What I want Thursday – 4/2/15

Some stuff on my current want-list:

To stop traveling SO MUCH!
For real spring to arrive in Toulouse
To stop eating so many carbs and so much sugar
For my wife to feel all better
A couple of lathe tools.
A three day walk in the mountains
About 15 big, not cheap, hard cover books
A Moore & Giles Portfolio
For my new garage in Seattle to be done & dusted.
For my wife to finish some alterations and repairs for me
Porsche Design TecFlex Fountain Pen (F or EF Nib)
For my workbench to be 100% done
A slender dark grey Yorkshire cap
A sweet tweed vest
A few pairs of two-tone wing-tip Made-In-England Doc’s: White and Tan
A set of 10 cedar shoe-trees
Tickets for my son’s trip to France to be CHEAP.
For my Al’s Attire brogue boots not to squish my toes
Brooks Brothers grey or subtle pattern sport coat – slim cut.
A Filson Medium Travel bag.
One medium-small Rimowa Carry-on
To start working out again in earnest and stick to it
A fine set of Cuff-links
For my business plan to be finished
Tiffany blue silk tie and a matching pocket square.

5/5/2015 Update:

For real spring to arrive in Toulouse
A couple of lathe tools.
For my workbench to be 100% done
A slender dark grey Yorkshire cap – I got a sweet green tweed one made in London
A few pairs of two-tone wing-tip Made-In-England Doc’s: White and Tan
A set of 10 cedar shoe-trees
For my Al’s Attire brogue boots not to squish my toes – Had them stretched in the States last week.  Perfect fit now!
Brooks Brothers grey or subtle pattern sport coat – slim cut.
Tiffany blue silk tie and a matching pocket square.

Throwback Thursday: Mark Flood – The TOUGHEST man you will ever know

So, I have this buddy who is by nature and temperament a hard-man. Sweetest guy in the world, super humble, would give you his last dollar in the pocket, the shirt off his back – salt of the earth sort of a guy. Seriously. This same friend is also physically and mentally toughest person I have ever personally met. I have only seen him mad twice and thankfully neither time was at me. I was very happy about that. Flood is one of those Old Testament, walked forty years in the desert and killed and army with a mule jaw bone sort of guy. Really, really.

All my climbing buddies and I TRY to get together once a year and spend a week in the mountains. One year (maybe 2009), Mark couldn’t come and it was the most relaxed trip ever – soft beds, video games and *GASP* a rest day! We all talked about how Flood would have hated the wasted time when he could have been wedged into some shitty, moss filled crevice, 40 feet above a manky piece of protection, giggling with glee. At the time, “Chuck Norris” jokes were just getting popular and while sitting at a bar one evening we started telling Mark Flood true-isms. At one point these two girls who had over heard us, came over and asked with willful intent if Mark was at the bar or in town. Dr. G looks them up and down and slyly says, “Nah baby, your would KNOW if HE were here…” They got all giddy. True story.

Anyway, the list below is some of what came out of that evening and 10 or so follow-up e-mails after the trip.

Mark Flood uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.
As a child Mark Flood ate transformer toys in vehicle mode and shat them out transformed into a robot.
Mark Flood’s penis is so big that it has a penis of its own and it is still bigger than yours.
… doesn’t open no can of whoopass. He makes his own with farm-fresh eggs and dehydrated onions.
… can get Blackjack with just one card.
… once screwed up his knee, purely for the sake of winning the Special Olympics.
… can sneeze with his eyes open
… once fucked a sheep ‘till it was a sweater
… once took a lead-fall so big that his clothes burned off on re-entry
… uses a rattlesnake as a condom
Mark Flood’s penis is so TALL it has never been mounted without the use of oxygen.
… eats live Billy-goats as a light mountain snack.
… started a pirate mutiny in the south china sea.
… is hung like a woolly mammoth.
… keeps live cobras in his sock drawer.
… once snorted cocaine off Jenna bush’s titties in the oval office and made W watch.
… has a +92 Ape index.
… secretes Serin gas from his rectum.
…once used a spork as an ice axe and tire chains as crampons.
… whittled his own skis.
… can write in beautiful Victorian script cursive ambidextrously with his feet.
… once killed and gutted a grizzly bear with toenail clippers to have a warm place to sleep
… carries a pack so heavy he can rightfully call Atlas himself a pussy.
… always has sex on the first date. Always.
… is capable of lactation.
… once took a bubble bath with Rosie O’Donnell and made her straight.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Mark Flood’s nutsack
Mark Flood makes his women wear gaiters and crampons to bed.
… can eat a hammer and poop nails.
Mark flood can climb any 14er using only echo location
Mark flood can play “the devil went down to Georgia” better than Charlie Daniels AND the Devil using a violins
strung with his pubic hair.
Mark flood pulled so hard on Castle Rock in Eldorado Canyon that the climb is now 12.3 feet shorter.
… makes MacGyver look like Steve Erkel.
… does not procreate – he breeds…
…  raped Blackbeard for using Argh! in an incorrect grammatical supposition.
… once climbed to heaven and he did it all in one linked pitch.
Mark Flood once stated “The double rope system is for newbie’s. I only climb using a sextuple rope system!”
… can piss directly into gale force winds and not get a drop on himself.
Mark Flood has to live in the Midwest because his gravitational field screws up the tides.
… felt that the ‘Jolly Mark” was egotistical, so he let some fruity guy named Roger take the credit.
… is no longer allowed to climb at Indian Creek because his hand jams have widened all the cracks.
… simply decided to start producing spider silk from his anus so he no longer had to use ropes.
… only dates climbers because only they have the necessary grip strength to give him a hand-job.
… is not afraid to climb any route but all climbing routes are afraid that Mark will climb them.
… once gave a new meaning to peak enchainment when he added Mt Elbrus, Long’s and Pikes to his key chain.
… feet are sooo big he doesn’t need snowshoes.
Mark Floods’ dick is so big that the AAC listed an all female ascent the latest American Alpine Journal
… can literally talk to snakes
… is so energetic that routes get tired of HIM.
… climbed every peak west of the Mississippi in two days with only a Mars Bar, the September 1980 issue of Playboy, an ice axe, 1 box of Pop-Tarts, and a can of tuna.
… masturbates to pictures of used climbing gear and Alpenglow.

2014: My year in Review

Moved into house in small village near Toulouse France
Started running and lifting again
Set up office at home
Had to deal with broken furniture from move – Insurance company was fairly easy to deal with
Fixed some stuff, got other new stuff
Flight to Florida for work
At least 10 hours a day spend at J-O-B
Work Laptop stolen in Paris hotel Room – Super pissed!!
Met friend both new and Old in and around Toulouse.
Trip to China for a week
More work, more coffee
Cut down a deceased cherry tree and made 3 big bowls
Gave two away
Played Pétanque with the old guys in my village
Built 5 benches for the house over a 5–week period
Work crazy hours
Flight back to Seattle for 2 weeks work/vacation
Visit to Carcassonne and Limoux
Found amazing French junk shop in the middle of nowhere
Joined a French beekeeping group
Bought a wood Lathe
Worked more crazy hours
Rode my bikes a little – not enough.
Made stuff for house: instrument hangers, book shelves, lids, kitchen island, etc…
Running and lifting again somehow stopped and work increased…
Got a new Banjo
Horribly addicted to coffee
Blogged a good bit
Started setting up small hand tool work shop in garage
Son in France for 2 months
Got a canoe for Father’s Day
Bastille Day in Carcassonne
Began building 450# traditional work bench
Quit Facebook
Spent way too much at local wood supply house
Made 4-5 small pieces of furniture for the house
Father in law in France for a month
Fixed some furniture for a co-worker and another piece for a neighbor
Adopted new puppy – Truffle
Flights to Germany, Marseilles and Paris
Super stressed – J-O-B
Getting fat(er)
41st Birthday trip to Porto, Portugal
Got an awesome watch as a gift from sweet wife
Trip to Morocco for J-O-B – bought 2 fantastic carpets while there
Thanksgiving in Turkey – sort of funny sounding. Was working
Grew a beard – wife disgruntled
Flight to Arkansas
Became a Grandfather!!
A beautiful baby girl!
Feel super-old
Tried to bribe a Friend’s parents into selling me his old jeep
Enacted a diabolical plan to make the jeep mine
Spent 14th Birthday with Son
Got most of Christmas shopping done in US
Came home to France with new mandolin and vintage violin
Cut down another cherry, and apricot and a plum and started making bowl blanks
Back to work and back to more 10-12 hour days and calls until 10pm
Christmas snuck up on me again.
Read 20 books in 2014 – almost shameful. Will read more next year
Spent holiday in Pau, France at a friend’s parent’s place and ate and drank until I was ready to pop
Finished top for new work bench – only took six months
Had two friends from London come over for New Years
Spent first weekend of 2015 snowboarding with two friends in Andorra

