New Summer Vacation Plans

My summer plans have been changed for me.  I had planned out another summer vacation spent with The Ruminator, but he is 16 now and has decided that he wants to stay home in Arkansas and be a lifeguard for the summer.  I get it, I am his boring dad and it is hard for me to compete with ladies in swimsuits for the summer.  I had pigeon-holed some time off and funds for sailing lessons/trip, diver certification for him, some diving, and ending the summer with a rock climbing road trip all the way down the west coast.  While all that sounds cool to me, I am not a handsome young man facing all the unsaid possibilities of tanned ladies in my close proximity, hanging on my every word for 2.5 months.

I now I find myself, for the first time in 14+ years, in a place where my yearly vacation time is my own and I can spend some time/money taking my wife and myself someplace where it will be just be just the two of us – cue the romantic accommodations, bubbling hot tub, chilled champagne, soft candle light, and put Barry White on the turntable.  As an aside, my wife felt super sorry for me over the canceled summer plans and after a glass of wine, she has agreed that I can buy a sailboat to soothe my wounded heart.  I almost fell over stone cold dead from the shock of her statement and recorded her saying it a second time for legal reasons 🙂

I flew down to San Diego last week and took a look at a 33’ sloop-rigged blue water boat for sale in the marina.  It has way too many issue that need to be addressed to make any serious passages and I am not willing to spend the time covered in fiberglass bits, retrofitting a 15 year old toilet, huffing hull paint, and wading in stagnate bilge water.  While a steal of a deal for what the boat is/could be, I will keep looking.

Right now though, I am thinking of starting the summer with a little road trip to see her family in Oregon, wine tasting in the Willamette Valley, and a couple of days taking advantage of my friend Dr. G’s house and hospitality in Northern California.  There will be a long weekend in the Bay Area and Napa with friends and family.  We are also going to make a good part of the local Washington/Oregon festival circuit this summer.

Life Lesson – you can’t text message your wife that you have a tumor…

So… I have had a bump on my forehead for a couple of years. I went to a Dr. about it in France and she said it was a bone spur. I sort of ignored it after that, but it still bugged me as a cosmetic thing. Right after we moved back to the US, I let a buddy of mine , who happens to be a Dr., take a look. He felt it was a dermoid cyst, but he couldn’t take it out for me because of location and recommended a plastic surgeon. I finally got an appointment week before last to see a guy and holy crap… Not a bone spur, not a cyst. It was a lipoma – a tumor. He recommended immediate removal. I walked out of his office and sent my wife a text that said:

“Not a cyst. A tumor, probably benign. I will call him Harold. Removal next Tuesday.”

Apparently, one should not text message about a tumor nor make jokes about same. I missed that section in the marriage handbook and my wife called me immediately to freak out a little let me know of the transgression…

I went in the last Tuesday and had Harold removed. It ended up being about the size of a small strawberry that was tenacious and adhered to the bone. The surgeon had to get out the lifter/chisel and the procedure took about 45 minutes, instead of the planed 20 or so. To close it all up, I had 5 interior and 12 exterior stitches. There is lots of swelling, two black eyes, and I can’t feel my forehead, but they said feeling will come back in 3-4 weeks as nerve heals. I also have had an on & off massive headache – feels like I got smacked with a 2×4. I took a couple of days off from work and popped Vicodin while watching movies and looking at Pocket yachts/trailer sailor videos on You Tube – dreaming of weekends sailing on the Puget Sound, camping on a small deserted tree covered island with my wife and bacon – it was a nice way to take my mind off the swelling and recuperate.

It all Looks good though as the Dr. feels Harold was benign. Sent to pathology anyway and I will know for 100% when I have stitches out this Wednesday.

Matt Talley_Garage 2016_004

Matt Talley_Garage 2016_003

Matt Talley_Garage 2016_002

Matt Talley_Garage 2016_001

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9-27-2016 Update:
The bump was completely benign. The pathology looked good, all my stitches are now out, and the scaring is minimal. I am very happy and wife is very happy. Best possible outcome.

