Tag: Brodie

Brodie’s Letter To GrandPaw…

/ Matt Talley / 2 Comments

My father-in-law, The Chatty Buddha, sends us post cards and notes from his travels. He addresses all of them to our puppy, Brodie, to be funny/cute/antagonistic. Brodie was so excited about getting the most recent post card, that he decided to write back. With minimal help from me, Brodie crafted a fine document that if nothing else will bring my evil black heart delight each time I think back on it for years and years .

Some back story: The Chatty Buddha has made it clear to my sweet wife that he is not our dog’s grandpa and he bristles every time she refers to him as such. TCB is also a vest wearing machine. All sorts: green wool or plaid for casual dress, dark linen/wool for formal occasions, Polyester when outdoors, natural leather/suade for errands and family events, etc… If one were to dress as my father-in-law for Halloween, then a vest would be mandatory. The last and most important piece of information (at least for this tale) is that as a child, my wife had a very unruly dog that would lift its hind legs and scoot/drag his butt repeatedly accross expanses of carpet – usually in the same area that morning yoga practice was performed. God, I would have loved to have seen that man’s face after he put 2+2 together after first time he realized that his personal space had been violated in such a heinous manner. Anyway, when reminded of this part of his personal history or whenever the word “scoot “ is uttered, he blows up like a toad, gets all red and swears under his breath. Since I often show my love for people through teasing, I will take any opportunity to drop his favorite word or a mental image of the event into as many of our conversations as possible. I have even gotten the whole family to refer to his house as: Case Da La Scooter. It makes me happy. With all that in mind, please read the below transcript of the card that Brodie sent to his GrandPaw(SIC) – reading aloud makes it funnier.

Dear GrandPaw,

Thank you fur sending me another poste card! It makes me so happi that you luv me like I luv you – well, you and my stuffed monkey!

I can’t wait too see you again so you can see my new vest – mommy says that you luv vests too! I can show you my new tricks like: WAIT and I am doing super awesome at HEEL – except when I see a kat – I hate kats! Daddy has taught me to scoot. It makes me very klean! And feels yummy for my bottom. Daddy says that I get to show you, but that I shud practice where you Yoga “because it is Zen there.” You R gonna Be so pround of me GrandPaw!

Kisses,
Brodie

Ignoring the yard and building stuff

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Horror of horrors, I did not touch my yard this weekend. My lush, Ireland-green grass (I am a wee bit narcissistic about my grass) was left to grow and stretch toward the sky in the weekend sunshine. I spent all available daylight hours outside and didn’t even attempt to take the mower out, turn the compost, or battle with my creeping nemesis – the dandelions. Stamps-With-Foot did a little weeding on Saturday, but the bulk of our weekend was committed to getting the kitchen cabinets done enough so that we could do a test fit and install.

Success! My wife was a priming and painting machine: taking care of the microwave cabinet, the lowers, and the drawers. The lower cabinets were positioned into place and their rock-maple tops fitted (waiting on the drawer fronts and pulls to be finished). I cut all the frames for the doors, assembled the fridge cabinet, installed it with my wife holding the thing up in the air (hehehe), tacked together the trash/recycling slider, and cut the shelves for the microwave cabinet. When completely done, our cabinet space will increase by more than a third, will include al the latest and coolest amenities (slides, organizers, spice racks, pullouts, etc…), and the new cabinets completely match the original 1928 built-ins, both in construction and style.

I need to finish the fridge top cabinet, install the drawers, add a corner cookbook shelf, tack up cove-crown around all, and one final coat of paint. SOMEDAY, this will all be finished and we will have the most awesomest kitchen a tiny, period appropriate, craftsman house can have!

I added a pic of Brodie lounging in the sunshine, just because.

It is 71 BLEEPING degrees outside – WOOHOO!!

