Birthday #44… F*ck I am getting old!

My birthday is almost here. I will be taking the day off from work, the next day as well and enjoying doing stuff that makes me happy! A strait razor shave, brunch, an afternoon movie, steak dinner with my wife, cookies, etc… Below is a short birthday wish list in no specific order. Just putting it out there:

Peace on the Korean Peninsula
For the Adults in the room to take the reins of the American Political System
Heifer International: Bees (I really like to give the gift of bees) Goats, Chickens, Llama, or the whole Ark…
A little cash to Doctors Without Borders/MSF
Go give blood and send me a post card
Money for Diabetes Research
Some time in a Tattoo Artist’s chair
An Amazon Gift Card
Book: Campaign Furniture by Chris Schwartz
Book: Bees of the World by Mitchner
A gift card to Hardwick’s Hardware in Seattle
Genetic genealogy testing from 23&Me
Starbucks Gift Card
Coupon for The Art of Shaving
A card from each of my kids
Sign up for the 2-Day Rally School Course
An Ash Pack Basket (Sling-style harness)
Amber 2ga. Plugs (bonus points if they have insect inclusions)
A fine Anejo Tequila
Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey
Porto (Cálem Vintage, Ramos Pinto, or a Taylor’s)

Long Holiday Weekend and the Official Start of Summer in Seattle

Our 4th of July weekend went really well this year. To kick things off right, I found out on Friday afternoon before the weekend that I could have Monday July 3rd off. A surprise and unplanned FOUR DAY WEEKEND!!

The 40th Annual Seattle Wooden Boat Festival was being put on and I took a Lyft down to south Lake Union and the Center for Wooden Boats on Saturday morning and hung out till about 12:00. I have mixed feelings about the show/fest this year and will expound on those in a follow up post, but while there got to see some boats and talk shop with a kayak builder and sail-maker. Before leaving the house, Stamp-With-Foot made me promise not to buy a boat. I succeeded in that, but I did look at a cute little 16’ sailing skiff that made me feel fuzzy and a 22’ day/weekend sailor…

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I also saw Opus again – my favorite weekend boat/trailer sailor in the PNW. She is a Wee Seal MKII, designed by the noted Australian/Scotsman Iain Oughtred. Her owners weren’t there, but I still enjoyed seeing at such a sweet little boat. If Opus were for sale, I don’t think that the promise to my wife would have been kept…

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We went to a colleague’s early 4th of July BBQ on Saturday afternoon/evening (the 1st of July). It was down in Enumclaw and had an AMAZING view of Mt. Rainier from the deck and rest of the property. There was beer, laughter, wine, 4-wheelers, BBQ, and fine people. The fireworks started at dark and no one lost any fingers and nothing burned down, so a successful party.

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Monday and Tuesday were spent in our yard, my shop, and the house fixing, building, moving stuff around. I hired some labor on Monday the 3rd and spent 8 hours cleaning the yard, moving bricks, pulling weeds, re-finishing the patio table, cleaning the hot tub, moving boulders, and making 2 runs to the dump. I swear the people at the city dump know me so well by now that I will be getting Christmas cards from them.

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The yard came together about 9:00pm the night before our scheduled BBQ on the 4th. We had friends, family, co-workers, neighbors come over for charred meat, chips, dip, booze, desert, and laughter. The holiday was also my backyard’s coming out party. She was finally ready to join the world and everyone fawned over the green, luscious grass. It made me so proud! It was also the puppies first time being allowed in the backyard unsupervised. They rolled and sniffed and frolicked like I made the yard just for them. There were no fights (human or puppy), no one got sick, everyone left full, no grass was destroyed, no cuts or scrapes, no fires, nothing blown up, and we had some very tired happy puppies that night – so another successful party.

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More 2017 07-04-2017 BBQ (1)

More 2017 07-04-2017 BBQ (2)

More 2017 07-04-2017 BBQ (3)

2017 New Year’s Resolutions:

Stuff I will do in 2017:

Eat my veggies
Lose weight – back to 175!
Go to the gym regularly
Box more
Write more: Blog, letters, notes, fiction, non-fiction
Take a lunch at least 4 days a week at work
Show up to yoga at least once a week
Take a pottery class
Take a Blacksmithing class at the Pratt
Read 1 book every 2 weeks – minimum
Play my uke, banjo, and guitar with others
build a skin-on-frame canoe
Run and bike
Start a guitar building class
Pay off all credit cards
Go Sailing
Give lots of $$ to Heifer and MFS
Make movies and post: Adventure, craftsmanship, and family.
Lessen my Social Media presence (Blog doesn’t count)
See my kids and granddaughter more
Be involved in popitics more: financally and time wise
Work on my Genealogy database a little
Finish the house remodel
Finish the garage/shop/GROP build
Make Stuff!!
Ride my skateboard because I am not too old or too fat
Road trip in WA more
Have two hives of healthy, happy bees
Kayak lots!
See my friends more
Take my wife on vacation
Plant a spring garden
Fix up the front and back yards
Climb more inside and outside
Have an awesome Griswald-like Christmas light display!