What I want Thursday

Current ‘shit that I want/need list’:

For my mom to feel 100% better
To stop traveling SO MUCH for work
To stop eating so many carbs and so much sugar
For my wife to feel all better
A three day walk in the mountains
6 Days in Rome without my cell phone
To rock climb with my friends in the French countryside
About 15 hard cover books about beekeeping and cabinet making
Some serious cash to give to Heifer and MSF
To be 100% certain of what can and should be done with our house in Seattle: rebuild or sell
For my wife to finish some alterations and repairs for me
A slender dark grey Yorkshire cap
To stop worrying about our house in Seattle
A sweet tweed vest
A few pair of cordovan and black monk-strap wing-tips from Al’s Attire
A Filson medium travel bag.
A couple of belts
To start working out again in earnest and stick to it

HACKED…

Son of a…  My site got hacked.  I thought that I was safe:  A host provider I trust, back-doors closed, a random generated password, all the stuff you are supposed to do.  I was talking on the phone last night and I noticed a “payday Loan” link just under my site name on my home page.  Son of a…

This is a BIG deal.  Aside from some ass-hat having a BS ad on my site, it meant that my corner of the web was compromised and the second that Google gets a whiff of it, your site is no longer searchable and you get put into website purgatory.  It happened to me in 2005 and it took me YEARS to get it all fixed and to be back in Google’s and all the web filters good standing

I immediately put my site to sleep, scoured my site code for the offending link, and then searched the inter-web forums.  It looks like the link was added via a .php server backdoor and was somehow attached directly to my WordPress Theme, so I deleted the existing theme and rebuilt the my main page and widgets.  That seems to have done it for now, but I contacted my Web Host to see what they were doing about any possible breach and got the “We are experiencing a large call volume…   longer than usual wait times…” message.  No luck with live chat or e-mail either.  Super pissed.  I have been with them since 2002 and have never had a server-based security breach.

I will end up muttering to myself.

I have come to both love and accept my wife’s little quirks. I don’t understand them all and from time to time I have to just shake my head and mutter after finding something odd in the recycling or noticing that kitchen silverware was used to dig in the flower beds for example. I have also discovered that it is best to work within the confines of these quirks instead of confronting them/her with what most people would call reason. That confrontation would lead to a two hour discussion that would, in turn, lead nowhere. I would have to apologize for even bringing it up and then I would have to buy her something shiny for my transgression. In the end, I would be right back where I started – muttering to myself and slowly shaking my head with my lips pursed in an expression of both frustration and amazement.

Stamps-With-Foot is very visual and she has to SEE something for it to be real for her. Visualization of a concept like arranging pictures on the wall, where flowers COULD go in the yard, or where to move a chair in the living room is an exercise in frustration. This normally means that after a week+ of debating where a piece of furniture should go, I will move it 4-9 times before she decides that the original decision was the correct one. This comes up for me because we have been talking about to swapping offices at home. Her sewing/estrogen room will go upstairs to the sunny well-lit wood-floored bedroom at the front of our house and I will move my faux-Edwardian office/man-cave into the basement so that it will be co-located to my tiny hobby machine shop, work bench, and our den: A win/win for us both of us as long as I don’t have to move crap up and down and around for two days.

In the spirit of working with her previously addressed/documented traits, I formulated a plan to have it all work in my favor. I measured and drew a scale model of the room upstairs, showing locations of the doors, windows, and air vents. Then, I made scale cutouts of all the furniture that she could possibly have in the room. I left her with the drawing and cutout so that she could torment and second guess herself in peace while I went into the basement and worked on my new machine shop bench. 24 hours later and after looking at every possible combination at least 6 times, she had determined a location for each and every twig for her sewing nest and taped her choices for furniture location down on the drawing. I have elicited a promise that her decision is a final one and that if there is a change in any of the locations it will be made before the very first piece is picked up and humped upstairs.

Now all that is left for me to do is to bribe/con some friends and neighbors into helping move all the crap, putting it in its designated place and then to disappear in to my basement to plot my plan for world domination…. Mwahahahaha….

No cats in the house

We have a new resident living at La Maison du Talley:  Izzy Osborne the cat.  My mother recently moved from a house to a smaller apartment and her cat went nuts.  Screaming, scratching, and peeing on everything and everyone.  The Nana was beside herself with anger over the mess and with worry about what would happen to her kitty.  This cat and I have history.  For the last 7 years she has attacked me, drawn blood, hissed, growled, spit and slapped at me almost every time I got near her.  There was an air of loathing in her yellow eyes every time she looked at me.  Mean is an understatement!  I have repeatedly teased The Nana about the cat being the Devil’s own and that her kitty brain was busy plotting evil, hate, and plague.

Stamps-With-Foot and I grudgingly agreed to bring her to our place to live in the back yard (I refuse to have a cat in the house – refuse) because I didn’t want my mother to get even more upset.  Izzy wanted nothing to do with us for the first few days and even walked back to The Nana’s old house a couple of times.  We went and got her – visualize armor made from a catcher’s mask and welding gloves – and once she figured out that we would feed her a couple times a day and not let Brodie use her for a chew toy, I guess she decided to stay.