Four days in the US: lots of work, frenzied shopping, and severe jet lag

I just spent 3.5 days in the US. I had to go over for a bunch of meetings that I just couldn’t do over the phone and this is how trip started…

Woke up at 04:00 and hopped in the shower.

Had 06:30 flight to the U.S. 

Caught female French Bulldog chewing wife’s $400+ retainer in our new bed.

Took retainer away and scolded puppy. 
Went to get tooth brush. 

Walked back by bed while brushing teeth and headed to get dressed.

Caught a sideways glimpse of the same dog peeing between our pillows and switching to the “I gotta shit” hunch. 

I LOST MY MIND!!!

Grabbed dog, wife put robe on me (was still naked at that point) as I marched dog to the door in righteous fury. 

Wife stripped bed – no pee on pillows or new mattress.

After completing her business, dog went into the kennel. 

She did it because she was pissed at me for taking her “new yummy toy” and for scolding her so early.

It is official, she is getting fixed next week.
No way we are passing those genes on to continue her line of un-smart and passive aggressive Frenchies.

Our other Frenchie (the smart and well behaved one) watched the whole affair with a dual look of “Wasn’t me!” and “Damn girl, you got in TROUBLE…”
As dessert, I got my balls manhandled by security at the Toulouse airport in a cup and smush maneuver that they must teach to the French equivalent of the TSA as this is not the first occurrence.

Work was work and there were lots of meetings and calls, but I had a couple of hours at night to run some errands. Anytime we go home, there is a list of stuff to get that we normally can’t find in France or if we can, it is crazy expensive: 12oz jar of coconut oil at Trader Joes is $4. Here it is the equivalent of $15.50. Really. You don’t want to know what vitamins cost and forget finding “your brand” of tooth paste.

My sweet wife, Stamps-With-Foot, gave me a list. A very exacting list and below are the places I went to check everything off:

Target
Bed, Bath & Beyond
Starbucks
Ross
3 different Walgreens
Ye Olde Vitamin Shoppe
Woodcraft (that was for me and I got in trouble)
GNC
West Marine
FedEx
CVS Pharmacy
USPS
Guitar Center (again me, but I only dropped $6)
Academy Sporting goods
Dick’s Sporting Goods
Barnes & Noble
Petco
Pets and More

I had to get the puppies new coats for winter ( on the list) and I had an arm load of pink frilly sweaters when a woman from my cooperate office walked by me in Petco and struck up a conversation. I felt especially manly standing the in the dog outfit section, deciding on which pink heart-covered puffy knitted number our female Frenchie would look best in. The lady may have snickered a little. Her husband was standing a few feet behind her – 6’2″, ~240 pounds with a large beard – he was holding a chihuahua mix with a purple harness and gave me a look of shared shame and defeat.

What I Want Thursday – 11/6/14

Below are the things that I find are present for me today:

1. More time with my children and my mom.

2. I want to stick to my diet and workout schedule and not fall off the wagon and back into the cookie/café Mocha/lethargic/big-belly/back-hurting abyss.

3. For my wife to finish some long ago promised sewing tasks for me – I would really like those shorts, pants, and shirts back…

4. a Fine large set (only 2) of Easy Wood carbide insert lathe chisels for all the fall and winter bowl work I have planned

5. For my proper car camping/glamping kitchen set up to be finished – it is about 1/2 the way done and sitting in the GROP.

6. A leisurely trip to Rome and Venice with my wife – no puppies, no family, no friends – just us for a week or so.

7. For my Joiners workbench to be done and set up and in use.  I am only about 1/3 of the way done and only have 8 of the 17 sections of the top laminated up.

8. A few booksFranklin Bio by Wood,  Paris Between the Wars 1919-1939: Art, Life & CultureErnest Hemmingway bio and a two books of his letters (1&2), A signed hardbound copy of Campaign Furniture 
Theodore Roosevelt: a Strenuous Life,  The Anarchist’s Tool Chest etc…

9. A whole Metric crap-ton (my favorite unit of measure) of wooden wine crates for a couple of open projects at home.

10. To give Heifer International a menagerie of animals for Christmas – That is my charity goal for the year.  We give monthly, but I would like to be able to do more this year.

11.  For our 2015 French Visas to be finished so we can get on with plans for next year.

Weekend Update – the gods of lawn maintenance are displeased

We had a national holiday in France on Friday and I made the most of my 3-day weekend.

Instead of the stuff I needed to do I did this:

1. Got up at 7:30 on a holiday
2. Went up into the mountains with a group of Expats for a hike and a picnic – got some great pictures and had fine food
3. Worked on a design for wooden wine box/kitchen cabinets
4. Completely filled my Leuctterm1917 design sketch notebook – took 2 years
5. Watched a girlie movie with my sweet wife
6. Started a new notebook – a Rhodia Webbie this time (I like the paper better)
7. Spent too much time on the interwebs
8. Started formal permit process for garage shop and apartment above at our place in Seattle
9. Sanded, sealed and painted the “T” supports for the workbench/buffet table
10. Rough turned 4 oak bowls from a piece of tree blown down in a storm
11. Sent some e-mails out that I had let sit too long
12. Coated the bowls in wax and will let them cure for a year.
13. Cleaned and organized GROP – oak shavings were EVERY where
14. Composted the shavings with some grass and kitchen scraps
15. Sharpened all my lathe chisels
16. Brained myself on a low hanging bike – said f-word more than once
17. Went to a run along the river
18. Called my Mom and talked for a bit
19. Checked on the kids
20. Cut first 5” top sections for Cornebarrieu Workbench
21. Need a proper circle saw… the 18v battery saw is out of it league on 1.5” beech
22. Worked on the small cabinet rosettes for our neighbor – he also asked me to install a shelf while I was at it…
23. Played with the puppies – while Stamps-With-Foot had a girls night
24. Got sucked into Pinterest
25. Updated website a little (here and Tumblr)
26. Watched a little too much TV/YouTube
27. Took puppies for a walk around neighborhood a couple of times
28. Rode my bike about 10 miles – muddy
29. Cleaned and tuned single-speed bike
30. Played with puppies
31. Did some grilling with beer in hand 
32. Got up Sunday morning and worked for a few hours, – because I thought it was Monday. Damn it!
33. Closed office door and did not return for 24 hours
34. Told wife her hair was very pretty
35. Went for a walk with wife and puppies
36. Made a small parts organizer out of a broken wood bowl
37. Got glue on my favorite shorts
38. Wrote some snail-mail
39. Surfed the interwebs until I fell asleep with the iPad on my chest…
40. I did not mow the yard again. The gods of lawn maintenance are displeased with me.

