What I Want Thursday – April 13th, 2017

April 13, 2017 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Below are the things that I really want and that are present for me today:

To unclutter my life: less superfluous stuff
For my hip to be 100% and to never have to use crutches again
A wish for Brodie to be well and 100% cancer free
More time with my children and family.
Sunshine!!
Summer BBQs and cold rosé in the back yard.
For the basement (mostly the bathroom) to be done.
Hand-written letters – on actual paper – from my kids, friends and family.
A warm, sunny beach vacation
For the US Political system not to be dysfunctional and a little/lot less crazy

Brodie is having surgery again today

April 12, 2017 / Matt Talley / 1 Comment

Brodie, our 9-year old French Bulldog/Boston Terrier mix, is having surgery today. This is his 2^nd in three weeks. He had a growth on his foot that was causing him to limp and three days after I had hip surgery, my wife took him to the vet to have it removed. The pathology came back as a Basal Cell Carcinoma and they didn’t get it all with the first surgery. It has been really hard on Stamp-With-Foot. I am down with the hip, not able to even tie my own shoes yet and she has had to deal with me, work, veterinary oncology appointments, Dr. bills, diving me to appointments, our health insurance, pet insurance, our 2016 taxes, house stuff, etc. The issue with Brodie has hit her really hard and there have been lots of tears and lots of worry.

Brodie is, after all, my wife’s “fur-child.” She loves him with all of her heart. True story: We took some of our wedding pictures with Brodie and while posting some of them on Facebook, my bride cut me out of one photo and pasted the “new” one of just her and Brodie – he was wearing a bow tie and looked smug.

The prognosis for his full recovery after surgery is really good. They are going to have to take one or two toes, but the disease has not metastasized into his lungs or lymph nodes, so the amputation will hopefully be the end of it.

4/24/2017 Update:

Great News! We got the tests back and it looks like they got everything by removing the one outside left front toe. We are all very relieved! Brodie just wants the bandage off, the Cone of Shame to go away forever, and all the stitches out. He has take the bandage off himself like 4 times, much to the displeasure of Stamps-With-Foot.

Stuff My Wife Says – Volume II

January 10, 2017 / Matt Talley / 5 Comments

I have written previously about some of the things that have come up in conversation with my sweet, bubbly, kind, giving, gentle, well-adjusted, awesome wife. Well, with the passage of time I have… err… SHE has more to say on the subject. Enjoy:

I was splashing my wife in the hot tub the other night and she yells “Onomatopoeia! Onomatopoeia!!” It is apparently her new “safe word”. My safe word is bacon.
While Living in France, we bought a lot of wine that we brought back to the US. Most of it is in the normal .75L size bottle, but there are some .375L demi-bouteilles, a few 1.5L magnums, and one 3L double magnum bottle as well. Stamps-With-Foot has taken to calling the .375L bottles “Juice Boxes.” I teased her that it is because they would fit in her lunch box. She looked up at me with smiling, happy, dreamy eyes, then over at her 1984 metal Thundercats lunch box (really that is what she takes to work) and said, “Yes… they would…”
Long story short, I made a crude off hand remark about a lady who’s “carpet matched the drapes”. Instead of smacking me for being a misogynistic and sexist asshole, my wife looked at me with great annoyance and said sarcastically “Great, now I have to think about her snatch!” I had nothing more to say.
I failed to use my turn signal in moderate traffic while driving near limousine, France and lamented that I was being a bad/unsociable driver. Stamps-With-Foot said offhandedly while looking out the window: “Fuck that. This is France, do you know how many of these motherfuckers have cut me off over the last two years? Fuck them.” 30 seconds later she got all excited, bright eyed, wiggling in her seat with joy & happiness over a fortified Chateau we were passing.
My lovely bride walked into the living room the other night with her phone and computer in hand while wearing mix-matched PJs. I looked at her with a raised eyebrow and she shot back with, “This is as sexy as it gets tonight, maybe all weekend.” Fair enough.
We went out to my company’s winter event just after New Year’s and Stamps-With-Foot looked killer in a long tight velvet dress. As we were getting ready, she looked at me and said, “Tonight is a two drink minimum night”. I started to correct her and she stopped me, making it plain that she did not misspeak and that I was the Designated Driver for the evening.
“I love puppies, diamonds, and PJs – in that order.” Not sure why she said this. It just popped up out of the blue one Saturday afternoon.
Two months after the 2016 presidential election, I casually mentioned talking the “Bernie” sticker off her car window. She snapped back, “You will not touch it! I love that wrinkly old motherfucker and I need to hold onto the faith for a while.” Ok… Me no touchy…
Our female French bulldog, Truffle, has a big personality and is super lovable. She is also pushy, selfish, sneaky, petty. During one painful week long interlude, she puked on my chest while I was asleep, pissed in Stamps-With-Foot’s car seat because we “made” her wear a sweater in 30 degree temperatures, tried to pee on my pillow because I had the audacity to move her from my spot at bedtime, puked on an antique wool Persian rug, took a dump on the front porch because the grass was wet, fucked up a couch pillow, tore the heart out of Brodie’s favorite toy, she chewed up 3 pencils, stole food from Brodie, and went all Cujo on a contractor working at the house. My wife looked at me one morning and said, “No more girl dogs. They are too much work. Just boy dogs – they can be gay though.” I had no words.

Stuff My Wife Says:

May 4, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

My wife, Stamps-With-Foot, has a normally dry sense of humor and sometimes she is unintentionally hilarious. Other times I am shocked at some of the stuff that her brain comes up with that her sweet innocent little mouth then utters. I have been recording a few of them lately and the choicest pearls are below.