She is a whole new cat…  She purrs when I feed her, she will let me touch her, hasn’t attacked me even once, and her look of revulsion toward me is gone.  While sitting in the yard on Sunday, she got into my lap and demanded some scratching – it was shocking.  I was even able to pick her up yesterday without pulling back two bloody stumps from where my hands used to be.  It is like she has experienced a complete reversal of personality.  The thought has crossed my mind that she is just trying to lull me into a comfortable place, biding her time until she can corner me in the shop and eat me or catch me napping and come at me like the face-sucker from the Alien movies, but I will give her the benefit of the doubt for now, pet her when I feed her and pay her some attention when outside.  You never know, she might earn her keep and find a mouse or two trying to invade the yard.

What I Want Thursday – 8/2/2012

Below are the things that I find are present for me today:

1. More time with my children.

2. I want to stick to my new diet and workout schedule and not fall off the wagon and back into the cookie/café Mocha/lethargic/big-belly abyss.

3. For my wife to finish some long ago promised sewing tasks for me.

4. More book shelf space at home. We read more and more on our kindles and have sold many, if not most, of the paperbacks that have filled our lives for years and we are still completely out of space for our books. There are stacks on the floor in both of our home offices, to-read piles on each night-stand, fiction and history filing the living room book case, literature lined up on the basement hutch, cookbooks on the bottom shelf of the china hutch, and single volumes littered across the normally unoccupied spaces of our small home. We more shelves, not less books!

5. A finished kitchen

6. Painted lawn furniture

7. Filson Medium Travel bag. My son and I went to the Filson factory store and I fell into love/lust over this piece of luggage. I know that sounds weird, but I fly a LOT – I am a Platinum SkyTeam frequent flier member and a Gold OneWorld member. Quality, attractive, roomy, useful luggage is a necessity.

8. A cigarbox electric Ukulele for playing blues with a slide.

9. A proper car camping/glamping kitchen set up.

10. A few books: Passions:The Wines and Travels of Thomas Jefferson; The Lodge Cast Iron Cookbook; Paris Between the Wars 1919-1939: Art, Life & Culture; Ernest Hemmingway bio and a two books of his letters (1&2), etc…

11. A Truck bed full of wooden wine/port crates/boxes for a couple of open projects at home.

12. To give Heifer International a menagerie of animals. That is my charity goal for the year. I want to save, gather, raise, find as much cash as possible to give to Heifer International by the end of 2012 for the purchase of bees, goats, cows, water buffalo, chickens, trees, training and hope. It will provide animals and knowledge that will change lives for the good. I will add a link or a tab on my front page to a fund status page/counter and update it as the gift grows.

Hot tub installation and emergency preparedness

I bought my sweet wife a hot tub for our wedding anniversary. We had been looking for a while for just the right used tub, but most that were out there on Craigslist and the Inter-Webs were utter crap or cost almost as much as a new one. We found a machinist who wanted to sell his immaculately maintained soaker so he could put in a lux outdoor kitchen. It is an older tub, but he had all the maintenance records on it, the interior looked brand new, it worked great, and we paid about what it would have taken for him to have it hauled to the dump. I hired three giant Pacific islanders to deliver it – money well spent – then dug the trench for the electric and ran the wiring almost right away. I then made five trips to Home Depot and bought 2,450 pounds of gravel and sand to make a base – my back ached for a week from carring and packing it all into a solid foundation.  The the hot-tub movers were absent on installation day, so I used my big monkey-brain and with the help of my nephew, I moved the tub into place with rollers, planks, a lever, and wedges.   It is within 1/2 inch of where I planned it on paper and is almost dead level – 1/8″ up on the west side.

Due to my homeowner’s insurance restrictions, I was not allowed to wire into my main panel – it voids my fire coverage (yours probably says the same thing…), so I hired three successive electricians to tie it all in (one showed up high, the second was a complete no show, the third finally doing the needed work). While the third and final electrician was there and since I was paying for his time, I had him install a generator transfer switch, an exterior generator plug and a grounded exterior outlet.   I reasoned that when the power goes out, I can crank the generator and we will still have the fridge, lights, TV/DVD, and heat as long as we have gas.

Stamps-With-Foot LOVES the tub. Given to her own devices, she will sit in it all day like a Japanese snow monkey. It was great when the snow storm hit us this year in January.   We sat in the tub with snow piled all around, reflecting the city lights off its white surface.   I will build a deck over our existing concrete pad, from the house to the tub this spring, which will make her doubly happy.