Hiking august 2014 (3)

Hiking august 2014 (1)

Hiking august 2014 (5)

Hiking august 2014 (2)

Hiking august 2014 (4)

Rosettes for neighbor

Oak Bowls Aug 2014 (5)

Oak Bowls Aug 2014 (7)

Lathe clean aug 2014

Oak Bowls Aug 2014 (1)

IMG_3121

IMG_3122

Last page of notebook Aug 2014

yard not mowed this weekend 2014

T-beams for bench-buffet table aug 2014

found trivet 2014

making shavings aug 2014

Very Productive Weekend – except in the yard.

I did not mow the yard this weekend. It just didn’t happen. I meant to and I wanted to… I even took the mower and cord out, but it just didn’t happen. Instead I did this:

1. Redesigned the top of the workbench that I am building.
2. Threatened for 148th time to quit Facebook.
3. Didn’t quite
4. Updated status
5. Cleaned and organized GROP a little while grumbling about my lack of willpower
6. Worked on a J-O-B related spreadsheet
7. Finished bookends for wife – made from Victorian andirons.
8. Cut the base (legs and stretchers) for my workbench.
9. Turned two sets of TINY rosettes for our neighbor to replace a couple that are missing from a piece of furniture – help the neighbors when you can.
10. Put together a set of I-beams to reinforce a table top that is warping – they do that after 250-300 years…
11. Gave my wife a foot rub.
12. Glued up some maple blanks to turn later on
13. Played with the puppies – there are two now.
14. Got sucked into Pinterest
15. Watched a little TV/YouTube
16. Took puppies for a walk around neighborhood
17. Turned a small jar lid for wife out of some scrap cherry
18. Drank some Spanish rosé with wife and had a nice home cooked Thai meal
19. Fixed front door lock at 1:00am
20. Had weird dreams Saturday night
21. Slept in – new puppy had first good night’s sleep 🙂
22. Puppy sat while wife got her hair cut.
23. Told wife her hair was very pretty
24. We took puppies into Toulouse to meet some friends for coffee
25. Walked in park with wife and puppies.
26. Cut and chiseled joints in to ½ of the workbench legs
27. Sucked into Pinterest vortex again
28. Sent some J-O-B e-mail
29. Talked to my mom
30. Text messaged with my daughter
31. Tried to call my son – he was out with friends. Teenagers… 🙂
32. Played with puppies
33. Sent some more work-related e-mail
34. Told wife hair was pretty again
35. Made a tiny adjustment to kitchen island at wife’s request
36. Wrote a snail-mail letter to my aunt and son
37. Filled out a couple of post cards
38. Updated website a little
39. Looked at work calendar for tomorrow – very full.
40. Said dirty words…
41. Went downstairs to snuggle wife, puppies and to stay up too late on Pinterest or stupid Facebook.

Cornebarrieu Bench update (2)

Cornebarrieu Bench update (1)

IMG_2976

andirons 2014 (1)

Truffle 8 -2014 (3)

TRuffle and Brodie 7-2014

Chopping Block Kitchen Island – IKEA Hack

Stamps-With_Foot has wanted a chopping block island for years. Our kitchen in Seattle just didn’t have the room for one, but the kitchen in France was PLENTY big enough. I looked into taking some 5/4 maple and gluing it up for her, but without a table saw and a power planer it would have been REALLY difficult. We found a couple that were already built, but they were between 400 and 900 Euros. No.Thank.You. After some deliberation, I decided on an IKEA island – the Groland. Stop Laughing and put down the stones…

While my son (The Ruminator) was here in France on his summer vacation, we bought one in a box, strapped it to the top of the car, drug it home, and started putting it together. I couldn’t leave it stock though, that is just not how I operate 🙂 We added a few flourishes to make it “better.”

1. Turned the legs on the lathe to give it bun feet
2. Glued it all together and added some extra dowels for reinforcement
3. Removed the steel rods on the original and plugged the holes with Dowels
4. Painted the base with a Sea Green Milk Paint
5. Added an additional block section to the bottom of the top panel – to make it super-solid
6. Cut a 6″ hole in the top for sweeping scraps off the work surface
7. Put a large plastic bin – removable from both sides – under scrap hole
8. Bolted rolling pin to one side to towels and placed 2 brass hooks on the other side
9. Scrapped the wood lattice bottom panel and used 7/8″ tongue and groove clear pine decking boards instead.
10. Polyurethaned the top – 5 coats – and bottom shelf so they match and make the painted base “pop”
11. Took a hunk of cherry tree trunk and turned it down as a lid for the scrap hole.

My Son and I had it installed just in time for my chef Father-in-Law, The Chatty Buddha, to visit and whip up a few fine meals using it as a work platform

Kitchen Island France 2014 (1)

Kitchen Island France 2014 (2)

Kitchen Island France 2014 (3)

Kitchen Island France 2014 (4)

Kitchen Island pieces 2014 (1)

Kitchen Island pieces 2014 (3)

Kitchen Island pieces 2014 (2)

Beekeeping – Making New Queens

A couple weekends ago I worked the hives, checking their overall health and seeing if any were thinking about swarming. Swarming = bad. If there is more than one Queen in a hive, the ladies will either duke it out and both could die – dead hive bad – or the hive will swarm, taking possibly more than half of the precious worker bees that make all the yummy honey. There are some things that can be done to prevent swarming:

1. If two queens are found or if there are new queens about to be born (they have a uniquely shaped chamber that other bees make specifically for queens) AND the hive is doing really well, you can manually split the hive into two hive boxes.
2. If the hive is not doing great, remove the old queen and let the new one be born.
3. If the hive is doing fine and you don’t want another, then you can snip the new queen chamber in half – assuring that the original queen will preside a little longer.

Sometimes though, you will need a new queen if old one not producing, she dies unexpectedly, if the hive is aggressive, etc… When this happens, you typically buy/order a new one from your local bee supply store, online, or from a local apiarist who makes a little side money raising them in specially maintained hives. I had never actually witnessed the process of “Making Queens”, so when one of the older gents with Syndicat Apiculteur, held a lecture after the hives were checked, I sat in and tried my hand at it.

The simplified version:

1. Take a fresh brood comb out of a gentle hive that is doing well and has historically been a great honey producer.
2. Prepare “Queen Cups” with Royal Jelly.
3. Gather lights and tools and an assortment of magnifying glasses.
4. Uncap the comb and prop it under a light on a 45 degree stand.
5. Make sure no bees are in the room as an uncapped brood comb WILL piss them off and you WILL get stung.
6. Remove any stingers from skin while quietly cursing.
7. With a small dental scoop, remove one larva per cup. Look for a small one no larger than 1.5mm.
8. When cups are filled, place in special “Queen Frame”
9. Place frame in hive with no Queen – there is more to it than that, but for the sake of brevity…
10. Add a sugar water mixture to a feeder frame next to the “Queen Frame” in the hive.
11. Check back and when the queen cells are fully closed and the new queens are growing, place a purpose built cage over the cell and wait for them to emerge.
12. Re-queen some hives or sell them to your nerdy bee-keeping friends.

