Tag: Costumes

Camping in the Plague-free 14th Century

/ Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Stamps-With-Foot and I spent part of the recent holiday weekend camping in a south-western Washington hay field pretending with a wink and a smile that it was 1340.

We have some friends that are big into the SCA and asked us to come along.  At the mention of playing dress up, my wife was all in.  I spent most of my time cooking and washing dishes and I made it over to Merchant’s Row for a few purchases.  I got way too involved in construction techniques of the different tents and campers (kind of want my own Gypsy Vardo) and camping accouterments and MAY have made a pest of myself at one booth deciphering the geometry of the tent fly.  There are times when I am too nerdy for my own good.

Anyway, we had a nice time away from a house full of boxes and projects.  It was great to see our friends and it made my wife happy to get to dress me up in pretend pleasant clothes.

12th Night in Portland – 2013

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A few weeks ago we drove down to Portland so that I could to do some off-site work for my J-O-B and took an extra day (on or dime) to both visit friends and attend an evening of the SCA’s 12th Night celebration – Being married to a trained costume designer means that one goes to these sorts of evenings.  Our friends have closets (yes, I meant to be plural – as in 4 closets) filled with period costumes and accessories.  My wife dressed me in a couple of different outfits until she was certain that I looked the part and then I went and waited downstairs for a couple of hours while the ladies prepped and primped like a good little puppy.

I agreed to this foray for three reasons:

  1. Happy wife, happy life…
  2. There was booze promised to me.
  3. There was to be a “huge” vendor area where all sorts of cool stuff like swords, and bows, and armor, and axes and like items would be sold and traded.

Now, the mention/rumor of armor and swords takes be back to being a 9-year old at my very first Renaissance Faire (the REAL Penn and Teller performed that year).  I wanted a “real” sword and a chain mail hood so bad that I would have licked the bottom of a Port-a-John seat for them at the time.  My son is now enamored with the same period of history, I live vicariously through him and thought that he would get a real kick out of the pictures of armor and swords

I was a little disappointed: no swords, one real armor dealer and sales area was lined with stalls that catered to the ladies fabric, buttons, capes, cloaks, furry hats, jewelry, etc…), but I did end up getting a few good pictures to send to The Ruminator and we ended up watching the fencing melee/tournament.  Helmets, steel swords, shields, daggers, very cool.  He would have been all in!

The rest of the event was good and the detail of some of the costumes was amazing.  Some of those folks put months and months of work hand sewing outfits just for that one night.  Our evening ended with a game of Cards Against Humanity – I won – and we stumbled home just after 1:00AM.

I will end up muttering to myself.

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I have come to both love and accept my wife’s little quirks. I don’t understand them all and from time to time I have to just shake my head and mutter after finding something odd in the recycling or noticing that kitchen silverware was used to dig in the flower beds for example. I have also discovered that it is best to work within the confines of these quirks instead of confronting them/her with what most people would call reason. That confrontation would lead to a two hour discussion that would, in turn, lead nowhere. I would have to apologize for even bringing it up and then I would have to buy her something shiny for my transgression. In the end, I would be right back where I started – muttering to myself and slowly shaking my head with my lips pursed in an expression of both frustration and amazement.

Stamps-With-Foot is very visual and she has to SEE something for it to be real for her. Visualization of a concept like arranging pictures on the wall, where flowers COULD go in the yard, or where to move a chair in the living room is an exercise in frustration. This normally means that after a week+ of debating where a piece of furniture should go, I will move it 4-9 times before she decides that the original decision was the correct one. This comes up for me because we have been talking about to swapping offices at home. Her sewing/estrogen room will go upstairs to the sunny well-lit wood-floored bedroom at the front of our house and I will move my faux-Edwardian office/man-cave into the basement so that it will be co-located to my tiny hobby machine shop, work bench, and our den: A win/win for us both of us as long as I don’t have to move crap up and down and around for two days.