November 2013 Update:

The tub ran like the German rail system for over 2.75 years. The water was always perfect, the heater and pump worked just like they were supposed to. I had a plastic fitting crack while switching filters that cost me $250 to have replaced, but that was it for maintenance. We ran the tub year around, turning the heat off in the summer for a nice cool soak on hot nights/afternoons. In the preparation for the move to France, I winterized it by shocking the water with chemical treatment, then I drained it completely. I vacuumed out all the lines as best I could – any water left should grow mold due to the shock treatment. I built a 2X4 platform and put the cover on it so that any accumulated snow or rain wouldn’t cause a cave in, before shrink-wrapping and tarping the whole thing to keep out any and all errant moisture. The cover has had it, and we will get a new one when we return to Seattle in a couple of years. My hope is that the tub springs back to working order and we have more trouble-free years together.

Thursday again

Spend an hour a day writing: I HAVE to finish my book on life in Germany. I have sat on it for WAY too long. I have set the office up so that I have a proper work space, free of distractions. I need to get up, have coffee, a bite to eat, and spend an hour typing. This means I will have to go to bed ~10:00 though…
For my dress shirts to be tailored: if I buy dress shirts off the rack I get 16/32 . Unless it is a new “slim fit” it fits fine across my back, shoulders, arms and neck, but around the waist I have a couple feet of material to crease, tuck, re-tuck, and hide. It looks sloppy if I take my suit jacket off. I would really like them taken in and button holes added to all so I can wear cufflinks. I know, petty uptown problems…
Get rid of some crap: I am on a binge to get rid of some of the crap we have accumulated in the last year. Do I really need a 4X8′ drafting table in the basement? How many backpacks does it take to be excessive? Do I need to keep all those fvcking back issues of Monocle and Outside?
Red tomatoes: Last year my tomato harvest sucked. I had 5 red tomatoes, 4 of them split on the vine, and all the rest remained green. I will not be having that shit this year! I planted early, have been lovingly tending to them all summer and if the warm weather is over, then I am putting a hoop-house over the beds until each and every one turns scarlet red.
Lumber: I could do with 50′ or so of 8″ wide popular planks. The final push on the kitchen will require some pull-outs installed and extra shelving put into existing cabinets.
Get off my ass: I have been traveling so much, missing runs and workouts in the gym, eating out, and scarfing down cookies like a junkie who has found a heroin tree. I have to get up, push away from my desk, and run/bike/lift/hike/climb and shed my cookie-handles.

Evil on the inside

My dear friend Rosy is currently feeling the sting of retribution.  It is his own fault and really more the result karma then anything I might have done.  I HATE snakes and he thought it would be giggly funny to send me an e-mail with an embedded surprise snake video – it may have made me fling my iPhone and pee myself…  Unhappy does not cover my reaction.  Even before his giggling subsided, I began “Project Retaliation.”

Rosy has a beautiful and loving wife, supportive parents, friendly neighbors, and ultra religious in-laws.  I decided to deliver payback through these good people.  The thing about my core group of friends – The Arthritic, Big Belly,  Hillbilly Climbing Assn., is that we are occasionally mean to each other…  There have been forced birthday paddlings, blow-up sheep in restaurants, public ridicule, chain-mails, doctored pictures, co-conspirators, and certain gross misdemeanors committed in the name of good fun, love, and friendly vengeance.  This is shaping up to be one of the latter occurrences.

First, I went online and signed him up on the  Liberation Party website as wanting information and I gave them $10 in his name.  I used his wife’s email address for further contact – she has strong Republican sympathies and the rest of her family are Super-Tea Partiers.  Apparently, Rosy also gave the Tea-Party $10 and clicked every “send me updates and info” button that he could while making that donation…  My friend is now an official Lady GaGa Fan Club member and his picture and details are on one of the Justin Bieber freak/fan sites – they will be sending him periodic (hopefully daily) updates for all things Bieber.  I requested some dirty, dirty, adult toy catalogs for him and sent them to his parent’s address.  Then, a 1-year subscription to OUT! magazines was sent to Rosy via Amazon, but I used his conservative next door neighbor’s address.  Rosy will get a Bear of the Month-mail from now until the end of time and there were also literature requests for everything from hair-loss treatment to laser back hair removal to penile enlargement device specifications.  It really is the small things in life that make us happy.

