Things My Wife Has Said – Volume IV

October 9, 2018 / Matt Talley / 4 Comments

My sweet, bubbly, kind, giving, gentle, well-adjusted, funny, smart, awesome wife has the best one-liners. I have taken to writing them down and saving them like little jewels. This is the fourth, though not the last, installment of Things My Wife Has Said:

I was trying to be funny and I told my wife that I am sort of like an Uber driver: my beard gives rides for cash. She laughed so hard that wine came out of her nose. When recovered, she gave me $1 and said that she “expected change when her ride was done…”
“Boys who buy their wives sewing machines get favors…”
“Truffle (our female French Bulldog) is a Goddamn snuggle tyrant!”
“Man buns are just comb-overs for hipsters.”
I came home from work and went downstairs to check on how Stamps-With-Foot was doing on the bathroom paint progress. I found her naked, covered in purple paint, and listening to Tupac. When questioned about the state of things she said: “I didn’t want to get paint on my jammies, so I painted naked.”
While out to dinner before seeing a a movie, my wife said: “You might be the Anti-Christ: Since I met you I eat pork, have condoned killing trees for a better view, and was singing along happily to Katy Perry this morning.”
“There should be an escort service for puppies and baby piggies. You could snuggle and love them for an hour and the give them back.”
“I don’t really like any Fructose Corn Syrup, but I really hate it when is high.”
“What is wrong with you?! You bought $60 worth of Girl Scout Cookies into our house, left town, and I am on my period. What the fuck were you thinking?!?!
While standing in the kitchen, very early and wearing a bathrobe: “A yawn is a silent scream for coffee.”
“Budgeting is sexy.”
“Do my boobs look too big in this shirt?” It was a trap.
She went to the wax place on a Saturday and came in the house that afternoon with Vampirella arches above her eyes and asked: “What do you think of my eyebrows?” It was also a trap.
I went snowboarding for the 1st time since hip reconstruction and I was forbidden by my wife to drop into the terrain park. When I got home I was questioned thoroughly. I was honest and said that there were no drops or rails or big air, but admitted taking small jump (more of a hop really) along one of the runs. I got “the look” and she made pre-tirade grumpy noises. I said quickly and defensively: “But I didn’t go into the terrain park!” My sugar sweet, tiny, gentle, accepting, loving, kind wife then said: “Huh?!, that is sort of like you saying ‘but I just got a blowjob from that hooker, I didn’t put it in her butt.'” Seriously, she said that. I was caught unaware, had no response, and couldn’t utter a sound in my defense, mostly due to the shock that those specific words had come out of her mouth at all and in that particular order….. She then hid one of my boarding boots for a couple of weeks.

Spring Has Sprung – 2018

March 12, 2018 / Matt Talley / 2 Comments

With the official start of Spring – as determined by the fact that my wife was reading a book, enjoying the sunshine, and drinking wine in the yard – we had a busy weekend at La Maison Du Talley:

Moved all the power tools in the shop against the wall for temp storage duty
Ordered material for attic finish
Set up new iPhone (old one a brick!)
Checkout at Pratt to be able to independently use their fabrication shop.
Moved everyone else’s crap out of my basement and temporarily into the garage
Said dirty words about all the other people’s crap being stored in our home
Cleaned the basement completely out
Pruned the apple trees in the backyard
Restacked the firewood wood pile
Cleaned and prepped attic for floor installation
Published two YouTube videos
Set up new condenser microphone in home office/studio
Breakfast with my mom and wife
Went to the Moonshiners 36th Annual Jeep Swap Meet
Did not buy a new-to-me 1946 CJ-2A project Jeep
Stayed Married
Did not buy a motorcycle or boat at the swap meet
Stayed married – there is a theme…
DID buy an ARB on-board air compressor and a duel battery mount – and got a sweet deal!
Signed up for three classes at Pratt for this spring: Block printing, wood carving, and letterpress
Padded and protected the wood floor and built-ins in prep for attic finish
Cleaned the hot tub
Edged and mowed the front and back yard
Spread Weed&Feed on the back yard and parking strip
Re-seeded the front yard

Garage, lawn, and house work this weekend

August 8, 2017 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Worked in the basement a bit to make Stamps-With-Foot’s sewing room/project space usable.
Made two trips to the dump.
Built screw clamp holder.
Did a little Amazon shopping for a gift and a part that I needed.
Went shooting at the range – shot like a blind squirrel.
Cleaned pistol, muttering disappointment in self whole time.
Hip super-hurt all weekend.
Went to see Atomic Blond for date night. Great movie.
Bought two bookshelf cabinets for garage at Second Use – got a super good deal (hard to do these days at Second Use)
Picked up 2 cases of oil at discount from NAPA
Put down a little 1/4 round trim in dining room.
Washed Stamps-With-Foot’s car.
Filled the washer fluid.
Worked on a couple of films.
Cleaned lighting contacts on the trailer light harness.
Took a load of recycling to the dump.
Organized shop a little and hung the two cabinets.
My shop now has all the storage I will ever need – until I fill it all up 🙂
Consumed some rosé while sitting in sunshine in back yard.
Snuggled wife and puppies.
Installed my welding cabinet and filled it with helms, jacket, gloves, sticks, and welding tools.
Made a happy face.
Did not mow lawn…
Ran two lighting circuits and one 220VAC circuit in garage.
Need to install the 4 florescent lights.
One 220VAC circuit to run and all shop wiring will be complete!
Flew drone a bit to work out new firmware update.
Took a few macro photos with camera
Spent too long on Instagram and Twitter.
Ignored the grass some more.
Changed oil in my father-in-law’s truck.
Picked-up/was given wrong oil filter!
Said dirty words…
Made it to parts store 3 minutes before they closed for new filter.
41 more oil changes and the lift pays for itself!