Birthday list – 2016

In about 4 weeks I will celebrate the 14th anniversary of my 29th year.  I want cake (moist yellow cake with chocolate butter-cream frosting), snuggling, two fingers of a great scotch after lunch, lots of tiny cups of coffee all day, a nice glass of wine with a steak for dinner, laughter, and a few well thought out gifts. I will not be working that day and I plan to pamper myself with a haircut and a strait-razor shave.

Below is my birthday wish list for my wife, family and children.
Gifts that Keep giving:

  1. Heifer International:
  2. Doctors Without Borders/MSF
  3. Go give blood and send me a post card
  4. Habitat for Humanity
  5. Diabetes Research

Books:
Campaign Furniture by Chris Schwartz
Theodore Roosevelt: A Strenous Life
I could stand a Kindle Paperwhite
A volume on handplanes or a tome on traditional woodworking
Bees of the World by Mitchner
A Lost Art Press volume of The Essential Woodworker
Washington: A Life by Ron Chernow
James Krenov’s Cabinet Maker’s Notebook
Two Classic books on Shaker Furniture: here and here.

Stuff:
Forging class at the Pratt starting in October
Letters from my kids – written on actual paper.
A 3-Day Rally School Course
A bottle of Pre-Shave Oil from The Art of Shaving – Lavender
A couple of thoughtful cards
The iWatch 2. Simple black – the cheapest one
German Wheat Beer is always welcome
Zombie shooting targets
An Ash Pack Basket (Sling-style harness)
Amber 2ga. Plugs (bonus points if they have insect inclusions)
2ga. Dark Jade plugs
The AKcooltools Stainless/bronze Clamptite and the lg roll of stainless .041 wire
24 Provence lavender plants for my front yard
Tiffany blue silk tie and matching pocket square
These new bad-ass cufflinks
A Global Sashimi knife
Classic Cartoon DVDs (Wanrner Bros., Tex Avery, Bugs, Tom&Jerry, Loony Toons, Road Runner, etc…)
Christopher Ward Quartz Trident with black rubber strap

Booze:
A fine Anejo Tequila
Hakushu 12 Whisky
A bottle of Fronsac or Canon-Fronsac (Château Lafond, Château La Vieille Cure, La Dalphine…)
Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey
Porto (Cálem 2011 Vintage, Ramos Pinto, or a Taylor’s)
Glenfiddich 21

A Modern Wedding Arch Build

My Brother-in-law and his then fiancé decided early this year that they would visit us in France and while here have a little wedding… Stamps-With-Foot freaked out and turned on the ‘Big-Sister Action Mode’ setting on her internal processor. She quickly organized the shipping logistics, helped with transportation, found lodging for all, located a restaurant for the reception, sourced champagne and wine, etc… I had two jobs. 1. Make sure the yard was a perfect/green as possible. 2. The wedding arch. It was implied that fvcking up either would have dire consequences.

I sketched a bunch of ideas up in my notebook and talked to the bride a little about her ideas and wants over Skype and e-mail. I had planned on doing a big natural arch with the pruned limbs of 70-100 apple and plum trees, but my source burned the branches before I could get to them. I went with Plan B and drew up a modern interpretation of a classic white wedding arch. The bride said ‘go’ and it was on.

The arch is made from 4 meter (13.14’) X 1.25”X1.25” pine sticks that I sourced at the local lumber yard. They are sold for fencing trim and to cut foundation stakes from. I painted each with two coats of white paint and the bottom is held together with 10mm all-thread. The top is screwed one stick to another – everything is pre-drilled.

All was finished one day before the ceremony with the bride’s brother, cousin and sister helped out with the final painting (taking turns with the one roller) and installation. I really couldn’t finished in time without their help and support.

The bride and groom seemed very happy with the work and allowed me to even officiate their wedding. Honored does not even begin to describe my feelings about being included in this way. It was my first time getting to use my Ordained Minister credentials and I am SO adding wedding officiate to my resume! I will add some pictures and wedding details later – after the bride has had a chance to flood her social media accounts with pictures to her little heart’s content. Out-doing of being faster than the bride to share “her day” with the world would be bad juju…

As you can see from the pictures – I succeeded in Job 1 as well: Greenest yard in Toulouse:-)

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Wedding Arch September 2015

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Updated Materials list and build instructions:

Material:
2 – 3/8”X3’ sections of “all-thread” (Home Depot or Lowes)
4 – 3/8” nuts
4 – 3/8” washers
40-45 – 1”X1”X12’ garden stakes/lathe
These can be substituted by ripping down 2X6 or 2×8 boards on a table saw. The finished stakes will be 1.5”X1”
100ish 1.5” deck screws
White paint with primer

Tools:
Two saw horses or cinder blocks
Paint brush
Hand saw or circle saw
4 – hand clamps
hammer
Two battery drills
Socket set
Combination wrench set
½” drill bit
1/8” Drill bit for pilot holes
Two helpers that have not started drinking or toking