A couple weeks later I got the text message below from his mom:

One might be tempted to think that I over reacted.  One would be wrong.  Rosy once contemplated releasing a live adult bison into my apartment because I teased him about his mom being hot and me having prior physical relations with her (I didn’t) – he actually looked at the logistics of getting the thing trailered in, really.  Rosy doesn’t have a stop or pause button – you have to decimate him to make it stop.  He fired the first shot in this little war and I had to retaliate with immediate and decisive force or there would have been more snake videos and pictures.  He will attempt some sort of well thought out retribution and I will then have to use the nuclear option: his turbo-religious in-laws.  Stay tuned…

My Thanksgiving Holiday:

7.5 hour drive with sleepy sick wife and gassy puppy
Serious traffic on I-5
I hate Rubber-Neckers
Arrive in Eugene, OR after 10:00pm
Build fire & sit in hot tub.  Last relaxing moments of the trip.
Confusion about sleeping arrangements
First night in comfy bed.
Wake early and had yummy coffee
Wife is extra yucky sick
Wife ingests cold meds, feels better
Short climb of Mount Pisgah
Roped into smoking/roasting turkey
Wanted to start drinking
Had to move rooms.
Issued foam mat to sleep on.
Smoked turkey for 2 hours and fended off Father-in-laws constant “help”
No lunch
Put turkey in oven to finish
Started drinking beer
Brother-in-law MIA
Brother-in-law usually has holiday coping chemicals
Missed Brother-in-law
Called and texted holiday greeting to friends and family
Father-in-law (a chef by trade) scary when cooking
Sharp stuff in kitchen – I retreated to the living room
Where the HELL is Brother-in-law!?!?
Drank another beer
Turkey took too long in oven
Father-in-law stressed
Turkey finally done – 1 hour late
Rest of family arrives
Really missed Brother-in-law’s chemistry set.
Brother-in-law shows up with just stuffing…
Matt sad
Everyone eats
Food was amazing!
Lone PWT family member ravages all the desert pies before anyone else
Drank another beer
Had seconds – turkey and mashed potatoes were yummy
5 mushroom gravy was incredible!!
Ate 4 pieces of pie
Felt pregnant
Had one more wheaty hopped beverage.
Passed out and into food coma
Woke up to screaming running children with back in knots
Had coffee
Regained humanity
Went for 3 mile run
Shopping at the crazy hippie holiday market (not the official name, but it should be)
More coffee
Found some humorous Christmas gifts
Made some clandestine purchases for Stamps-With-Foot
Met mother-in-law at the crazy hippie holiday market
Eye started twitching as the conversation/visit began
Wanted a harsh opiate to calm my nerves
Informed Mother-in-Law that her dog is banned from my house
Maybe she heard, maybe not…
Want to put out a mafia hit on her little dog that marks in the house
Went to a couple of local Eugene stores with just Stamps-with-Foot
Got some great new earrings (2ga. Clear silicone tunnels)
Returned to Fathe-in-laws
House empty.
Stamps-With-Foot and I took a hottub
Off to dinner with mother-in-law – where are those fvcking drugs!?
Drank LARGE beer
Went to see Hairy Potter Movie (I guess now I am officially out of the cupboard…)
Had to pee 3 times during movie 🙁
Sleep
Up early
Coffee
Humanity
Had a precious hour to myself
Hottub
Read the paper
Enjoyed the quiet!!
More coffee
Took a look at “classic” 1960 Plymouth Valiant we were given for free
Determined it was a money pit
Will decide what to do with it later
More holiday shopping
Got last of my Mother’s Christmas taken care of
Third BIG coffee
Laurel had a nap
Relaxed dinner with Father-in-law and his girlfriend
Really like both of them!
Each told neighbor horror stories around the fireplace with medium amounts of beer consumed
Realized I am the “You Kids get off my lawn!” crotchety neighbor – am OK with that
Missed my lawn a little
Sleep
Up at nine and gone by 11:15am
Home by 6:15PM
Wanted to kiss my threshold
Never want to leave home again
Still want to help Mother-in-law’s dog go to the “farm”

Wedding Stress

Why in the Hell would anyone choose to get married?! Not the commitment/loving one person forever part, the actual wedding part. The logistics of the thing are as complicated as planning an invasion of a small island country. Stressful is not the word for what this “little party for our family and friends” has become. Budget – long gone.   Nerves – frayed.

My lovely wife and I have been married for almost four years and are just now getting around to having the reception. We booked the event hall just after New Years and have spent the last 7 months planning, deciding, rethinking, deciding again, spending, organizing, finding a caterer, picking a menu, herding cats, applying for permits, cake tasting, choosing the proper glasses, wedding dress alterations, finding flowers, writing checks, wine tasting, finding a new caterer, buying kegs of beer, tracking down a violinist, making invitations, finding 7 matching ties in one place, forking over the credit card, DJ – band – or iPod?, finding rooms for out of town guests, writing vows, buying gifts, soothing ruffled feathers, renting suits, keeping feuding family in their respective corners, dealing with lost bridesmaid dresses, etc, etc, etc… It never fvcking ends.