In the spirit of working with her previously addressed/documented traits, I formulated a plan to have it all work in my favor. I measured and drew a scale model of the room upstairs, showing locations of the doors, windows, and air vents. Then, I made scale cutouts of all the furniture that she could possibly have in the room. I left her with the drawing and cutout so that she could torment and second guess herself in peace while I went into the basement and worked on my new machine shop bench. 24 hours later and after looking at every possible combination at least 6 times, she had determined a location for each and every twig for her sewing nest and taped her choices for furniture location down on the drawing. I have elicited a promise that her decision is a final one and that if there is a change in any of the locations it will be made before the very first piece is picked up and humped upstairs.

Now all that is left for me to do is to bribe/con some friends and neighbors into helping move all the crap, putting it in its designated place and then to disappear in to my basement to plot my plan for world domination…. Mwahahahaha….

Elementary…

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Sherlock Holmes has become an everyday occurrence in my life. Last year my wife and I read a few of the Laurie King/Mary Russell books. She got The House of Silk and The Sherlockian for Christmas. I have started re-reading all the original Doyle stories and last, but not least… Sherlock Holmes is now a draftsman at my J-O-B. No really, I work with a man who’s actual real legal name, given at birth, is Sherlock Holmes. I wanted to hire the guy from the milli-second that I saw the heading of his resume, but he is actually a fantastic draftsman and a great asset.

Anyway, I have been and will be spending more than a little time in London and England in general this year and on my most recent trip I happened to find myself on Baker Street in London. Well, far be it from me to miss a weird travel opportunity. The wife and I walked down to the Sherlock Holmes “Museum” near the Baker Street tube stop and took the tour. We enjoyed the aside in our busy day and hammed it a photo-op. Stamps-With-Foot makes a pretty little Watson…

MIA – last seen with paint on new pants and sawdust in eye

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I realized yesterday that haven’t posted anything for almost a month: no astute observations, not one pointed remark, no weird OCD-driven lists, no pictures of adventures at home and afield…. Nothing. Hmmmm.  I have just been REALLY busy!! It started with painting the living room, the kitched paint was next, we expanded into wiring a hot tub, I decided to finish up a furniture project, the breakfast table “needed” to be cut down, fancied up, and refinished.  I am heavy into finishing my incredibly overbuilt and way too complicated kitchen cabinets, Halloween came, there was Thanksgiving prep, I had to put the garden to sleep for the winter, blow all the water out of the yard irrigation system, clean the gutters (4th time this year – grumble, grumble… hate neighbor’s tree… grumble, grumble…). On top of it all, my J-O-B was INSANE: lots of late nights, weekends, travel, OT, pressure, stress, etc…

There is some proof of all the work that we have been doing – I have semi-updated the pictures on my project page, but remember that most were shot with an iPhone in crap conditions.  None of this pics are going to get me into National Geographic!

It hasn’t been all work though:  I have been able to go to the range with my cuddly .45s and punch holes in some zombies a good bit – fine, fine stress relief.  I mentioned Halloween – Stamps-With-Foot and I outdid ourselves again this year at our local Halloween party. We went as Wednesday and Pugsly Adams – a big hit at the festivities.   I went as a pimp to work – think Will Ferrel in The Other Guys movie: grill, blond ‘fro, leopard coat/fedora, purple faux croc high-heeled side-zippered boots, a pimp cane, crunk cup, loads of bling, coke nails – I had it down. A my fellow engi-nerds let me down though… Not one other costume in my group – not even a funny t-shirt!!  Sales had some good ones this year, HR was all in, the fiber optics group brought game, but Engineering sucked it! How is it all those people with big brains, imagination, and vast amounts of reasoning ability could not come up with something?! There are WOW players, Trekkies, SGA initiates, one D&D uber-geek, and every single one of them (including the female members of our team) have slave-girl Leia dreams…. They let me down, but I soldiered on and even gave a new-hire tour and orientation in my pimp-o-rific attire. I will not forget or forgive their breach of the nerd code! Philistines.