Directions:
1. Check with the bride and get her sign off before any purchase of build is started.
2. After acquiring your stakes or making them, leave them bundled or tie them with packing string. If you removed them from the bundle before assemble, they are likely to warp.
3. Paint all available sides with thick coat of white paint
4. Put on second thick coat
a. You can let you helpers do this and it does not have to be a sober day project. It is better if they are altered. They will paint each other. It will happen.
5. Let paint dry overnight and out of the weather
6. Cut the bundle, retie the stakes with packing string with the unpainted side out.
7. Drill ½” hole in the bottoms of all the stakes about 1/2” from the bottom and on the centerline.
8. Measure up from the top of that hole ½ to 1” and cut what are now your spacer blocks off.
9. Drill ½” hole in the new bottoms of all the stakes about 1/2” from the bottom and on the centerline. Or you can drill both holes in all your stakes at the same time and cut between them.
10. Figure out the spacing of the “floor” of you arch by standing bride, groom and officiate up and seeing what that width is.
11. Add 18”-24” on each side. 10’ is great normally, but you decide.
12. Move all material and tools to the spot where the arch will be erected.
13. Mark out you width on a spate stake and place it in your desired location.
14. Double check with the bride if this is what she wants.
15. Cut your now fully painted bundles
16. Lay you first two sections and have them cross with 6-10” left at the top.
17. Clamp the bottoms to the stake, leaving the ½” hole uncovered.
18. Check the top again and if correct, drill a pilot hole in the top over-lapping stake.
a. This is super important! ALL screw holes must be pre drilled or you will split the wood.
b. This will piss the bride off and you will have a bad day.
19. Insert the all-tread into the bottom hole and put the washer on from the front (under), followed by the nut. Just tighten till the threads are covered on the end.
a. Have one of you sober helpers hold this all-thread until the 5th or 6th course of stakes are laid. If not, then you will split the stakes at the bottom and the bride will find out. You will get into trouble.
20. Slide a spacer block on after each stake is put on.
21. With your sober helpers holding the All-thread, lower another stake into place.
22. You will want to lower both ends at the same time or something will crack.
23. Move to the peak and space the second set.
a. I used a scrap bit of stake so that I would have 1” stakes and 1” spacing between, but if I had to do it again, I would use a 1+1/2” block (skinny part of a 2X4) as the spacer. It makes for a more dramatic fan when done.
24. Drill pilot hold and repeat step 17 – 22 until you have about ½” left on the end of the all thread.
25. Assembly is easier from inside the arch.
26. At some point your sober helpers will start looking for a cooler or a lighter. Do not let them wander off. Trust me.
27. Put on your next par of washers and nuts and hand tighten.
28. Use second set of hand clamps to put another stake across the bottom of the back of the arch. This and the one on front will be removed after you stand it up, but they will help keep everything ridged until it is up.
29. Cut four 18-24” sections of a spare stake and either have a still sober helper sharpen the end (the proper instruction is “like a Vampire stake…”) or you can cut it at an angle with a hand saw
30. Now with all available help stand the arch up, gently.
31. Have the bride sign off on the build and location. Not the bride’s mother. The lady in white herself. Seriously.
32. After you have the OK, then carefully insert a “vampire stake” between two stakes and hammer it into the ground until there is 2” sticking up above the side of the arch.
a. Don’t screw this up and hit the arch with the hammer. You might break something and then you will have to go into witness protection or move to Bulgaria.
33. Predrill a hole in the stake and arch and attach the two.
34. Do this on all four corners.
35. Remove the clamped on temporary bottom sections.
36. You may now release the helpers to become a chemically altered as they so desire.
37. Touch up any or the missing paint from the cords or the assembly.
38. Bask in glory of your accomplishment with a cold malted beverage.

Gluttony: Deadly Sin #2 accomplished.

We spent Christmas at a friends’ parent’s house near Pau (pronounced “Po”), France. It is in the middle of the Jurançon wine region and near one of the historical centers for mountain pasture fed sheep and goat cheese. Our hosts were incredible and the amount of food we consumed was staggering! Below is a semi complete list of the things that we enjoyed:

Aged local Brebis (sheep) cheese
Steak grilled in the home’s fireplace
Prosciutto
Coffee
Herbal tea
Cured ham
Roasted Rabbit
Strawberry preserves
Roasted potatoes
Rice pilaf
Pate
Christmas cake
Croissant with honey
Baguettes
Wild Boar
Foie gras
pumpkin soup
3 types of Jurançon wine
Saucisson
Aged Pyrenees goat cheese
Boudin
Swiss and German chocolate
Dutch Stroopwafel
Bottle after bottle of amazing 2008 and 2006 Bordeaux wine

 

What I want Thursday – Birthday Addition 2014

In about 3 weeks I will celebrate the 13th anniversary of my 29th birthday and the current plan is to spend the weekend in Porto, Portugal.  While there, I want cake (moist yellow cake with chocolate butter-cream frosting), snuggling, a nice glass or 6 of Port, laughter, and a few well thought out gifts. I will NOT work that day – just not going to happen – and I plan to pamper myself with a haircut and a strait-razor shave if it can be found. I might buy some new wingtips, just ’cause they make me happy. Cookies will be eaten and beef will be consumed in quantity.   

Below is my birthday wish list – mostly for my wife and children, but feel free to peruse and suggest.

I already have a bunch of crap, so my first request is that you give to a worthy cause.

Heifer International: Bees, Goats, Chickens, Llama, the whole Ark… 🙂
Doctors Without Borders/MSF
Diabetes Research

If you DO want to get me a little token of your love and appreciation:

Books:

Anything from my Amazon wish list
A signed hardbound copy of Campaign Furniture 
Theodore Roosevelt: a Strenous Life
I would like a signed copy of Chris Schwartz’s The Anarchist’s Tool Chest
Founding Foodies
A volume on handplanes or a tome on traditional woodworking
Twilight at Monticello
A Lost Art Press volume of The Essential Woodworker
James Krenov’s Cabinet Maker’s Notebook
Two Classic books on Shaker Furniture: here and here.