We bought a chocolate tart from a local patisserie on our way into town one afternoon. It was dairy free, gluten free, and egg free. After tasting it, my sweet tiny wife said, “What the fuck is this thing made of, unicorn tears?!”
She mixed the old and new high-priced boogie dog food together – three different flavors. The dogs refuse to touch it, so my wife has spent a fine portion of her evening sitting on the kitchen floor in her PJs sorting the kibble cussing and snarling about the “fucking spoiled-ass monsters” …and yet she went on doing it…
While at the Musee du Picasso, we walk by a surrealist blue woman reclining. My wife stopped and said, “I don’t really like it, but something draws you to the center of the painting.” I said half-joking, “Probably the huge anus in the middle.” and she shook her head knowingly and said nonchalantly, “Yes, that is probably it…”
At dinner the other night, my wife looked down at a not cheap glass of red wine and said softly, “Why can’t I quit you?!” she then took a sip. I think she was mentally calculating how much each taste cost.
My bride is a visual person: she has to see something real time to make a decision. This means that I often have to move a piece of furniture 5ish times before she decides to put it back in the original place. While doing this dance recently over a new piece of furniture, I sketched up the room and all the associated furnishings in MSVisio and she tried every possible combination. There was a plan. She had made a decision. When the day came to start moving that plan melted away like it never existed. Before we even started I mentioned my thoughts on correct placement, but she needed to “See” it. After moving it around and around in real-life a few times, she decided to put it the piece in the EXACT spot that I had pointed out initially. I uttered an under-toned ‘told you so…’ and she got all wide-eyed, stamped her foot, raised her voice and said, “You know I am a bad listener!”
Anytime that my sweet wife cannot remember the name of a town or a village, she calls it Hogsmeade. It doesn’t matter what country we are in or what historical significance that the place may have, if she can’t remember then it is her shorthand name, but I thought it was just kind of our own private nerdy joke. Nope. We had lunch in a small hamlet at the bottom of a glorious castle in Bavaria and in the accounting software we use she labeled it as “Lunch in Hogsmeade.” I almost want to be audited just so that I can show them that particular entry…
We were in discussion to add a dining room addition in our place in Seattle. Stamp-With-Foot has wanted a chandelier for years and said her only request was that we install one over the table. I jokingly said that “I didn’t get the memo for that” and it “…wouldn’t be possible unless the change notice request was submitted in writing.” She walked over to the whiteboard in my office and wrote in cute bubbly script: MEMO: Motherfukin’ Chandelier and then said, “Now you have it in writing.”

Puppies

April 5, 2015 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

I have gotten a few comments and questions about our puppies, so here is the lowdown:

Brodie is our 8 year old male that is 1/2 French Bulldog and 1/2 Boston Terrier. He is a rescue that was once deemed by a shelter as “unadoptable.” NW Bulldog Haven stepped in and made sure that he got medical help for an eye issue and he found his forever home with us 6.5 years ago. When we fist adopted Brodie, he had leash aggression issues and DID NOT play well with others. There were beat downs, bloody lips, flying fur, and all out brawls with much larger dogs. We have spent years socializing him so that he could have puppy-friends or siblings and he is so much better than he was when he first came home. He is an awesome dog. He is smart and obedient and loves Stamps-With-Foot like the Pope love Jesus. He likes me fine and we are super-buddies when my wife is out of town for a day or two, but prefers her company and ignores me the very second her car pulls up. I am sure that he now views me as his combination butler/chauffeur. We brought him to France with us and he loves it here – I think it is the duck breast, nibbles of cheese, and foie gras that he gets under the table.

After all the work socializing Brodie we decided that he was finally ready for a full time buddy. Right at exactly that same moment we found Truffle.

Truffle is a full-blooded and pedigreed French Bulldog with a brindle coat and a cute under-bite. While surfing the local chat group for a specific piece of furniture, I saw an add posted in French about a female French bulldog puppy that was being re-homed due to an allergy in her family (we decided later that was crap and someone got a “fashionable” dog and had no idea how to train or care for a Frenchie…). She and Brodie immediately got along, though she is a bit of the annoying little sister. She was a year old in July and is still very much a puppy. There have been a few issues: potty training, diet, her delicate digestive system, some minor health issues, etc…, but we have 99% of it worked out. We did, however, make the decision to take her out of the gene-pool and we had her spayed. Frenchies as a breed have a LOT of issues and if we breed her, then we would be perpetuating the problems.

She is SO sweet and lovable, but she is not a puppy-rocket scientist. She was gifted with beauty and personality instead. Truffle wants nothing in this world but to sit beside one of us all day or it is even better if she can touch both of us at the same time: Her self-assigned spot in the bed is between the two of us at shoulder level. She “helps” my wife put on makeup, is there to “assist” in making the bed or folding cloths. She NEEDS to come into the shop with me, but isn’t allowed because she eats wood shavings. Truffle looks so sad standing at the door looking at me in the shop and the second my head is turned, will sneak in.

Below is a photo dump of both puppies just being themselves.