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Spring has finally decided to show up in Seattle! I am all giddy. Yesterday was Easter and the sun was out, birds were singing, my flowers are blooming, and my grass in Ireland green. I spent the morning, edging, mowing, raking, reseeding and assaulting my hated foe, the dandelions. I spent ALL DAY outside working on projects, fixing stuff that has waited for me all winter, working on a bookshelf for Stamps-With-foot’s sewing room, sharpening garden tools, and soaking in as much sunshine as possible. Brodie took up residence in his favorite patch of grass and alternately munched and napped. The end of his short snout got a little pink. I think that he is happier than I am about the sunshine. I am sitting inside at my J-O-B and I can see a little sliver of sunshine. I want to make a break for it!

As for Easter celebrations: There were chocolate & peanut butter eggs from my pretty wife, a Cadbury egg from my sister, and I purchased a hollow chocolate bunny, which I savaged, starting with its cute bunny ears… Brodie and I had a wonderful lunch of ham and ham, oh and more ham at my family’s place. Pork is bad for both of us and I was careful not to have any open flames around the house last night. Stamps-With-Foot is in Northern California visiting her sister and best friend in the world, so she was spared.

Our Stolen Puppy – found!!

/ Matt Talley / 1 Comment

My wife ran into our local pharmacy to get a prescription and when she came out our car and an SUV next to us had been broken into.  The other party had a gym bag stolen and our GPS and iPod were left alone, but they TOOK OUR DOG!!! My wife was inconsolable! All she could do was sob and sob. Brodie is a huge member of the family – I think my brother-in-law is plotting to off us so he can inheret him. My mother walks him every day. My wife’s father – The Chatty Buddha – treats him like a grandchild. Really, really: gifts at christmas and a dog-related comic hung at dog-bowl level in his home, which is 5 hours away and there “for when Brodie visits.” my friends talk about him like they party with the little guy on weekends and pet/scratch him before saying ‘boo’ to either of us when they come over. Vacations and dates are planned around this dog’s schedule. His theft was a serious kick in the gut. I wanted to do the people that took him some serious harm… Perminant limp sort of harm and my balling pacifist wife was all for it.

We rescued Brodie through Bulldog Haven NW after he was deemed unadoptable for medical reasons and was slated to be put down.  We nursed him back to health and he has been happy with us for almost three years. He is the best dog that either of us has ever had. We prayed that whoever took him was keeping him warm and safe and that we would get him back soon.

The minute we got home, we got online and on the phones to the vets in our area, his microchip company, we posted on the west seattle blog and the lady who runs BHNW jumped on craigslist minutes after our call to her. One of Laurel’s dear friends (Natalie) came over and helped man the phones, calm Laurel down, and she drove around with us looking for him until well after dark. There was huge Facebook traffic on this, with cross posts and more than 250 comments. Brodie’s abduction made it all the way to the Boeing Intraweb and there was a blip on the King 5 News site (since taken down). We printed over a hundred flyers and I rode one of my bikes around the neighborhood taping/stapling reward posters everywhere.

Brodie was found about a mile from Walgreens, huddled beside the recycling can, cold and wet, but safe. The guy that found him called the phone number on his tag around 8:00, as we were headed to get a quick bite to eat. I whipped my POS truck around and sped there. He didnt know about the reward we offered, but he will get every penny of it – There are good people in the world!

Brodie and his mother were super tired form his ordeal today. They fell asleep snuggling on the couch about 9:00. This weekend has officially been declared “whateverBrodiewants Fest” and there will be bacon for breakfest, buffalo snacks, hot yummy beef dinner, and more cuddling than he can stand.

We are glad to have him homeland cannot thank our friends, neighbors, and everyone involved enough. THANK YOU!!