Weekend Activities

July 12, 2017 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Seattle is in early summer full bloom. The sun is out and the temperature is perfect! These conditions led to a really good weekend:

Slept had friends stay with us Friday night and Saturday morning
Big yummy breakfast
Picked three big bowls of ripe Lapin cherries
Ate a lot of cherries
Went over to my mother’s house
Took care of house projects for her
Had a yummy dinner
Nice bottle of red wine was opened and mostly consumed
Read American Gods aloud with Stamps-With-Foot before bed

Brunch with Friends
Went to the Sunday farmer’s market
Bought cheese and honey!
Went to the garden store
Bought a bunch of flowers for the yard
Walked the puppies
Planted flowers
Scattered weed&feed in the 1/3 of the back yard that is void of Ireland-green grass
scattered and raked grass seed.
Murdered dandelions
Picked up a mountain of puppy-made landmines 🙁
Mowed the yard
Installed new tire cover on Jeep spare
Put Jeep on the car lift – also now refereed to as “The Jeep Sex Swing”
Changed oil and filter
Only 42 more Oil Changes and the lift pays for itself!! 🙂
Lubed the chassis
Checked and topped off all the fluids
Made happy noises
Had a Coke and smile afterward while sitting in the shade
Printed out GAINT ’84-’86 Jeep Maintenance Manual
Let my internal OCD monster out to play
Custom labels and tabbed separators were made…
Added folders with Maintenance Manuals to shelf in the garage
Watered the garden, yard, and newly seeded dirt patch
More reading
Sleep

New Summer Vacation Plans

May 15, 2017 / Matt Talley / 1 Comment

My summer plans have been changed for me. I had planned out another summer vacation spent with The Ruminator, but he is 16 now and has decided that he wants to stay home in Arkansas and be a lifeguard for the summer. I get it, I am his boring dad and it is hard for me to compete with ladies in swimsuits for the summer. I had pigeon-holed some time off and funds for sailing lessons/trip, diver certification for him, some diving, and ending the summer with a rock climbing road trip all the way down the west coast. While all that sounds cool to me, I am not a handsome young man facing all the unsaid possibilities of tanned ladies in my close proximity, hanging on my every word for 2.5 months.

I now I find myself, for the first time in 14+ years, in a place where my yearly vacation time is my own and I can spend some time/money taking my wife and myself someplace where it will be just be just the two of us – cue the romantic accommodations, bubbling hot tub, chilled champagne, soft candle light, and put Barry White on the turntable. As an aside, my wife felt super sorry for me over the canceled summer plans and after a glass of wine, she has agreed that I can buy a sailboat to soothe my wounded heart. I almost fell over stone cold dead from the shock of her statement and recorded her saying it a second time for legal reasons 🙂

I flew down to San Diego last week and took a look at a 33’ sloop-rigged blue water boat for sale in the marina. It has way too many issue that need to be addressed to make any serious passages and I am not willing to spend the time covered in fiberglass bits, retrofitting a 15 year old toilet, huffing hull paint, and wading in stagnate bilge water. While a steal of a deal for what the boat is/could be, I will keep looking.

Right now though, I am thinking of starting the summer with a little road trip to see her family in Oregon, wine tasting in the Willamette Valley, and a couple of days taking advantage of my friend Dr. G’s house and hospitality in Northern California. There will be a long weekend in the Bay Area and Napa with friends and family. We are also going to make a good part of the local Washington/Oregon festival circuit this summer.

What I Want Thursday – April 13th, 2017

April 13, 2017 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Below are the things that I really want and that are present for me today:

To unclutter my life: less superfluous stuff
For my hip to be 100% and to never have to use crutches again
A wish for Brodie to be well and 100% cancer free
More time with my children and family.
Sunshine!!
Summer BBQs and cold rosé in the back yard.
For the basement (mostly the bathroom) to be done.
Hand-written letters – on actual paper – from my kids, friends and family.
A warm, sunny beach vacation
For the US Political system not to be dysfunctional and a little/lot less crazy

My New Coffee Cup and Various Other Weekend Activities

January 16, 2017 / Matt Talley / 2 Comments

Stamps-With-Foot and I packed our weekend full of activities. The SCA was holding their 12th Night Celebration here in Seattle this year and far be it from us to miss a costume do. My wife went in a deep burgundy Tudor gown that she made and had to be sewn into for the occasion. Her snood (hair piece) and jewelry matched the dress as well. I was dressed as her man-servant. We sort of matched, but she sparkled – Lots of compliments on her dress and attire.

In addition to some serious people watching and taking in the fencing tournament, I spent some serious time at the merchant faire and picked up a tarboosh (Fez hat) for another costume event, a viking bearded axe, and a skull cup. You read that correctly. There is nothing like having your morning cup of Joe with a little cream and sugar, sipped delicately from the cranium of your enemy. There was a potter at the event selling ceramic, anatomically correct, skull mugs and my wife bought me one for my desk at work. It is the little things in life that make me the most happy.

In addition to 12th Night, we also:

Took down the Christmas tree
Rolled up the lights outside
Cleaned up the living room
Played with the puppies
I washed/scrubbed the road salt off the jeep and put it in the garage
Washed and vacuumed out my wife’s Subaru
Helped out a guy with a dead battery
He stole my jumper cables accidentally, then brought them back
Made breakfast for my mom
Had coffee in my new mug 🙂
Wrote a couple of letters
Cleaned up in the shop a little
Finished reading a book about bees
Had a great warm, long lasting fire
Cuddled
Watched Sherlock
Played Battlefield 1 with Dr. Brown
Started a new book

All and all, a good weekend away from my J-O-B.