Our new puppy is part cat…

September 10, 2014 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Truffle has some cat DNA in there somewhere:

1. If you want to sleep and she doesn’t want you to there is a slobber attack. Don’t try to hide your head under the pillow – it won’t help you.
2. She will chase the laser pointer up the concrete column in the living room and go back to look for it an hour later.
3. Why would she eat her food, sleep in her bed, play with her toys? Brodie’s are so much better.
4. Apparently, her assigned spot in the bed is between my wife and me at shoulder level.
5. Oh, you want to write an email or get some work done? Nope, not on her watch. She will sit in your lap, lick the keyboard and grunt until you pet her full-time.
6. Yoga Mat? Wrong. Puppy play space. Move over.
7. You want to watch “your show”? Not during designated playtime you don’t. When is designated play time? What time does your show start?
8. Why would my wife want to put make-up on by herself when Truffle can help?
9. A relaxing bath for the Mrs…. Sure if she doesn’t mind Truffle standing at the side of the tub whimpering or lying beside it passing gas.
10. “What do you mean there is a no dogs on the table rule?!” We have learned that chairs and benches have to be pushed in so that we do have to share our meals.
11. She CAN get in the bed by herself, but why would she do that? Standing beside the bed with her nose and front paws on the mattress and whining until the bald pink monkeys put her up there is a winning strategy, so why should she expand the energy?

Need a trash can lid? Make it on the Lathe

September 8, 2014 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

We have a Art Deco flower pot in the guest bathroom that is used as a trash can. is about 9″ high and 8″ in diameter, so it doesn’t hold a lot. However, our new puppy is VERY interested in the contents of that vessel. To stem any possible and eventual messes, I took some pine scrap, chucked it up in the lathe and made a heavy wooden lid. I stained and finished to match the pot. Simple fast jobs like this make it so I can buy new tools without my sweet wife flipping out.

Puppy Narcissism

August 6, 2014 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Our dog is awesome. Everyone that we know likes him and he is even allowed in peoples’ homes that don’t even allow other dogs in their yard! His happiness means a lot to us and we take really good care of him: Warmed gourmet food, toys, lovin’, walks, cheese under the table, loads of attention, snugglein’, fur rugs to nap on, etc… I have told my wife repeatedly, that if I am reincarnated, my first choice would be to come back as her puppy (minus the whole neutering thing…)

Anyway, when we fist adopted Brodie, he had leash aggression issues and DID NOT play well with others. There were beat downs, bloody lips, flying fur, and all out brawls with much larger dogs. It has meant that he has had only us to hang out with and sometimes he gets a little board of the pink monkeys that share his space. I am sure that he now views me as his combination butler/chauffeur…

We have spent years socializing him so that he could have puppy-friends or siblings. A recent week+ visit to the puppy spa (really) while we were in Paris convinced us that he was finally ready for a full time buddy – he did great, made multiple friends of different breeds and there was not one incident of bullying or aggression. Right then, the stars aligned and we heard about a female French bulldog puppy that was being re-homed due to an allergy in her family.

When we went to meet her, it was like when my wife met Brodie for the first time: the puppy latched onto Stamps-With-foot, sat down in her lap, applied wet kisses, decided we were good people, and staked her claim. We introduced her to Brodie and they immediately got along. The deal was sealed.

Meet Truffle. She is the newest member of the family.

I just threw the waterlily picture in because it was pretty and from Truffle’s first walk in Toulouse.

My Wife REALLY loves her puppy

June 30, 2014 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Stamp-With-Foot loves me, of that I have no doubt. At times though, I think that I am second fiddle to her puppy. They have been together almost 6 years and are somehow physically and psychically linked – really. No two beings are more complete and happy than when the two of them are snuggling on the couch. They become a single entity. It took a year for Brodie to even acknowledge my existence and now he sees me as his butler and chauffeur. I make yummy food and give great scratching, but and am, in truth, an accessory that comes along with his mommy. I walked into my home office the other day and I found the below drawn on my white-board:

Carcassonne

April 21, 2014 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

The city, not the game.

My wife really likes castles. Really, Really! Ruins, Chateaus, piles of stone on the top of a lonely hill: they all make her swoon. We visit whenever we are in the vicinity of one and if such a visit won’t land us in jail for trespassing. I set the bar a little high on her 25th birthday when we spent a week touring wineries and castles along the Rhine and Mosel rivers. Now, castle-filled birthdays are are de rigueur and for the third anniversary of Stamps-With-Foot’s 29th birthday, we spent a long weekend in the walled City of Carcassonne and then a couple of days at a B&B in Limoux. Carcassonne was amazing – we were there two weeks before tourist season started in earnest and had many of the streets and restaurants almost to ourselves. Old walls, moats, a huge almost empty church, a high-walled keep, great food… I could go on and on.

Limoux was also a relaxing change of pace from our everyday life. I didn’t turn on my phone once to work and we may have brought three cases of wine and Blanquette (similar to Champagne) home with us. Brodie stayed with a house/puppy sitter while we were gallivanting about and when we got home he and my cute wife immediately snuggled down and took a nap. Below are a few of my pictures and here is the link to her website and more pictures from the trip.

Weekend Update – 4/14/14

April 15, 2014 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Really good weekend with just a couple of bumps…

Out late Friday night in Toulouse
Slept in Saturday morning
Stamps-With-Foot made yummy breakfast – great croissants!
Surfed the Interwebs and lost an hour or two to Pinterest
Worked on a dining table bench for about an hour
Used smoothing plane and made tissue paper-thin shavings 🙂
Drove to Toulouse for 1st outdoor beekeeping class – waking up the hives from the Winter
Warm sunshine, blue skies, perfect weather!
Hives were in good condition and got to split one hive that was doing really well – already completely filled the hive box with pollen and honey.
Stopped by Lumber store on way home to buy some dust masks.
I can’t be trusted in Lumber/Hardware stores…
Bought 60 Euros worth of lumber, glue and screws
Forgot dust masks…
Came home to cuddle wife
Wife accidentally kneed me in the baby-maker and ¼ of a second later, put weight on the same knee, smashing the boys…
Rolled around on the ground in pain for at least a full minute
Limped outside
Mowed lawn and turned the compost
Limped a little while doing so – boys still hurt.
Helped wife make steak fajitas
Was on guard for any errant knees…
Drank a glass of wine and snuggled while watching 6 episodes of the last season of HIMYM
More Pinterest and sleep
Slept till 10:00 and leisurely breakfast
Went into Village to market and found a very nice oak printer tray for 10 Euro.
Immediately bought it without haggling over the price
Spent an hour in shop patching a small section of bench where plane slipped while joining two boards.
Found where a cat had marked some lumber when garage door was open night before.
Said hateful things about cats.
Had lunch with a friend that is healing from a cracked collarbone
Came home and finished putting together the teak patio
Bought wrong oil for the patio furniture – Grrr…
Fixed one of the broken arms (from move) on the Adirondack chairs
Had coffee in the shade
Hung hammock and tested it out.
Place feels like home now!
Sweet wife made dinner and we ate for first time on our new patio table – first of many meals
Snuggled in hammock with wife and listened to birds, neighbors, bees, etc…

