Stupid freshman mistake

I feels extra-smart… Like i gots me some real serious book-learnin’, whew-ee!

My wife, Stamps-with-Foot, went online last night and tried to comment on my Kindle lust post.  She gave me a wry look and said that the comments weren’t working.  I glared at her with the same suspicion your IT guy at work gives you when something is supposedly “wrong” with your computer.  I issued the “move over” command – I have been studying how IT works and nerd-bravado is something like 72.61% of their technical skill set –  and took her laptop.  Sure enough, the comments were off.  Huh?  I turned them back on and in just a minute the very same thing happened with the next post that she wanted to make some witty quip about.  I then spent close to an hour, hunched over her netbook, figuring out what was up…

It would seem that when I updated the appearance on my blog template a month or so ago, I somehow turned off all the comments on all my posts.  I have had swarms of e-mail lately and zero comments, so I wondered what was going on; now I know – I clicked the wrong check box and that was that. I feel extra-smart.

One bad-@ss little kid!

You know his dad was the videographer/director.  It is a cute and slick short film that makes me want to bribe my kids into doing something half as cool:  A Star Wars film short using our dog as Yoda (some CGI green will be needed), my son as Luke and daughter as Leia.  Oh the sibling light-saber battles that we could have!  Stamps-with-foot (my wife) and I will have a cameo: I will be Chewy and she can be one of those saucy blue dancing girls with a thing for wookies….

Horrors of horrors! I dropped my iPhone in the toliet at work!!

Son of a… How has my life turned into a sitcom? Crazy relatives show up at the house, I have hillbilly neighbors, my dog is cuter than me, and now I have dropped my iPhone in the fvcking toilet. It is like NBC has the cameras rolling on my life (could be worse – it could be a Soap opera: lying, cheating, poison, jail, drama, bad acting, eye-patches…). My company’s CEO just happened to be in the stall beside me (how does that occur in real life??) and giggled like a little school girl as I exploded with hateful curse words and looked on in horror as I had to fish the damn thing out. I turned it off, ran to the sink and washed it with foaming soap. I them wrapped it in towels, ran to the production line and put it in the heated epoxy/potting chamber. All was good for the first 10 minutes and then it turned itself back on?!?!? I turned it off again, but noticed that there was some color run in the screen. SH!T My company provided the phone and doesn’t have iPhone insurance, so if it doesn’t turn back on, I bought a new iPhone…

I just got through making fun of Adam Brown for his super-nerdy waterproof phone case. I really wish I was that geeky! This would be more funny story than possible expensive tragedy. I just e-mailed him for info since if the thing does turn on, I need to protect it. If not, then I will need to encase my “new” phone in a potty-proof wrapper.

Update 9-17-10:

The phone did great with the drying out process.  I turned it on a couple of days later and everything worked fine.  Two days after that, I hooked it up to my computer to sync and I was asked if I wanted to download the latest and greatest software.  Sure, why the Hell not?  After the download, the power and home buttons, stopped working if the phone was disconnected from the computer, but worked fine as long as it was plugged in.  I am sure it was some sort of weird latent damage caused by the dunking in the potty that showed up later because of the diagnostic check and cycling that accompanied the new download.  The phone is now a brick and after a HUGE rigmarole at work, I was given a new one, though it wasn’t free.  It looks like I get to share the cost of the new unit.  I guarantee that this one will be covered in layers of protective geeky love.

Minimalist self-rightousness

With a transcontinental move a few years ago and two international relocations in the last four years my lovely bride and I have done a fair job at parring down our worldly goods and keeping our propensity to collect superfluous crap in check.   Tyler Durden from Fight Club was 100% correct when he stated “the things you own end up owning you.”  When you have mountains of crap you have to first pay for them, then maintain and replace them when they break, and you must immediately run right out and buy the latest and greatest version.

This group realization for the need downsize is now in full swing (could it be… the economy??)  and you see more and more minimalism in both furniture design, production staging, fashion, bicycles, computers, etc…  I see the occasional article like the one recently about a guy who has whittled down his life to 57 things and he is super-smug about it – 57 things?  Really‽  I NEED a lot more shit than 57 things.  Go through my SSS kit, thrown in a spork, bowl, pocket knife, thumb drive, soap, shampoo, camera, a few cables, watch, wedding ring, glasses, computer, notebook and a couple of pens and I am standing there naked with over 60 things.

I can identify with his hypothesis that “we’ve been duped into buying things by an advertisement-dominated society for the last 50 years.” However, I need some of that stuff that I was brainwashed by the media to run out and purchase: iPhone, eReader, Global kitchen knives, my bikes, the super-cool Freitag messenger bag sitting next to me right now, etc…  One has to weigh true need, want, and desire for themselves to determine how much is too much and how much is enough.  I feel that the wife (Stamps With Foot) and I are doing fairly well, but we could still stand to par down some, (do we really need 4 computers, boxes of long-canceled checks, and my 4th grade notebook rantings?)