Stuff My Wife Says – Volume II

January 10, 2017 / Matt Talley / 5 Comments

I have written previously about some of the things that have come up in conversation with my sweet, bubbly, kind, giving, gentle, well-adjusted, awesome wife. Well, with the passage of time I have… err… SHE has more to say on the subject. Enjoy:

I was splashing my wife in the hot tub the other night and she yells “Onomatopoeia! Onomatopoeia!!” It is apparently her new “safe word”. My safe word is bacon.
While Living in France, we bought a lot of wine that we brought back to the US. Most of it is in the normal .75L size bottle, but there are some .375L demi-bouteilles, a few 1.5L magnums, and one 3L double magnum bottle as well. Stamps-With-Foot has taken to calling the .375L bottles “Juice Boxes.” I teased her that it is because they would fit in her lunch box. She looked up at me with smiling, happy, dreamy eyes, then over at her 1984 metal Thundercats lunch box (really that is what she takes to work) and said, “Yes… they would…”
Long story short, I made a crude off hand remark about a lady who’s “carpet matched the drapes”. Instead of smacking me for being a misogynistic and sexist asshole, my wife looked at me with great annoyance and said sarcastically “Great, now I have to think about her snatch!” I had nothing more to say.
I failed to use my turn signal in moderate traffic while driving near limousine, France and lamented that I was being a bad/unsociable driver. Stamps-With-Foot said offhandedly while looking out the window: “Fuck that. This is France, do you know how many of these motherfuckers have cut me off over the last two years? Fuck them.” 30 seconds later she got all excited, bright eyed, wiggling in her seat with joy & happiness over a fortified Chateau we were passing.
My lovely bride walked into the living room the other night with her phone and computer in hand while wearing mix-matched PJs. I looked at her with a raised eyebrow and she shot back with, “This is as sexy as it gets tonight, maybe all weekend.” Fair enough.
We went out to my company’s winter event just after New Year’s and Stamps-With-Foot looked killer in a long tight velvet dress. As we were getting ready, she looked at me and said, “Tonight is a two drink minimum night”. I started to correct her and she stopped me, making it plain that she did not misspeak and that I was the Designated Driver for the evening.
“I love puppies, diamonds, and PJs – in that order.” Not sure why she said this. It just popped up out of the blue one Saturday afternoon.
Two months after the 2016 presidential election, I casually mentioned talking the “Bernie” sticker off her car window. She snapped back, “You will not touch it! I love that wrinkly old motherfucker and I need to hold onto the faith for a while.” Ok… Me no touchy…
Our female French bulldog, Truffle, has a big personality and is super lovable. She is also pushy, selfish, sneaky, petty. During one painful week long interlude, she puked on my chest while I was asleep, pissed in Stamps-With-Foot’s car seat because we “made” her wear a sweater in 30 degree temperatures, tried to pee on my pillow because I had the audacity to move her from my spot at bedtime, puked on an antique wool Persian rug, took a dump on the front porch because the grass was wet, fucked up a couch pillow, tore the heart out of Brodie’s favorite toy, she chewed up 3 pencils, stole food from Brodie, and went all Cujo on a contractor working at the house. My wife looked at me one morning and said, “No more girl dogs. They are too much work. Just boy dogs – they can be gay though.” I had no words.

2017 New Year’s Resolutions:

January 1, 2017 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Stuff I will do in 2017:

Eat my veggies
Lose weight – back to 175!
Go to the gym regularly
Box more
Write more: Blog, letters, notes, fiction, non-fiction
Take a lunch at least 4 days a week at work
Show up to yoga at least once a week
Take a pottery class
Take a Blacksmithing class at the Pratt
Read 1 book every 2 weeks – minimum
Play my uke, banjo, and guitar with others
build a skin-on-frame canoe
Run and bike
Start a guitar building class
Pay off all credit cards
Go Sailing
Give lots of $$ to Heifer and MFS
Make movies and post: Adventure, craftsmanship, and family.
Lessen my Social Media presence (Blog doesn’t count)
See my kids and granddaughter more
Be involved in popitics more: financally and time wise
Work on my Genealogy database a little
Finish the house remodel
Finish the garage/shop/GROP build
Make Stuff!!
Ride my skateboard because I am not too old or too fat
Road trip in WA more
Have two hives of healthy, happy bees
Kayak lots!
See my friends more
Take my wife on vacation
Plant a spring garden
Fix up the front and back yards
Climb more inside and outside
Have an awesome Griswald-like Christmas light display!

Birthday list – 2016

August 20, 2016 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

In about 4 weeks I will celebrate the 14th anniversary of my 29th year. I want cake (moist yellow cake with chocolate butter-cream frosting), snuggling, two fingers of a great scotch after lunch, lots of tiny cups of coffee all day, a nice glass of wine with a steak for dinner, laughter, and a few well thought out gifts. I will not be working that day and I plan to pamper myself with a haircut and a strait-razor shave.

Below is my birthday wish list for my wife, family and children.
Gifts that Keep giving:

Heifer International:
- ~~Bees (I really like to give the gift of bees)~~
- Goats, Chickens, Llama, or the whole Ark…
Doctors Without Borders/MSF
Go give blood and send me a post card
Habitat for Humanity
Diabetes Research

Books:
Campaign Furniture by Chris Schwartz
~~Theodore Roosevelt: A Strenous Life~~
~~I could stand a Kindle Paperwhite~~
A volume on handplanes or a tome on traditional woodworking
Bees of the World by Mitchner
A Lost Art Press volume of The Essential Woodworker
~~Washington: A Life by Ron Chernow~~
James Krenov’s Cabinet Maker’s Notebook
Two Classic books on Shaker Furniture: here and here.