Stuff:
Don Julio Anejo Tequila
F3 Architect’s Wallet
Porsche Design TecFlex Fountain Pen (F Nib)
New bad-ass cufflinks or these or these
A Global Chef’s knifebread knife, and ceramic sharpener
Classic Cartoon DVDs (Bugs, Tom&Jerry, Loony Toons, Road Runner, etc…)
Stainless Omega Seamaster 007 or Planet Ocean with inscription
A fantastic sport coat

Tools:
A pair of 1/2 round molding planes
A Pair of Snipe Bill molding planes
A set of Mortise Chisels

Update:

In addition to a fine long weekend in Porto, my wife gave me a cute desert cookbook, awesome mustache cuff-links, and a watch that I have been asking for. My Father-in-law sent me the funds to buy a nice bottle of port. My Mom hooked me up with an apron for BBQing and the thoughtful gift of Heifer bees. Bottles of good wine and great beer from friends here in France and I got cards and online wishes galore. It all made me very happy. Thank you everyone very, very much!

Our French Jardin

With my J-O-B and all that we have going on here in France (work, travel, guests, work, work…) there is NO WAY that I can have a proper garden. To scratch my farming itch, I have been medium obsessive over the grass (I have not found the desire to begin a campaign of slaughter for the dandelions as yet) and have made our outside living space as nice a possible. The prior occupants of our house planted rosemary, sage, lavender (we have 5 different bee types on it right now), a couple of fruit trees and some bulbs that we are nursing a little the the color and life help with my primal need to make stuff grow.

We eat outside in the evenings a couple nights a week and I bought a sweet masonry grill from an English couple that were moving to Spain. The thing weighed a ton, but it works and looks great. In addition to grilling on weekend afternoons, I REALLY like to have my coffee in the shade of the porch out back if my schedule allows and the hammock has an assign spot in the shade. We see our back yard here as more of an outdoor room and have furnished it with a teak table set and the Adirondack lawn furniture that I made for Stamps-With-Foot a couple of years ago – she insisted we bring it from Seattle 🙂

Back yard 3 2014

Spring 2014 (1)

back yard (2) 2014

Grilling 2014

brodie hammoch 2014

Yard in France 2014 (2)

Yard in France 2014 (1)

Yard in France 2014 (3)

Yard in France 2014 (4)

flowers 2 2014

Spring 2014 (2)

Flowers 3 - 2014

flowers 4 2014

Flowers 2014

back yard 2014

What I want Thursday – 9/5/13

Updated 40th Birthday List

Books:

I would like a signed copy of Chris Schwartz’s The Anarchist’s Tool Chest
A volume on handplanes and a tome on traditional woodworking
Theodore Roosevelt: a Strenuous Life
Twilight at Monticello
Founding Foodies
A Lost Art Press volume of The Essential Woodworker
James Krenov’s Cabinet Maker’s Notebook
Two Classic books on Shaker Furnature: here and here.

Stuff:

I NEED a proper shaving mug
A gift donation to Doctors Without Borders
2ga amber plugs – with bugs
Permission to buy dark brown, leather soled, Italian wing-tips
A pair of 30X700 CycloCross tires and tubes
2ga jade plugs
2ga clear glass plugs
Smart wool socks
A case of 230gr .45 FMJ
A pair of red Chuck Tailor low tops.
Gift to Hefier International. Bees, goats, water buffalo…
Movie ticket/theatre gift cards
Stainless Omega Seamaster 007 or Planet Ocean with inscription.
ILLY, Jamaican Blue Mountain, or REAL Kona coffee
Classic Trident Mariners 3/4 sleeve jersey – Only sold at the Mariners team store (Stadium or SouthCenter)
Large classic Adirondack pack basket – 18-22″ tall – leather straps preferred, but I will take cotton…
I would like a heavy-weight safety razor
A badger hair brush
New bad-ass cufflinks
A Global Chef’s knife, bread kinfe, and ceramic sharpener
Classic Cartoon DVDs (Bugs, Tom&Jerry, Loony Toons, Road Runner, etc…)

Tools:

Hardwick’s Hardware gift certificate.
A set of Mortise Chisels
Woodcraft gift certificate.

What I Want Thursday – 40th Birthday Edition

I am a big ol’ baby about my birthday. I want cake (moist yellow cake with chocolate butter-cream frosting) and laughter and a few presents. I do NOT work or go to school, I pamper myself with a haircut and a strait-razor shave. I might buy some new shoes. Cookies will be eaten. Steak or BBQ will be consumed with a proper German wheat beer and there will be cuddling later. As this year will be the 40th anniversary of my birth – I plan on it being a good one and I am going to pack some great stuff into the 24 hours a year that is officially mine.   Below is my birthday wish list – mostly for my wife, but feel free to paruse and suggest.

Books:

I would like a signed copy of Chris Schwartz’s The Anarchist’s Tool Chest
A volume on handplanes and a tome on traditional woodworking
A Lost Art Press volume of The Essential Woodworker
James Krenov’s Cabinet Maker’s Notebook
Two Classic books on Shaker Furnature: here and here.