We got some serious shiznit done this weekend

/ Matt Talley / Leave a comment

As per usual, our weekend was jammed with crap to get done before the dreaded Monday morning came calling. Here is how it went:

Up at 7:30
Coffee makes me into a human being. Able to now form whole sentences without grunting
Remove panels from back fence for new hot tub delivery
Smash thumb, say F-word. Say again louder just because
Clear temp spot on patio for said hot tub.
Spend 10 minutes day dreaming about hot tub magic on a cold winter evening – snow falling into the hot water…
Three J-O-B related calls wake me from my hazy never, never land
Get bact to work making room for te most expensive lawn accessory I have ever owned
Put hot house tent on second planter box
I WILL HAVE LOTS OF RED TOMATOES THIS YEAR, DAMNIT!!
Say hateful words about last years green tomatoes
Paint primer on cabinet base
Get primer in beard
Don’t realize about errant primer
Take dog with me to C&P Coffee Shop
Get some weird looks
Wonder if I have a boogie…
Meet wife at home
Wife cleans primer off face
Wrap living room in plastic and cover floor – looks like a scene from Dexter
Wife paints around trim
Work on J-O-B stuff from home
Three huge Somoans deliver hot tub
Do not argue about price
More coffee with nephew at C&P
Pizza and game night at sister’s place
Mom talks smack about she “never” cheats at games
Lighting REALLY wanted to strike….
Dominate in board game after dinner!!
Take that, Mom!!!
Consume port
Sleep
Up at 8:oo – wife brought home Starbucks
Super love wife
Researched crazy Seattle building codes for hot tubs and decks
Talked to a couple of friends in Germany using Skype – we miss Germany
Made a plan for deck that will keep me from getting a fine – maybe
Work on kitchen cabinet base in shop
Clean shop a little
Daydream about the day when I have a work space larger than a prison cell
Fondle jointer plane and wood mallet
Move desk for mother
Help tape trim in living room and paint ceiling and help paint walls
Mention that wall color looks like mac&cheese
Receive sustained dirty look from wife
Do not comment about color further
More paint in beard
Notice this time
More working for THE MAN at home
Wife goes to club meeting
Fix drawers on wife’s dresser solely for the brownie points
Lock self out of house
Look at sky and shake head slowly…
Mark pad site for hot tub with paint and mark wiring trench path
Spray paint toe of left shoe
Say the F-word at least twice
Go to sisters house and bum dinner
Sister is a great cook, single, very pretty – just saying in case you know a gent 45 – 55 with taste and a real job… Has to be single and not a dick. Must love really obese dachshunds.
Wife home
Play the whole locked my self and the dog out of the house thing off like I meant to do it
She doesn’t buy it
More painting
Not a word said about Kraft wall color – not even a smirk. Want to sleep inside tonight
Shower
Send a flurry of work emails
Curse my work email server to a firery prolonged end
Retype all the email and send again.
Off to bed to snuggle with wife.

A few pictures of Laurel and Brodie this summer

/ Matt Talley / 1 Comment

Since Brodie follows my wife constantly and they are near inseparable, every time I snap a picture of Stamps-With-Foot, Brodie is there.  When I leave this life I hope that I am reincarnated as a new frenchie puppy for my wife.  She is fully involved with her fur-baby: he eats lavish hot food, has more toys than he can play with, a warm comfy bed, a yard free of crap, other dogs, unlimited snuggling, and bacon for snacks.  In short, the life all Frenchies dream of – well except for the occasional romp with a toy poodle – there could be more of that for Brodie…

My wife’s badass personal stationary

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I have always felt that you don’t truly possess a house until either miscellaneous charities start sending you mounds of address labels in the hopes of a donation or until you have personal stationary with your home address.  My sweet little wife has never had custom stationary and I figured that it was about time and it would give me the opportunity to spoil her a little.

Having a print shop or a high-end paper store design and print say 100 letter sheets, envelopes and thank you cards will run you about $500.  Buying a hand letterpress, a couple sets of tin/lead font, paper, ink, new rollers, etc. will set you back $1000, easy.  I am way too cheap and too handy to fork out that kind of dough for something I can do myself.

Stamps-With-Foot loves her puppy like the Pope loves Jesus.  I thought that his handsome mug would make the perfect personal seal for her.  I took a picture of him and through the voodoo of Photoshop, I made a black silhouette image – all big ears and narrow butt.  I dropped that image into AutoCAD and did some arranging and formatting.  I added to that her contact information in a semi-french script font that I designed a few years ago for my own letters and cards.

