Category: Puppy

A new addition to the herd

/ Matt Talley

Jazzy08

There is a special place in Hell for people that wantonly abuse animals.  Seriously, a small metal closet where Hitler holds their hand and whispers sweet nothings as they are tater-holed by a Santa suit-clad Mephistopheles.

Our first puppy was rescued after being mistreated and dumped at a shelter.  He is such a lover and we questioned why anyone would ever part with him.  He does get lonely sometimes with just the “bald apes” to hang out with so we started looking for a girlfriend for him (he is fixed, but two boy dogs in the house is a bad idea).  We had met a female Frenchie in foster-care (Bulldog Haven NW) named Jasmine, who was extra sweet, but she had some serious problems and wasn’t adoptable when we briefly met her.  Fast forward nine months and we were able to arrange a play-date between Jasmine and Brodie.  They didn’t immediately try to eat one-another so we brought her home for a weekend visit that has now stretched out to a full blown adoption.  There were a couple of initial scrapes – he wants to be Alpha and she outweighs him by 1/3.  Size wins.  They are both attention hogs as well and it took a few days for them to work out that it was OK for the other one to get a little scratch or rubbing.

We remembered that Jasmine was turned over to foster-care without any hair, she was under weight, and had a small scar on her rump, but we were unprepared for the reality of the extent of her mistreatment.  She was a puppy mill dog and had two litters before she was a year and a half.  At some point she was infected by the mange mite and started losing hair.  She was thrown outside and someone attempted to get rid of the mites by pouring boiling water on her.  It gave her a massive 3rd degree, full thickness burn on her rump.  The “Treatment” didn’t kill the mites and she was left outside to die.  Her wounds and ears were attacked by flies and she suffered terribly, but held on until she was rescued.  The people at Bulldog Haven nursed her back to health and showered her with love.

She has to wear clothes all the time because she gets cold really easily – her hair will never grow back on her scars, so only her head and legs are fuzzy.  It sickens us that someone would damage an animal like this and not do serious jail time – this is where the knowledge of the Karma-closet in Hell comforts us.

Jasmine and Brodie have a love connection and for the first time ever Brodie is playing like a puppy without escalating the play to a full on fight.  There are still some jealously issues over the “apes” but they are working it out peacefully.  If you look past her scars, you would never know she was ever mistreated.  She LOVES to be with her people, sits in your lap, is super free with the kisses, nuzzles and shows her tummy as often as possible.  We couldn’t be happier and now Jasmine has a home where she will never be mistreated again.  A home filled with yummy bacon and salmon flavored snacks, a soft bed, warm food, and an annoying boyfriend that she cuddles with when they think no one is watching.

Lap dogs | Jasmine sleeping | They HATE cats together | Her scarring…

THIS is why pets eventually eat their owners:

/ Matt Talley

Why do pets eat people? We have all heard the horror stories about someone found in their home after being missing for a few days, the authorities finding them in a ‘snacked upon’ state. Most people feel it happens because the animal is left alone, gets hungry, there is semi-fresh meat about, and nature takes its course… Well, I beg to differ!! Why do pets eat people… because people dress their pets up in sweaters, hats, booties, t-shirts, and fvckin’ Halloween costumes! I love my wife, God know that I love her with all my soul, but she is among this crazy sub-group of our species. She has been giddy for months about making Brodie a costume. I refused to let it happen, but using forms of torture, pressure, guilt, and persuasion that only women know, I sold my furry little buddy out and agreed to let her do her worst to our puppy. There was costume shopping, his humiliation at the pet store in front of the other dogs (the cats even laughed at him), alteration of the chosen outfit, and multiple test fittings. Front the look of helplessness he made every time she came at him it was like she neutered him a second time. As a precursor to the actual event, we went to a French Bulldog costume contest. The morning before said contest, she had her last fitting session. I will include a picture of his face, on which even a blind man could read his desperation and shame. There were crazier people there, but the guilt I carry over letting poor Brodie take part (he won 3rd place) will haunt me. It is a stain that I can’t wash off and I know that because of my lack of action and my cowardice in the face of tiny wife, I too am on the obscure ‘OK to eat list.’

I needed new glasses anyway.

/ Matt Talley

Apparently, all our puppy needs to be happy is a soft bed, warm yummy food, some ear scratchin’, and a $300 pair of glasses to chew on. We left him in the kitchen after coming home for lunch with the baby gate closed, his bowls were full, and he had a room full of friendly toys. Instead of chewing on his rope or gnawing at one of his m-a-n-y bones, that little M0TH3R FVCK3R climbed up on the table, grabbed my glasses, and used them for teething ring. He crunched up the metal frames and turned them into a paperclip. A couple of days later, he broke out of the kennel that he had been banished to and tore up a library book that had been left on the floor by the couch. As desert, turned Laurel’s reading glasses into confetti. Two weeks later, Houdini slips his shackles again, cozies up to Laurel’s sunglasses and after removing each earpiece like he had opposable-thumbs and a screwdriver, he began an assault on my back-up pair of glasses. I caught his hairy little rump square in the act. The glasses survived, but only barely – the polycarbonate lenses look like they were put in the dryer for a nice long spin. We are now out $500+ and he now has a taste for all things optical. My fear is that it is a condition similar to that of lions or tigers that taste man-flesh; once that threshold is breached, they crave it. I have noticed him eyeing my new specs with great interest and I know he watches me as I take them off and put them on a high shelf for the night. He is waiting for me to slip, to leave them on an end table or nightstand so that he can satisfy this growing hunger, his consuming urge to both piss me off and partake in the forbidden fruit of LensCrafters.

BRODIE!

/ Matt Talley

We have a new addition to our Family – Brodie!! He is a ½ French bulldog and ½ Boston terrier. We got him from a bulldog rescue society after he had been turned over from a shelter and nursed back to health by a foster family.

My lovely bride has been not so patiently waiting on a puppy for the last four years. Our apartment lease in California strictly forbade animals, so we planned on getting a puppy in Germany. After 3 months of not being able to find an apartment, we jumped at the first one offered to us, but sadly it also came with a no pet clause (though we did have a dragon/weasel for a landlady…). Laurel was gnashing at the bit from almost the moment our plane touched down back in the US, looking for a suitable puppy to love and after three blissful days of pet ownership, she couldn’t be happier!

Brodie is a lover. He wants to be with people, he gives kisses, snuggles, hugs, and nuzzles. We haven’t heard him bark once, he is potty trained, leash trained, fetches (three retrieves are his max for some reason), naps a lot, is extremely calm, and has all sorts of personality. He has been sleeping with us and though a pillow-hog and a snorer, isn’t bad bed company.

Nope, not loved at all! Brodie has now attained a life of leisure. Warm food, soft beds, scratching, bacon, and lots of snuggling are in his future.