I Have Had Better Weekends

This weekend was a giant cluster and I am glad it is Monday – those are words I have never said before. 100% first world boogie problems, I get it. My house is not on fire, I am not fleeing disease or a brutal regime, and no one is firing artillery or bullets in my direction. I get it, so please excuse my momentary lapse into the tiny issues in my own little world.

  • Ran out of ½ and ½ for coffee 1st thing on Saturday
  • Had to use my wife’s coconut creamer.
  • Was not happy.
  • Didn’t matter, spilled the coffee all over robe ½ way through the cup.
  • Said the F-word loud enough to make both dogs go find their mommy
  • Looked for a tool for like 40 minutes in house, basement, attic, and garage.
  • Still haven’t found it.
  • One of the dogs rolled in shit and then came happily into the house.
  • Same dog got on the couch.
  • I had to clean the couch
  • I lost my favorite fountain pen in the house somewhere while cleaning dog shit!?!
  • Went to yarn shop for my mother
  • They are out of a specific yarn she needs to finish a blanket.
    “Check back in a month… the dye lot MAY be different though…”
  • Went to grocery store and someone rammed the parking exit ticket-taking machine.
  • It was the only exit for cars.
  • Sat there for an hour+ – grumbling at “people”
  • Realized I forgot some stuff and had to go back to the damn grocery store.
  • Went to library to renew book (Chernov’s Grant)
    Found that I forgot to return a book 3 months ago
  • Have a $20 fine.
  • Opened Twitter
  • Read that The Cheeto refused to join the leaders of Europe for a 100th anniversary WWI Armistice tribute because of rain…
  • Got super worked up, hate Tweeted, raised my blood pressure, and then turned off the phone.
  • We cleaned the hot tub – up to my knees in 40 degree water
  • Splashed vinegar in BOTH eyes
  • A Normal coffee stand I frequent has switched to a bikini coffee stand.
    My “barista” was wearing pasties, dental floss and a shinny butt plug.
    She adjusted said plug absent-mindedly as she was making my coffee
  • I did not drink the coffee
  • I sent a joking text that super pissed my kid off.
  • Was not my intent.
  • Made a fire Sunday night
  • Set my phone top of the fireplace insert
  • Found it an hour later COOKED my iPhone! WAY to hot to even touch
  • Said very dirty words. Dirty.
  • Worked on tax receipts because THAT is coming up soon
  • Said some more dirty words about my own stupidity with the cell phone cooking.
  • New laptop won’t fit in my messenger bag – by a LOT.
  • Not buying a new bag!
  • Went to bed and read until I fell asleep and cracked myself in the face with above mention Grant biography.

The weekend was not total shit though:

  • I sign up for a blacksmithing workshop for making ram and dragon heads
  • There was lots of snuggling with my wife and the puppies
  • Got some of my Christmas shopping done
  • The hot tub is clean and ready to use
  • We are geared up for cold weather with plenty of firewood.