Quality stationary means quality paper.  Instead of the white recycled paper that we use for most printing, I bought a pack of 30gram 100% cotton ivory/ecru paper and matching 100% cotton envelops.  Wood pulp paper yellows and crumbles after only a few years, but cotton paper with last roughly a year per percent of cotton before showing any signs of age: 25% cotton = 25 years, 50% = 50 years and so forth.  After some diligent searching, I found some indelible archival printer ink on the inter-webs for our HP and I loaded each sheet and envelope into the printer by hand.  A note from my bride should be as crisp and clean for our great grand children to read as it was the day she sat down to write it with her glass dip pen and brown bulletproof ink.

She swooned a little bit when I gave it all to her 🙂

Neurotic Puppy

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Anytime my wife leaves the house, the dog runs to the window, watches her walk out of the gate, puts on the saddest puppy face you have ever seen, and whimpers like she is never coming home. He then quickly looks over at me like he is trying to say, “Do SOMETHING pink monkey!! She is getting away!” He then sulks for a couple of hours. If Stamps-With-Foot is gone for more than a day, he acclimates and we turn into big buds, he follows me around the house/yard, snuggles at bed time, and hangs out with me if I am reading or watching TV. That dog has it great when it is just him and me: unlimited bacon, I don’t blaming him for the gas smell that was probably me, walks in the park, cream cheese at C&P coffee, no baths, rough housing, ball throwing, ear scratching, his food heated up, and cat chasing to his heart’s content.

All bets are off though when she walks back in the door. He runs up and puts on a ten minute show of how much he loved and missed her like I beat him and made him wear fuzzy booties and have Tea Party with Kung Fu grip GI Joe, Han Solo, and some troll dolls.

This is “The Look” and below is the background music in his head when the gate swings shut and he is not prancing out of it with her connected via a leash… 

 

I am slowly being replaced.

/ Matt Talley / 1 Comment

I have mentioned previously that my relationship with my wife is a Polaroid of happy modern love, with a side order of belligerent puppy.  Her dog REALLY wants to be alpha-male in our house !  He wants prime the snuggling position when TV watching.  If I get up off the couch or chair, he is immediately in my spot.  Brodie tries his dead-level best to sleep between the wife and me – sneaking into the blocking position in the middle of the night.  I ofter wake up to jowles and puppy breath sharing the pillow with me.  If we have to leave him in the car for a minute while we run in somewhere, he waits for us in the driver’s seat.  My bathrobe is now his bathrobe, etc…

So night before last, I got up to pee and got caught up for like 30 minutes writing a work e-mail on my iPhone.  I came back to bed and I found that not only does Brodie share a love for firm pillows, my side of the bed, high thread-count cotton sheets, and cute girls, he apparently also has a deep affection for presidential biographies…

That dog has some sort of diabolical plan formulating between those big ears…  I feel that he is trying to slowly replace me – you know, like some morning he will dig a deep hole out back, help me into it, and trot back into the house to have his morning coffee, read the news, and get ready for a hard days work, all  without Stamps-With-Foot ever knowing the difference…

Trip to the vet

/ Matt Talley / 1 Comment

We had to take a trip to the vet early this morning.  I was reading the West Seattle Blog and there was a post about a couple of dogs dying of  something called leptospirosis.  As I read the article, I grew increasingly alarmed and upon seeing that we live two blocks from where the deceased dogs lived, I was on the phone to our vet immediatly.  Come to find out, Brodie had been given the first of two boosters for leptospirosis back in July, but we missed the second.  Crap…

Look, I really like that dog.  He may be the best dog I have ever had.  Even our friends who are cat people let him come to their house and chill.  I would be beside myself if something happened to him that I could have prevented.   Stamps-With-Foot is bordering on insanity when it comes to this dog.  She will tear up as we carpool from work, thinking about snuggling with him when she gets home.  She is SUPER puppy-narcissistic: takes every opportunity to show an album worth of pictures to perfect strangers (“…and this is him sleeping…”) and will go on at length about how sweet/smart/handsome/cuddly/soft/smart/amazing/laid-back/handsome/etc… he is.  If something happened to Brodie, she would be inconsolable.  Things would be ugly!  I already had to have the, “No, we can’t clone the dog!  Do you know how expensive that would be?!?!”discussion.