Bee - Making Queens 2014 (1) Bee - Making Queens 2014 (2)

Bee - Making Queens 2014 (3)

Bee - Making Queens 2014 (4)

Bee - Making Queens 2014 (5)

Bee Larva into cup

Queen Cell 4 Queen Cell

queen cell2

A sort of Vacation to Seattle

As part of my work contract with my J-O-B, we are flown back to the States twice a year. One of those trips has to be coupled with work travel, but overall not a bad deal. Stamps-With-Foot and I flew in to Seattle last week and stayed with my mom at our/her place. This was our first time back “home” since our move and my mom has transformed our eclectically decorated (books everywhere, Moroccan bits, craftsman furniture, mid-century couches…) home and turned it into your grandmother’s place: ceramic chickens, recliners for TV watching, lace doilies, a tin of cookies ripe for raiding, special soap in the bathroom that is meant just for looks…

We stayed in the basement and by our second day we had trashed it with clothes and books and other stuff to the point that it looked like a staged teenager’s room in a TV sitcom. I felt like I was in high school: mom cooked, did my laundry, made sure I got up on time every morning, offered to pack me a lunch, I played a little music, watched a few movies when I should have been sleeping, tossed clothes about… The only exceptions were the lack of posters on the walls and that I had permission for the pretty girl to share my bed and I didn’t have to sneak her in the basement window. 🙂

I ended up working for 5 days of the 8 day trip, but I got a good bit of other stuff done this week:

Sorted 3 months of mail – we get a LOT on junk mail
Picked up backyard and garden a little bit – long winter
Went to a couple of our favorite restaurants
Made 3 trips to Woodcraft for  toys tools to take back to France
Coffee at C&P 🙂
Cut and edged yard
Fixed a few things
Hung out with my mom
Had great breakfast at Easy Street
Moved a room full of boxes into the basement
Painted a mirror frame for my mom
Ate 2 dozen cookies – true story
Snagged treasure at Goodwill: baseball bats, rolling pins, sweatshirts…
Ridded the yard of filthy, dirty, evil dandelions
Treated the yard for moss
Accidentally poisoned my mom’s cat with Moss Out
Spent evening in veterinary ER and dropped $250
Cat all better now
Turned compost pile
Paid some bills
Set up a Skype account for my mom and showed her how to use it
Got a sweet new pair of running shoes
Arranged for professional lawn care – warned them about the cat

Weekend Update – 4/14/14

Really good weekend with just a couple of bumps…

Out late Friday night in Toulouse
Slept in Saturday morning
Stamps-With-Foot made yummy breakfast – great croissants!
Surfed the Interwebs and lost an hour or two to Pinterest
Worked on a dining table bench for about an hour
Used smoothing plane and made tissue paper-thin shavings 🙂
Drove to Toulouse for 1st outdoor beekeeping class – waking up the hives from the Winter
Warm sunshine, blue skies, perfect weather!
Hives were in good condition and got to split one hive that was doing really well – already completely filled the hive box with pollen and honey.
Stopped by Lumber store on way home to buy some dust masks.
I can’t be trusted in Lumber/Hardware stores…
Bought 60 Euros worth of lumber, glue and screws
Forgot dust masks…
Came home to cuddle wife
Wife accidentally kneed me in the baby-maker and ¼ of a second later, put weight on the same knee, smashing the boys…
Rolled around on the ground in pain for at least a full minute
Limped outside
Mowed lawn and turned the compost
Limped a little while doing so – boys still hurt.
Helped wife make steak fajitas
Was on guard for any errant knees…
Drank a glass of wine and snuggled while watching 6 episodes of the last season of HIMYM
More Pinterest and sleep
Slept till 10:00 and leisurely breakfast
Went into Village to market and found a very nice oak printer tray for 10 Euro.
Immediately bought it without haggling over the price
Spent an hour in shop patching a small section of bench where plane slipped while joining two boards.
Found where a cat had marked some lumber when garage door was open night before.
Said hateful things about cats.
Had lunch with a friend that is healing from a cracked collarbone
Came home and finished putting together the teak patio
Bought wrong oil for the patio furniture – Grrr…
Fixed one of the broken arms (from move) on the Adirondack chairs
Had coffee in the shade
Hung hammock and tested it out.
Place feels like home now!
Sweet wife made dinner and we ate for first time on our new patio table – first of many meals
Snuggled in hammock with wife and listened to birds, neighbors, bees, etc…

Very happy

How to make a Chinese wood lathe work “right out of the box”

I have mentioned that when planning our move to Toulouse, I realized that I would have to leave my big electrical shop machines in Seattle.   It hurt a little as I have become dependent on a table saw and compound miter saw for even the simplest tasks. I am looking forward to spending some quality time with my hand tools, but I have to have a lathe to complete 75% of the projects that I tackle. There is no way in Blue Blazes that I am was going to build a pole lathe or a foot-powered flywheel lathe – there I draw the line. I needed a fairly large machine to turn the posts, trenchers, stools, bowls, table legs, spindles, scoops, etc… that are on my “to-do in France” list.

Machine tools in France are CRAZY expensive. Look at the US price, change the Dollar sign to a Euro sign and add 30% to the final price. I looked at a large Jet lathe and it cost more than my first truck. Even the small midi version was the equivalent of $600. I just can’t spent that kind of cash on something that doesn’t either feed me or take me to work. After some research, I found a bare bones, no accessories, Chinese made model that some of the local turners were buying for their second or third lathe. It was 1/3 the cost of a well appointed model with the same bed length and power. Sold. I brought all my chucks and jigs and accessories with me, so I thought “Perfect!”

There wasn’t one available in a 400 mile radius, so I had to order it at the home center in the next village over.  11 days later it showed up and I brought my new 400 pound beauty queen home in a Suzuki swift. I am sure the douche-bag that stood 10′ from me watched as I man-handled it into the rear hatch of my tiny car using old tires and 2X4s has already posted the video.

Now, it was advertised at “Ready to turn out of the box!” For that to be true you need the following tools:

  1. Rubber Mallet
  2. 1/2″ combination wrench
  3. Set of standard Allen wrenches
  4. Flat-head screwdriver
  5. #2 Phillips screwdriver
  6. 3/8″ drive ratchet
  7. 1/2 socket
  8. Long socket extension: >6″
  9. Standard Tap and Die set
  10. A large vocabulary of cuss words
  11. Drill
  12. Metal Drill-bit Set
  13. Large Bastard File

You will also need the following additional parts as the bolts and washers provided were likely scooped from a bin without counting and dropped in a bag.  There are only two small pages of instructions and they do not list all the parts, the number of each that will be required, or the order in which they are installed.  Take examples of the bits and pieces provided and get duplicates in the same size:

  1. Washers
  2. lock-washers
  3. pan head bolts
  4. Machine bolts

You will also need:

  1. four 8′ long 2X4s
  2. Wood Glue
  3. Sandpaper
  4. Pan-head wood screws or deck screws
  5. 4 sacks of concrete

I found out about the hardware issue right away and drove back to the home center in the next village for spares, but I had all of the other supplies on hand – I did not pack light for our move here 🙂   The base was my first obstacle. It was flimsy sheet metal and some of the holes were out of alignment.  I drilled and fitted, whacked with a mallet and said lots of dirty words, before I finally got the lathe on.  A quick tug showed that the base needed some serious beefing up.  If I put an unbalanced piece in it, it would shake apart.   I ended up building a crossed braced wooden skeleton for the whole thing – my Jr. High Wood Shop teacher would beam with pride.  The reinforcing process took me 4 hours that first night, but that was mostly because I don’t have a miter box saw and was making compound angle cuts with a sliding-T bevel and a Japanese pull saw. I ended up having to chase the threads in the cast iron lathe bed and on the head stock (really) with a couple of different taps and used Loctite on all the bolts.

All the handles and knobs had to be put on and tested and the tail stock and head stock had to be adjusted, tweaked, and tweaked a little more to get them in alignment. The cast iron tool rest was really rough, so I used a file here and there on it and sanded the tool bearing surface and finger groove with progressively finer sandpaper, from 80 to 400 grit.  This all took another 3 hours the next night.