Stuff:
Forging class at the Pratt starting in October
Letters from my kids – written on actual paper.
A 3-Day Rally School Course
~~A bottle of Pre-Shave Oil from The Art of Shaving – Lavender~~
~~A couple of thoughtful cards~~
The iWatch 2. Simple black – the cheapest one
~~German Wheat Beer is always welcome~~
Zombie shooting targets
An Ash Pack Basket (Sling-style harness)
Amber 2ga. Plugs (bonus points if they have insect inclusions)
~~2ga. Dark Jade plugs~~
The AKcooltools Stainless/bronze Clamptite and the lg roll of stainless .041 wire
24 Provence lavender plants for my front yard
Tiffany blue silk tie and matching pocket square
These new bad-ass cufflinks
A Global Sashimi knife
Classic Cartoon DVDs (Wanrner Bros., Tex Avery, Bugs, Tom&Jerry, Loony Toons, Road Runner, etc…)
Christopher Ward Quartz Trident with black rubber strap

Booze:
A fine Anejo Tequila
Hakushu 12 Whisky
A bottle of Fronsac or Canon-Fronsac (Château Lafond, Château La Vieille Cure, La Dalphine…)
Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey
~~Porto~~ (Cálem 2011 Vintage, Ramos Pinto, or a Taylor’s)
Glenfiddich 21

What I Want Thursday – June 9th, 2016

June 9, 2016 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Below are the things that I really want and that are present for me today:

For my interior painting to be 100% done in our house.
For my Garage to be 100% built and finished.
More time with my children and family.
Summer BBQs and cold rosé in the yard.
I want to stick to my diet and workout schedule and not fall off the wagon and back into the cookie/café Mocha/lethargic/big-belly/back-hurting abyss.
For the Attic and basement (mostly the bathroom) to be done.
Letters – written on actual paper – from my kids, friends and family.
8″ joiner/planer, 15″ Bandsaw, New Dust collection system for garage
Christopher Ward Quartz Trident with black rubber strap
For the US Political system not to be dysfunctional and a little/lot less crazy

Our household goods have arrived from France!! Well some of our stuff made it…

February 14, 2016 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

We got a delivery date for our furniture at the end of January and it was delivered the 1st week of February. Well, some of it showed up… The day before it was to arrive at our door, the local delivery company called and said that there were some empty boxes. Huh? Specifically, a couple of empty wine crates. Damn!!

All told, we are missing 3-ish cases of wine, some carpets (Stamps-With_Foot SUPER pissed about 1 of them), a box of books, an entire desk, a Ryobi drill/tool kit with batteries, a piece to an armoire, a bunch of hardware, a few pictures, a painting that is near and dear to my heart, a big blown glass wine jug, and various other bits and bobs.

The damage to the stuff that did make it though is staggering: gouges, scratches, breaks, marred finish, broken legs, shattered cups and glasses, the whole works. The guys moving and and unpacking were as shocked as we were and after opening one box, one of the guys took out his phone and sent the image inside to a coworker as he called me over. It looked like bathroom cabinets were shaken into a single box, mixed around, a town thrown on top, and a toilet brush & plunger were packed i a box of bath towels… Common sense is not a common virtue.

Our stuff was insured and now we are in the process of submitting a claim – what a joyful experience that is… but at the end of the day, we are safe and warm and my wife still cuddles with me. All the rest is just stuff.

Below are some highlights of the damage and virtuoso packing skills that were on display:

2/24/2016 Update:

The company doing the shipping has stepped back, can give us ZERO detail about what happened in transit and we were refereed to their insurance company in the UK, who in turn has us working with a subcontractor adjustment firm. It looks like it will be August 2018 before this gets settled, but we have everything documented and noted, so it will get worked out eventually-ish.

Farewell to France Tour – 2015

November 25, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

We had grand expectations of weekend and holiday travel when we moved to France two years ago and while we have done a good bit, there were some places that we still wanted to visit before we return to Seattle. Stamps-With-Foot went into over drive researching, planning, calculating the budget and logistics to fit as many of our wants into one trip as possible. The below are posts from her web journal as we made our way, day to day and from place to place. I have included pictures from both our phones as well as some additional commentary.

Matt

On the road – Farewell to France tour
Matt and I will be leaving France at the end of November, so we had to plan a great trip to say Farewell to this beautiful country. We’ve got 12 days off sans puppies and a whole country to explore. Obviously we can’t go everywhere, but we planned a nice loop. We each had a place we wanted to go (for me it was the Dordogne to see castles, for Matt it was the Loire to see castles) and we both wanted to go to Paris again although we have both been there before, It’s Paris. So the trip goes as follows – one day and night in Rocamadour, one day and night in the Dordogne, two nights one day in Versailles, four nights and four days in Paris, two days one night in the Loire, a night and a day in Saint Emilion for our ninth wedding anniversary, and a night and a day in Bordeaux visiting our neighbor and friend Nico who has just moved there. And then home!

Farewell to France tour – day one
We got on the road later than expected and had to forgo one of our stops (the caves of Peche Merle) but our stop in the beautiful picturesque village of Saint-Cirq-Lapopie more than made up for it. It was so cute, we would totally live there!!! Next stop was Rocamadour. We arrived just after sunset when the lights were already shining on the ramparts of the castle. Beautiful. And our little hotel was right next to the castle! We had a fairly disappointing dinner at a tourist trap (mt: hundred+ of flies in the dining room and bloody-rare beef), went home to the hotel, planned the next stage of the journey and turned in early. I was so tired – it was the first day of “fall back” in Europe and it was past my bedtime.

mt: I would live Saint-Cirq-Lapopie: Open a little wood shop near the church and have a 5 or so bee hives in the fields above the village. The village is known for its view and boxwood craftsman. Tiny shop in town with a turner that still uses an overhead shaft and leather belts for his lathe, drill press, band and tiny/scary table saw. No pictures allowed, so this is all I could snap.

Farewell to France tour: day two
Woke up in Rocamadour. We had no idea the fall in France would be so lovely. The autumn leaves are stunning! We had breakfast at our hotel, with views of beautiful trees in golden hues. Then we went to the Main Street of L’Hopitalet and saw a few ruins while waiting for our tour at the Grotte des Mervilles to start. It’s an underground cave discovered in 1920 which has gorgeous stalactite and stalagmite growth, unground ponds and cave art. There are other more famous grottoes and caves in the region, but we are on a whirlwind tour and can’t do everything. This was right there and easy to do and we are so glad we did. It was truly amazing. Afterward we checked out the Maison des Abeilles which Matt really liked as he is super into bees and beekeeping. Then we got on the road and drove to La-Roque-Gageac on the Dordogne river to take a boat tour. We saw five castles from the water and learned about the history of the region and the river. Next we went to the Château de Castelnaud where Matt was like a grinning nine year old. They have a huge collection of swords, armor and artillery including several huge trebuchets. We also saw a metalsmith demonstration and I almost took a dare to use the ancient garderobe but the door didn’t close. All in all it was a very busy and wonderful day!