Very happy

France – The first 30 days.

January 11, 2014 / Matt Talley / 1 Comment

Still Love France.
My French has gotten SO bad.
I did forget how slow things are to get done here.
You want a buy/lease a car? Three weeks-ish.
You want cable and internet? 1 month.
Want it to work? 1 more week and 14 phone calls
Love my J-O-B
No such thing as coffee to go… even if you get it in a tiny paper/plastic cup, there is no lid.
Really like the house here. The 16″ thick concrete walls and steel shutters give it a homey crypt-like feeling.
Miss our house in Seattle.
There are doctors who speak English, but their receptionists who book the appointments don’t…
You want groceries on Sunday? Nope, not going to happen
I also forgot how amazing the eggs and meet are.
Want to sit and have coffee and talk to my mom, miss that.
Bread goes with EVERYTHING! Awesome bread.
Having a really hard time finding a shop that sells wood lathes – only power tool I want/need here.
The weather here in winter is better than summer in Hamburg.
Miss my furniture. We have been “Camping” since Halloween and I am about 99.9999% done sitting on the floor to eat my dinner.
Want my tools like a junkie wants their cooking spoon.
Stamps-With-Foot is buying enough cheese to make the regional sale figures blip.
Our dog< Brodie, has fully integrated and will cop a squat in the middle of the street, sneering at anyone who dares to question his right to do so. He goes to restaurants with us like he is a little prince. The wife slips him duck breast, cote of Beaof, and aged cheese under the table. I had 2 glasses of $4 wine that we bought at the grocery store with dinner tonight. It was awesome. No, truly. Wish my kids were here. I miss Starbucks, but I have a Killer espresso machine in the kitchen. Can now watch Netflix and BBC One with country specific VPN accounts - sticking it to the man! Miss my bikes. Can't wait for them to arrive next week (insert giddy face) The designer dog food here is sold in breed specific bags - really. It is crap, but it is packaged well. I have lost a little weight because I am not eating crap and started running again. Very, very nice wooded trail near house - miles and miles long. Flying to Florida for work next week and am bringing home coffee beans, dry dog food, and Cajun Seasoning. Packed an extra duffle bag... Went for a drive in the country today and happened by a 16^th century chalet with turrets and a moat about an hour form the house.
The thought of Stamps-With-Foot driving in France scares the Hell out of me!
Life is damn fine on the whole.

A Few Turns of the Lathe

December 15, 2013 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

After our house was packed up and loaded on a container-ship bound for the Panama Canal and on to the Port of Marseilles, the only tool I had were my lathe chisels, so I made use of the time and spun out a few odds and ends: a few cord pull handles for the florescent lights in the basement. two jar lids for Stamps-With -Foot, a wooden pestle (2 actually) for kitchen herb grinding and a short honey dipper for her as well.

From the same section of wood as the pestles, I turned some small bun feet for Brodie’s new food & water bowl stand. I re-turned my ash carving mallet to change the handle profile and add some ring details. As I was in the mallet mood, I made general use wood working mallet for my brother-in-law out of a Baseball Bat and reused the bat’s pommel and turned it into a foot massage nubbin for my wife. I got points in the ledger for to wife-specific items. Always a good thing.

Almost there

December 4, 2013 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

We are almost French residents.

There was sun and left-over snow on the ground when we left Seattle. We made the 9 hour Amsterdam flight without issue and are sitting in the KLM lounge waiting for our Toulouse flight. The sun rose as we were landing and gave us a spectacular show for our first morning as nouveau European: the whole new beginning theme seemed appropriate. Brodie was a CHAMP and slept through the whole flight. Stamps-With-Foot had to clear customs and go outside the airport for his potty break because he REFUSES to potty under a roof. Such a good boy! At this very instant my cute wife is taking his picture to post on Facebook. Today happens to be his birthday and he has been promised steak for dinner…

Our dog is better traveled than some of the people we know

November 11, 2013 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Brodie took his first flight this week – a training flight for the Seattle to Toulouse journey that is coming up. Stamps-With-Foot has made the proper arrangements for him to fly in the cabin with us and we wanted to both see how he would do and practice dealing with his needs as well. She packed his bag the night before and included snacks, his sock-monkey bed, sweaters, etc. He looked suspiciously at the luggage tag with his picture on it more than once.

On the day of the flight, he did better than us in the taxi on the way to the airport – I wonder if they teach drivers in Seattle Taxi school the proper break/gas/break/gas/break stomp technique or if you have to take a pre-test for making passengers car sick before you can qualify for a hack license. One of life’s little mysteries….

Brodie did great at the security checkpoint and was fine right up until we went into the jet-bridge: he decided it was then time to crawl into his mommy’s lap and then into the sweater with her – she had to carry him to our seats. Both the flight attendants and the passengers around us liked the shit out of him! Everyone was all smiles, like the ones the ladies in my office get when someone brings in a new baby.