I am at the point where I want to run screaming from our cute little house – abandoning my green yard, letting my tomatoes wither and set up a tent in the mountains where I can live like a hermit until all this is over! After all the wine and beer are gone, after everything has been cleaned, and after all the guests have all flown back to their respective cities and towns, I am going to stay home every weekend for a year, read my Sunday paper, work in the shop and on my yard/garden. I am not going to plan one single fvcking event, outing, or trip. I am going to church on Sundays, yoga on Saturdays, visit a few galleries, and go see a film or three. I am not going to take on any more projects and I am going to spend my off hours reading, writing, making love, cycling, running, climbing, and building cabinets.

When my kids and grandkids decide to get married, I am going to do my dead level best to bribe them into eloping and will give them a lump sum of cash that would have been spent on their wedding/reception as a down payment for a home.

post written on and uploaded from my iPhone

Spitting Coffee through my nose

I made an application that grabs the latest news from NPR, CNN, and my three favorite comics and delivers it to my Outlook In-box first thing in the morning – I know, I’m a dork.  Anyway, one of the ‘toons made me roll with laughter and I spit my fine latte out of my nose.  About two years ago I was cycling through the fields of North Germany, along narrow country roads, with a friend and neighbor who just could not stay warm on the ride.  The cold wind was just cutting into him so he pulled off, grabbed a paper full of glossy adverts from the ground and started layering them flat inside his jersey.  I laughed and laughed at him all the way home and would snicker for months afterward when we would ride together.  I had completely forgotten about it until yesterday morning when the comic below opened up in my morning Geek-mail.  Coffee should never be spewed from the nose: it is both painful and messy.  My laughter/coffee fountain was also a source of delight for the other cube-dwelling Engi-nerds that surround me.

yahuda stuffing newspaper

“I just kept run-ning and run-ning…”

I have been an avid runner since I was 14 and ran cross-country and middle distance track in high school.   After running at 4:00 each morning in the Army, I ran CC for my intramural college team (Fifth Year Freshman), coming in second once after an all night bender of cheap beer, video games, a mascot head, and ladies of questionable character/morality.

I just picked up a new pair of trail shoes and inserts after noticing my old pair had started to fall apart – my big toe sticking out when the side stitching blew was a dead give away.  The purchase has me in a reflective mood.  Running is for my soul, to keep the pounds that I would add from the constant cookie consumption at bay (I can tear through a box of Somoas/Do-Si-Dos faster than a fat kid at Summer Camp…), to have time to think through things, to enjoy trails, and to make me a better climber and cyclist.  I don’t enter every 5 or 10K that comes along as I am slow and lazy.  It has to be either a really cool event or be held in an amazing place for me to get up the initiative to actually participate.  I have run one Marathon, years ago – probably the last one I will ever do:  over trained, lost too much weight, had horrible shin splints, and was sick for two weeks afterward.  I will stick to 3-5 mile runs, 2-4 times a week and maybe throw in a 10-12 miler here and there to keep it interesting.

Running is the one constant activity I do that only costs me a pair of shoes every six months or so.  I can wear the kicks when not on a trail and just bumming around the yard or if out and about.  Cycling and climbing shoes are neither fashionable nor functional while out on the town.  I can run from home, on work trips, while visiting the in-laws, etc…  There is a lot of running done when the in-laws are in town…  I always plan to run on vacations, but find that my trail shoes are the one thing that doesn’t come out of my bag until I return home.  Running helps keep me sane.

Commuting with Bear Spray…

Man, Some days my bike commute (1200+ miles so far this year) is the SHIT!… Warm sunshine, crisp air, blue sky, mountains in the background, little traffic, all the lights are green, etc… Then there are days like today that I get home ragged, twitching, in a foul mood, and in need of quite time. I got off a little late so the sun was setting as I started the 40-minute ride home. Traffic was tight, exhaust fumes hung thick in the air, some asshole swerved at me to be funny – I hope, two douche-bags laid into their horns as they sped past me while I was climbing a hill, a lady in a Honda almost hit me in the cross walk, and finally this dick screamed at me with his head hanging out the passenger window of a truck as I was coming to yet another red-light. I got up out of the saddle and mashed the peddles for all I was worth, getting mentally ready for the beat-down I was going to give the ass-hat. Just as I got within reach of the bumper, the guy driving ran the light. I hate assholes!