Mt: While at Castelnaud, France and there was a guy doing a lathe demo/sale in front of his little shop. Wooden lathe bed the hardware from a 1920s US made saw. His grandfather made it. Look at the wooden pulleys and detail on the machine. Was really happy to share his tools, method, and story.

Farewell to France tour – day three
Lots of driving today. We traveled from a tiny village on the Dordogne (Vezac) all the way to Versailles today. We went for awhile through gorgeous French countryside until I got carsick from all the windy roads and we switched to the freeway. We stopped for lunch in Limoges where I have been wanting to go and buy all new dishes for a few years now. I didn’t break the bank and go all out, but I did buy a beautiful porcelain gravy boat with gold detailing that makes me feel all swoony inside. Remember the pilot of the TV show Friends where Rachel is talking about breaking up with her fiancée? She says “I was looking at this gorgeous Limoges gravy boat and I realized I was more turned on by it than I was by Barry.” I’ve always remembered the line. I love to quote TV shows. I guess I needed a Limoges gravy boat of my own.

Mt: Lesson Learned: When your wife wants to “pop into” the Royal Limoges factory store (oldest in region -1796 – and super bougie), keep driving or fake a seizure or heart attack. Really, really. If you let her through the door you will be doomed to own plates that will only be used if the president or royalty comes to your house for dinner. No one else, including you, will be allowed to even breathe on them.
There will be indecision about the gravy boat and one of the sweet old ladies in the shop will help her find the one that was fired with unicorn horn and has adamantium detail work written in ancient Atlantean. Fucking “helpful” old ladies…

Farewell to France tour – day four
Slept in. So nice. Lots of driving yesterday. Leisurely morning, then hit Versailles. Our Airbnb is just fifteen minutes walking distance. We did the low key way – started at the far end of the park and made our way backward, going to the palace last. There was no line. One person ahead of us. But I am getting ahead of myself. We took the “Petit train” to the Petit Trianon and walked hand in hand to Marie Antoinette’s little hamlet. I loved it before I ever saw it, and loved it even more when I visited last summer. It was wonderful getting to show Matt a place I love so much, and knew he would love in equal measure. The fall colors were stunning. It looked like rain but the sky never opened up and soon the sun broke through. We saw lots of animals at the little farm, and made our way back toward the palace. (Pictures to follow at some point.) A new exhibit had opened the day before called Le Roi est mort (the king is dead) all about royal funeral practices. After that we went to the royal apartments and walked the hall of mirrors as the sun was going down. The lights were spectacular. Laurel has always wanted a chandelier. Now she wants more of them.

mt: I would give up a finger and one testicle if I could live in and use that mill! I would have an overhead line shaft running a huge lathe and a 14kw generator head hooked directly to the waterwheel shaft that would power the house and the rest of my shop. There would be bees and chickens in the garden. I may have put too much time into lusting after this daydream…

Farewell to France tour – days 5 to 7
Paris…

Oh, Paris. Je t’adore. No matter how many times I visit, I am happy I did. I love Paris. I didn’t do that much in the way of sightseeing, as I was there to visit a friend and attend a convention, but I did have a wonderful time.

Day five: drove from Versailles. Checked in to the hotel in Montparnasse. Rested a bit. Went to Notre Dame for vespers (first time inside the church!) and heard beautiful singing. Walked around hand in hand with my sweetie, who also loves Paris. Saw other churches. Paris at night is especially wonderful. Ate Thai food for dinner (it was ok) in a lovely little restaurant with a good vibe, music that made me happy and a gorgeous chandelier in the entrance. Also did a little shopping. Got a new winter coat and a pretty black wool cape for half off!

Day six: got up early with Matt to help him get out the door for work. Also, our check engine light came on – Roxanne (our 2013 Suzuki Swift Diesel) needed her 30,000 km checkup and Matt took her in for servicing. I so appreciate him! I spent the morning in the bath, had lunch by myself, and went lingerie shopping. So much fun! I had help from a very chic French woman who must have brought me 50 things to try on. Afterward I was so tired I needed a coffee. Met my lovely friend Nina at the History of Paris museum, and afterward had mint tea and falafel plates in the Marais neighborhood. Attended he start of the conference, then home to Matt and a glass of red wine at the hotel.

Day seven: all day conference- It was fantastic. Afterward I met Matt at our favorite bookstore in Paris – Shakespeare & Company – where I bought my dad something special for Christmas and also got myself a book on Parisian street fashion. Wandered the streets again hand in hand with Matt. It was Halloween on Saturday night in Paris and there were lots of people out and about in costume. Had dinner together and shared a bottle of red wine (Côte du Rhone, one of our favorites). I ordered a rump steak and fries. Matt ordered a Caesar salad. My jaw dropped. My husband is trying to eat more healthfully and I’m super proud of him. I’m also marveling over the fact that we as people can change over time and together. Matt and I will celebrate 9 years of marriage next week. When we met I didn’t eat steak (or drink wine, or coffee!) and he sure didn’t order salad. Fell asleep reading my book on Parisian street fashion. A very long and wonderful day.

Mt: I spent the day working in Paris and lugged around a bag full of crap from appointment to appointment all day. I dumped it out when I got back to the hotel and decided I have what professional organizers term professionally as “A lot of shit.”

iPhone, cord and euro-plug, city/metro map, funny book to read while on the metro, sunglasses, regular glasses, glass cloth and case, REWE fountain pen (green ink), Lamy fountain pen (brown ink), Sennhiezer headphones and pouch, Faber ‘Perfect Pencil’, passport with 55€ stuck inside, gumX2, pocket knife, pipe, tobacco pouch, matches, two tins of tobacco (actually picked up for a buddy) Rhodia notebook, accordion receipt organizer (it was a work trip and I have to turn in an expense report), used Metro tickets, and a tote bag I got with my Monocle Magazine subscription to put it all in. None of this counts my keys, work computer, wedding ring, wrist immobilizer (broken wrist 3+ weeks ago), watch, hat, and coat….

