This weekend was a giant cluster and I am glad it is Monday – those are words I have never said before. 100% first world boogie problems, I get it. My house is not on fire, I am not fleeing disease or a brutal regime, and no one is firing artillery or bullets in my direction. I get it, so please excuse my momentary lapse into the tiny issues in my own little world.

• Ran out of ½ and ½ for coffee 1st thing on Saturday
• Had to use my wife’s coconut creamer.
• Was not happy.
• Didn’t matter, spilled the coffee all over robe ½ way through the cup.
• Said the F-word loud enough to make both dogs go find their mommy
• Looked for a tool for like 40 minutes in house, basement, attic, and garage.
• Still haven’t found it.
• One of the dogs rolled in shit and then came happily into the house.
• Same dog got on the couch.
• I had to clean the couch
• I lost my favorite fountain pen in the house somewhere while cleaning dog shit!?!
• Went to yarn shop for my mother
• They are out of a specific yarn she needs to finish a blanket.
  “Check back in a month… the dye lot MAY be different though…”
• Went to grocery store and someone rammed the parking exit ticket-taking machine.
• It was the only exit for cars.
• Sat there for an hour+ – grumbling at “people”
• Realized I forgot some stuff and had to go back to the damn grocery store.
• Went to library to renew book (Chernov’s Grant)
  Found that I forgot to return a book 3 months ago
• Have a $20 fine.
• Opened Twitter
• Read that The Cheeto refused to join the leaders of Europe for a 100th anniversary WWI Armistice tribute because of rain…
• Got super worked up, hate Tweeted, raised my blood pressure, and then turned off the phone.
• We cleaned the hot tub – up to my knees in 40 degree water
• Splashed vinegar in BOTH eyes
• A Normal coffee stand I frequent has switched to a bikini coffee stand.
  My “barista” was wearing pasties, dental floss and a shinny butt plug.
  She adjusted said plug absent-mindedly as she was making my coffee
• I did not drink the coffee
• I sent a joking text that super pissed my kid off.
• Was not my intent.
• Made a fire Sunday night
• Set my phone top of the fireplace insert
• Found it an hour later COOKED my iPhone! WAY to hot to even touch
• Said very dirty words. Dirty.
• Worked on tax receipts because THAT is coming up soon
• Said some more dirty words about my own stupidity with the cell phone cooking.
• New laptop won’t fit in my messenger bag – by a LOT.
• Not buying a new bag!
• Went to bed and read until I fell asleep and cracked myself in the face with above mention Grant biography.

The weekend was not total shit though:

• I sign up for a blacksmithing workshop for making ram and dragon heads
• There was lots of snuggling with my wife and the puppies
• Got some of my Christmas shopping done
• The hot tub is clean and ready to use
• We are geared up for cold weather with plenty of firewood.