Speaking of my J-O-B, the long hours, travel, all the late meals out, and my general lack of physical motivation has gifted me with 20 extra pounds of fat compared to this time last year.  In essence, it is my own fault – my bikes are all sitting there waiting on me to love them, I have a sweet pair of new running kicks, A gym membership that we pay for every month, and a dusty yoga mat.  I HAVE to dig deep, put away work and get my butt moving or I will be the size of Jabba the Hutt in no time and the Wife is not into Slave Girl Leia…

I think that brings it all up to date for the most part. I will try to be more diligent about keeping up when life starts swirling around me.

Steamcon III

/ Matt Talley / 1 Comment

Stamps-With-Foot and I went to the 3rd annual Steamcon this past weekend with our hearts open and expecting to be impressed.  Last year we had a ball at their western/adventurer themed event: Great costumes, a cool retail section with memorable window shopping, and lots and lots of people having a great time.  This year, the theme was a “20000 Leagues Under the Sea” affair.  We had HUGE hopes for some very cool costumes/props and had been looking forward to going all year.

“Expectation is often better than realization…” I am not sure what it was, but this year’s show just didn’t have the same spark.  Some of the costumes were terrific, but there seemed to be fewer original ones.  Don’t get me wrong, we saw some classy dresses, finely tailored suits, mechanical hands, harpoons, gvns, hats, Leather roller derby gear, big wrenches, a pet shoulder dragon, and a goldfish tank on a leash.  Some serious thought and skill went into these outfits.  There were just fewer kinds of them this year than there were last year.  It also seemed like the event goers this year were more subdued.

The convention was held at a larger and more spacious venue, which would normally be great, but it took away from some of the intimacy of the gathering as compared to last year.  We were somewhat disappointed with the retail space/offerings.  It seemed to be a rehash of last year, with each vendors efforts doubled at another booth.  While I appreciate the entrepreneurial sprit, some of the items for sale were not made to withstand the test of time: if one uses hot-glue on an artistic/functional creation, shit will fall off and it will be neither the latter nor the former any longer.  I will say that the art displays were terrific and we picked up a couple of small things for Le Maison du Talley.

I am holding out hope for Steamcon IV.  I know some people that are discussing an awesome vendor booth and Victorian Monsters is the theme – rich material for the creative set.  The Steampunk crowd has a high relative population of former Goths, so I am figuring that black capes & cloaks with high collars will be coming out of hope chests everywhere.  Wooden crosses and silver bullets for the initiated.  More lace, bite marks, wolf references, mad scientists, mummy’s, parasols, and meerschaum pipes will be seen.  Vampire hunter kits will be produced, there should be some terrific League of Extraordinary Gentleman inspired regalia and maybe the show will find a home that is equal parts convenient for participants, has the perfect ambiance, and room for running amuck.

All Trans Air

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My wife, one of her buddies, and I went to the Pride Parade this past Sunday in Seattle’s Capital Hill.  We have some particularly flamboyant friends and as New York State just legalized same-sex marriage, it felt like an auspicious time see a parade and show some support.

Holy good googamooga!  The people watching was AMAZING – participants and crowd alike.  The leather-clad manly-ladies on Harley’s were interesting, the naked bicyclists were not, well except for the one guy who had his junk tucked in the slit of his bike seat – dangling strait down through the gap.  While mildly disturbing, we couldn’t stop depating the outcome if he were to fall off his bike and if said junk would stay attached or not…  There were a couple groups of leather-man, all wrapped in black leather and shinny studs with a guy in the back twirling and cracking twin studded whips.  Scary on so many levels, but the papa-bear with the whips had amazing control.  Some of the floats were very funny, but the best of the parade, for me, had a hysterical airplane theme.  Since the aviation business puts food on our table, will send my kids to college, and I spend an inordinate amount of time working on and flying in aircraft, I have a natural affinity for related topics.  Yep, the float of the day was: ALL TRANS AIR.  The flight attendants were well quaffed, smiling, happy and came equipped with Adam’s apples.