Stuff:

I NEED a proper shaving mug
A pair of 30X700 CycloCross tires
Classic Trident Mariners 3/4 sleeve jersey – Only sold at the Marniers team store (Stadium or SouthCenter)
Large classic Adirondack pack basket – 18-22″ tall – lea ther straps preferred, but I will take cotton
I would like a heavy-weight safety razor
A badger hair brush
New bad-ass cufflinks
A Global Chef’s knife, bread kinfe, and ceramic sharpener
Classic Cartoon DVDs (Bugs, Tom&Jerry, Loony Toons, Road Runner, etc…)

Tools:

Hardwick’s Hardware gift certificate.
A set of Mortise Chisels
Woodcraft gift certificate.

12th Night in Portland – 2013

A few weeks ago we drove down to Portland so that I could to do some off-site work for my J-O-B and took an extra day (on or dime) to both visit friends and attend an evening of the SCA’s 12th Night celebration – Being married to a trained costume designer means that one goes to these sorts of evenings.  Our friends have closets (yes, I meant to be plural – as in 4 closets) filled with period costumes and accessories.  My wife dressed me in a couple of different outfits until she was certain that I looked the part and then I went and waited downstairs for a couple of hours while the ladies prepped and primped like a good little puppy.

I agreed to this foray for three reasons:

  1. Happy wife, happy life…
  2. There was booze promised to me.
  3. There was to be a “huge” vendor area where all sorts of cool stuff like swords, and bows, and armor, and axes and like items would be sold and traded.

Now, the mention/rumor of armor and swords takes be back to being a 9-year old at my very first Renaissance Faire (the REAL Penn and Teller performed that year).  I wanted a “real” sword and a chain mail hood so bad that I would have licked the bottom of a Port-a-John seat for them at the time.  My son is now enamored with the same period of history, I live vicariously through him and thought that he would get a real kick out of the pictures of armor and swords

I was a little disappointed: no swords, one real armor dealer and sales area was lined with stalls that catered to the ladies fabric, buttons, capes, cloaks, furry hats, jewelry, etc…), but I did end up getting a few good pictures to send to The Ruminator and we ended up watching the fencing melee/tournament.  Helmets, steel swords, shields, daggers, very cool.  He would have been all in!

The rest of the event was good and the detail of some of the costumes was amazing.  Some of those folks put months and months of work hand sewing outfits just for that one night.  Our evening ended with a game of Cards Against Humanity – I won – and we stumbled home just after 1:00AM.

Our Second Wedding

The ladies

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While most people wait until their 20th anniversary to marry their spouse again, we decided to move the time-line up a bit and do it on our 3.75 year anniversary. We is just sort of roll like that… No really, we eloped those long many years ago in Southern California just before our move to Germany. We had planned to have a get-together for family and friends the next summer, but life got in the way. Life kept getting in the way. There has been some increasing pressure from a couple of friends and my mother-in-law to get it done already.

During a visit at Christmas last year (I was still heavily medicated from the latest shoulder surgery so I was in an agreeable mood…) my father-in-law and I went running at Camp Long and happened into the lodge, a WPA built stone and timber craftsman beauty. Donald and I talked about it being a perfect place for a wedding reception and then enrolled Laurel in the idea of having our “DO” close to home (the park is 1.5 blocks from La Maison du Talley) this would simplify planning and logistics and with the rental of all ten cabins on the site, there would a place for everyone to sleep off what promised to be a beverage filled evening. Simple was the plan… Stress was the eventuality, but to see Laurel dressed in radiant white, surrounded by our family and friends was worth every hypertensive moment.

With the amazing help of those gathered, the day of our ceremony went off without a hitch. Our caterer was GREAT, the beer was cold, wine flowed, Donald made killer appetizers, Herbert was on flower and wine delivery duty, Matthew delivered the Nana and was a terrific MC, Henrik was took more pictures than Matthew Brady and Annie Leibovitz combined. Michael delivered the beer, Dani played the violin as if she were truly an angel, Beckie made the cakes beautiful, Gin read the poetry with great flair, Emmy arranged the flowers was Laurel’s rock, Sarah remade the dress, Miguel added the sweetness, the Aunts decorated the hall, Jan was maestro of our crazy little orchestra, Bob the photographer was on time and worked it, Leif was the official dog walker extraordinaire, Brodie was an awesome ring bearer, Nick steamed dresses, Nana folded programs into the wee hours, and the entire Brezynski family was the oil that made it all run smoothly.

The ceremony was held outside in the large meadow and an old Burton family friend was the officiant. I saw my beautiful bride being walked by her father and I cried like a little girl who had her Princess Pony taken away. She looked amazing and graceful and so happy. We said our vows, everyone cheered and at some point I stopped crying. Pictures were taken and we all retired to the lodge for drinking, eating, speeches, dancing, and laughter. As the evening closed, I gave my bride her wedding present. A gift that will always remind her of me and will speak to our journey through life together: a restored 1967 red Schwinn Twin tandem bike. She wanted to ride it in her wedding dress – one of the 10,000 reasons I love her.