After all was said and done, I clamped up a small hunk of 2X4 that was a cut-off from building the base and with just my skew chisel, turned it down and into a bunch of tiny beads.  The lathe turns great and has plenty of power.  I couldn’t be happier.  I saved 800-1000 Euros in exchange for 7-8 hours of me time.

France – The first 30 days.

Still Love France.
My French has gotten SO bad.
I did forget how slow things are to get done here. 
You want a buy/lease a car?  Three weeks-ish. 
You want cable and internet? 1 month.
Want it to work? 1 more week and 14 phone calls
Love my J-O-B
No such thing as coffee to go… even if you get it in a tiny paper/plastic cup, there is no lid.
Really like the house here. The 16″ thick concrete walls and steel shutters give it a homey crypt-like feeling.
Miss our house in Seattle.
There are doctors who speak English, but their receptionists who book the appointments don’t… 
You want groceries on Sunday?  Nope, not going to happen
I also forgot how amazing the eggs and meet are. 
Want to sit and have coffee and talk to my mom, miss that.
Bread goes with EVERYTHING! Awesome bread.
Having a really hard time finding a shop that sells wood lathes – only power tool I want/need here.
The weather here in winter is better than summer in Hamburg.
Miss my furniture. We have been “Camping” since Halloween and I am about 99.9999% done sitting on the floor to eat my dinner.
Want my tools like a junkie wants their cooking spoon.
Stamps-With-Foot is buying enough cheese to make the regional sale figures blip. 
Our dog< Brodie, has fully integrated and will cop a squat in the middle of the street, sneering at anyone who dares to question his right to do so. He goes to restaurants with us like he is a little prince. The wife slips him duck breast, cote of Beaof, and aged cheese under the table.  I had 2 glasses of $4 wine that we bought at the grocery store with dinner tonight.  It was awesome.  No, truly.  Wish my kids were here. I miss Starbucks, but I have a Killer espresso machine in the kitchen.  Can now watch Netflix and BBC One with country specific VPN accounts - sticking it to the man! Miss my bikes. Can't wait for them to arrive next week (insert giddy face) The designer dog food here is sold in breed specific bags - really. It is crap, but it is packaged well. I have lost a little weight because I am not eating crap and started running again. Very, very nice wooded trail near house - miles and miles long. Flying to Florida for work next week and am bringing home coffee beans, dry dog food, and Cajun Seasoning. Packed an extra duffle bag... Went for a drive in the country today and happened by a 16th century chalet with turrets and a moat about an hour form the house. 
The thought of Stamps-With-Foot driving in France scares the Hell out of me!
Life is damn fine on the whole.

Leaving for France and our MONSTER To-Do list.

Moving from one country to another, the actual process, is a huge pain in the ass.  So much to do and so many details…  The complexity of our move was increased because we will continue to own our place in Seattle and we had The Nana move into it.  Separating the stuff that would go and stay, fixing small issues like that leaking faucet, winterizing the garden, trimming trees, installing railings and additional locks, and organizing yard and house maintenance contacts was enough to make my head explode.

There were 4 specific and different to-do lists that were drawn up in June and added to as time went on.  I would like to tell you that it all got done, but the state of my backyard, the unsold table saws, the uninstalled basement railing and the incomplete bookshelf in our bedroom say different.

Things that were accomplished:

  1. Trimmed our vine maple (see pictures below of Stamps-With-Foot with the chainsaw)
  2. Winterized the pipes and garden
  3. Installed the front stair railing
  4. Installed a speak-easy in the front door, so Nana would not have to open the door to a stranger
  5. Leaves were raked
  6. The raspberry cage was retied
  7. Junk was removed from the backyard
  8. Bills were transferred
  9. The heating-oil tank was filled
  10. Rebuilt bathroom faucet and valve
  11. Cancelled our car insurance
  12. Trimmed the bushes
  13. New tires were purchased for the car we left for Nana to use
  14. Squeaky doors were oiled
  15. Wired a motion detector light in the back yard
  16. Installed an additional basement door lock and metal security screen
  17. My shop was cleaned and organized
  18. Had extra keys made
  19. Upgrades made in the alarm system
  20. We sold one truck and donated another
  21. My father-in-law planted a fig tree and served as grunt labor during Thanksgiving
  22. I drained and prepped the hot tub for 2 years of alone time
  23. Basement became slightly more organized
  24. I hauled two entire loads of brush and projects-that-will-never-be to the dump (and found a very nice Fender guitar and new oak office chair there, but that is a story/post for another day)
  25. Household paint was retouched
  26. Replaced burned out bulbs
  27. Blackberries were trimmed
  28. Removed rust and repainted the front door railings
  29. Did some final cabinet work
  30. Moved two houses worth of furniture and a storeroom into our basement, first floor and garage
  31. Unpacked my mom
  32. Had Cable TV and a home phone installed (we only used cell phones)
  33. Repaired outside wall where cable installer poked extra holes
  34. I busted some plaster in the living room that will wait until I get back in the summer
  35. Hung the TV over the fireplace
  36. etc…etc…etc…

The images below are proof of some of the work and evidence of what did not get done as well.

My search for the perfect little black notebook

Ever since Dr. Shipman converted me to Moleskine notebooks many years ago during a climbing trip, I have coveted little black notebooks to record my thoughts, doodles, designs, to-do lists, etc… I drank the Kool-Aid and now I share a little “problem” with what seems to be a quarter of the world’s population: finding the perfect notebook.

The Moleskine was great for a couple of years, but they do not work great for fountain pens, the binding is lackluster, and I wanted some paper different options. Thus began my hunt for the perfect little black notebook. I have used Field Notes, Moleskine (pocket, large & cahiers), Blank Books, Knox-Japan (only sold in Japan and France), Pocket Blanks, Gallery Leather, Rhodia, Guildhall, No Names, Rite in the Rain, Piccadilly, Leuchtturm 1917, etc… Some have been great and some have come apart within weeks. I have fallen for the paper of the Rhodia and love the Leuchtturm format – dots, page numbers, and index. The Moleskine blank sketchbook has great paper, but not enough of it – I also keep busting the binding. The Leuchtturm’s paper will bleed a little, even when using an EF nib – as will most everything but the 90# Rhodia. The Gallery Leather has tear-off corners, but no page numbers and I can split the spine on a Webbook without even trying. In the last ten years I have come to decide that no one journal works for me for everything.  Here is my current quiver of little black notebooks:

Knox-Japan A5: calendar and work notes/design
Gallery Leather: pocket notebook
Leuchtturm or Rhodia A5 Dots: Travel Journal

I am still looking for a 90g, acid free, sewn binding 32-64 page A5 Cahiers for everything but my pocket notebook, which I would switch to a 3″X6″ sewn Cahier.  I would prefer to have single signature/section, using them up before they were utterly destroyed, and I would like to have the ability to bind then together if the mood were to ever strike.

