During my third random search on my way home from London to Seattle (they “randomly” happen every other time I fly…), the agent/officer/person commented of how organized my bag was: cords and pens in individual tool rolls, glasses in their respective cases, clothes folded, shoes bagged… I was head-swelling proud right up until the moment she turned my bag over and shook all the contents out. She gave me a naughty smile with an eye twinkle as my stuff spilled and tumbled onto the stainless countertop – a look like the one the Devil gives right before drop-kicking someone into the Lake of Fire.

Also on this trip:

Novotel dining area

7:15am

Staff: “Sir would you like coffee or tea?”
Me: “Coffee please. Thank you”

I pour the contents of the warming kettle I was brought into a cup and add sugar & cream and stir. I then take what should be the first sip of a substance that makes me not want to murder my fellow man…

I have to stop myself from spitting whatever it was all over my table.

I hail the waitress that brought me this vile concoction.

Me: “May I please have some tea?”

Staff: “Oh, I am sorry sir, is there something wrong with the coffee?”
Me: “Nope, I am sure the coffee is fine – wherever it may be. THAT is not coffee. I’ll take the tea.”

Tea arrives and I have 3 cups.

“Coffee” is left on my table to mock me and remind me that someone at the Novotel has either a sense of humor or is the spawn of a medium ranked demon.