I was hit 5 times in 3 years of living in California and I learned that you have to watch drivers like a hawk. After a while you become intuitive of their no-signal right turns and you can feel when that lady on her cell phone is going to look right through you and pull out, so you hit the brakes and avoid a crash that she was never aware of. The Burbs and industrial district south of Seattle is a whole other hot mess indeed. Unlike in the city proper, there aren’t too many of us bike commuters, lots of busy mid-level managers talking into the mobile phones, and it is a battle every time I get on my bike. There is a guy in a dark blue Chevy Malibu van that has the same schedule as me who will squeeze his van against the curb if he sees me coming so that I can’t pass him at red lights – no cutting in line! I get honked at daily, had a Burger King bag tossed at me back in June, and once had a semi-homeless (living in his car) dude (there are a bunch in S. King County, WA) try to chase me down and steal my bike – really!

Now, if I had caught the guy at the light I would have hit him at least three times before he got his door open. Then it would have been two good-sized fellers on a skinny guy in spandex and funny shoes. I would have given pretty good, but I would have bleed some and I don’t know if that would have taught them the proper lesson. Ruminating on that and the possibility of assault by one of our local street people, I have decided to not fuck around with my safety. I have a wife and kids and it is my job to come home safe every night (and contribute heavily to two college funds), so I sat down at my bride’s sewing machine and made (with her patient help) a snazzy black nylon pouch to hold my bike-commute insurance policy: bear spray. Yep, a big ol’ canister of Ursine-Off. If it can stop a charging grizzly, then some asshole that takes a swipe at me because I am on a bike and look like an easy target is going to have a very spice-filled evening. I see it this way: If you’re a prick and you try to touch me or run me over, you get a nice even coating of Oleoresin Capsicum, I call the cops, you learn a valuable lesson, I go home safely, have a yummy dinner, you may get to post bail, I have a beer, you spend the rest of your evening itchy and red. Everyone wins!

The Un-Friendly Skies…

I have been in the aviation industry for a while now and I have done more than my fair share of flying. In the time that I have spent flying for a living I have had my share of delays, missed flights, crappy third-world airports, rescheduled and cancelled flights, mechanical problems, chatty drunks, turbulence, irate passengers, screaming babies, “customers of size,” and one very scary emergency landing. I am a bit of an old hand in dealing with air travel and very little phases me. Recently, I had an experience that left me shaking my head in wonder at the heartlessness and compliancy of a major US airline: Continental

I was flying into Arkansas for a summer visit with the kids. I arrived without issue in Newark and after an eight hour layover; I expected to make a connecting flight to Little Rock that night at 8:00. About 7:30 I and the other assembled passengers were told by a gate agent that our flight was postponed due to inclement weather until 9:00. Around 8:40pm the gate agent left and we did not see another one for the rest of the evening. Our flight was postponed an additional 3 times with the departures screen and at 12:30am a cancellation notice was broadcast over the intercom system. We were instructed to go to a Continental Airlines Customer Service Desk for flight rescheduling or to call the 800 reservations number. I stood in line from 12:30 to 3:30am. I phoned the Continental Reservations office while waiting in line and it took over an hour to get through – I am sure because of the volume of calls from my fellow passengers stranded in line with me. I was told that I had been automatically rescheduled to the 8:00pm Sunday flight. I was also told that there were no available open Continental flights out of Newark for Saturday. When I asked to be moved to another airline, I was told that it could not be done over the phone and would have to be taken care of at the service desk. So… I stayed in the line, which at 3:00am stretched down an entire wing of the terminal and was 400+ people strong.

At 3:30am the staff at the service area shut down their computers and left the desk with roughly 170 people still in our line – the bulk of the other customers waiting had been sent to another gate in another hall. A cynic would say it was because the airline wanted to split the herd so that we wouldn’t stampede when the shutdown came. People in the front of the line were begging for assistance we were told very loudly by one representative that she had been dealing with “us” for over eight hours, was tired, and was going home. Some of the passengers in that line including myself had already been in-transit for over 22 hours and knew all about being tired… When the Continental employees left, the lights in the area were shut off and we were all left to fend for ourselves with all the food establishments closed. There was no attempt to make any kind of arrangements for passengers, even those of us travelling internationally: no alternate accommodations, no blankets, no pillows, no snacks, and seemingly no thought given to those of us left in line. In addition, we were told that if we left the airport that we might not be able to enter again as our tickets were for cancelled flights and that it would be best if we stayed put until new tickets could be sorted out the next morning. The lights were then turned off and all Continental personnel left the area. There were a couple people who took some really damning pictures of the state of things that night: passengers huddled together still in line at 5:00 am, A couple asleep on the floor beside the wife’s wheelchair, a mother sobbing (who was a Continental flight attendant on maternity leave…) because she had run out of diapers and baby food for her infant.