Jesus, it is like I carry fucking hipster Bug Out Bag everywhere I go!!!

Farewell to France tour – day nine
Woke up in the footprint of the Château de Chambord (which we could see from our hotel room yesterday by opening the window and hanging out of it.) This morning the fog had rolled in and the castle was shrouded in mist. Pretty cool! It’s still surrounded by wild lands (and acts as the largest game sanctuary in Europe) and it’s easy to imagine what it was like when Francis I used it as a hunting lodge. After breakfast we drove an hour down the Loire to Amboise and toured two châteaux. First stop was the Château d’Amboise where Francis I was born, and Leonardo da Vinci is buried in a sweet little Chapel. We also went to the smaller Château de Clos Lucé where da Vinci lived and spent the last years of his life. Lots of cool things were seen – pictures to follow. And perhaps even cooler – our Airbnb down the street from both châteaux happens to be in a troglodyte cave in the side of the hill that the Château d’Amboise is built upon. It’s a stunning little studio apartment. Photos to follow as well!

Farewell to France tour – day ten
Woke up, all snuggled up in our troglodyte cave, and didn’t wanna get up! But it was our anniversary, and we had a full day planned. First we went to a lovely little breakfast at the patisserie/chocolatier recommended by our Airbnb owner. I had an “omelette natur” and the best coffee I have perhaps ever had in France. As I travel I have taken to drinking it black with a lump of sugar, since I am lactose- intolerant and it’s inconvenient to carry my own milk for 12 days. (Okay so I did for the first few but then I threw it out.) I also avoid gluten and have carried my own bread. Matt ate a croissant that he said was to die for. It was really tempting! But I enjoyed my omelet and coffee, and bought a chocolate bar on the way out. The shop has been open over 100 years and was started by the owner’s grandfather.

Next stop was the gorgeous Château du Chenoncheau. It deserves a post all of its own, so I will save that for another day. But I’ll just say, for all the castles we have seen over the past week, it was by far our favorite. Guess we saved best for last! We had a beautiful anniversary lunch in the former orangerie on the property, complete with local wine of course. Then we got on the road to complete the final long haul of our trip, since we had a reservation at a hotel in St Emilion that night.
After checking in, we walked across the street and had a fabulous meal at a little resto called L’Alcove, which I had bookmarked on yelp as a possibility for dinner having no idea it was across the street. The local red wine was of course fantastic – we ordered a Demi bottle of 2005 St Emilion. Our steak was melt in your mouth. Pictures of course. Soon.

Mt: The next couple of days were spent wine touring and shipping. In addition to shopping for us, we also picked up some wine for some family and friends back in the US. Notice how low the car is riding in the picture below? It was due to the 8+ cases of wine stacked to the roof. We overloaded the rating on the suspension by 15kilos or 33ish pounds according to our car’s info book. Also notice how happy my wife is in the front seat. It really was a fine couple of days and I cannot imagine the village of St. Emilion and the surrounding vineyards and prettier than when we were there: the leave of the vines were all turning orange and fire-red, there was a complete lack or tourists overrunning everything. The temperature and sunshine were as perfect as one couple ever hope for. Really a magical trip.

My Village is getting a make over.

October 7, 2015 / Matt Talley / 4 Comments

One of the issues we have had during our time in France is that our village has huge potential, but all the little shops and cafes dried up and left. we have to get in the car and drive one or two villages over or into Toulouse to get almost anything. I have stood on my soapbox and bitched about it more than once. Karma, it seems, has a sense of humor…

Just as we leave, a huge new shopping facility is being completed near the main Village traffic circle. Every-time we drive by, there is something new and awesome going in and I start cussing. Here is a short list of the shops that are opening JUST as we leave France:

Picard: It is like a whole store worth of stuff from the Trader Joe’s frozen food section.
Cheese shop that promises artisanal cow, sheep and goat goodness.
A wine shop that is the French version of BevMo with a climate controlled cave in the store where they sell “The Good Stuff”
An organic grocery store
A bakery that has been woo-ed from another village that happens to be a national medal winning pâtisserie and boulangerie. Dammit!!
A real sushi restaurant that will serve both sashimi and maki.
A real gym, with squat towers, benches, weights, machines, etc…

I swear to the GoT gods, old and new, that if I drive by and there is a tool shop with chisels and planes in the window I loose my mind! I am really glad all this is opening, but why now?1 Why did it all have to wait till we were leaving? to make us have second thoughts about moving home to Seattle?

Leaving France

September 1, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

We have an official date for our move from France and back to Seattle. It is on paper and everything. Stamps-With-Foot and I will be in back in the Emerald City just in time to celebrate Christmas.

Life in France has been amazing:

The weather
Wine
Castles
The amazing food
Our friends here
Our house in the country
The big yard
Our Diesel-fueled car
Cheese, glorious cheese
Paris
Cheap internet
Free world-wide long distance
Crazy cheap prescription meds
The used furniture shops
Walks in the farm fields with the puppies
The different kinds of honey
Always a sign pointing to the next village or spots of interest
Our neighbors

Stuff We will not miss:

The Strikes
The August Shutdown
Early shop hours
The entire city/country closed on Sundays
The other neighbors and their dogs

In Paris For Valentines Day – 2015

February 16, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

We had to go to Paris the week of Valentine’s Day for the final meeting to renew my French Work Visa. It was a bit of a Keystone Cops affair, but in the end we are all good and get to live and work (just me for that one. Stamps-With-Foot no get to worky…) in France for another year. Since we we in the city of Love & Light, we stayed over an extra night to celebrate the occasion like champs. We made a last minute reservation for dinner, tried to see a show at the The Folies Bergère (nope), and spent the day storming to and from museums around the city: The Rodin, The newly re-opend Picasso, The Orsay and the amazing History of Paris Museum, which we showed up to 20 minutes before they closed and made a mad dash for the Mucha designed Jewelry store exibit.