Weekend Update – Spring flowers, Lincoln Park, and thoughts of Arborcide

Oh Seattle… Why can’t you be pretty and green and sort of warm all year? I keep telling myself that Summer and early fall here make the crappy six month of fallwinterspring all worth it, but that is a hard pill to swallow right now. This has been an especially dreary winter: rain, cooler than normal temps, very few sunny days (I remember 4…) and it didn’t really get cold enough to kill the mosquito eggs, so we are looking forward to a buggy spring. Oh Joy. On the bright side of things, the lawn and garden at La Masion du Talley are erupting with jonquils, tulips, cherry blossoms, the begonias and the dahlias are just coming up, there is green on the espalier apples, new raspberry canes are shooting up, my rose bushes in the back are leafing out, I saw a couple of honey bees out foraging, the grass is lush and green, and the first hints of the lavender up front are coming in. I spent the weekend splitting my time between the inside of the house and the yard. In the last two weeks I have been in Tokyo, Orange Co.., CA and Las Vegas, so my part of the household chores had gone unattended to. Here is how it all went down:

Slept late Saturday.
Breakfast and coffee while sitting next to Brodie.
Washed a load of whites and a load of colors.
Thought about going for a run.
Lost two hours of my life to Pinterest instead…
Put dishes away – some of them anyway.
Stamp-With-Foot took Brodie to new vet.
Got dressed and picked up living room and office.
Wife loves new vet. Brodie, not so much…
Finished a couple of small house projects.
Got ready to take Brodie for a walk in Lincoln Park
Started raining.
Started hailing…
Canceled trip to the park.
Brodie went back to sleep on the couch.
Went downstairs to work on my Workbench of Doom in the basement.
Heard water running outside… SHIT! Gutters overflowing! Downspout Plugged!! FVCK!!!
Ran outside, put ladder up DURING hail storm, dug pine needles and holly leaves out of gutters on both sides of house.
Water started moving down drainpipe.
While on top of wet, slick ladder – wished I possessed The Force – would kill neighbor’s trees and lift them out of the ground like X-wing fighter…
Said loud dirty words about gutters, pine needles and neighbor’s trees.
Squinted eyes, pursed mouth, and made mental note to buy copper nails, a large auger bit, some Drain-O, and a vile of the poison that coated the blade that Bilbo was stabbed with for that hateful tree.
Climbed down slick ladder with frozen hands prayed for a single bolt of well placed lightning.
Went inside, threw wet hat down and stomped downstairs to plan a crime.
Stamps-With-Foot made me coffee.
Felt better & cleaned the basement a little.
Wife took me out on Movie Date.
Had a nice time.
Came home and sat in the hot tub for a good long while – nice light rain fell.
Wife all for me taking a hit out on the tree.
Fell asleep looking at Pinterest again.

Up at the crack of dawn on Sunday: 9:00am
Coffee and breakfast.
Wrote some e-mails and sent a few pics to Instagram
Wife left for appointment and Brodie and I went to C&P Coffee.
Brodie tried to eat a black lab the looked funny at him while I was ordering coffee.
Being French, he has a Napoleon Complex – Really, really.
I grabbed him in mid air and other dog looked like he wanted to tinkle on the carpet: hid behind owner
Brodie looked hard at that dog whole time we were there.
Stopped by Home Depot on the way home and got moss killer for the roof and yard.
Noticed the moss while unstopping gutters.
Came home, cut the grass and spread some Weed&Feed that will lead to the eventual demise of all the dandelions, clover, and nettles that dare to take root in my yard.
Mwahahaha…
Felt happy.
Edged and mowed the front and back yards.
Found a couple of ferociousness dandelion patches.
How had I missed them?!
Got out the instant death weed killer and murdered me some dandelions.
Giggled like Buffalo Bill as he put the lotion in the basket.
Other neighbor walked by told me that I had a beautiful yard.
Beamed with pride and tried not to look like a weed serial killer or that I was hatching a plan to commit arborcide!
Wife came home and helped me spray the roof for moss.
Took off overalls and went with wife and Brodie to Lincoln Park – pretty end to the day!
Went to Trader Joe’s for the week’s worth of groceries.
Stamps-With-Foot made dinner while I worked on some handmade Christmas gifts (starting early)
Looked at Pinterest and Instagram again.
Stole wife’s phone because her pics of Lincoln Park were better than mine.
Heard noise outside.
THE WAS A FVCKING RACCOON ON MY ROOF!!
Thought about getting The Ruminator’s pellet rifle.
Decided I did not want to be on top of ladder and at eye level with mad ‘coon that had just been tagged with a pellet.
Turned the water hose on and ruined his night.
He jumped off roof and into the hated pine tree.
I thought about the pellet rifle again… decided to let the raccoon and tree just have each other.
Came in and wife was asleep and the dog was snoring like a 75 year old alcoholic with sleep apnea.
Wrote a couple blog posts.
Turned off lights, set alarm, and went to snuggle with wife.

The Never Ending Hutch

Right after we bought our place, I saw an add on Craig’s List for a huge hutch.  It piqued my interest and I went by to take a look at it.  A builder had pulled it out of a church school in Queen Anne, but it had been in the rectory library before that.  It was in really bad shape: paint splattered here and there, broken and missing trim, missing glass, dents, dings, scratches, etc…  Even with all that, I saw potential.  After some surprise haggling, I loaded it on my truck and brought it home.  This was right after I had shoulder surgery for the fourth time, so I would not be man-handling two 8 foot by 4 foot sections of furniture…  I picked up some laborers in the Home Depot parking lot by the house and had them load it into my basement where it sat taking up space for three months before I felt strong enough to tackle the job.  Below is the truncated build process in 67 easy steps:
  1. Looked at hutch for too long and decided to get it done.
  2. Started with bottom section – doors removed.
  3. Stripped off all old paint and varnish from outside with “environmentally friendly” orange stripper.
  4. Scraped and scraped stripper off.
  5. Cussed “environmentally friendly.”
  6. Put more stripper on.
  7. Scrubbed off again.
  8. Wife helped for 40 minutes, hated it and didn’t touch either section again.
  9. Shoved a 1″ splinter under one of my fingernails.
  10. Said the “F” word 5+ times, bled on base & floor and thought about cutting it all up for firewood.
  11. Washed whole thing with paint thinner to stop the stripper residue from working any more.
  12. Let dry and sanded whole case with 120 grit.
  13. Sanded with 220 grit.
  14. Sanded again with 220 grit.
  15. Stained with a crazy pricey, but color-matched mahogany tinted oil-based stain.
  16. Used wife’s special dish gloves.
  17. The old, old fir had issue with the stain and was a little splotchy in some really key spots.
  18. Was grumpy for two days.
  19. Second coat of stain used to blend some areas.
  20. Put on first coat of wipe-on poly acrylic semi-gloss finish.
  21. Wife found stain covered dish gloves and I got in trouble.
  22. Went to store and bought wife new gloves.
  23. 24 hours later, scuffed finish with white 3M pad and applied finish coat 7 more times.
  24. Spent HOURS on the final coat.
  25. Repeated all above steps with the four raised panel doors.
  26. Installed 100+ year old glass pull-knobs on doors.
  27. Whole process took two months.
  28. Moved base into finished side of basement for use as a media cabinet and LCD TV base.
  29. Went downtown to Chinese-owned granite shop on Seattle’s 1st Ave and haggled over granite for top.
  30. I am a poor negotiator in Chinese.
  31. Left and came back with Mandarin speaking co-worker.
  32. Got GREAT deal on custom top.  1/12th of the price that I was quoted at Home Depot – really!
  33. Built A-frame jig for back of truck to haul granite.
  34. Picked up top and hauled home.
  35. Bribed 4 neighbors to help move it into place.
  36. Neighbors won’t answer my call anymore…
  37. Four months from start to finish.
  38. Two weeks later I started the top section.
  39. Decided to make top section into a living room “built-in.”
  40. Built, painted and installed new 8″ base for the top section in our living room to match existing trim.
  41. Removed the doors, hardware, and hinges.
  42. Repeated steps above with the exception of splinter under nail and use of wife’s gloves: I learned my lesson the first time.
  43. Cut hole in back for outlet already on wall.
  44. Had other, unsuspecting neighbors help me move the top section up.
  45. New neighbors called me names after it was all done.
  46. Hole for outlet 1″ off to the left.
  47. Said hateful words.
  48. Grumpy again.
  49. Calmed down and used Dremel tool and coping saw to remove section from one side and glued it to other side.
  50. Trimmed out outlet hole.
  51. Stained and finished outlet trim.
  52. Had wedding and took 30 day break in the rebuild/refinish process.
  53. Started looking for matching trim and crown molding at reclaimed lumber yards.
  54. No Luck.
  55. Had crown custom milled at high cost by a shop in SODO that had 90 year old machines running on their floor (shop closed about a month after I was there last 🙁
  56. Started the process of refinishing the doors.
  57. Installed crown molding.
  58. Shot nail through molding and into palm on final piece of crown.
  59. Bled on top of hutch – no dirty words.
  60. Installed refinished doors.
  61. Built two interior shelves out of 80 year old fir floor boards.  Stained and finished – look original!
  62. Smacked the back of my head when installing shelves and almost knocked myself out.
  63. Sourced and purchased piece of wavy restoration glass to match original broken pane.
  64. Stained and finished the crown.
  65. Put final coat of trim paint on the new base.
  66. Installed the one missing glass pane.
  67. 5 months after base installed the top is done and looks like it has been in our place since 1928.
Never again.