For years American suburban life has been all about keeping up with the Joneses: Big house, fast car, big truck, boat, HUGE TV, toys, toys, toys… The glut of articles and blogs and books about moving to a more minimalist life style is a sure sign that the Joneses may not be as important as they once were.  However, moderation in any movement is the key.  If I lump all the stuff I have read about making life simpler lately, it feels as if there is a thread of one-upmanship that pervades: “I can live with less shit than you…”  Some of the authors are crazy-smug (like the 57-things guy) about living on friend’s couches and having all their world possession in a backpack  (padding their $3000 laptop…)  Instead of the Joneses, there is now the Schwartzes: a section of our proletariat, riding fixed geared bikes, sporting skinny jeans, typing away on their MacBooks, drinking expensive coffee, texting away on $500 smart phones, getting ironic tattoos and swapping stories about how little they can subsist on

To my mind minimalism today is less about freeing yourself of all your crap and more about your attitude towards the stuff you have.   Do you NEED that new Blu-Ray player or do you WANT it?  Are you buying that to last forever or just until…?  Does it have a life-time warranty?  Are you actually going to use or wear it enough to justify a high initial price (price per wear principle). Can you rent it, borrow it (books), or do without it?

Now, before buying something new, I try to have the need vs. want conversation and while mildly successful, there are still some things that I just have because the are cool toys and I like to either play with them or look at them.  Would my life be simpler without ALL the bikes, 4 snowboards, a book press, 2 TVs, and a competition pellet gun??  Yes, it would, but that life wouldn’t be half the fun.  For me and for us, I think the trick to not falling into the pit of conspicuous ownership is to be careful with what we spend our money on, and whether it is a need or a toy we should buy the best quality available so that we get years of use and enjoyment out of whatever it may be that our hard earned greenbacks are being traded for.

Gun Nuts

Why am I surrounded by Gun Nuts? It is not just the ones with “…out of my dead cold hands…” tattooed somewhere, the other side of the spectrum is very well represented as of late. Three weeks ago I bump into a guy running for city council. I talk to him a bit, he seems to be on it concerning local issues, appears to listen and think before he responds, and I am starting to like the guy. Then, he notices me noticing his very poorly concealed pistol. I mention that he should get a better holster, like a Kramer, so as to blend better with the non-pistol toting folk. At that precise moment, he stepped on the express train to Crazy-Town!! Immediately he perceives that I am also a member of the lunatic fringe who thinks that our current President (you know the one I voted for and love) is trying to repeal the 2nd Amendment, that Hillery Clinton is secretly running things, and that we are on the brink of a conservative proletariat revolution. He went so far as to use the ‘Tree of Liberty…” Thomas Jefferson Quote. I smiled, nodded, took his literature and walked briskly away.

Not two days after my run-in with Candidate-in-need-of-a-straitjacket, I am in Big 5 buying pellets for my son’s air rifle. The checkout lady asks me if I’m going hunting. I smile, gave a little chuckle and said no, that they were for a small pellet gun and that I was teaching my 9-year old the basics of proper marksmanship. A nano-second after it comes out of my mouth the lady behind me in line, buying a new yoga mat (no demonetization meant against yoga practitioners – I love yoga – it is just what she happened to be buying) shrieks and starts yelling at me – no really yelling at me about how I should be ashamed “teaching a child to kill.” She launched into a a stuttering unrehearsed diatribe about how wrong guns are, how evil and vile they are, how I was “perpetuating violence against animals and women” – really, she said that – and that “I should be arrested…” I stood there like a statue, not knowing what to do or say. The cashier started yelling at this woman and by the time an employee from the baseball section came running up, the screamer was so worked up that she was almost foaming at the mouth. She dropped her stuff on the floor and charged out the door. The three of us were left just staring at the glass door and each other. I shrugged, they shrugged and I left. I am afraid of both sides of the spectrum when it comes to gun nuts, so I didn’t walk strait to my truck, I stopped in at Starbucks for a much needed Mocha first and took a long look at the parking lot. I was half afraid that the anger over our “discussion” and the loss of a new mat, might drive the woman into braining me with a tire-iron as I tried to leave. No joke, the thought went through my mind.

What has happened to the middle of the road citizen? What is it that seems to have made so many people so aggressively partisan? How is it that all these rational people with real jobs, education, hobbies, etc… go off the deep end? It is that you just never hear from the moderates? Do they just keep their head down, go to work, occasionally go to the pistol or clay range and just go on about their lives????

Kindle Lust

I have a book addiction and right now I am jonsin’ for a binary fix: I have a mad case of Kindle lust:  one eye is starting to twitch, my mouth is dry, I am all itchy, and I can think of little else but e-ink.  I need a Kindle…..  NEED!  I complained about the size and Amazon made it thinner.  I reasoned that it sucked because I couldn’t arrange content and they released new software to allow organization.  I bitched about the high price and they dropped it, if only to mock me!  1500 books, my daily paper and Wikipedia access… Fvck it hurts!  I am starting to shake.

amazon_kindle_2_books

I am trying to be good, trying so hard.  My wife said, “No, we have other things to spend money on right now” (she is right) and she knows that I will spend hours every night for weeks downloading from Project Gutenberg and will buy a crap-ton of new stuff online – she KNOWS…  If I just go out and buy the thing, I will get it taken away like I am 3 years old and she will start using it smugly to ‘teach me a lesson.’   That and the sleeping outside alone (dog snuggles with her…) for the months it would take for her to calm down from my wanton disregard of our financial responsibilities would be too high a cost to pay if figured into the overall purchase price.