He was a little nervous during take-off, but settled down into the monkey bed and took a nap.. The drugs from the vet probably helped with that. He napped most of the way and a had a little snack of airline cheese and salami – airline food for dinner. Brodie really didn’t like the landing! We came in a little fast and there were some bumps; he was not amused.

Brodie did great in the city, down at the wharf, in City Lights Books, at lunch he sat quietly under the table, and was even OK in Chinatown, but we had to pick him up a few times because of the crowds. All and all it was a successful trial run and we learned not to get him high too soon, to plan airport potty breaks and to get a luggage cart (no matter how much it goes against my grain) as trying to manage a roller bag, a shoulder bag, and a puppy on a leash is somewhat nerve wracking.

Update 12/5/13:

Brodie has now been to Amsterdam and has flown into France to become an official French resident. For Christmas, he is going to Germany. He needs his own travel blog, but it would mostly feature places he napped, food that was handed to him under the table, and good spots to pee on.

Brodie – 2013

July 20, 2013 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Stamps-With-Foot and I are puppy narcissists – mostly her. We love our dog. Everyone loves our dog, even the cat people in our life. He gets his picture taken – a lot…

Some Big News…

May 1, 2013 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

So… My J-O-B has made us an offer that is very hard to refuse: a two year stint in the south of France and they will fly us home 3 times a year. We get to keep our house and I get to come back to my job in Seattle when that period ends. THE SOUTH OF FRANCE!! Warm weather, amazing wine, spectacular cheese, lavender, honey, the French vacation plan. We would be living outside of Toulouse – the third largest city in France. It sits at the foot of the Pyrenees Mountains, is an hour from the coast, has one of the 10 best Saturday markets in Europe (so says the interwebs), and has more sunshine in 6 weeks of summer than Seattle has all year. We are so freaking doing this!

There is some red tape that we have to cut through, namely a work permit. Since around 27% of the French population under 30 is out of work, getting a permit right now, even in the aerospace field, is tres difficile. Fingers crossed. If this happens, then The Nana will move into La Maison du Talley, pay the utilities, and keep the zombie horde away. Visualize a sweet grandmother rocking away on the front porch with a shotgun across her lap. Add a Marlboro hanging from the corner of her mouth and you will have an accurate picture of The Nana.

I will miss my shop and my yard for those two years, but I will plug the hole in my heart with Cote du Rhone, Comte, a day trip or 6 to the Mediterranean coast, weekends in Paris/Rome, sunshine, and a yearly vacation to Morocco. I will be taking a chest of hand tools and am planning on making some small detailed pieces while there. I also plan on scouring the flea markets over that two year period for planes, chisels, and joinery tools.

Stamps-With-Foot is not concerned about logistics or housing or much of anything other than “How is Brodie going to handle that long flight?!” She feels that we will be taking Brodie back to ancestral homeland and has spent some amount of time talking to the dog about this possibility – trying to get him psyched about the proposition…

Hanging out in our ‘hood this weekend

April 29, 2013 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

We had a quiet West Seattle weekend: Friends over on Friday and we all drank no small amount of great Italian wine and ate the last of our French Comte cheese. I worked around the house and in the shop (me and the lathe are friends) Saturday morning while Stamps-With-Foot nursed a touch of a hangover and snuggled with the Brodie – He didn’t complain. Sunday was lazy with Brunch at Meander’s in White Center (Go For the Chicken and Waffles!) and afternoon coffee at C&P. After coffee and reading, there was a trip to Trader Joe’s, home for left-overs, some quality hottub time, and then we finished the evening with glasses of port, sitting in front of a fire.

Weekend Update – Spring flowers, Lincoln Park, and thoughts of Arborcide

April 15, 2013 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Oh Seattle… Why can’t you be pretty and green and sort of warm all year? I keep telling myself that Summer and early fall here make the crappy six month of fallwinterspring all worth it, but that is a hard pill to swallow right now. This has been an especially dreary winter: rain, cooler than normal temps, very few sunny days (I remember 4…) and it didn’t really get cold enough to kill the mosquito eggs, so we are looking forward to a buggy spring. Oh Joy. On the bright side of things, the lawn and garden at La Masion du Talley are erupting with jonquils, tulips, cherry blossoms, the begonias and the dahlias are just coming up, there is green on the espalier apples, new raspberry canes are shooting up, my rose bushes in the back are leafing out, I saw a couple of honey bees out foraging, the grass is lush and green, and the first hints of the lavender up front are coming in. I spent the weekend splitting my time between the inside of the house and the yard. In the last two weeks I have been in Tokyo, Orange Co.., CA and Las Vegas, so my part of the household chores had gone unattended to. Here is how it all went down:

Slept late Saturday.
Breakfast and coffee while sitting next to Brodie.
Washed a load of whites and a load of colors.
Thought about going for a run.
Lost two hours of my life to Pinterest instead…
Put dishes away – some of them anyway.
Stamp-With-Foot took Brodie to new vet.
Got dressed and picked up living room and office.
Wife loves new vet. Brodie, not so much…
Finished a couple of small house projects.
Got ready to take Brodie for a walk in Lincoln Park
Started raining.
Started hailing…
Canceled trip to the park.
Brodie went back to sleep on the couch.
Went downstairs to work on my Workbench of Doom in the basement.
Heard water running outside… SHIT! Gutters overflowing! Downspout Plugged!! FVCK!!!
Ran outside, put ladder up DURING hail storm, dug pine needles and holly leaves out of gutters on both sides of house.
Water started moving down drainpipe.
While on top of wet, slick ladder – wished I possessed The Force – would kill neighbor’s trees and lift them out of the ground like X-wing fighter…
Said loud dirty words about gutters, pine needles and neighbor’s trees.
Squinted eyes, pursed mouth, and made mental note to buy copper nails, a large auger bit, some Drain-O, and a vile of the poison that coated the blade that Bilbo was stabbed with for that hateful tree.
Climbed down slick ladder with frozen hands prayed for a single bolt of well placed lightning.
Went inside, threw wet hat down and stomped downstairs to plan a crime.
Stamps-With-Foot made me coffee.
Felt better & cleaned the basement a little.
Wife took me out on Movie Date.
Had a nice time.
Came home and sat in the hot tub for a good long while – nice light rain fell.
Wife all for me taking a hit out on the tree.
Fell asleep looking at Pinterest again.

Up at the crack of dawn on Sunday: 9:00am
Coffee and breakfast.
Wrote some e-mails and sent a few pics to Instagram
Wife left for appointment and Brodie and I went to C&P Coffee.
Brodie tried to eat a black lab the looked funny at him while I was ordering coffee.
Being French, he has a Napoleon Complex – Really, really.
I grabbed him in mid air and other dog looked like he wanted to tinkle on the carpet: hid behind owner
Brodie looked hard at that dog whole time we were there.
Stopped by Home Depot on the way home and got moss killer for the roof and yard.
Noticed the moss while unstopping gutters.
Came home, cut the grass and spread some Weed&Feed that will lead to the eventual demise of all the dandelions, clover, and nettles that dare to take root in my yard.
Mwahahaha…
Felt happy.
Edged and mowed the front and back yards.
Found a couple of ferociousness dandelion patches.
How had I missed them?!
Got out the instant death weed killer and murdered me some dandelions.
Giggled like Buffalo Bill as he put the lotion in the basket.
Other neighbor walked by told me that I had a beautiful yard.
Beamed with pride and tried not to look like a weed serial killer or that I was hatching a plan to commit arborcide!
Wife came home and helped me spray the roof for moss.
Took off overalls and went with wife and Brodie to Lincoln Park – pretty end to the day!
Went to Trader Joe’s for the week’s worth of groceries.
Stamps-With-Foot made dinner while I worked on some handmade Christmas gifts (starting early)
Looked at Pinterest and Instagram again.
Stole wife’s phone because her pics of Lincoln Park were better than mine.
Heard noise outside.
THE WAS A FVCKING RACCOON ON MY ROOF!!
Thought about getting The Ruminator’s pellet rifle.
Decided I did not want to be on top of ladder and at eye level with mad ‘coon that had just been tagged with a pellet.
Turned the water hose on and ruined his night.
He jumped off roof and into the hated pine tree.
I thought about the pellet rifle again… decided to let the raccoon and tree just have each other.
Came in and wife was asleep and the dog was snoring like a 75 year old alcoholic with sleep apnea.
Wrote a couple blog posts.
Turned off lights, set alarm, and went to snuggle with wife.

Someone call PETA…

February 4, 2013 / Matt Talley / 2 Comments

Our dog lives a hard life… No one loves this dog… Mistreated he is…

We make him sleep in the bed, nap on the heating pad with a blanket, his food is warmed up, there is a bushel basket full of toys, someone is with him all day and he has a drawer full of vests and sweaters. Treats fill his life and Stamp-With-Foot forces him to snuggle. I am shocked that the neighbors have not called the Department of Animal Welfare on us.

Brodie’s Letter To GrandPaw…

July 13, 2012 / Matt Talley / 2 Comments

My father-in-law, The Chatty Buddha, sends us post cards and notes from his travels. He addresses all of them to our puppy, Brodie, to be funny/cute/antagonistic. Brodie was so excited about getting the most recent post card, that he decided to write back. With minimal help from me, Brodie crafted a fine document that if nothing else will bring my evil black heart delight each time I think back on it for years and years .

Some back story: The Chatty Buddha has made it clear to my sweet wife that he is not our dog’s grandpa and he bristles every time she refers to him as such. TCB is also a vest wearing machine. All sorts: green wool or plaid for casual dress, dark linen/wool for formal occasions, Polyester when outdoors, natural leather/suade for errands and family events, etc… If one were to dress as my father-in-law for Halloween, then a vest would be mandatory. The last and most important piece of information (at least for this tale) is that as a child, my wife had a very unruly dog that would lift its hind legs and scoot/drag his butt repeatedly accross expanses of carpet – usually in the same area that morning yoga practice was performed. God, I would have loved to have seen that man’s face after he put 2+2 together after first time he realized that his personal space had been violated in such a heinous manner. Anyway, when reminded of this part of his personal history or whenever the word “scoot “ is uttered, he blows up like a toad, gets all red and swears under his breath. Since I often show my love for people through teasing, I will take any opportunity to drop his favorite word or a mental image of the event into as many of our conversations as possible. I have even gotten the whole family to refer to his house as: Case Da La Scooter. It makes me happy. With all that in mind, please read the below transcript of the card that Brodie sent to his GrandPaw(SIC) – reading aloud makes it funnier.

Dear GrandPaw,

Thank you fur sending me another poste card! It makes me so happi that you luv me like I luv you – well, you and my stuffed monkey!

I can’t wait too see you again so you can see my new vest – mommy says that you luv vests too! I can show you my new tricks like: WAIT and I am doing super awesome at HEEL – except when I see a kat – I hate kats! Daddy has taught me to scoot. It makes me very klean! And feels yummy for my bottom. Daddy says that I get to show you, but that I shud practice where you Yoga “because it is Zen there.” You R gonna Be so pround of me GrandPaw!