Dear Santa -2012

Dear Santa,

Below is my Christmas list for this year. I have been pretty good – no felonies. Please take a look and feel free to buy directly from the list or use it as a guide for the elves in the workshop – nudge, nudge, wink, wink…

Smart wool socks
For the all crazies at Westboro Baptist Church to smitted repeatedly with a bat.
A pair of red Chuck Taylor low tops – size 9.5.
Gift to Heifer International: Bees, goats, water buffalo…
Books: Theadore Roosevelt: a Strenous Life, American Sniper, Twilight at Monticello, Founding Foodies
Movie ticket/theatre gift cards
Zombie Targets
A new shaving mug
Illy coffee, Jamacan Blue Mountain, or REAL kona coffee
Wood burning kit from Woodcraft or Rockler
Don Julio tequila
Cabellas gift card
Glenlivet 12/15 or Glenfiddich 18 Scotch
For the both congressional houses to play nice and get some shit done.
Sam Adams “perfect” beer glass – set of 4
Any item from my Amazon Wish List

Now that you have been provided the above list for review don’t even consider bringing any weak-ass “Top Fiction” crap from the local B&N, fake Moleskines, cheap beer, ground Starbucks coffee, calculator watches, or any item that even remotely reminds me of Twilight. And don’t be gettin’ uppity when you slide down the chimney this year: We both know that the cookies and milk my wife leaves out are for me. If you touch my cookies there will be an elf beat down. Seriously. I will leave the liquor cabinet open again this year. As per our previous agreement, help yourself to the Bourbon. As long as you stick to the list, Mrs. Kringle will never know about you, Jim, Jack, & Johnny…

Merry Christmas, Santa!

Weekend Update

We had an eventful, rain soaked weekend. Lots of stuff got done, but it wasn’t the sort of thing that great novelists write thought provoking prose about. Maybe a SNL skit though. Details below.

Friday:
Home from work and into jammies.
Sent some e-mail and web-surfed.
Yummy pizza for dinner.
Finished watching season 6 of Dexter – Debra KNOWS!!
Heard weird water noise outside of basement window…
SHIT!!! Gutters clogged!
Ran outside, pulled ladder out, said DIRTY WORDS.
Up on rickety old wooden extension ladder after midnight in a rainstorm…
Prayed for the death of my neighbor’s pine tree.
No, really. Prayed for the tree to die or for neighbor to sell me his house so I can have the pleasure of turning it into mulch.
Dried off and apologized to Stamps-With-Foot for snapping at her while 15′ in the air, digging out leaves from the clogged downspout.
Off to bed.
Passed out and dropped Kindle on the floor -still works.

Saturday:
Up at 10:00 – no time for coffee – grrrrrr…
Drove downtown with my mother to see a talk by Clay Jenkinson – a Jefferson and TR scholar – my two favorite presidents.
Coffee and half a cookie for brunch – health food…
Presentation was great – funny and enlightening.
Took Mother to grocery store then home.
Called The Ruminator and chatted about Christmas lists and school and stuff.
Cleaned living room floors and rug.
Cussed the neighbor’s tree again – pine needles everywhere.
HATE that tree.
Took sweet wife to see shiny vampire movie instead of new 007 – we suffer for those we love.
Snuck food and cookie into movie.
Came home and obsessively checked gutters for clogs and basement for water for the next 24 hours.
Cursed tree – shook fist at it like an old man.
Spent some time in the hot tub in the rain relaxing/fantasizing about a chainsaw, limbs on the ground, and wood chips everywhere while laughing maniacally.
Went to look at Pintrest “for a minute” before bed – closed iPad 4 hours later at 3:45am.

Sunday:
Slept late.
Breakfast.
Skype/FaceTime call with friends in Germany.
Miss them.
Worked on mid-century modern style bookshelf for bedroom.
Poked 20ish holes in wall looking for a studs. Stud-finder worthless on plaster walls.
Threw stud finder.
Hung shelf in a partial stage of completion. Will paint later.
Worked out Christmas budget with sweet wife.
Re-arranged living room to make room for Christmas tree.
Set iPad on top of built-in hutch to keep it out of the way and “safe.”
Watched helplessly as iPad slipped into crack and fell 5 feet and between hutch and wall.
Stared at wood, disbelieving.
Said foul, vile, hateful things.
Paused to collect myself.
Said foul, vile, hateful things again.
Contemplated getting the sledge hammer and splitting maul out.
Had to walk away before I broke stuff.
Went to Target: mood did not improve.
Shopped for Christmas tree in driving cold rain: mood still poor.
Found a nice, full 7′ tall Noble Fir.
Let tree air dry a bit and put it up in living room.
Worked on Christmas cards with sweet wife.
Wrote some funny stuff on cards to friends and family.
Went out to my little shop and cut two long 1/2″X5/8″ sticks of fir & popular.
Attached L-bracket to the ends.
Fished iPad out using the chopstick technique.
Wife so impressed, she bragged about my big ol’ brain on Facebook.
For just a second, I thought “When McGyver spends alone-time with a bottle of lotion, he is thinking of ME….”
Remembered that I was the dumb-ass that dropped it there in the first place and decided not to let me ego run rampant.
Mood improved.
More Christmas cards.
House smells like Christmas.
Hottubing.
Taught cat to hop onto edge of tub.
Fought internal demon to keep from teaching her to swim.
Also resisted the urge to splash.
Shower and shave – need new blades
Read kindle.
Dog snored like a 70 year old alcoholic man with sleep apnea.
Put him on wife’s side of the bed so they could snuggle.
Night-night time.

Travel and Camping in the Land of shiny vampires…

Every summer, my son and I go camping. Some years his sister has gone and my wife has started joining us, but there is a lot of quality father/son time.  Discussions swirl around knights, swords, native American tribes/practices, foreign places/peoples, battles, gvns, more sword talk, camping skills, camp cooking, and the merits of boxing/judo/Krav Maga/etc…  This year, The Ruminator and Stamps-With-Foot conspired against me and planned a trip to Forks, Washington to visit the Twilight tour stops.

The plan was to drive from Seattle to Forks, visiting La Push, and then completing the circumnavigation of the Olympic Peninsula – going from campground to campground.   The trip coincided with both Quileute Days and the Squim Lavender Festival – I have a soft spot for lavender.  I believe that the side trip to Squim was more of a bribe than anything else as our rainey destination and reason for going didn’t really speak to my heart.  My sweet, sweet wife, all her friends, my daughter, and most of the women I know are enamored with the sparkling undead.  I prefer my vampires to erupt into flames when exposed to sunlight, but I am old-school like that.