The Continental Service Desk did not open at 4:30 like we were told it would as the service representatives made their hasty exit. We had to wait until almost 6:00am before staff reappeared. I was rescheduled for a 7:00am flight to Houston and then an additional connection flight to Little Rock. When I spoke to the reservation representative to schedule the flight out of Newark, I was told that my return flight had been upgraded because of my SkyTeam Elite status (all those miles flown have to count for something) and because of the continued delays. I appreciated this gesture. When I arrived at the gate we were told that no flight crew was available for the 7:00 flight and it was rescheduled four times before we finally got a flight crew just before mid day. Although numerous passengers requested assistance we were not provided with blankets or water or any flight information until 10ish when an airport representative arrived and assured us that we would leave Newark before noon. He also arranged for soft drinks and peanuts for us after a near mutiny by the gate agents and a bunch of screaming by passengers demanded some help.

My connecting flight from Houston to Little Rock was also rescheduled due to a mechanical problem with the First-Class entertainment system. I arrived in Little Rock almost twenty-four hours after my originally scheduled arrival and after nearly forty total hours of travel time. Once in Little Rock, I learned that my luggage was still in Newark and I did not receive it until later. Great…

A couple of weeks later, after a great visit with my son, I started my journey home to Germany. After arriving at the Little Rock Airport I found that my flight had been cancelled and I again was rerouted through Houston. Continental Airlines was at that point not on the top of my list of my favorite US carriers… The gate agent in Little Rock had no record of any promised upgrade. I was told to discuss it with Customer Service in Houston or Newark. My flight from Houston to Newark was completely full and I was told that I needed to discuss any promise of upgrade with the Newark staff. After arriving in Newark I went back to the Customer Service area and was told that I would have had to have been given a certificate at the time of the incident that there was nothing that they could do. I was told to call the Continental WECARE number to make any sort of complaint. It was if I had at that moment ceased to matter, the woman just sort of shoved the card with the WECARE info on it at me and turned to finish a conversation about her house with a co-worker. Continental has this slogan that the print on all there posters and ads: Work Hard. Fly Right. Really?! Neither was my experience with Continental Airlines or their staff in Newark!

I called while sitting in the Newark airport waiting for my next flight to notify Continental Customer Service of the incident and was told that upgrades on flights to Europe are NEVER given and are not even allowed in this type of situation. I was shocked by this and felt that the customer service agent that rescheduled my flight had purposely lied to me so that I would be happy just long enough to exit the airport where I was no longer a Continental concern. The WECARE telephone agent offered to send me an international care package for my inconvenience, but after checking she could only offer to mail me a US domestic one to my home in Germany. Great, two free drinks and a pair of headphones for domestic flights in a country that I don’t reside in and on an airline that I have grown to detest. By the way, my bags got lost on the trip home too. At least Continental is consistent…

This experience was so crappy solely because of the almost complete lack of customer service that I experienced at multiple levels. Delays are understandable, but a lack of empathy for passengers stuck in transit is shameful. I wrote Continental a letter, not looking for a handout or for a perk, but to draw their attention to a breakdown in their organization in Newark. I had hoped that it would be addressed and that other passengers that have the misfortune of delayed or cancelled flights in Newark in the future find the process to get them to there destination much less painful and frustrating than the process that I experienced. After nearly a month, I received a semi-well crafted form letter, complete with an auto-generated signature that calmly spelled out how everything that we experienced in Newark was “completely out of Continental’s control.” I almost choked as I read the customer service manager’s response. In addition to her letter following the basic tenets of an unsatisfied customer response letter: Empathize with the customer, restate their position/experience back to them as a sign that you have taken interest, apologize for their upset, assure them that ‘management’ would be notified, and ask them for their continued support. She had the balls to state that, “Continental employees worked tirelessly around the clock… in an extraordinary effort to accommodate our customers as quickly and safely as possible…” Really?! I doubt that any of the 400 or so people left abandoned at the Continental Customer Care desk overnight to sleep on the cold, stained concrete floor would agree.

As I said, I wrote my first letter in the hope that it would cast a light on a single failure at a single point in time for hundreds of passengers who were in Continental’s care. I did not ask to be reimbursed for anything or for any sort of freebie, as that was not my intent in writing them. It was my hope that this failure would be acknowledged and steps would be taken so that it would not happen to other travellers in the same situation with that airline in the future. The response I got just tells me that it was not an isolated incident and that there is a flaw in the Continental customer service system. I was not pleased.

I have a problem letting things go… It is one of those things about my personality that could either be considered endearing or a flaw… New Travel Rule: Stay the Hell away from Newark and only board a Continental flight in a case of Rapture, but pack a snack, because you will be routed through Houston and will be the last to arrive at the Pearly Gates.