So, off to the vet we went.  The Wife made me call her after the visit to let her know that he was OK…  He got his first round and our dog walker (STOP judging me!  I swear we are not those people) is also aware of the outbreak and is watching him closely when he is out and about for his mid-day stroll.

Halloween – Past and Present

/ Matt Talley / 2 Comments

There are certain advantages to being married to a costume designer whose resume includes stage, TV, and film production…  It takes the Halloween costume planning and execution to a whole different level.  There are no half-ass Wal-Mart last-minute plastic ensembles allowed in the Talley house.  Oh no!  Outfits are tailored, accessories are found after hours of internet trolling, wigs are clipped and styled, and the fat suits are tubby perfection!  Stamps-With-Foot took a small little ember of Halloween love in me and made it into a choreographed 3-alarm house fire.  Below are some pictures of our costumes past and present.











What I have to put up with every night…

/ Matt Talley / 3 Comments

The following pictures are how every night of my life now goes.  Cute sleepy wife goes to bed and puppy follows her.  I follow mere seconds to an hour later and this is what I find:

Stamps-With-Foot sound asleep, Dog (Brodie) on my side and in my spot.  Wife snuggling dog.  I walk in and without fail this is the reaction I get:

Wife: ZZZZzzzzzzzz….ZZZZZzzzzz

Brodie: “What?! You got a problem monkey? I was here first, this is my spot!    Don’t even think about disturbing me, I’m comfy and set for the evening.  You should have got here first…”

I ignore him, walk around the bed to hop in and turn off the lamp and I am greeted with this face:

Brodie: “If you touch me I am going to EAT YOUR FACE OFF – I swear by all that is Holy (salmon kibble, the stuffed monkey, & chasing kitties) that I will FVCK YOU UP if you…  Hey!…  NO… Stop…  Damn it!!…  Fine, I will sleep on the other side of her, but tomorrow night I am going to attack balls if you try this sh!t again…”

With that pronouncement he then makes a couple of turns, flops down with a huff, snorts a couple of times, may pass some gas just because and then begins to snore like a fat old guy with sleep apnea and a deviated septum.  Modern love with a dose of belligerent puppy.

One bad-@ss little kid!

/ Matt Talley / 1 Comment

You know his dad was the videographer/director.  It is a cute and slick short film that makes me want to bribe my kids into doing something half as cool:  A Star Wars film short using our dog as Yoda (some CGI green will be needed), my son as Luke and daughter as Leia.  Oh the sibling light-saber battles that we could have!  Stamps-with-foot (my wife) and I will have a cameo: I will be Chewy and she can be one of those saucy blue dancing girls with a thing for wookies….

Dog walker review

/ Matt Talley

Apparently we are now effete bourgeoisie snobs: we have a house cleaner and a someone who walks our puppy when we are not home.  Well, we are between house cleaners right now (message me and I will tell you who NOT to use), but we have found the greatest dog walker in Seattle: David the Dog Walker

Stamps-With-Foot, my lovely bride, loves her puppy more than me: He eats better, gets constant scratching and cuddling, is offered the premier seat on the couch during TV time, and gets snuggled like a baby all night.  I have accepted it, moved on, and I am better now.  Anyway, we both work and while Brodie is the most chill dog you will ever meet, sleeping 20 hours a day, we (especially Stamps-With-Foot) feel bad about leaving him in his kennel when we are away at the J-O-B.

Right after moving to La Maison Du Talley, we got a recommendation for a walker from the West Seattle Blog and while the service was fine at first, she went downhill fast: forgot to walk him sometimes, would come just before 5:00pm, took off with no notice and we would have to scramble to find an alternative.  We happen upon David and his wife, Angela, also through  WSB and we clicked immediately.  They run a real business:  certifications, a website, insurance, everything.  They are both incredibly consciousness about what they do, have a back-up when they go on vacation, they let us know right away if there was anything out of the ordinary, AND Brodie loves them.  David and Angela have worked with Brodie for almost six months and I cannot give them or their service high enough praise.