The crowd gathered in Seattle Center was a site to see as well, lots of hot pants.  Tiny purple hot pants.  Tiny purple hot pants on a misshapen 60 year old man…  There were bears and twinks, butches and lipsticks.  Funny t-shirts and no shirts.  The grass in front of the stage area was a sea of pink and rainbow flags.  Some of the ladies from ALL TRANS AIR were on the main stage lip-syncing and I met what must be the biggest, toughest tranny on earth.  There is a picture on her/him below sitting down, with his sparkly red Judy Garland shoes neatly tucked beneath the chair.  While sitting, his/her head was at the same level as Stamp-With-Foot.  This lady was probally 6’5″ and 280lbs+ before the pumps and lace added height and girth.  I text messaged the same picture as below to my mom and added “Thinking of you”

Halloween – Past and Present

/ Matt Talley / 2 Comments

There are certain advantages to being married to a costume designer whose resume includes stage, TV, and film production…  It takes the Halloween costume planning and execution to a whole different level.  There are no half-ass Wal-Mart last-minute plastic ensembles allowed in the Talley house.  Oh no!  Outfits are tailored, accessories are found after hours of internet trolling, wigs are clipped and styled, and the fat suits are tubby perfection!  Stamps-With-Foot took a small little ember of Halloween love in me and made it into a choreographed 3-alarm house fire.  Below are some pictures of our costumes past and present.











The Sights of Steamcon 2010

/ Matt Talley / 8 Comments

“Steampunk is for Goths that have discovered brown.” – I love that quote and it makes me giggle every time I think about it.  While I can really get into the Victorian Zeitgeist, making your own cool stuff, recycling old gears into art, bargain hunting at flea markets, and retro-fying 21st century gadgets – I think that it is the roll playing sub-set that has kept me away from embracing the movement.  Well, that and I already have WAY too much crap going on and not enough time/money to do any of it that well.  I can’t add another hobby, but like I said, I can appreciate some of the aspects of the movement/genre/fashion/cult/trend/??/….

Anyway, when I saw that the largest Steampunk show in the US was going to be held in Seattle this year, my interest was piqued.  When I later read that Gail Carriger was going to be signing her books and meeting fans, well that sealed the deal.  Don’t judge me! I picked up her first book, Soulless, at an airport bookstore on a trip and that tiny little woman’s writing is so God damn good that she hooked me (qwerky, well built characters and she uses English as an offensive weapon…).  I will drink some beer later, burp and scratch while watching some football or hockey as my man-penitence.

Stamps-With-Foot and I got up early on Saturday, I proptly forgot the camera, and we headed off to the wilds of the SeaTac Airport Marriott for our chance to say hello and gush at Ms. Carriger.  We did just that and found her to be very approachable, genuine, funny, and sincere – all that you could ever want an author that you meet to be.  Buy her books!  We then decided to take a walk and look at what and who there was to see.  HOLY CRAP! we stepped into a mess of nerdy, techy, historically inaccurate stew!  All ages, races and genders were present and I was shocked to see that the male/female ratio was 50/50ish.  It may be profiling, but…  at most tech, comic, or game conventions there are significantly more males of the species and the few ladies in attendance have their pick of which Spiderman loving, +2343 hit-point having, IT professional they will be going so be spending time with.  Steamcon seemed to appeal to both sexes equally and there were some truly beautiful people walking around in costume, shopping, flirting, and having a great time. The costumes were interesting and for the most part very well done: Victorian fantasy accessories, sexy boots, tiny hats, spats, ray gvns, a steampunk Geisha jet packs, a saddle(?!), parasols, wings, accoutrements that looked like they took months to build, some really good art, pith helmets aplenty, monocles galore, and some characters of questionable lucidity.  The people watching was A++.  I would wager that more nerd-nooky was had this weekend at that hotel than the combined amount in all of the western US up to this point in 2010.  I took a few pictures with the iPhone and below are the best of them.  Sorry for the pixilization.