We packed the new truck, Tater, with tents, bags, rain tarps, food, cast iron, ukeleles, wood, sleeping pads, water, more tarps and headed west like 21st century hillbillies.  Our first night was spent near a WWII concrete anti-ship fort – we had to explore the depths and gvn emplacements twice in 24 hours…  Before heading to Squim, we stopped in downtown Port Townsend and explored the wooden boat center and some of the shops.   Another bribe.  Wooden boats and I have an unrequited love affair.  I can’t have one because I already have a wife and a full-time job, but that doesn’t preclude me from lusting over teak decks, tight joinery, and the naughty brass bits…

The rain came our second night of camping and never really left.  There were dry hours where we cooked and played dueling ukuleles, but for the most part the next 4 nights were an exercise in trying to keep from getting soggy.  Brodie was along for his first Talley Family camp-a-thon and was not amused.  All he wanted to do was sit with his mommy and crawl under the dry blankets in the tent.  That whole thing in the books about Forks being the rainest place in the lower 48 rings true for me.  We were there in the summer and never dried out, I can only imagine what it is like in the depth of a long grey winter.

Quileute Days was a side stop on our way to the Pacific coast and LaPush.  The Ruminator just HAD to swim in the ocean and no amount of persuasion about it being cold, really cold, would change his adolescent, made up mind.  After running into the surf and getting slapped in the chest by the first arctic-cold wave, his eyes got huge and he came up gasping for air.  He stayed in until his lips turned almost blue and we had to drag him out.  I have a sneaking suspicion that his next trip to the coast will involve a wetsuit.

Forks is a former logging town that is full of nice people who still seem a little bewildered by all the attention.  Two shops really stand out in my memory (aside from the Twilight one): a tackle shop that had the same organizational system as my grandfather’s garage: “I know it is here somewhere….”  mounted fish on the wall, a stuffed mountain lion, and a dog sleeping in her spot by the door.   The other shop was an eclectic mix of junk shop, antique store, book store, coffee shop and sandwich counter where we had lunch.   If you go to Forks – dragged by your significant other as well – you cant miss the latter; it is on the same side of the street of the now closed Twilight store and just to the north.

This summer taught us a few things:

  1. Full-on luxury glamping is awesome when you arrive, unload and stay in place, but sucks when you move every night.
  2. Zombie Gunship played on an iPad in the backseat makes the miles fly by and nary a “Are we there yet?” is uttered.
  3. Brodie hates camping, the woods, rain, campfires, and the ukelele.  Hates.
  4. Stamps-With-Foot makes a mean gumbo!
  5. The idea of spending time in the “Wettest place in the lower 48” sounds MUCH better than it is.
  6. I am more awesomer at checkers than my son
  7. Lavender ice cream is amazingly yummy
  8. Flailing about with bullwhip kelp is a fine way to get into trouble
  9. Bacon fried in a iron skillet over a campfire is another proof the God loves us and wants us to be happy.
  10. Future summer outings will be less Cormac McCarthy’ The Road (soggy,cold,dirty) and more Endless Summer or Smokey and the Bandit.

Aftermath of a robbery

A couple of months ago, we were robbed – my shop was cleaned of tools. It is just now that I have calmed down enough to write about it and not rant and want to get up and throw things/commit serious bodily harm to someone. All of my hand tools, small power tools and a rolling large tool box were taken. It was a huge blow, not just in dollars, but in sentiment as well. There were carving chisels that were my grandfathers, most of my father’s wrenches , 80 year old spoke shaves, saws, a brand new – never used – router, and all my air nailers. Cleaned out.

We were in the UK and Ireland for 9 days and a couple days after we got back, I had a miserable day at my J-O-B and just wanted to work in the garage/shop and make a big pile of plane shavings – stress relief. I walked in the door and there was stuff everywhere (more than usual). Boxes off shelves, lumber moved, clamps scattered… I couldn’t comprehend what I was seeing – did my wife move my stuff… No… Wait… Fvck!! I got crazy mad, then wanted to cry. My stomach tied itself in knots and my heart was sick as I made a mental calculation of what all was in my tool boxes. I called the cops.

Police came, took a report, I called in insurance company, and started looking on Craig’s list and in local pawn shops, while taking slow and painful inventory of what was gone. Not one tool, chisel, saw, router, or wrench ever showed up. To add insult to injury, I know who took it all. We had some contractors do some work at the house around Christmas and one of them was a little sketchy. Not weird junky-itch sketchy, he just looked around at everything in the house and yard with an appraising eye and followed me into the shop to get some supplies I had for him to use and he lingered just a little too long. I didn’t really put it all together until weeks later. I won’t go into details because I cannot “prove” anything and an online accusation could lead to court or this guy showing up at my house again and that would lead a different sort of court case… But I KNOW this guy has my stuff. I know, not a hunch, not a feeling, I know. I called the police to tell them what I had found and I was told that unless he was seen on a public street with one of my tools in his hand, that they could do very little. No warrant to search his vehicle, or house, or shop would be forthcoming… Man, it pisses me off that I paid this guy for slow work that I had to finish AND he took my property – tangible links with my father and Grandfather.

I filed a complaint for the workmanship issues and uncompleted work with the BBB, gave him a craptastic review on Yelp, and let the guy who recommended him know what all exactly happened. Maybe I can save someone else’s stuff. Additionally, I cut the plug off of a power planer months before the break-in because it had an electrical short to the metal housing. I hope that he puts a plug on it and the thing shocks the living shit out of him or that one of the carving chisels slips and relieves him of a reproductive organ in the lower abdominal region…

2011 Christmas list

Every year, instead of bumbling around at the last minute and either spending WAY too much coin on a guilt-riddled extravagant present or buying the completely wrong thing that we will each smile over and pretend to like on Christmas morning, my sweet wife and I exchange Christmas lists in mid November.  We don’t get the other one every item on their respective list or even most of them – they are used as a gift guide and if a couple or three things from the list show up under the tree then all the better.  For me, it really cuts down on the ugly ties, strange t-shirts, and books I will never read.  We do the same things with the kids, so that we have a general idea of what they are into each year.  This Christmas my list includes:

  1. Cast Iron Brownie Skillet @ Bed, Bath & Beyond (I am trying to curb my cookie habit with brownies…)
  2. Smart Wool Socks @ REI
  3. DeWalt Trim Router Kit @ Rockler, Wood Craft, Home Depot or Here
  4. The Gift of Bees @ Heifer International
  5. iPod Nano from Apple
  6. LunaTik Silver watch band for Nano @ MFG Website
  7. 1 box of .45cal Ball FMJ
  8. Red Iron Tagine @ Bed, Bath & Beyond
  9. 1 Bag of Kona Coffee @ This Online Shop
  10. Sam Adam’s Wheat Beer Glasses @ Their Online Shop (6th year on the list – hint, hint)
  11. Laser Guide for Mitre Saw @ Rockler
  12. Old Warner Brothers Cartoons @ Amazon (also like Tom & Jerry and Tex Avery ‘Toons)
  13. Subscription to Monocle Magazine
  14. Amazon, Apple, Starbucks, B&N cards
  15. A donation to Smile Train, MFS, ADA, Habitat for Humanity, or your local homeless shelter would really brighten up the holiday.

I sent a similar list to the kids, but I added a new truck, an awesome cyclocross bike, an Omega Seamaster Watch, World Peace, a new table saw…  you know, in case they are feeling generous this holiday season.