Kisses,
Brodie

Our yard is in bloom – Spring 2012

June 3, 2012 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Magical Spring has finally come to Le Maison du Talley. Our rhododendrons are back and in full pooping bloom after they were hacked back last year. The tulips, daffodils, and poppies have all decided to bloom at the same time. The Spanash, English and Provence lavender has taken root and flourished along the front fence. After a two year struggle with blossom-rot, the two cherries up front are full of flowers and green cherries. We have Mandarin orange blossoms, apple blossoms, apricots, figs, raspberry buds, a fence line of blooming roses, and 3 Meyer’s lemons on the dwarf tree in our backyard mini-orchard.

Stamps-with-Foot and I planted garlic and onions in the fall that are close to being pulled and we spent an afternoon planting tomatoes, squash, corn, and zucchini in two of our raised beds. After in initial problem with early blight last year, our two full beds of tomatoes went NUTS! and we had more that we could use or give away. We were more selective this year and planted just a couple varieties and only 7 plants. I hot-housed a bed of spinach, Swiss Chard, and beats all winter that is now in full production mode.

I plan to be home more this summer and really spend some time tending and harvesting, although one wouldn’t know it from all the traveling so far. I can’t wait until mid-August when I can sit in my cotton hammock, gently swinging over my Ireland-green grass, drinking a Dunkel Weissbeir, snuggling my wife, and patting our puppy while gazing out onto our yard and garden.

It is 71 BLEEPING degrees outside – WOOHOO!!

April 9, 2012 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

Spring has finally decided to show up in Seattle! I am all giddy. Yesterday was Easter and the sun was out, birds were singing, my flowers are blooming, and my grass in Ireland green. I spent the morning, edging, mowing, raking, reseeding and assaulting my hated foe, the dandelions. I spent ALL DAY outside working on projects, fixing stuff that has waited for me all winter, working on a bookshelf for Stamps-With-foot’s sewing room, sharpening garden tools, and soaking in as much sunshine as possible. Brodie took up residence in his favorite patch of grass and alternately munched and napped. The end of his short snout got a little pink. I think that he is happier than I am about the sunshine. I am sitting inside at my J-O-B and I can see a little sliver of sunshine. I want to make a break for it!

As for Easter celebrations: There were chocolate & peanut butter eggs from my pretty wife, a Cadbury egg from my sister, and I purchased a hollow chocolate bunny, which I savaged, starting with its cute bunny ears… Brodie and I had a wonderful lunch of ham and ham, oh and more ham at my family’s place. Pork is bad for both of us and I was careful not to have any open flames around the house last night. Stamps-With-Foot is in Northern California visiting her sister and best friend in the world, so she was spared.

Drinking the black stuff in Ireland

February 28, 2012 / Matt Talley / 1 Comment

I resolved not to travel as much in 2012 as I did in 2011 (over 150K air miles), but I am not off to an auspicious start: by January 17th, I already had just over 9,000 miles and I am booked for another British/European tour in March, but I can say for a fact that 2012 has started off with much sweeter miles, My J-O-B sent me to England and Ireland for 8 days and my sweet little wife, Stamps-With-Foot, got to tag along for the first time in years. I can’t tell you how great it was to have her the with me! I slept great, I didn’t miss her when I saw some new or interesting site since she was right there. I had a dinner date every night and it was guaranteed that would be invited back to her place…

We had a day off in London and a night out in Dublin and we made the most of our time seeing old friends, visiting the V&A, taking the Globe Theatre tour, wandering through the Sherlock Homes “Museum”, visiting favorite shops, drinking Guinness, ogling the floor at Christchurch, more Guinness, and listening to Irish trad music on the top floor of Gogarty’s in Temple Bar. It was a really nice mid-winter diversion for us, though there were some tears shed over Brodie, my wife’s puppy/fur-baby, not being there to snuggle her to sleep…

Our Stolen Puppy – found!!

February 11, 2012 / Matt Talley / 1 Comment

My wife ran into our local pharmacy to get a prescription and when she came out our car and an SUV next to us had been broken into. The other party had a gym bag stolen and our GPS and iPod were left alone, but they TOOK OUR DOG!!! My wife was inconsolable! All she could do was sob and sob. Brodie is a huge member of the family – I think my brother-in-law is plotting to off us so he can inheret him. My mother walks him every day. My wife’s father – The Chatty Buddha – treats him like a grandchild. Really, really: gifts at christmas and a dog-related comic hung at dog-bowl level in his home, which is 5 hours away and there “for when Brodie visits.” my friends talk about him like they party with the little guy on weekends and pet/scratch him before saying ‘boo’ to either of us when they come over. Vacations and dates are planned around this dog’s schedule. His theft was a serious kick in the gut. I wanted to do the people that took him some serious harm… Perminant limp sort of harm and my balling pacifist wife was all for it.

We rescued Brodie through Bulldog Haven NW after he was deemed unadoptable for medical reasons and was slated to be put down. We nursed him back to health and he has been happy with us for almost three years. He is the best dog that either of us has ever had. We prayed that whoever took him was keeping him warm and safe and that we would get him back soon.

The minute we got home, we got online and on the phones to the vets in our area, his microchip company, we posted on the west seattle blog and the lady who runs BHNW jumped on craigslist minutes after our call to her. One of Laurel’s dear friends (Natalie) came over and helped man the phones, calm Laurel down, and she drove around with us looking for him until well after dark. There was huge Facebook traffic on this, with cross posts and more than 250 comments. Brodie’s abduction made it all the way to the Boeing Intraweb and there was a blip on the King 5 News site (since taken down). We printed over a hundred flyers and I rode one of my bikes around the neighborhood taping/stapling reward posters everywhere.