Coffee gets crap done!

/ Matt Talley

I was a whirlwind of activity on Saturday.  I got tons of “to-dos” accomplished, TONS!  Not sure what it was – the sun finally shining, nervous energy, the continuous day-long ingestion of coffee, or what but I wish I had that much fire every day.  Here is how it went down:

Awakened at 5:30 – neighbor flipping out: cussing, smashing, yelling…
He found girlfriend cheating on him – no shots fired and she was long gone
Back to sleep until 9:00
Laurel ground some fresh roasted beans and made coffee 🙂
Took Brodie in the truck to run errands
Stopped for more breakfast (and more coffee) at C&P
Got haircut and surprise tea tree oil scalp massage
Went to estate sale
Found amazing joiner and radial arm saw for $50!!!!!
Already sold 🙁
Purchased a clamp and pruning shears
—- Estate sales make me a little sad – a reminder of my own mortality
Stopped at a garage sale on the way home
Got 4 cook books and a DVD (Leon the professional) for $2.50
Picked up puppy food
Came home and mowed old guy’s yard next door
My sweet wife made a yummy lunch
Rode the Penny-Farthing 4 miles – down on California Ave and back
Came home and did some truck maintenance – air in tires and oil change
Down to hardware and garden stores for a couple things
Picked up another top-hat blueberry and spearmint
Dug up 6 ferns in the back yard – only one lives there now
Planted white azalea – they remind me of Daddy
Cut some shrubs off front fence
Planted blueberry and mint
Had pizza with friends and family for dinner
Enjoyed a wheat beer
Went for a walk around pond with everyone
Picked some raspberries
Sowed grass seed in the backyard just before sunset
Watched The Long Way Down on DVD
Enjoyed a great glass of port with Laurel
Asleep by 11:30

I was a whirlwind of activity on Saturday. I got tons of “to-dos” accomplished, TONS!

Awaken at 5:30 – neighbor flipping out: cussing, smashing, yelling…

He found girlfriend cheating on him…

Back to sleep until 9:00

Laurel ground some fresh roasted beans and made coffee J

Took Brodie in the truck to run errands

Stopped for more breakfast (and more coffee) at C&P

Got haircut and surprise tea tree oil scalp massage

Went to estate sale

Found amazing joiner and radial arm saw for $50!!!!!