Wedding Stress

Why in the Hell would anyone choose to get married?! Not the commitment/loving one person forever part, the actual wedding part. The logistics of the thing are as complicated as planning an invasion of a small island country. Stressful is not the word for what this “little party for our family and friends” has become. Budget – long gone.   Nerves – frayed.

My lovely wife and I have been married for almost four years and are just now getting around to having the reception. We booked the event hall just after New Years and have spent the last 7 months planning, deciding, rethinking, deciding again, spending, organizing, finding a caterer, picking a menu, herding cats, applying for permits, cake tasting, choosing the proper glasses, wedding dress alterations, finding flowers, writing checks, wine tasting, finding a new caterer, buying kegs of beer, tracking down a violinist, making invitations, finding 7 matching ties in one place, forking over the credit card, DJ – band – or iPod?, finding rooms for out of town guests, writing vows, buying gifts, soothing ruffled feathers, renting suits, keeping feuding family in their respective corners, dealing with lost bridesmaid dresses, etc, etc, etc… It never fvcking ends.

I am at the point where I want to run screaming from our cute little house – abandoning my green yard, letting my tomatoes wither and set up a tent in the mountains where I can live like a hermit until all this is over! After all the wine and beer are gone, after everything has been cleaned, and after all the guests have all flown back to their respective cities and towns, I am going to stay home every weekend for a year, read my Sunday paper, work in the shop and on my yard/garden. I am not going to plan one single fvcking event, outing, or trip. I am going to church on Sundays, yoga on Saturdays, visit a few galleries, and go see a film or three. I am not going to take on any more projects and I am going to spend my off hours reading, writing, making love, cycling, running, climbing, and building cabinets.

When my kids and grandkids decide to get married, I am going to do my dead level best to bribe them into eloping and will give them a lump sum of cash that would have been spent on their wedding/reception as a down payment for a home.

post written on and uploaded from my iPhone

Weddings All Around

Was there a memo that I missed – a possible tax incentive for people to get married in 2010?  Am I just getting to that age where all my friends are settling down to mow the lawn while holding a beer, shop for leisure suits, and go to bed by 9:00pm?  Something must be up: we have seven weddings to attend this year including our own formal ceremony for family/re-commitment thing.  It all started 10 days after Christmas with an elaborate affair (pictures published in a magazine and taxidermy mice as cake toppers…) in the Bay Area, then one for March in SoCal, one in Sedona in May that is scheduled in the middle of the week and is a 4 day event.  There is a small intimate ceremony in NorCal in June, someone (my wife is the keeper of names and schedules) is getting hitched in July, There is a “Do” the first part of August in Germany and we are having our own gathering at the end of August in Seattle.  That is a lot of flights, a lot of tie wearing, some serious gift coin, and lots of nights in hard, crappy hotel beds.  I feel like I have a part-time start-up as a wedding attendee.

A Wine-soaked Wedding Do

Laurel and I are getting married, again.  “But Matt, aren’t you are already married?!”  Yes, yes we are and no I am not taking a second wife – I looked into that, but I sort of let it go when Laurel started making sawing gestures while looking manically at my lower abdominal region.

The story is that we had planed a fairly extravagant affair for the summer of 2007.  We had accepted a job in Germany and had planned to come back to The States for the wedding that next summer.  German residence laws squished that plan as Laurel could only stay in Germany for three months at a time with a six-month gap in between if we weren’t hitched.  After weighing our options, we went to a courthouse in SoCal to make our relationship official in the eyes of the extremely uptight German Government and then spent a weekend in a B&B.  Not the most romantic wedding tales you have ever heard, I know.

We are now back and settled and both of us felt that we would like to acknowledge such a huge event in our lives properly.  We have rented heavily wooded parcel of land for a weekend this summer and will have an outdoor ceremony (I swear it will be simple and not California-kooky) and will spend the evening in a 1930s ballroom on the property cozying up to 2-3 kegs of GREAT beer, a yummy spread of food, a dozen or so pies, cake and enough wine to make Bacchus want to come and join the festivities.  It is always a pain in the ass to attend someone’s do and have to get a pricey hotel room and rent a loud polyester outfit.  So… to make things as easy as possible for our guests, we have rented enough cabins to sleep the entire wedding party in for both Friday and Saturday night.  I swear that I will not make any of my buddies rent a pink tux, wear short-short lederhosen, kilts, nor do I expect any of them be on their best behavior – As long as no one does anything to make my hot little wife cry – then what happens in the trees stays in the trees.

To lure my elusive buddies out of their high mountain caves, I have floated the rumor that Mt. Rainer is 40 miles south, there is great sport/trad climbing in Leavenworth, some killer Alpine routes with glaciers on the Olympic peninsula, great fishing, whale watching, Canada to the north, etc, etc, etc.  It would make a fine kick-off weekend to the annual summer climbing, beer drinking, rafting, cycling, suffer-fest that we all partake in.

Now, if some of our friends can’t make it, we TOTALLY understand and it is not like I will pour wax into small molds and make dolls that look remarkable like each of those who choose not to attend.  It would be crazy to think that I have snippets of their cloths and cuttings of hair to paste on these completely theoretical dolls.  And know that I would never heat up any pins and probe their wax parts IF for some reason they decided to miss our wedding.  No, I wouldn’t even think of such…

homebrew and hotdogs

Well, we had our opening of summer BBQ with LOTS of home brew. We had all sorts of sausage, my buddy Dave’s wife is a sushi chef and she made more raw fish than 30 normal people could eat – luckily we had Daniel and Laurel who put a major dent in the sashimi.