One bad-@ss little kid!

/ Matt Talley / 1 Comment

You know his dad was the videographer/director.  It is a cute and slick short film that makes me want to bribe my kids into doing something half as cool:  A Star Wars film short using our dog as Yoda (some CGI green will be needed), my son as Luke and daughter as Leia.  Oh the sibling light-saber battles that we could have!  Stamps-with-foot (my wife) and I will have a cameo: I will be Chewy and she can be one of those saucy blue dancing girls with a thing for wookies….

Weddings All Around

/ Matt Talley

Was there a memo that I missed – a possible tax incentive for people to get married in 2010?  Am I just getting to that age where all my friends are settling down to mow the lawn while holding a beer, shop for leisure suits, and go to bed by 9:00pm?  Something must be up: we have seven weddings to attend this year including our own formal ceremony for family/re-commitment thing.  It all started 10 days after Christmas with an elaborate affair (pictures published in a magazine and taxidermy mice as cake toppers…) in the Bay Area, then one for March in SoCal, one in Sedona in May that is scheduled in the middle of the week and is a 4 day event.  There is a small intimate ceremony in NorCal in June, someone (my wife is the keeper of names and schedules) is getting hitched in July, There is a “Do” the first part of August in Germany and we are having our own gathering at the end of August in Seattle.  That is a lot of flights, a lot of tie wearing, some serious gift coin, and lots of nights in hard, crappy hotel beds.  I feel like I have a part-time start-up as a wedding attendee.

Looking back on 2009

/ Matt Talley

Moved from Germany back to US for job in Seattle
Drove cross-country in the middle of winter
Started new job
Lived in temporary basement apartment
Laurel took 1week trip with her mom
Survived lay-off at work
Laurel started new job
Started traveling for work
Laurel hated new job
Road trip to Portland
Laurel gets new job she likes
Stuff arrived from Germany – no damage
Found a house to live in
Started bike commuting to work after unpacking single-speed
Looked for a puppy to adopt
Found and adopted Brodie (½ Boston ½ French Bulldog)
Laurel laid off
Traveling for work again
Laurel found a new job as HR director
My daughter in Seattle for two weeks
Took time off
Did tourist stuff
Had FANTASTIC time with Madison
My daughter flew home, everyone sad
Started looking for a new house to buy
Work going great!
Found great house and put offer in, offer accepted
Went on most laid back climbing road trip ever
Had great time with friends
Laurel LOVES her job
Flew to rural Louisiana to help design helicopter system
Took weekend off while there and spent it with the kids
Reached 1,200 bike-commute miles
Brodie escapes twice and eats glasses
Brodie still a GREAT puppy
Bought small flat-bed truck for moving and yard work a new house
Halloween at work, took my Penny-Farthing and wore great mustache
Heat stopped working in Rental house, landlord waited 3+ weeks to have it fixed.
House closed 107 days after offer accepted – incompetent selling agent
Moved out of rental house and into our new (built in the 20’s) home in West Seattle
Fell down the basement stairs at 05:30 and tore up shoulder third morning in house
Got great painkillers from doctor
Saw 3 doctors in 5 visits.  Had x-rays, ultrasound, and an MRI
Had shoulder surgery (4th on same shoulder)
Need to have another special surgery in 2010 to repair a tendon
First house guests come up for long weekend
Worked till Christmas
Grew beard
Brother&Mother-in-law come for Christmas
Heavily self-medicated due to acute mother-in-law induced stress.
Killed Zombies on Christmas Eve at the shooting range – new tradition started
Finished 23rd book this year
Gained 10 pounds since surgery
Father-in-law came in for New Years
Took 1st run after surgery – felt good, but not great.
Spent New Years Eve with Laurel, Donald, David, Lucy, Rosy, and Brodie.