It was fantastic. We got to tour some beautiful sites together, view amazing art and furniture, buy some postcards, do a little shopping, make some memories, and hold hands while walking across the Seine at night with Notra Dame lit behind us. Very Romantic. Not many people can say that they ‘Spent Valentine’s day in Paris…’ We both feel really blessed!

A few pictures from the trip:

Gluttony: Deadly Sin #2 accomplished.

January 11, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

We spent Christmas at a friends’ parent’s house near Pau (pronounced “Po”), France. It is in the middle of the Jurançon wine region and near one of the historical centers for mountain pasture fed sheep and goat cheese. Our hosts were incredible and the amount of food we consumed was staggering! Below is a semi complete list of the things that we enjoyed:

Aged local Brebis (sheep) cheese
Steak grilled in the home’s fireplace
Prosciutto
Coffee
Herbal tea
Cured ham
Roasted Rabbit
Strawberry preserves
Roasted potatoes
Rice pilaf
Pate
Christmas cake
Croissant with honey
Baguettes
Wild Boar
Foie gras
pumpkin soup
3 types of Jurançon wine
Saucisson
Aged Pyrenees goat cheese
Boudin
Swiss and German chocolate
Dutch Stroopwafel
Bottle after bottle of amazing 2008 and 2006 Bordeaux wine

Porto and The Douro Valley

September 24, 2014 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

For my Birthday – the 12th anniversary of my 29th year – my sweet wife and I went on a long weekend to Porto. I almost ruined our trip before it began by leaving my passport in my work briefcase – I flew in late from London the night before and that is my only thread of an excuse. A friend’s wife raced to our place and the made the hour and 20 minute drive to the airport in an hour and five. I was the last one on the plane after busting through the closing security gate like I was in a movie. Trip rescued.

It poured on us the first couple of days, so there was lots of sightseeing in churches and port wine tasting rooms. We managed seven in total including the vineyards… When the sun did come out, we found the city to be stunning: Lots of tile, amazing old buildings, picturesque river, etc…

Speaking of churches, we visited the Baroque masterpiece of Sao Francisco Church. Holy Jiminy-Jesus! The gilded wood carving is breathtaking. We could have sat there for hours. Stunning.

Concerning the tastings, we visited 4 of the Porto houses in the Gaia part of the City: Taylor’s, Ramos Pinto, Ferreira, and a local gallery/small scale producer – where Stamps-With-Foot MADE me buy a port wine related board game. She made me. We liked the port at Ramos Pinto the best for everyday consumption and we bought our friend’s wife/passport logistician a fine bottle of 20 year old that was silky smooth. At Taylor’s we/I splurged on a single glass of their 40 year old. Delicious!

For our last full day and on my actual birthday, we took a tour of the Douro Valley and stopped by two vineyards and a local mom and pop shop that made their own that was delectable. Our favorite vineyard and tour was the one at the Quinta do Tedo. Nice place, great tour, good port at a great price. In between the guzzling of the wine, we found the scenery to be breathtaking and Stamps-With-Foot and I decided we could live in a place like the Douro.

Very Productive Weekend – except in the yard.

August 3, 2014 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

I did not mow the yard this weekend. It just didn’t happen. I meant to and I wanted to… I even took the mower and cord out, but it just didn’t happen. Instead I did this:

1. Redesigned the top of the workbench that I am building.
2. Threatened for 148th time to quit Facebook.
3. Didn’t quite
4. Updated status
5. Cleaned and organized GROP a little while grumbling about my lack of willpower
6. Worked on a J-O-B related spreadsheet
7. Finished bookends for wife – made from Victorian andirons.
8. Cut the base (legs and stretchers) for my workbench.
9. Turned two sets of TINY rosettes for our neighbor to replace a couple that are missing from a piece of furniture – help the neighbors when you can.
10. Put together a set of I-beams to reinforce a table top that is warping – they do that after 250-300 years…
11. Gave my wife a foot rub.
12. Glued up some maple blanks to turn later on
13. Played with the puppies – there are two now.
14. Got sucked into Pinterest
15. Watched a little TV/YouTube
16. Took puppies for a walk around neighborhood
17. Turned a small jar lid for wife out of some scrap cherry
18. Drank some Spanish rosé with wife and had a nice home cooked Thai meal
19. Fixed front door lock at 1:00am
20. Had weird dreams Saturday night
21. Slept in – new puppy had first good night’s sleep 🙂
22. Puppy sat while wife got her hair cut.
23. Told wife her hair was very pretty
24. We took puppies into Toulouse to meet some friends for coffee
25. Walked in park with wife and puppies.
26. Cut and chiseled joints in to ½ of the workbench legs
27. Sucked into Pinterest vortex again
28. Sent some J-O-B e-mail
29. Talked to my mom
30. Text messaged with my daughter
31. Tried to call my son – he was out with friends. Teenagers… 🙂
32. Played with puppies
33. Sent some more work-related e-mail
34. Told wife hair was pretty again
35. Made a tiny adjustment to kitchen island at wife’s request
36. Wrote a snail-mail letter to my aunt and son
37. Filled out a couple of post cards
38. Updated website a little
39. Looked at work calendar for tomorrow – very full.
40. Said dirty words…
41. Went downstairs to snuggle wife, puppies and to stay up too late on Pinterest or stupid Facebook.

Perks of living in France

April 23, 2014 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

If you happen to follow Stamps-With-Foot or me on Tumblr/Facebook/Instagram it looks a lot like our life here in France is filled with wine, coffee, cheese, baguettes and croissants. There is a good bit of that, but there is also a LOT of time spent at my J-O-B; no 7 hour french work day and 2-hour lunches for me. No berets have been purchased, I am not wearing a scarf, no-one is smoking Gauloises, and neither of us has perfected the “french shrug”

Regardless, we do like to share the shots of the fantastically good and cheap stuff to drink and eat here. More pictures of the same will follow for the next two years or so 🙂

Carcassonne

April 21, 2014 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

The city, not the game.