I am holding out for now, but God as my witness, the minute I can go to the library and check out an e-book with a Kindle, I am gonna go online and buy me some dirty e-reader relief, even if I have to prostitute myself out to a sweet old lady at the retirement home up the street for the cash!

kindle

the foot rub of shame

On a recent trip to Little Rock, a great friend had the huevos to challenge me to a shooting match.  There was even some smack talking.  Well, we (as in the Queen Victorian “we”) just can’t let such a transgression stand!  The loot for this wager is a case of beer and a foot rub from the loser.

The bet is that he can shoot a tighter group with a .380 pistol than I can with a .45cal at a high rate of fire.  To level the field, I am not allowed to use my hand-build tack-driving competition pistol.  We have to use range-owned guns and cheap ball ammo.  If you know me, you know that I don’t gamble – it just doesn’t do anything for me and I HATE to give money away.   I tried to let him out of it, but he pressed…  The gentleman and scholar who made this gross miscalculation of his shooting abliity is 6’1” and 210+ pounds and the shame of rubbing my tootsies while I drink his beer will last for his entire lifetime, which makes my evil black heart giggle and sing with delight.

I went to the range at lunch today and rented one of their pistols.  I put 8 rounds in the center (size of a quarter in less than 4 seconds at 5 meters (16.4 feet).  I then moved the target out to 10m (32.8’) and put 2 in the center, one a little high and five just below the center – all 16 shots with-in a 3” group circle.  I sent him a taunting e-mail with a phone pic of the pistol and the target, asking about taking his “shooting-vitamins”     heheheheh…

New Running Partner

The Nike+ App came with my iPhone and I just started playing with it last week.  So far, it has been fairly accurate (after I calibrated the sensor on a local running track) and I have used it on road runs and on a recent trail/hill climb outing and so far the difference between the accelerometer and the GPS distance in minimal.  The Nike+ uses so little battery compared to the GPS function that I have tuned the location server off on the phone to conserve battery for important things like phone calls and work e-mail.

I love to run and I find that if I have a partner I get faster and faster until I finally plateau around the 7 minute mile mark for 5+ mile runs.  I think that I have the potential to be faster, but since I suffer from Multiple Activity Disorder, I don’t commit the time to train appropriately and I have never invested in a coach to help.  My lovely bride hates to run, so I do not have a live-in training companion and so far have not found a neighbor with a similar schedule that is a runner.  Nike+ is filling a gap.  It is giving me some positive feedback, documents distance and pace, and I can virtually race with people across the country on the inter-webs.  I have a couple of buddies in Missouri, Colorado, Germany, California, and Arkansas that run and am hoping to get them set up with Nike+ as well so that we can run as a “group” from time to time.

My iPhone is the SH!T

If iPhone lovin’ is wrong, I don’t wanna be right!  I was SLOW to jump on the iPhone bus for all sorts of what, at the time, were goods reasons:  It was expensive, promised upgrades were just around the corner, and the data plan was an additional monthly expense that it pained me to even think about dolling out.  I am already hemorrhaging funds every month $40 at a time for phones, security systems, insurance, internet, cable, trash collection, etc…  I just didn’t need another expense.

My lovely wife got the iPhone bug after playing with her best friend’s for a weekend and badgered me about it for a while, but I stayed strong and resisted – even in the face of threats concerning sleeping on the couch.  Well, my employer recently signed a deal with AT&T that gave DEEP discounts which meant I could convert and pay the same amount, so I made the leap.  I am now in love, not the old tired version of love reserved for a cat, no, no this is new hot freaky girlfriend lust!  It is like my hand was incomplete until just now.  I feel like Schmeigel with that pesky golden band….  my precious…

In addition to the normal bells and whistles on the unit, I have loaded Peak.AR, NPR, a unit converter, Distant Suns, and Stanza e-book reader Apps to the home screen.  This thing is now a proper tool to help me navigated the complexities of always-on 21st century Engi-nerd professional life and is almost as handy as a three-armed man in a titty bar.  While I have researched what I have installed thus far thoroughly and I am not App crazy and I am not looking to install every semi-cool/useful App that I come across.  If I will only use it once a month, then it can stay at the App store.  I am currently deciding between iTrails and RunKeeper Pro for a running/cycling companion.

The only real issue I am currently experiencing is iPhone envy.  Laurel looks at me with daggers in her eyes when I pull it out of my pocket.  I am going to have to concede defeat and see that she gets one of her own if I want to keep peace in Casa D’ Talley.  So, in the end I get to spend the money I was trying so hard to save…