Brodie was found about a mile from Walgreens, huddled beside the recycling can, cold and wet, but safe. The guy that found him called the phone number on his tag around 8:00, as we were headed to get a quick bite to eat. I whipped my POS truck around and sped there. He didnt know about the reward we offered, but he will get every penny of it – There are good people in the world!

Brodie and his mother were super tired form his ordeal today. They fell asleep snuggling on the couch about 9:00. This weekend has officially been declared “whateverBrodiewants Fest” and there will be bacon for breakfest, buffalo snacks, hot yummy beef dinner, and more cuddling than he can stand.

We are glad to have him homeland cannot thank our friends, neighbors, and everyone involved enough. THANK YOU!!

We got some serious shiznit done this weekend

October 24, 2011 / Matt Talley / Leave a comment

As per usual, our weekend was jammed with crap to get done before the dreaded Monday morning came calling. Here is how it went:

Up at 7:30
Coffee makes me into a human being. Able to now form whole sentences without grunting
Remove panels from back fence for new hot tub delivery
Smash thumb, say F-word. Say again louder just because
Clear temp spot on patio for said hot tub.
Spend 10 minutes day dreaming about hot tub magic on a cold winter evening – snow falling into the hot water…
Three J-O-B related calls wake me from my hazy never, never land
Get bact to work making room for te most expensive lawn accessory I have ever owned
Put hot house tent on second planter box
I WILL HAVE LOTS OF RED TOMATOES THIS YEAR, DAMNIT!!
Say hateful words about last years green tomatoes
Paint primer on cabinet base
Get primer in beard
Don’t realize about errant primer
Take dog with me to C&P Coffee Shop
Get some weird looks
Wonder if I have a boogie…
Meet wife at home
Wife cleans primer off face
Wrap living room in plastic and cover floor – looks like a scene from Dexter
Wife paints around trim
Work on J-O-B stuff from home
Three huge Somoans deliver hot tub
Do not argue about price
More coffee with nephew at C&P
Pizza and game night at sister’s place
Mom talks smack about she “never” cheats at games
Lighting REALLY wanted to strike….
Dominate in board game after dinner!!
Take that, Mom!!!
Consume port
Sleep
Up at 8:oo – wife brought home Starbucks
Super love wife
Researched crazy Seattle building codes for hot tubs and decks
Talked to a couple of friends in Germany using Skype – we miss Germany
Made a plan for deck that will keep me from getting a fine – maybe
Work on kitchen cabinet base in shop
Clean shop a little
Daydream about the day when I have a work space larger than a prison cell
Fondle jointer plane and wood mallet
Move desk for mother
Help tape trim in living room and paint ceiling and help paint walls
Mention that wall color looks like mac&cheese
Receive sustained dirty look from wife
Do not comment about color further
More paint in beard
Notice this time
More working for THE MAN at home
Wife goes to club meeting
Fix drawers on wife’s dresser solely for the brownie points
Lock self out of house
Look at sky and shake head slowly…
Mark pad site for hot tub with paint and mark wiring trench path
Spray paint toe of left shoe
Say the F-word at least twice
Go to sisters house and bum dinner
Sister is a great cook, single, very pretty – just saying in case you know a gent 45 – 55 with taste and a real job… Has to be single and not a dick. Must love really obese dachshunds.
Wife home
Play the whole locked my self and the dog out of the house thing off like I meant to do it
She doesn’t buy it
More painting
Not a word said about Kraft wall color – not even a smirk. Want to sleep inside tonight
Shower
Send a flurry of work emails
Curse my work email server to a firery prolonged end
Retype all the email and send again.
Off to bed to snuggle with wife.

A few pictures of Laurel and Brodie this summer

August 20, 2011 / Matt Talley / 1 Comment

Since Brodie follows my wife constantly and they are near inseparable, every time I snap a picture of Stamps-With-Foot, Brodie is there. When I leave this life I hope that I am reincarnated as a new frenchie puppy for my wife. She is fully involved with her fur-baby: he eats lavish hot food, has more toys than he can play with, a warm comfy bed, a yard free of crap, other dogs, unlimited snuggling, and bacon for snacks. In short, the life all Frenchies dream of – well except for the occasional romp with a toy poodle – there could be more of that for Brodie…

I am slowly being replaced.

May 12, 2011 / Matt Talley / 1 Comment

I have mentioned previously that my relationship with my wife is a Polaroid of happy modern love, with a side order of belligerent puppy. Her dog REALLY wants to be alpha-male in our house ! He wants prime the snuggling position when TV watching. If I get up off the couch or chair, he is immediately in my spot. Brodie tries his dead-level best to sleep between the wife and me – sneaking into the blocking position in the middle of the night. I ofter wake up to jowles and puppy breath sharing the pillow with me. If we have to leave him in the car for a minute while we run in somewhere, he waits for us in the driver’s seat. My bathrobe is now his bathrobe, etc…

So night before last, I got up to pee and got caught up for like 30 minutes writing a work e-mail on my iPhone. I came back to bed and I found that not only does Brodie share a love for firm pillows, my side of the bed, high thread-count cotton sheets, and cute girls, he apparently also has a deep affection for presidential biographies…

That dog has some sort of diabolical plan formulating between those big ears… I feel that he is trying to slowly replace me – you know, like some morning he will dig a deep hole out back, help me into it, and trot back into the house to have his morning coffee, read the news, and get ready for a hard days work, all without Stamps-With-Foot ever knowing the difference…

Driven Outside

Category: Brodie