beaten tourist path and within walking distance from St. Eustace Church and the Picasso Museam. It is full of treasures including an entire Alfonse Mucha designed jewelry store – see pictures below. It made me feel all funny inside when my wife drug me there. She tried to get me to go with her this summer , but I wanted to do something else that now escaes me. I should have listened to her. There are 100+ rooms of paintings and sculpture, models, furniture, and good stuff to gawk at.

Set in a series of old Parisian town homes and Orangeries that are all put together with walkways and joined gardens. One of the cooler aspects is that you wander through re-creations of rooms from the French Revolution to the Paris Commune, and enter into the private spaces of famous Parisians like Marcel Proust’s bedroom with his brass bed and his little table covered in pens, ink, and notebooks. As I said, I was drug here the first time, but it is on my list to visit now even if I am in the city alone for a few hours. It was not too crowded at all and the gardens are a really nice place to sit in and catch up on your travel journal entries. Did I mention that the admission is free?!

Matt Talley’s Quick and Dirty Guide to Paris

March 19, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

I get asked all the time (friends, colleagues, family, friends of friends, some girl on the interwebs who read a post on this site, Instagram, or Tumblr…) about a visit to Paris. Logistics: where to stay, what should they do or see in 3-5 days, what should they avoid… I have written 8 e-mails about the subject in the last 6 months alone. I have been to Paris maybe 30 times in the last 15 years, no joke, and have been to all of the sites that you can think of. I am not an expert, but I do have some experience to share that might be helpful. I decided to collect all my “wisdom” and opinions in one document and just put it out there. So, here is Matt Talley’s Quick and Dirty Guide to Paris.

A visit to the Musee Picasso and a little advice

March 18, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

I was never a huge Picasso fan. I love a couple of his pieces – mostly his stuff from Paris in the 1904 era and some additional pieces from the Early 1920’s. We have a print of Blue Nude hanging over our bed and I have a small print of El hombre da la Mancha in the upstairs bathroom, but I don’t really enjoy his sculpture of cubist paintings. Who am I though? My opinion about Picasso’s work matters very little to anyone but me.

All that said, the Picasso Museum in Paris is a must see for modern art fans. It is a couple of hours well spent with a few nice sidewalk cafes nearby. It has just reopened after a multi-year re-build (millions over budget) and it was on our planned tour of Paris this time around. After standing a a very long line, Stamps-With-Foot and I walked the galleries and I saw a couple of pieces that I had never seen before that I really enjoyed and I liked the new building itself almost as much as the art. Take a lesson from us: buy your tickets in advance though and the best way to do this is on the museum website. I will say this again: buy.your.tickets.in.advance. If you fail to heed my advice you will stand in line for 1.5-3 hours.

Art Nouveau Desks and Furniture at the Musee d’Orsay

March 17, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

We were recently in Paris and we had 4 hours to kill before our train left for Toulouse. We decided on a visit to the Musse de Orsay. Excuse me while I mount my soapbox: If you go to one museum in Paris, let it be this one. Go early, get the audio tour and plan on a half day. It is full of impressionists: Monet, Manet, Corbiers, Toulouse Letrec, Van Gogh, etc… the sculptures are breathtaking – on pare or better than those found in Florence or in the Vatican. Dismount soapbox.

We concentrated this visit on a couple of painting rooms and the Art Nouveau furnishings collections. I have a serious weakness for fine furniture. It is genetic – both side of the family. I have been to the exhibit before, but I wanted some quality time with it and my wife happily agreed. The downside to any visit is that whenever we go and Stamps-With-Foot sees anything remotely Art Nouveau related, she is almost unbearable for an entire day: “PLEASE build me a bed like that!?” “Can we PLEASE have a door just like that…?” The collection is on the second floor on the left, directly opposite of the Seurat gallery – an artist near to my brother-in-law’s heart.

From the photos below, I WISH I had the time and skill to do the little chest with the linen-fold drawer fronts and the carved mice pulls.

New stools from an oak tree

March 2, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

This weekend I finished up a “little” lathe project I started in early February – I made a couple of stools out of a hunk of oak tree that was cut after a storm in our village. They are about 15.5″ (39cm) tall and 10″ (26cm) around and getting it that way pushed my Chinese lathe to its absolute max. It walked all over the floor when I first started it up – hence the kettle bells thrown on the middle shelf to add mass. It super did not like the out of balance logs. It would have been fine at a slower speed, but the slowest my lathe goes is 400 RPM and that is too fast for this size project. I managed, but there was lots of starting and stopping.

I really like both how the turned out and how comfy they are to sit on – just the right height for a quick stop-and-rest. I will add bow-tie joint if needed as they dry out and split, maybe out of some walnut that I have. They will make a nice addition to my home office.

Used my workbench today!

March 1, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Today was the official first use of my workbench. I used it as a work table to lay out the shape of the leg vise, I cut the dados for the tail vise, cleaned them with a chisel, and after spreading plastic used the bench top as a glue-up table for the vice pieces. I had enough room at the other end of the bench to put together a French-cleat mounted battery drill organizer that I cut the parts out for yesterday afternoon. I have trouble staying with one project and do 3-5 at a time. It makes my wife crazy.

The bench top height is perfect and I am super stoked to have a real workbench here in France. I can finally get down to serious business and make some moldings and a small linen-fold panel chest.

Happy!

Driven Outside

Tag: France