Already sold L

Purchased a clamp and pruning shears

—- Estate sales make me a little sad – reminder of my own mortality

Stopped at a garage sale on the way home

Got 4 books and a DVD (Leon the professional) for $2.50

Picked up puppy food

Came home and mowed old guy’s yard next door

My sweet wife made a yummy lunch

Rode the Penny-Farthing 4 miles – down on California Ave and back

Came home and did some truck maintenance – air in tires and oil change

Down to hardware and garden store for a couple things

Picked up another top-hat blueberry and spearmint

Dug up 6 ferns in the back yard – only one lives there now

Planted white azalea – they remind me of Daddy

Cut some shrubs off front fence

Planted blueberry and mint

Had pizza with friends and family for dinner

Enjoyed a wheat beer

Went for a walk around pond with everyone

Picked some raspberries

Sowed grass seed in the backyard just before sunset

Watched The Long Way Down on DVD

Enjoyed a glass of port with Laurel

Asleep by 11:30

Looking back on 2009

/ Matt Talley

Moved from Germany back to US for job in Seattle
Drove cross-country in the middle of winter
Started new job
Lived in temporary basement apartment
Laurel took 1week trip with her mom
Survived lay-off at work
Laurel started new job
Started traveling for work
Laurel hated new job
Road trip to Portland
Laurel gets new job she likes
Stuff arrived from Germany – no damage
Found a house to live in
Started bike commuting to work after unpacking single-speed
Looked for a puppy to adopt
Found and adopted Brodie (½ Boston ½ French Bulldog)
Laurel laid off
Traveling for work again
Laurel found a new job as HR director
My daughter in Seattle for two weeks
Took time off
Did tourist stuff
Had FANTASTIC time with Madison
My daughter flew home, everyone sad
Started looking for a new house to buy
Work going great!
Found great house and put offer in, offer accepted
Went on most laid back climbing road trip ever
Had great time with friends
Laurel LOVES her job
Flew to rural Louisiana to help design helicopter system
Took weekend off while there and spent it with the kids
Reached 1,200 bike-commute miles
Brodie escapes twice and eats glasses
Brodie still a GREAT puppy
Bought small flat-bed truck for moving and yard work a new house
Halloween at work, took my Penny-Farthing and wore great mustache
Heat stopped working in Rental house, landlord waited 3+ weeks to have it fixed.
House closed 107 days after offer accepted – incompetent selling agent
Moved out of rental house and into our new (built in the 20’s) home in West Seattle
Fell down the basement stairs at 05:30 and tore up shoulder third morning in house
Got great painkillers from doctor
Saw 3 doctors in 5 visits.  Had x-rays, ultrasound, and an MRI
Had shoulder surgery (4th on same shoulder)
Need to have another special surgery in 2010 to repair a tendon
First house guests come up for long weekend
Worked till Christmas
Grew beard
Brother&Mother-in-law come for Christmas
Heavily self-medicated due to acute mother-in-law induced stress.
Killed Zombies on Christmas Eve at the shooting range – new tradition started
Finished 23rd book this year
Gained 10 pounds since surgery
Father-in-law came in for New Years
Took 1st run after surgery – felt good, but not great.
Spent New Years Eve with Laurel, Donald, David, Lucy, Rosy, and Brodie.

Moved from Germany back to US for job in Seattle

Drove cross-country in the middle of winter

Started new job

Lived in temp basement apartment

Laurel took 1week trip with her mom

Survived lay-off at work

Laurel started new job

Started traveling for work

Laurel hated new job

Road trip to Portland

Laurel gets new job she likes

Stuff arrived from Germany – no damage J

Found a house to live in

Started bike commuting to work after unpacking single-speed

Looked for a puppy to adopt

Found and adopted Brodie (½ Boston ½ French Bulldog)

Laurel laid off

Traveling for work again

Laurel found a new job as HR director

My daughter in Seattle for two weeks

Took time off

Did tourist stuff

Had FANTASTIC time with Madison

My daughter flew home, everyone sad

Started looking for a new house to buy

Work going great!

Found great house and put offer in, offer accepted

Went on most laid back climbing road trip ever

Had great time with friends

Laurel LOVES her job

Flew to rural Louisiana to help design helicopter system

Took weekend and spent it with the kids

Reached 1,200 bike-commute miles

Brodie escapes twice and eats glasses

Brodie still a GREAT puppy

Bought small flat-bed truck for moving and yard work a new house

Halloween at work, took my Penny-Farthing and wore great mustache

Heat stopped working in Rental house, landlord waited 3+ weeks to have it fixed.

House closed 107 days after offer accepted – incompetent selling agent

Moved out of rental house and into our new (built in the 20’s) home in West Seattle

Fell down the basement stairs at 05:30 and tore up shoulder third morning in house

Got great painkillers from doctor

Saw 3 doctors in 5 visits. Had x-rays, ultrasound, and an MRI

Had shoulder surgery (4th on same shoulder)

Need to have another special surgery in 2010 to repair a tendon

First houseguests come up for long weekend

Worked till Christmas

Brother&Mother-in-law come for Christmas

Heavily self-medicated due to acute mother-in-law induced stress.

Killed Zombies on Christmas Eve at the shooting range – new tradition started

Finished 24th book this year

Gained 10 pounds since surgery

Father-in-law came in for New Years

Took 1st run after surgery – felt good, but not great.

Spent New Years Eve with Laurel, Donald, David, Lucy, Rosy, and Brodie.