My wife really likes castles. Really, Really! Ruins, Chateaus, piles of stone on the top of a lonely hill: they all make her swoon. We visit whenever we are in the vicinity of one and if such a visit won’t land us in jail for trespassing. I set the bar a little high on her 25th birthday when we spent a week touring wineries and castles along the Rhine and Mosel rivers. Now, castle-filled birthdays are are de rigueur and for the third anniversary of Stamps-With-Foot’s 29th birthday, we spent a long weekend in the walled City of Carcassonne and then a couple of days at a B&B in Limoux. Carcassonne was amazing – we were there two weeks before tourist season started in earnest and had many of the streets and restaurants almost to ourselves. Old walls, moats, a huge almost empty church, a high-walled keep, great food… I could go on and on.

Limoux was also a relaxing change of pace from our everyday life. I didn’t turn on my phone once to work and we may have brought three cases of wine and Blanquette (similar to Champagne) home with us. Brodie stayed with a house/puppy sitter while we were gallivanting about and when we got home he and my cute wife immediately snuggled down and took a nap. Below are a few of my pictures and here is the link to her website and more pictures from the trip.

Weekend Update – 4/14/14

April 15, 2014 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Really good weekend with just a couple of bumps…

Out late Friday night in Toulouse
Slept in Saturday morning
Stamps-With-Foot made yummy breakfast – great croissants!
Surfed the Interwebs and lost an hour or two to Pinterest
Worked on a dining table bench for about an hour
Used smoothing plane and made tissue paper-thin shavings 🙂
Drove to Toulouse for 1st outdoor beekeeping class – waking up the hives from the Winter
Warm sunshine, blue skies, perfect weather!
Hives were in good condition and got to split one hive that was doing really well – already completely filled the hive box with pollen and honey.
Stopped by Lumber store on way home to buy some dust masks.
I can’t be trusted in Lumber/Hardware stores…
Bought 60 Euros worth of lumber, glue and screws
Forgot dust masks…
Came home to cuddle wife
Wife accidentally kneed me in the baby-maker and ¼ of a second later, put weight on the same knee, smashing the boys…
Rolled around on the ground in pain for at least a full minute
Limped outside
Mowed lawn and turned the compost
Limped a little while doing so – boys still hurt.
Helped wife make steak fajitas
Was on guard for any errant knees…
Drank a glass of wine and snuggled while watching 6 episodes of the last season of HIMYM
More Pinterest and sleep
Slept till 10:00 and leisurely breakfast
Went into Village to market and found a very nice oak printer tray for 10 Euro.
Immediately bought it without haggling over the price
Spent an hour in shop patching a small section of bench where plane slipped while joining two boards.
Found where a cat had marked some lumber when garage door was open night before.
Said hateful things about cats.
Had lunch with a friend that is healing from a cracked collarbone
Came home and finished putting together the teak patio
Bought wrong oil for the patio furniture – Grrr…
Fixed one of the broken arms (from move) on the Adirondack chairs
Had coffee in the shade
Hung hammock and tested it out.
Place feels like home now!
Sweet wife made dinner and we ate for first time on our new patio table – first of many meals
Snuggled in hammock with wife and listened to birds, neighbors, bees, etc…

Very happy

Film Friday – Wine Double Feature +1 – March 14, 2014

March 14, 2014 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

California:

“Under The Vine” from Stephen DaVega on Vimeo.

France:

A VERY PRIVATE VISIT AT CHATEAU LATOUR from jf julian on Vimeo.

+1 – Old School way of making a Wine Barrel:

Making of a wine barrel – Francesco Loi from Francesco Loi on Vimeo.

France – The first 30 days.

January 11, 2014 / Matt Talley / 1 Comment

Still Love France.
My French has gotten SO bad.
I did forget how slow things are to get done here.
You want a buy/lease a car? Three weeks-ish.
You want cable and internet? 1 month.
Want it to work? 1 more week and 14 phone calls
Love my J-O-B
No such thing as coffee to go… even if you get it in a tiny paper/plastic cup, there is no lid.
Really like the house here. The 16″ thick concrete walls and steel shutters give it a homey crypt-like feeling.
Miss our house in Seattle.
There are doctors who speak English, but their receptionists who book the appointments don’t…
You want groceries on Sunday? Nope, not going to happen
I also forgot how amazing the eggs and meet are.
Want to sit and have coffee and talk to my mom, miss that.
Bread goes with EVERYTHING! Awesome bread.
Having a really hard time finding a shop that sells wood lathes – only power tool I want/need here.
The weather here in winter is better than summer in Hamburg.
Miss my furniture. We have been “Camping” since Halloween and I am about 99.9999% done sitting on the floor to eat my dinner.
Want my tools like a junkie wants their cooking spoon.
Stamps-With-Foot is buying enough cheese to make the regional sale figures blip.
Our dog< Brodie, has fully integrated and will cop a squat in the middle of the street, sneering at anyone who dares to question his right to do so. He goes to restaurants with us like he is a little prince. The wife slips him duck breast, cote of Beaof, and aged cheese under the table. I had 2 glasses of $4 wine that we bought at the grocery store with dinner tonight. It was awesome. No, truly. Wish my kids were here. I miss Starbucks, but I have a Killer espresso machine in the kitchen. Can now watch Netflix and BBC One with country specific VPN accounts - sticking it to the man! Miss my bikes. Can't wait for them to arrive next week (insert giddy face) The designer dog food here is sold in breed specific bags - really. It is crap, but it is packaged well. I have lost a little weight because I am not eating crap and started running again. Very, very nice wooded trail near house - miles and miles long. Flying to Florida for work next week and am bringing home coffee beans, dry dog food, and Cajun Seasoning. Packed an extra duffle bag... Went for a drive in the country today and happened by a 16^th century chalet with turrets and a moat about an hour form the house.
The thought of Stamps-With-Foot driving in France scares the Hell out of me!
Life is damn fine on the whole.