The beer was mostly good. Daniel was the Brew-Master and the IPA beer turned out to be just as planned – I named it Hopocalypse. There was a special Double-IPA that Daniel named S&M IPA that was super-stiff. The PacNW boys seemed to like it though. My wheat beer (Between the Sheets Wheat) didn’t turn out as good, however. The taste was excellent, but we didn’t put enough sugar in during the bottling process and it was somewhat flat. A proper Weissbier should have a nice thick foamy head, my wheat had a John Waters pencil moustache sort of head. It hurt my soul a little, but there was plenty of other beer and everyone had a good time and waddled home at the end of the evening.

Ich Liebe Weißbier

As I live in the beer capital of the world and great beer swirls all around me, I feel that there is no reason to drink sub-par beer. As my particular favorite fermented beverage is wheat beer, I thought about having a blind taste test that included a group of multi-national friends to see which of the most popular and available brands I should buttress with my patronage and financial support. The Beer Fairy (we are big buds – exchange Christmas cards and all that) stopped by our flat this past weekend and left eighteen (18) different quality brands of Hefeweissen (or just plain “weisse Bier” as we were repeatedly corrected by a German participating in the event). My darling bride graciously volunteered to be the beer wench/test focal for the evening along with another friend – both sporting dirndls, making for an authentic German beer drinking atmosphere (they are both getting some good stuff for this added and appreciated surprise detail). The tasting was loosely organized along the lines of a blind taste test – very loosely.

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All 18 Hefeweissens we tested and a few other kinds of beer consumed after the testing. This shot was taken on the way to the recycling center the next day. I know my neighbors looked out their windows as I lined up the bottles for the picture and thought, ‘Crazy American, what is he doing now…

It wasn’t a test that would hold up to scientific peer review: Pallets were not cleansed before and after tasting, the beer was swallowed after the tasting (spitting good beer in my house unless you are having a heart attack will get one unceremoniously booted out the door!), the participants were seated together and were allowed to talk about the beer and/or each other’s mother if they so desired, food was served with the beer, there was not a control group given the same beer each time, no random sampling of participants from the overall beer drinking population was used. Multiple tests were not conducted under exacting standards, etc… This was a gathering of like-minded friends who just like beer. So, if you are reading this and you work for one of the companies that we decided sucked – sorry, but it is going to be real hard to sue me for posting an OPINION on my VERY obscure, almost NEVER read (…save for a couple of friends and a crazy English woman…) website/blog.

Just before 7:00pm on Friday, guests started showing up and we sat down for an evening of semi-scientific research. A few were late and a couple had to leave early, so the testing had to accommodate this flow of testers. All counted, there were three Americans, one Scot, one Swede, an Englishman, and three Germans who participated as testers and a good number of significant others and onlookers drinking wine and the hard stuff for the duration. Of those who participated in the actual testing: two were women, seven were men, and we ranged from twenty-two to thirty-six years old. Our dirndl-clad test administrators kept us well stocked, washed glasses between rounds, and delivered mini-pizzas and other snacks fresh from the oven. We had music playing in the background and a slide show of 350+ beer and weisse Bier related images scrolling on the big screen throughout the evening.

Going into this test I just knew that my personal favorite, Franziskaner Hefeweissen would come out on top and that my second favorite, Franziskaner Weissen Dunkel, would place well (I am brand loyal). Though, I was open to try other options to see how they faired against mein Lieblingsbier. I picked regular Franziskaner out the minute it touched my tongue and it was the only beer I gave the top score to, but I was somewhat surprised by the overall result. Here is a link to the results of the overall test and scorecard templates if you are interested, but the top five beers we tested, listed in ascending order, were:

#5: Franziskaner Hefeweissen (I was appalled!)
#4: Edinger Weisse
#3: Schneider Weisse
#2: Franziskaner Weissen Dunkel
#1: Paulaner Hefeweissen Dunkel

As you can see, the Dunkel Hefe’s scored the highest marks and that could either be because of the group of testers selected or because it just tastes better – not real sure… One thing to note though was that although Paulaner had the #1 beer, the brewery also produced the beer that came in second to last: regular Paulaner Hefe Weissen. Odd…

In dead last place was Schoefferhofer Hefeweissen. It wasn’t drinkable (one of the testers scribbled “never again” on his score card as a comment for this beer) and one would think that production of such a concoction would have already ceased due to an angry pitchfork wielding Bavarian mob storming the gates of the brewery.

The evening was a rousing success: lots of beer and food was consumed, there were no fights or broken furniture, no one got sick, no hookers showed up, not one person was locked out of their house by an angry wife/girlfriend, and we agreed to do this again in six or eight weeks to test the quality of local Pilsner (though I might expand the rules to include Czech beers as they are the ones that invented Pils…). Most of the credit for the successful evening goes to Laurel and Megan, who were so gracious to us all, even after we got loud – and I need to give a special note of thanks to Karin, who made all the yummy snacks and testing glasses possible.