THIS is why pets eventually eat their owners:

/ Matt Talley

Why do pets eat people? We have all heard the horror stories about someone found in their home after being missing for a few days, the authorities finding them in a ‘snacked upon’ state. Most people feel it happens because the animal is left alone, gets hungry, there is semi-fresh meat about, and nature takes its course… Well, I beg to differ!! Why do pets eat people… because people dress their pets up in sweaters, hats, booties, t-shirts, and fvckin’ Halloween costumes! I love my wife, God know that I love her with all my soul, but she is among this crazy sub-group of our species. She has been giddy for months about making Brodie a costume. I refused to let it happen, but using forms of torture, pressure, guilt, and persuasion that only women know, I sold my furry little buddy out and agreed to let her do her worst to our puppy. There was costume shopping, his humiliation at the pet store in front of the other dogs (the cats even laughed at him), alteration of the chosen outfit, and multiple test fittings. Front the look of helplessness he made every time she came at him it was like she neutered him a second time. As a precursor to the actual event, we went to a French Bulldog costume contest. The morning before said contest, she had her last fitting session. I will include a picture of his face, on which even a blind man could read his desperation and shame. There were crazier people there, but the guilt I carry over letting poor Brodie take part (he won 3rd place) will haunt me. It is a stain that I can’t wash off and I know that because of my lack of action and my cowardice in the face of tiny wife, I too am on the obscure ‘OK to eat list.’

I needed new glasses anyway.

/ Matt Talley

Apparently, all our puppy needs to be happy is a soft bed, warm yummy food, some ear scratchin’, and a $300 pair of glasses to chew on. We left him in the kitchen after coming home for lunch with the baby gate closed, his bowls were full, and he had a room full of friendly toys. Instead of chewing on his rope or gnawing at one of his m-a-n-y bones, that little M0TH3R FVCK3R climbed up on the table, grabbed my glasses, and used them for teething ring. He crunched up the metal frames and turned them into a paperclip. A couple of days later, he broke out of the kennel that he had been banished to and tore up a library book that had been left on the floor by the couch. As desert, turned Laurel’s reading glasses into confetti. Two weeks later, Houdini slips his shackles again, cozies up to Laurel’s sunglasses and after removing each earpiece like he had opposable-thumbs and a screwdriver, he began an assault on my back-up pair of glasses. I caught his hairy little rump square in the act. The glasses survived, but only barely – the polycarbonate lenses look like they were put in the dryer for a nice long spin. We are now out $500+ and he now has a taste for all things optical. My fear is that it is a condition similar to that of lions or tigers that taste man-flesh; once that threshold is breached, they crave it. I have noticed him eyeing my new specs with great interest and I know he watches me as I take them off and put them on a high shelf for the night. He is waiting for me to slip, to leave them on an end table or nightstand so that he can satisfy this growing hunger, his consuming urge to both piss me off and partake in the forbidden fruit of LensCrafters.

BRODIE!

/ Matt Talley

We have a new addition to our Family – Brodie!! He is a ½ French bulldog and ½ Boston terrier. We got him from a bulldog rescue society after he had been turned over from a shelter and nursed back to health by a foster family.

My lovely bride has been not so patiently waiting on a puppy for the last four years. Our apartment lease in California strictly forbade animals, so we planned on getting a puppy in Germany. After 3 months of not being able to find an apartment, we jumped at the first one offered to us, but sadly it also came with a no pet clause (though we did have a dragon/weasel for a landlady…). Laurel was gnashing at the bit from almost the moment our plane touched down back in the US, looking for a suitable puppy to love and after three blissful days of pet ownership, she couldn’t be happier!

Brodie is a lover. He wants to be with people, he gives kisses, snuggles, hugs, and nuzzles. We haven’t heard him bark once, he is potty trained, leash trained, fetches (three retrieves are his max for some reason), naps a lot, is extremely calm, and has all sorts of personality. He has been sleeping with us and though a pillow-hog and a snorer, isn’t bad bed company.

Nope, not loved at all! Brodie has now attained a life of leisure. Warm food, soft beds, scratching, bacon, and lots of snuggling are in his future.