Moved from Germany back to US for job in Seattle

Drove cross-country in the middle of winter

Started new job

Lived in temp basement apartment

Laurel took 1week trip with her mom

Survived lay-off at work

Laurel started new job

Started traveling for work

Laurel hated new job

Road trip to Portland

Laurel gets new job she likes

Stuff arrived from Germany – no damage J

Found a house to live in

Started bike commuting to work after unpacking single-speed

Looked for a puppy to adopt

Found and adopted Brodie (½ Boston ½ French Bulldog)

Laurel laid off

Traveling for work again

Laurel found a new job as HR director

My daughter in Seattle for two weeks

Took time off

Did tourist stuff

Had FANTASTIC time with Madison

My daughter flew home, everyone sad

Started looking for a new house to buy

Work going great!

Found great house and put offer in, offer accepted

Went on most laid back climbing road trip ever

Had great time with friends

Laurel LOVES her job

Flew to rural Louisiana to help design helicopter system

Took weekend and spent it with the kids

Reached 1,200 bike-commute miles

Brodie escapes twice and eats glasses

Brodie still a GREAT puppy

Bought small flat-bed truck for moving and yard work a new house

Halloween at work, took my Penny-Farthing and wore great mustache

Heat stopped working in Rental house, landlord waited 3+ weeks to have it fixed.

House closed 107 days after offer accepted – incompetent selling agent

Moved out of rental house and into our new (built in the 20’s) home in West Seattle

Fell down the basement stairs at 05:30 and tore up shoulder third morning in house

Got great painkillers from doctor

Saw 3 doctors in 5 visits. Had x-rays, ultrasound, and an MRI

Had shoulder surgery (4th on same shoulder)

Need to have another special surgery in 2010 to repair a tendon

First houseguests come up for long weekend

Worked till Christmas

Brother&Mother-in-law come for Christmas

Heavily self-medicated due to acute mother-in-law induced stress.

Killed Zombies on Christmas Eve at the shooting range – new tradition started

Finished 24th book this year

Gained 10 pounds since surgery

Father-in-law came in for New Years

Took 1st run after surgery – felt good, but not great.

Spent New Years Eve with Laurel, Donald, David, Lucy, Rosy, and Brodie.

THIS is why pets eventually eat their owners:

/ Matt Talley

Why do pets eat people? We have all heard the horror stories about someone found in their home after being missing for a few days, the authorities finding them in a ‘snacked upon’ state. Most people feel it happens because the animal is left alone, gets hungry, there is semi-fresh meat about, and nature takes its course… Well, I beg to differ!! Why do pets eat people… because people dress their pets up in sweaters, hats, booties, t-shirts, and fvckin’ Halloween costumes! I love my wife, God know that I love her with all my soul, but she is among this crazy sub-group of our species. She has been giddy for months about making Brodie a costume. I refused to let it happen, but using forms of torture, pressure, guilt, and persuasion that only women know, I sold my furry little buddy out and agreed to let her do her worst to our puppy. There was costume shopping, his humiliation at the pet store in front of the other dogs (the cats even laughed at him), alteration of the chosen outfit, and multiple test fittings. Front the look of helplessness he made every time she came at him it was like she neutered him a second time. As a precursor to the actual event, we went to a French Bulldog costume contest. The morning before said contest, she had her last fitting session. I will include a picture of his face, on which even a blind man could read his desperation and shame. There were crazier people there, but the guilt I carry over letting poor Brodie take part (he won 3rd place) will haunt me. It is a stain that I can’t wash off and I know that because of my lack of action and my cowardice in the face of tiny wife, I too am on the obscure ‘OK to eat list.’

puffy red nipples?!

/ Matt Talley

Laurel always has the best costumes, no matter what occasion it is. She decided to have a costumed birthday party and went to great lengths to become the Corpse Bride. I was the groom, Victor. My costume was OK (spats are cool!) but, her’s was GREAT- visable rib bones and all. Brauning was the Sumo wrestler and the funniest part of it wasn’t his puffy red nipples – it was that his hair will look exactly like that in 20 years – exactly!