Homebrew

What is it about the Pacific Northwest and home brewing? Everyone and their dad either brews their own or has at some point in the past. As a lover of fine fermented wheat beverages, I am intrigued. There is an issue of time: I don’t really have any to start a new hobby where I have to buy a bunch of stuff upfront. I already have this bike addiction, way too many tools, enough mountain gear to outfit a full big wall Himalayan expedition (Really!), and at least 7 pairs of different sport-specific shoes. As the weather has started to turn it has let my mind drift to thoughts of BBQ, laughter, and beer. I started thinking about a medium to large gathering at the new house and how cool it would be to brew some beer for the shindig. It was just whimsy until I remembered that Daniel, my beer/coffee snob coworker, was a master brewer. I cornered him in his cube one morning and offered to buy all the ingredients and provide all the manual labor if he would brew 10 gallons of wheaty nectar for my party. Daniel is not a Weissen fan (we can’t all be perfect) and only agreed to lead the battle if we brew 1/2 of the planned 10 gallons (this will make 17.75 12oz bottle six-packs or 4.5 cases) as wheat and the other half as a heavy gravity IPA. I agreed and a couple of days later we took off at lunch and went to the local brewing supply store for all the ingredients. We bought the malt and wheat extract, yeast, sugar, and 15 ounces of hops. The hops were Kelly green in color and wrapped in rectangular one ounce C02 flushed clear plastic bags. When laid out on the table it made me fill like I was doing something illicit, as I have not seen that much green stuff in little baggies since college.

Bottle caps, hops, yeast, wheat extract and other brewing stuff.

Without the cost of labor or power or taking into account the cost of Daniel’s kegs, carboys, capper, etc… I am paying about $6.00 per six-pack for what should be GREAT beer with an alcohol content above 8%. Not too shabby. In addition to beer, we are planning on roasted meat, veggies, grilled corn, salads, fresh bread, wine, some store-bought brew (just in case there are Philistines about), music, a fire that night, and hopefully the cops won’t get called.

Yucky Pilsner

We had another tasting at the house recently and it was just as unscientific as the first one. Laurel is a pilsner fan so it was decided shortly after the last testing that we would try to find the best Pils brand available. I HATE Pils, so I offered to be the beer wench. Laurel’s dad was spending some time in The Czech Republic before coming to our place for a visit, so he agreed to get a sampling of Czech Pilsner – since that particular poison was born in a Czech monastery a few hundred years ago. He outdid himself by bringing a case of one liter beer 500+ miles on a train and then lugging it around Hamburg to our place.

Things started well and we had a fine turn out of participants as well as seventeen different beers to try. Mat and Karin brought aluminium foil for hats – lest other testers read your mind and it influence their decision and we provided beer related snacks. Donald, a chef by trade, cooked gourmet treats for the guests to have with the beverages.

Things started off well – I had a system where I assigned one glass to one person and would wash it real quick after a sampling had been drunk. After the second or third beer, Laurel stopped drinking and helped me with the serving. The testers started getting loud and opinionated after the fifth beer or so with the German testers saying hateful mean things about the Czech pilsner. Anytime we offered a German beer they knew right away and gave a little cheer. Consequently, as there were no Czech testers to balance it out, the German beer trounced the Czech versions, but two did make it into the top five.

A spreadsheet referencing each testers score for each beer and the overall ranking can be found here. The top five beers were:

#5 Warsteiner Pils
#4 Staropramen Svetlý (Pale)
#3 Bitburger (tie)
#3 Krusuvice (tie)
#1 Beck’s Gold

With hats, pizza, score cards, and beer. Click on the pic on the right for the best shot of the night.

There was continued drinking after the testing and things degraded further. At one point a brother of an invited guest decided it was a fine idea to grab a VERY expensive bottle of tequila and swig it like cheap bourbon. He threw back somewhere near $60 worth before the then half-empty bottle was taken from him. Shortly after we had to officially close the testing down for the evening. I would like to think that this proves, unscientifically, that Weisse beer is better than Pilsner and that the general public is better behaved and happier when they consume Franziskaner than when sucking down a Beck’s…

Spring in Nord Deutschland

It is springtime here in the Far North! You cannot imagine how much the winter here SUCKS! Last week was amazing: 20°C, bright sunshine, blue skies, cool breezes, the flowers were in bloom, I had a three day weekend, birds were singing, the apple tree outside my window blossomed, etc, etc, etc… Time for a Bar-B-Q! We had a little get together in the back yard – friends and neighbors – cooked some Fleisch on the grill, drank a couple or four cold beers, laughed about the guy across the street with the giant TV (80”+…) and his propensity to walk around his place without pants – his boys swinging in the breeze – to the horror of the two buildings on our side of the street. Winter was hard for us, but with the coming of spring is a renewed love of our adopted city.

In the back yard of our building – notice the wine AND beer. I am an equal opportunity consumer.

Taken at Planten am Bloomen in the heart of Hamburg

This is the finist flower shot I have ever snapped – A large matted print will soon hang in our livingroom.

puffy red nipples?!

Laurel always has the best costumes, no matter what occasion it is. She decided to have a costumed birthday party and went to great lengths to become the Corpse Bride. I was the groom, Victor. My costume was OK (spats are cool!) but, her’s was GREAT- visable rib bones and all. Brauning was the Sumo wrestler and the funniest part of it wasn’t his puffy red nipples – it was that his hair will look exactly like that in 20 years – exactly!